When Catherine got back to the house, it was empty. Looking around she saw Hank's stuff and the wrapped gift on her counter. She realized that Gil must be out walking the dog. Her curiosity got the best of her though and she unwrapped the present without waiting for his return. As the paper fell away and she opened the box, her eyes lit. "Oh my…" she exclaimed.

Reaching in, she carefully pulled out a small stuffed teddy bear whose color perfectly matched the silk and lace teddy still in the box. She ran her hand over the soft, dark blue fabric and gingerly fingered the lace. "This set him back," she mumbled. She gathered up the garment and hustled to her bedroom. Quickly she undressed and slipped into the teddy and then redressed herself. Hurrying back downstairs, she propped the teddy bear next to the box. Then she headed for the fridge to get a bottle of water.

She heard the door open and Hank came bounding into the kitchen looking for his water bowl. Gil walked into the room just as Hank began slurping up the water. He stopped when he saw the open box. "You, ah…found my gift, I see," he said with raised eyebrows.

"Mmmm, yes I did. And I just love the little teddy bear," she cooed.

Gil looked over the top of the box and saw that it was empty. "Well, you did have a point…about me getting one for Lindsey and not for you." He looked up from the box into her twinkling blue eyes. "There, ah…seems to be something missing from the box." His eyes had their own sparkle.

"Really? Wonder where it went?" she said coquettishly.

His eyes travelled over her body, "my x-ray vision tells me that it might be under your outfit."

"X-ray vision?" she chuckled. "Well Superman, there's only one way to find out how good your vision is."

"Oh," he said speculatively. "And what would that be?"

Tilting her head and answering flirtatiously she answered. "Unwrap the package, of course."

He stood there, working his mouth thoughtfully as he contemplated her suggestion. A small smirk formed on his face. "Well, I suppose that's fair, since you unwrapped the package I brought you."

"Oh, but I haven't finished unwrapping all of your packages yet." she said suggestively.

"I'm not aware of any other packages…" he teased.

It was her turn to peruse his body. He felt heat rising in his face as her gaze worked its way over him, pausing at particular points of interest. "I think I'm looking at a living Cracker Jack box; can't wait to find the prize inside."

He stepped over to her and gathered her in his arms. He lowered his head and she thought he was going to kiss her, but his lips went to her ear instead. "Whatever toys you find, you get to keep, you know."

Pulling her face up to look at him, she smiled. "Oh, I intend to." And then she kissed him. As her lips touched his and began to explore, his entire universe narrowed down to that one contact point; his entire existence centered on her. Their kiss deepened and intensified, so many feelings washing through him; love, lust, need, comfort, belonging were just a few. As the kiss ended he pulled away slightly, resting his forehead on hers. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and soaking up the heat from her body. He felt so alive, all of his senses joining in the celebration. He felt a quiver run through him as he relished the intimacy of the moment. "God Cath…." he breathed deeply as blood rushed through his body and into his face.

"Gil?" she whispered.

His fingers played in her hair and brushed her scalp. "All of my life I've hidden my feelings, only letting people in a little at a time; allowing me to keep my own emotions under control. But with you, I feel so many things; too much to control. And so intense; I've never felt anything so intensely before. "

"Surely with Sara…"

"No. Strong feelings, yes. But not like this. Not this constant need I feel; the need to see you, touch you, feel you next to me. For so long I kept my feelings for you under such tight control and now …now I have no control over them." He closed his eyes as another wave of emotion flowed over him.

Catherine saw his physical response to what he was saying. He had opened himself fully to her, completely letting his guard down; surrendering himself to a tidal wave of emotions. "Gil, I don't know what to say…I always suspected that under that controlled façade you were capable of deep passions."

His eyes met hers. "Promise me…"

"What Gil? Promise you what?"

"You won't leave me. At least without giving me a chance to…" he swallowed hard, desperation showing in his face. "To make up for whatever I've done wrong…"

Her hand stroked his cheek as she responded. "Leave you? After waiting this many years, do you really think I could leave you so easily?"

Quietly he whispered, "Sara did."

As Catherine looked at him, all she could think of was how much he looked like a lost little boy. "Well, I'm not Sara and I'm not going anywhere. Besides, we have a forever connection in Lindsey. Even if everything else falls away, we'll have that."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Your willingness to share Lindsey with me after all of this time."

