Gil Grissom arrived a few minutes early for the appointment and waited outside the counselor's office, He was having second thoughts about seeing Sara again, especially under these circumstances, but he had said he would so here he was. Finally it was time to go in and as he entered, he spotted Sara sitting in the waiting area. He made his way to her and sat in a chair across from her. After a few minutes, her name was called. She rose and nodding to him, they made their way to the office.

Sara introduced Gil to Dr. Middleton, who suggested that he sit in the chair next to Sara's. He complied but was not comfortable. Studying the counselor, he was struck by two things. First, she was severely obese, not something he would have expected from someone in the medical field. Second, she had a hard, unforgiving expression. It was his understanding that therapists usually tried to remain benign.

He waited for one of the two women to speak. Finally, Dr. Middleton began. "Well Gil…" He winced as she said his name, drawing it out artificially and inserting a condescending tone into the pronunciation. "Sara called me last night, very upset after your little visit." Again, condescending. "She is convinced that you hate her and as I listened to her, I believe she might be right. So I wanted us all in the room together to allow her to explain her actions and give you a chance to respond in a better fashion than you did last night."

Gil glared at the woman; he had never witnessed a less professional approach to a problem. What did she think she was doing? And he had responded honestly last night, trying not to add to Sara's despair. Now he was really having second thoughts. And where had Sara come across this quack, anyway? Collecting himself, he spoke. "I responded last night as honestly as I could. I don't hate her." He glared at the woman, thinking if he hated anyone at the end of this session, it would be her.

Nodding to Sara, the woman suggested that she talk. Sara looked from her to Gil and then at the floor. Finally, in a small voice, she began.

"I, um…I couldn't do it anymore, Gil. The job, I mean. It was eating me up. And everyday it got worse until finally that last night, I just had to go."

"I know, Sara. I understand what the job was doing to you. I almost burned out last year, remember? What I don't understand is why you didn't talk to me about it. Maybe I could have helped, maybe not. But I think I deserved the chance. And when you decided to leave, I deserved to hear it from you….not read it in a letter."

"I knew that if I tried to face you, tell you I was leaving, I would cave. That wasn't an option."

"Sara," he looked at her in pain, "do you have any idea of what that did to me?"

"I…it must have hurt." She looked at the floor as she answered.

"It nearly destroyed me, Sara. I worked doubles on top of doubles to keep from having to go home. When I finally did go home and tried to sleep, the nightmares started. The team was worried about me, Jim and Catherine….and even Nick trying to get me to snap out of it. And the team….Greg still barely talks to me; he thinks I did something to make you leave. And Warrick…he's in the middle of his divorce and then you disappear. He says it all seems pointless now. Jim misses you and Catherine told me to go after you; she was that worried about me. You hurt all of us."

"I didn't…mean to. You had nightmares?"

"I did. Have you forgotten me calling you after one? It felt so real and in it you were in danger….I was afraid for you; afraid of what might happen to you. And you blew me off…."

"I….I'm sorry, Gil." Her tone and demeanor was nonchalant. "I just couldn't talk to you then."

Anger was beginning to boil in him. She didn't seem to care that she had hurt him so much. "And then you send me a letter to tell me you are pregnant but you are getting rid of it. You couldn't tell me in person," he spat the words at her, "you had to write another letter."

"I ….it…I found out and I didn't know what to do. Part of me was ….happy…excited. But mostly I was terrified. I'm not capable of taking care of a baby. And what if it…what if it got all my bad genes. What if it turned out like me?"

Grissom looked at her in disbelief. "What? You killed our baby because you couldn't handle raising a child? You were afraid it would inherit some non existent genes? I would have taken care of the baby if you couldn't. You know I would have…" His voice rose as he spoke.

"I couldn't be sure of that….and if you reacted badly…."

"Sara! You really believe that I…" His voice cracked as the full impact of her words hit him. "You couldn't trust me to handle it? Did you ever know …understand anything about me?"

Sara began crying. "I….you aren't exactly easy, Gil. It took years to break through that defense wall of yours. How could I know that you would want the baby?"

"Because you did break through the wall, Sara. I let you in, let you know what was inside. We shared so much; I thought you knew me…Now, I don't think you knew me at all."

She was sobbing now. "You never even wanted to talk about children; not that I wanted any either. But …." Sobs racked her. "I didn't want to bring a baby into the world just so it would feel unwanted, unloved."

Gil stood up and walked behind the chairs. His fists were balled up in frustration and anger. His voice was low and controlled as he spoke. "I would have loved it, Sara. Loved it because it was a part of us, what I thought we had together."

Middleton decided to interject at that point. "Don't you think you are being hard on Sara, Mr. Grissom? She had her reasons…."

He glared at the woman and then looked back at Sara. Being hard on her? What about what she had done to him? She had ripped his heart out, twice. "Perhaps I am, Doctor. But you see, I have no way to know. I'm heartless; just ask her, she knows. They call me a robot back in Vegas…no heart, no feelings, no clue about what others are feeling. It used to be a lie, but now it's the truth. I have no heart, she ripped it out."

"Oh my god," sobbed Sara. "You do hate me…"

He closed his eyes, fighting to maintain control. "I don't hate you, Sara. Hate is an emotion, remember?" He sighed, wanting to inflict pain, something totally alien to him. "I don't know what you wanted to say to me….what you thought you could explain. I get it Sara….You're convinced that you are carrying around some sort of bad gene. I was a refuge, an escape from reality. You looked for the answers to your problems in me. But the answers are in your head Sara. Maybe you finally realized that, maybe that's why you had to leave….I get it. But the way you did it…. And then …" he couldn't control it anymore, a sob escaped. "Then you killed our baby….I don't hate you, but after all of this…." Air escaped his lungs as his shoulders slumped. Then he looked at her intently and said coldly, "You are dead to me now." He turned and walked out the door.

Out in the hallway, he began to shake. His chest felt like it would explode. Briefly, he thought about going back in and trying to make it right, but he wasn't the one that could make things right for her. He had spent the last few years trying and this was the result. Willing himself to stop shaking, he knew that he had to make things right for himself. Looking at his watch, he realized he should head to the airport and go home, to Catherine.

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Okay, I realize that this one might have been a bit un-Gdissomlike. But it sort of wrote itself. Let me know what you think about it. And yes, next chapter takes him back to his true love in life:-)