Catherine woke up in time to greet Lindsey as she came home from school. She explained that Gil was asleep in the guest room and asked her to be quiet.
"Why's he here, Mom?"
"Look honey, He's having a difficult time right now. He needs his friends."
"Yeah, well…he wouldn't be having difficult times if he hadn't hooked up with Sara."
"Lindsey!" Catherine's tone and expression warned the girl to change the subject.
"Okay….I'll be quiet."
"Thanks."
Lindsey was in her room and Catherine was preparing supper when she heard Gil cry out. She headed for the guest room and found Lindsey standing outside the door. "I think he's crying, Mom," she said worriedly.
"Okay, honey, I'll take care of it…." Catherine went into the room where she found Gil sitting up in the bed.
'Sara?" he asked, confused.
"No Gil, it's Catherine. You're at my house. You had a bad dream." She sat on the edge of the bed as she spoke.
Looking at her, his mind began to focus. "Yeah…Sara…..she was…gone, out of reach. I couldn't get to her."
The tears were drying but he didn't look any less upset. "So, call her Gil. Talk to her and hear that she's okay."
He looked down sadly. "I did call her…before. She doesn't want to talk to me. She was sorry I was having bad dreams but…" The tears began to roll out of his eyes again. "God Cath, it hurts so much…"
She reached over and pulled him into her arms. "I know, Gil. I don't understand it though. Why won't she talk to you?"
"She needs space…it's complicated, but she's trying to put some old ghosts to rest. She…she says that I can't help her with it; she has to do this on her own."
"So…when she's done it….she'll come back?"
"I don't think so. They way she talks…it sounds…final." His self control fell away and he began to sob. "I knew, Cath…I knew that it wouldn't last. I…I tried to keep a distance, I did it for years, but… then I gave into what I was feeling and it was…I was… so happy. And now, it hurts so much. And I'm afraid for her, what this journey might do to her…"
"Gil…." She hugged him tighter. He held onto her as if she were a lifeline. After a few minutes, she could feel him begin to relax. "Come on, she said…you need to get some more sleep." She scooted onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, fluffing the pillow next to her. Patting it, she indicated that he put his head down. Obediently he stretched out, his head on the pillow and his arm around her. Her hand found its way to his head, gently stroking his hair. Catherine thought about how he normally didn't like to be touched and understood the trust he was demonstrating by opening up to her like this. She was being allowed to see him without the carefully guarded self control that had become such an integral part of him. Tears began to leak out again and his body shook with his sobs. "Shhhh, you're going to feel better eventually. In the meantime, you're not alone. Shhh…." She spoke softly, gently, like she used to talk when comforting Lindsey. As her fingers made their way through his curls, her heart was breaking for him. Later, he would be mortally embarrassed by his lapse. But for now, she was just glad that he was here, letting her comfort him. The sobbing stopped and his breathing became more even. Finally, he drifted back to sleep.
Catherine slid out of the bed and headed back to the kitchen. Lindsey was there, finishing the meal. Looking up she asked, "what's wrong, Mom. Why is he acting like that?"
"He's having nightmares about Sara. I think it has as much to do with all the fear when she was kidnapped as it has with her leaving now. It's all mixed up for him. And he fought so hard to maintain his self control when she was missing; he kept all those fears bottled up. It has to come out somehow. In a way, we girls are lucky…we can cry as much as we need to. But men, especially men like Gil, keep it inside. Just try to act normal with him, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll try." Lindsey assured her mother.
Gil woke to the smell of good food. He realized that he was hungry, something he hadn't felt in days. Getting up, he went into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face and brushed his teeth. Then he ventured to the kitchen where he found Catherine and Lindsey. He stood in the doorway a moment, watching them. His heart tightened a bit as he watched. He hadn't been truthful when he'd said that Sara was the only one he ever loved; had he had the courage to admit his feelings years ago, this would be his family now. He had fallen for Catherine the first time he saw her but he never had the courage to act on it. Consequently she had gotten involved with Eddie and his opportunity was lost. They had remained friends and then became co workers. It was Gil, not Eddie that had driven Catherine to the hospital and been there for the birth of Lindsey. Eddie had been out of touch, 'promoting one of his singers.' Gil had accepted the story that Catherine had given him, knowing what Eddie was really out doing. Being there for Cath and then holding Lindsey just minutes after her entry into the world had been one of the highest experiences of his life. As much as he wished that the little family was his, he had carefully pigeon-holed his feelings on that subject and locked them away. Catherine was married and Eddie was Lindsey's father. Gil was just a friend and he made sure that he never overstepped that role. But as he stood there, watching the two, some of those feelings leaked out and filled his heart.
When he met Sara, he thought he'd finally found someone else who could fill his heart like Catherine had. But Sara was a very different person and his happiness with her was different than it would have been with Catherine. Initially he reacted much the same, fear keeping him from expressing his feelings. But Sara had pushed through his defenses and eventually extracted the truth. And now he was paying for it; she was gone. He had ached for Catherine for a long time after she married Eddie. With Sara gone, his heart was breaking.
Catherine happened to turn toward him just then and saw the expression on his face. She thought she was able to read him most of the time, but this was new to her. She wondered what he was thinking about but decided that it was best to keep things light. "Want to join the fun?" she asked.
He smiled, shyly. "Sure, what do I need to do?"
"Here Uncle Gil," chimed in Lindsey, "you can help me with the salad..."
He made his way to her side and the two stood there, preparing the vegetables. Slyly he looked down at her and wondered for not the first time, how different would his life have been if she was his daughter?
They ate, listening to Lindsey chatter about school and a party that was coming up over the weekend. Gil watched with interest at the interaction between mother and daughter. For all the grief that Lindsey seemed to give her mother, there was an obvious bond between the two.
The three cleaned up the kitchen and then Gil headed to the shower. Catherine wanted to spend a little more time with Lindsey and would wait to shower. After he finished and was dressed and ready for work, he went into the living room. Lindsey was there, working on schoolwork. Catherine headed for the bathroom while Gil sat down to help the teenager with her chemistry homework.
After she finished her chemistry, Lindsey put in a movie. Gil took one look at the title and decided he'd go read in the guest room. As he walked toward the room, he heard Catherine from her room; she was singing. He paused in the hallway and listened. He saw movement in her room and realized she was dressed. Stepping into the doorway, he watched her again. "You sounded good," he said finally.
She spun around and laughed, "yeah …right."
"No, honestly…you did." He was actually smiling.
"Come in, I'm decent. You can keep me company while I finish."
Gil stepped into the room and gingerly sat at the foot of her bed. She moved around, searching for the right jewelry and then walking into the bathroom. He watched as she touched up her makeup and put the finishing touches on her hair. He was fascinated as he watched. He had watched Sara do her make up and hair many times, but Catherine made it a work of art. He found it intriguing and his head tilted, his face taking on his 'experimental' look, as Catherine thought of it. She glanced at his reflection in the mirror and smiled. Good, she thought, his mind is on something besides Sara…
An hour later, Lily showed up to stay with Lindsey and the two CSIs headed out to work.
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So, how am I doing? Still Like? On the right track?
