Warning to GSR lovers: You probably aren't going to like what follows. Sorry:-( What can I say, PureJoy rocks!

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The next few days were a blur for Grissom. He spent his time running between the hospital, to Catherine's, to his place and back. Somewhere in there, he managed to sleep some, usually at Catherine's house. She was doing a lot better and spending more time at the hospital. Lindsey was due to come out of ICU today but still was looking at more days in the hospital. The doctors still wanted to watch her progress closely and also to begin her physical therapy. They wanted her to be able to manage on a walker before releasing her, assuming of course that her other injuries were healing satisfactorily.

This morning, he woke up at Catherine's and decided to run him for a change of clothes. Hank was staying at the sitter's until Gil's schedule settled down, so at least he hadn't had that worry. Pulling into his drive, he checked his mail on the way into the house. Flipping through the stack, his heart stopped as he spotted it, an envelope with her handwriting; Sara had written him a letter.

Letting himself into the house, he tossed the mail on the counter and headed for the shower. He wasn't sure he wanted to read whatever she had to say, so he decided to leave it for now. Finishing his shower and quickly shaving, he headed into the bedroom and opened the closet to pull out some clothes. Hanging there beside his clothes were some of her tops that she had left behind. He paused, cursing himself for not getting rid of them. Well, as soon as he had time….

He pulled out some khakis and a blue shirt and slipped into them. He padded into the kitchen, opened his fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Returning to the mail, he checked for bills. Her envelope kept staring at him. Finally he sighed and decided to get it over with. Tearing it open, he began to read;

Dear Gil,

I know I was harsh on the phone the other day. Sorry. I couldn't talk then because I was at an appointment. I've given this a lot of thought and my counselor said I should tell you no matter what I decide. I don't see the point of telling you, but she says I'll regret it if I don't.

I said I would miss you with every beat of my heart and I do, but I just can't be with you. Fear keeps me away, fear of what I will do to you or what I will make you do to me. I can't seem to bury my ghosts, no matter how hard I try. Counseling is helping me cope but the demons are still with me, my faithful companions. Until I lay them to rest, there can be no one else. I know you would have tried to help me and would wait for me to return if I asked. But please don't. Move on, Gil. Don't waste your life waiting on something that will never happen. What I am about to do will sever any lingering ties, I'm sure.

What I'm trying to avoid saying is that I'm pregnant. It must have happened just after the desert because I'm not very far along. Before you come charging over to San Francisco, I'm not keeping it. I'm not prepared for this; too many demons still haunt me and I can't take responsibility for another person. I can barely handle myself right now. Probably by the time you read this, it will be all over.

Please don't call or come looking for me. I won't change my mind. I know this makes no sense to you, but I do love you. I just can't handle having your baby. Maybe if things had gone differently….

Please forgive me,

Sara

He stood there, staring at the paper. Baby…they had made a baby. And now she was planning to kill it, kill his baby. He knew the science behind it all; scientifically it wasn't really a little person yet. But his Catholic upbringing screamed to him that there as a little soul there. Life began at conception. He had never settled the conflict between science and religion to suit himself. But he'd never really had a reason to give it much thought. Suddenly it was huge for him…. The answer lay in his heart; that was a baby…his baby, their baby together, not a lifeless blob. But by now, it was probably gone.

The empty room around him was crushing him. He thought of calling her, but decided against it. What could he say? Then he thought of Catherine. She would know what he should do. Folding the letter, he headed out of the door for her place.

She was alarmed when he walked through her door. Instantly she knew something was very wrong. He stuttered, trying to tell her but finally just pulled out the letter and handed it to her.

Catherine read it quickly. When she finished, she looked at Gil, stunned. "What's she doing?"

"I don't know…it's not like her. But, she isn't herself, at least not the Sara I've known for almost ten years. What should I do?" His eyes pleaded with her for an answer.

Catherine looked from him to the paper and back to him. "Gil, you have to find her. You have to try to stop her, if it isn't already too late."

"But…she doesn't want it," he said with tears beginning to roll down his face.

Catherine moved to him, pulling him into an embrace. "Do you?"

"Me? Cath, I'm…I wouldn't know what to do with a baby. But I don't want it…dead, either."

"Babies are easy, Gil. You just love them. Are you saying you couldn't love your own baby? I know you could…you've loved Lindsey all along and you didn't even think she was yours. You could do it, Gil. And….I could help you, if you wanted me to."

He looked at her, his eyes wide and questioning. "You would help me raise another woman's child?"

"It's your child too, Gil. I've raised one child by you, why wouldn't I want to raise another?"

He stared into her eyes, looking for confirmation. He saw her love and her concern and he knew she meant it. So many things raced through his mind; the urgency of Sara's situation was at the forefront. But one thought sprang out from all the rest. Instantly he decided and blurted it out. "Marry me, Cath. No matter what happens, please….marry me?"

She looked at him, seeing the panic in his expression. "I will, if that's what you truly want Gil. I loved you too long to even think of saying no. But go….find Sara. And if after you see her you choose her, I'll understand."

His hands went to her face, holding her gently so that he could be certain to look straight into her eyes. "I choose you; I've always wanted you and I always will. Please, wait for me?"

"I'll be here, Gil. Lindsey and I both will be here for you when you get back."

He kissed her like his life depended on it, imprinting the feel of her into his memory. He knew that the memory would sustain him until he returned. "I love you Catherine and I need you."

"I love you, Gil, with everything I am, I love you. Now, go find Sara and stop her."

He nodded slowly, still looking into her eyes. "I'll call you…."

She smiled between her tears as she watched him leave. She knew he had to go; he'd never forgive himself if he didn't. And she had to let him. But it was just about the hardest thing she'd ever done. Sara had held his interest for years and Catherine had been very afraid for him when she was kidnapped. Catherine feared that if they didn't find Sara alive, Gil would crumble. He almost did when Sara left. He had always held his emotions so tightly inside of himself. She was grateful to Sara, however. The woman had persisted until finally he had let himself feel…well, that wasn't quite right; he had always felt things, he just never admitted it. But Sara had brought those feelings out and he had experienced so much in such a short time. And now, he was headed back to Sara. What would it do him?

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