Longing for oblivion, Gil tried for the next best thing, sleep. But it would not come. He lay there in the hotel bed; the scene at Sara's playing through his mind. It had been like talking to a dead person, except when she had cried. He knew that she regretted getting the abortion; enough of his Sara had survived to feel regret.

As he had held her, trying to give her some sense of comfort, he realized that whatever he had felt for her was now dead too. She had killed it when she had the abortion. She had asked about the baby's perspective…what it might have felt as its life ended. He knew the answer; he had seen videos too. Even the most immature brain registers pain. Tears began to seep out of his eyes as his mind produced a video of his baby dying.

Anguish racked his body as he rolled onto his side, curling into the fetal position, sobbing. Their baby was gone, Sara was gone, and all that they had shared…..just painful memories now. A face came into his mind, Catherine's face. He needed her ….needed to feel her arms around him, needed the comfort she would provide. She would know and understand what he was feeling. She understood how precious life was too him, any life. She would understand his grief now.

He thought about calling her and glanced at the clock. No, he decided….too late, she's probably asleep. She needed to get her rest to be strong for Lindsey. He would see her tomorrow anyway. Survive the night, that's all he had to do and then she would hold him.

He shook with so many emotions raging through him; grief, thankfulness for Catherine, awareness that he was a father and that he might have been one again, anger, fear, regret, despair, need, love; they all coursed through him in waves causing the uncontrollable shaking. He tried to focus on Catherine, her image calming him….

The chirping of his cell phone startled him. Picking it up, he checked to see who was calling. Seeing her name, he answered. " Cath?"

Catherine heard the desperation in his voice. "Gil…..I just had this feeling that I should call. You okay?" Of course he wasn't but she needed to get him to talk.

"I….was too late," he said weakly.

The line was silent for a moment as she absorbed the impact of his words. "Oh, Gil….I'm sorry….so sorry."

He could hear the grief in her voice, she felt it too. She felt something of what he was feeling; he wasn't alone. "Cath, I….she….." he couldn't frame what he wanted to say; he wasn't sure he wanted to say anything, but he wanted to hear her voice in response."

"It's okay Gil, you don't have to talk…. I know how this is hurting you. I wish I were there with you…"

Eyes closed, he let the sound of her voice wash over him, bringing comfort; giving him something to focus on besides grief. He had known she would do that; she always did. "I wish …. After I left her, all I could think of was that I need you. But I'll be back tomorrow…I can make it until then."

She could hear that he was collecting himself, gaining balance as he spoke. "I know, but I still wish I were there with you. It's lonely without you."

"Yeah…. How's Lindsey?"

"Happier. They moved her to her own room. A couple of her friends came by for a brief visit. And the doctor said her kidneys are healing quicker than he thought they would. It was all good news here today."

A long silence settled over the phone lines as they each listened, feeling the presence of the other on the end of the line. When he did speak, it was barely louder than a whisper. "That is good news. I needed to hear something good like that…"

Her heart was aching for him, with him. Why had Sara done it? She was still finding hard to believe the younger woman was capable of hurting him that deeply. Sara loved Gil; that much had been obvious for years. And she had to know his vulnerability about children; not that he considered himself good with them or that he had any particular affinity for them, other than he viewed then as the most innocent and therefore most in need of protection. In all the years that Catherine had worked with him, through all the horrible cases, it was the ones involving children that got to him the most. And Sara had destroyed his child….Catherine was baffled.

"Gil….are you sure that she… I mean, did she actually tell you she had an abortion?"

Wariness sounded in his voice. "No, but….the way she talked…"

"What did she say?"

"She said that she couldn't believe she had done it…"

"Oh.."

"She reminded me of something she once said about a violence gene and then asked what I thought an abortion would be like from a baby's perspective. She had watched some videos at the clinic. And then she said she couldn't believe she had done it…"

"Gil….how did you leave her?"

"She was going to call her counselor. I…I couldn't stay any longer; it hurt too much. She's….this was a different Sara."

"Maybe you should talk to her again, just to be sure. And to be sure she's getting help."

"I'm not sure that I can, Cath. It was like talking to a ghost."

"Okay…but, think about it okay?"

"You think I should? If you think I should….okay. Maybe I can see her before I head back."

They talked for awhile longer. Catherine tried to move away from Sara, giving him respite. They talked more about Lindsey, a little about the lab, touched on the weather, and came back around to Lindsey. As they talked, Gil felt better and better, gaining strength from the sound of her voice, centering himself on her. Finally the conversation ended and after a few sweet words of love, they hung up.

He sat on the bed, thinking about what Catherine had said about talking to Sara one more time. He admitted to himself that he wasn't able to think clearly on the subject; maybe Catherine was right.

His phone chirped again. Thinking it was Catherine again; he picked it up and answered. "Honey?"

Slightly taken aback by the greeting, Sara hesitated before answering. "Gil?"

"Sara. I, um…was just thinking about you."

"You were?"

"Ah…yeah. I was wondering if maybe we could meet for breakfast before I leave in the morning…"

"Um, well actually," she drawled, "I spoke with my counselor and she suggested, well, hoped …that you could come to my session with her tomorrow. She, um….yeah, bad idea, right?"

"Session? Why?"

"She thought it might help me…to explain things to you, but with her guidance and support."

"Oh…okay, yeah. What time?"

Well, could you meet me at 9:30?"

"Okay. Where?"

Sara gave him the address and the counselor's name and then said good bye.

A call to the airline enabled him to change his reservation to a later time. Satisfied that he could get to sleep, he crawled between the covers and began to think again about Catherine. A smile formed on his mouth as he drifted to sleep.

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Okay, was this a big misunderstanding or did she really do it? What is it that she needs to explain? I'd love to read your thoughts on it:-)