Gil headed back to his place to pack a bag. On the way he called Jim Brass. "Hey Jim, you have any connections in San Francisco?"

Jim was confused. Why was Gil asking about San Francisco? Weren't he and Catherine an item now? "Ah…not really but I can call over there for information. What do you need?"

"I have to find Sara."

"Yeah…okay. But when I asked you to let me track her down a few weeks ago you said no…"

"Yeah…well, things have changed."

"Okay, I'll call and get back to you."

"Thanks Jim."

He hung up the phone as he pulled into his driveway. Fumbling with his keys, he finally unlocked his door and entered his house. Searching online, he found a flight that was leaving later that night and booked a reservation. Quickly he threw some clothes in a suitcase and then headed out.

The flight to San Francisco seemed endless. Gil's mind kept spinning, wondering what had happened to his Sara. The woman he loved would never have ended a life, especially before it ever had a chance. It just didn't make any sense to him. He thought she left Vegas to face her past and put her demons to rest. This seemed like she was surrendering to them. Or was it that she really didn't love him? Had the thrill been the chase and then she had grown tired of an aging lover? But she had said yes when he suggested they get married. And that last kiss…she had to love him. So why didn't she want his baby? Not that he had given parenthood a lot of thought himself, but after finding out about Lindsey, he was finding he liked the idea of fatherhood.

After the plane landed, he headed for the car rental desk. As he approached, his cell rang. "Grissom."

"Hey Gil, it's me," said Jim Brass on the other end. "I have two possibilities. Brass quickly gave him Sara's mother's address and a motel where the police believed she was staying.

"Thanks Jim," Gil said before hanging up.

He rented a car and with the aid of the onboard GPS system; he went in search of Sara. The motel seemed like a better place to confront her; hunting her down at her mother's seemed like a bad choice. After a couple of bad directions from the GPS, Gil finally found the motel. It looked old but clean, at least as far as he could tell from the outside. Entering the office, he asked for Sara Sidle's room. The clerk looked on the computer and without ever looking up, divulged the information. "Room 212," he said.

Gil stood outside the room, knocking softly. He swallowed hard, still not sure what he would say to her when he got the chance. After a couple of minutes, he knocked louder. Finally h heard noises from the other side and the door suddenly opened to reveal a tired, haunted looking Sara. Blank eyes stared at him. "Why are you here?" she asked in an accusing tone.

He blinked in disbelief. He didn't recognize this woman that stood before him now. She was a shadow of someone he once knew. "Can I come in?" he asked softly.

She turned and walked away from the door, leaving it open. He followed her into the room, watching her intently. She turned toward him again and repeated her question. "What are you doing here?"

Shocked by her appearance and her tone, he swallowed before speaking. "I got your letter…."

"You mean the one in which I told you not to come here to find me….."

"Sara…I had to. It was…so unlike you."

"What was unlike me? The fact that I was planning to get rid of our baby?" Her eyes looked tormented and her face was drawn.

Grissom looked at her warily. He knew he had to be very careful. "The whole tone of the letter….Sara, what's happening to you?" Her eyes looked so empty to him that it frightened him.

"I asked you once about a violence gene…..how violent do you think an abortion is, from the baby's perspective, I mean."

He was terrified now. Her tone was so cold…like death itself. "I haven't thought about it.. I don't know." He needed to keep her in the conversation so he asked a question. "What do you think?"

It was then that he saw the first emotion in her eyes, horror. "I think it must be awful. They….they made me watch a video at the clinic. It …was…." And then she broke. Collapsing into a heap on the bed, she began to sob. Gil moved to her, collecting her in his arms and holding her close, trying to soothe her. Her whole body shook as the tears flowed. "I….can't…" her thought was broken by more sobs, "believe…that …" more sobs racked her. "I did it." And then she really lost it.

So many emotions coursed through Gil as the meaning of her words registered. She had done it….ended their baby. Disbelief overwhelmed him, coupled with denial. And then anger….and horror, followed by sadness and despair. He hated her…or at least he wanted to. But seeing the effect it was having on her, he couldn't. He held her close to him, his tears mixing with hers as they mourned the loss of the life that could have been a testament to all they had shared; but now it was gone. And in his heart, he knew that all of it was gone.

The woman he held in his arms was a stranger to him now. The trauma of her kidnapping and her trial in the desert had sparked changes deep within her….changes that led her to this. The Sara he had loved could never have aborted their baby. The Sara that had survived the desert did.

Had leaving Vegas been a mistake? Obviously. Had she stayed, he could have supported her and with counseling perhaps she would have found peace. But then what about Catherine…and Lindsey? He would have remained committed to Sara, no matter what his heart told him about them. But the baby would have survived. He was so angry, so much so that he was near violence himself. If only Sara had trusted him….

But he couldn't blame Sara; not his Sara or this broken person that clung to him so tightly now. The demons…they had been there all of her life but it was Natalie….Natalie kidnapping her and leaving her in the desert; Natalie was to blame. That watershed experience had brought all of Sara's demons to the forefront, giving them free rein. Natalie had won; Sara's body had survived but Sara, his Sara, had died out in the desert. He had lost someone he loved deeply.

But Natalie had done what she had done out of revenge, so it was his fault too. No, no…She had set the whole sequence of events in motion with the Miniature Killings. Then Ernie Dell had tried to take the blame for her actions, tried to protect her, and killed himself to keep the secret. She twisted that and went after Sara as a way to get revenge. Natalie was to blame for it all. But she wasn't responsible either; how can you hold someone so twisted and warped responsible? Gil needed some one to blame, someone to direct his anger towards, but the reality was that it was a horrific progression of events that had brought them to this place.

No sense could be made of it all. The grim reality was that his Sara was gone, their baby was gone, and there was a huge void in his heart. He closed his eyes in acceptance, hoping for the day that the pain would go away.

Her sobs spent, Sara lifted her head and looked at him. "You hate me don't you?"

"No, Sara. .I don't hate you. I…I wish things had gone differently….that you had given us a chance to work through all of this together. But I can't hate you; how do you love and hate a person at the same time? Part of me will always be in love with the girl in the pony tail; but…."

"You don't love me…the person I am now, right?"

Looking into her eyes, he saw the despair. "It doesn't matter….I don't hate you, Sara; but it will take me a long time to get over this. I…we…" he was struggling for the right words. Swallowing, he tried again. "It was my baby too, Sara. And you didn't even tell me about it until it was gone. First you left me, with just a note as an explanation and then you wouldn't talk to me. And now, this. We could've worked it out but you chose to just end it. And so, you ended any hope of us. I'm sorry…"

She pulled away from him, her head low. "So am I."

"You said you have a counselor?"

"Yeah…"

"You'll be okay?"

"I'll call her after you leave." She was wearing the blank look again.

"Okay then…." He sighed deeply. "Good bye, Sara."

"Yeah…" she said sadly as he stood and walked out of the room.

He drove back toward the airport. There was a hotel just down the street and he checked in for the night. Once he was in his room, he called for a reservation on the first flight back in the morning. There was no reason to stay in San Francisco. Any hope of happiness was back in Vegas.

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So, I hope I wasn't too mean to Sara. I think I was nicer than some of the GSR fans that seem to need to bash PureJoy. Anyway, please review. How much more story do you want?