"It's up to Lindsey about how much you share with her. But she is your daughter too, Gil. I couldn't deny you access, no matter what the state of our own relationship."

"I can't help but wonder…." he paused, his hand entwining itself into hers, "what our lives would be like now if I had the courage then to…"

"To what Gil? Break up a marriage? You would have hated yourself….and eventually me for ignoring your sense of integrity. You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself and you know it."

"I seemed to lose my integrity with Sara," he said. "I got lost in her."

Catherine led him into the living room and they sat on her couch. She took his hand again and looked into his eyes. "Tell me Gil….tell me what it is you are trying to explain."

She saw the sadness in his eyes as he gazed at her. "I was so lonely," he whispered. "And she needed me…."

Her eyes narrowed a little and her head tilted as she tried to understand what he was saying. As if reading her mind, he continued. "You remember when she got suspended after yelling at you and then being insubordinate with Ecklie?"

Catherine nodded, "yeah…"

"I went to her apartment and talked to her. I asked her why she was so angry. She rattled off some stuff, including something about relationships with emotionally unavailable men. I still didn't understand where she was going with it and pressed for more. Finally, she began talking about her childhood. It was awful, Cath." Grief shone in his eyes.

"She began to cry….and I….I reached over and took her hand. And I realized that….that she needed me. That's why I challenged Ecklie over it all. She needed someone to stand up for her in a way no one ever had."

"So you were involved with her back then?" Catherine asked cautiously. She hadn't realized how long they were together.

"No. I still kept her at arms length, romantically anyway. And then after Nick was kidnapped, I felt ….so alone and …adrift. I needed something, someone to anchor me. And Sara still needed that too. I'd always been attracted to her; it wasn't hard to imagine a relationship. And then ….there was one. But it was based on the wrong things…"

"What do you mean, Gil?"

"There was a physical attraction…and a mutual need. And we did love each other in our own dysfunctional ways. But I knew she would eventually outgrow her need of me or just get tired of being with someone so much older. But it felt good to be needed….necessary to someone else. And she brought joy into my life."

"Nothing wrong with that," commented Catherine. "You deserve some joy."

"But I knew it was temporary. Sometimes I felt more like a father or older brother than a lover. What I felt for Sara was more like compassion than passion. I loved her but not in the way a woman should be loved. At some point one of us would have come to resent the other."

"When I went on the sabbatical, we were already involved at that time; but I was still holding back. While I was away, I realized how much she filled my existence, gave meaning to it. So I came back with a deeper sense of commitment to her. And our relationship grew. She loved me so much…or I thought she did. And it felt so good to be loved like that. …."

"But that night in the layout room, you said that Natalie wanted to take away the only person you ever loved…."

"She didn't know about my feelings for you. And honestly, I had spent so many years trying to bury them…. And Sara was my focus at that time. And I was feeling such panic…"

"So you did love Sara?"

"We loved each other; but it wasn't healthy…. How could I give her my whole heart when it belonged to you?" He asked as his blue eyes drilled into hers. "It always has…"

"But you were so devastated when she left…"

"Was I? It hurt and the way she left stunned me. And I was alone again… and that hurt. It seems that all of my life I have been alone, except for the time with Sara. And being with her made me realize how lonely my life had been."

He had that far away look in his eyes and then they shifted, focusing back on the here and now. So much emotion spilled from them as he searched her face for understanding. Their eyes locked and she saw his facial muscles relax as he found what he was looking for in her gaze. "Sara said in her note that I was her home; Catherine, you are mine…you and Lindsey."

"Lindsey…note, oh…I almost forgot. She gave me a note to give to you." Catherine found the note in her pocket and handed it to him.

He stared at it in his hand for a moment and then slowly unfolded the paper. Catherine watched a tenderness come over his features as he read:

Gil,

I call you that because it seems silly to refer to you as 'uncle'. I think I understand how you and Mom came together that night but this is all still so new to me.

You said you dreamed that I might be your daughter and now it is reality. There were countless times when I was little that I wished that you were my father. Eddie Willows did the best that he knew how and I will always love him for that, but you were always so gentle and understanding.

I know that I can depend on your understanding now. Please give me time to make sense of this and adjust. It hurt so much when you seemed to abandon us for Sara and now all I can think about is how things might have been if only….

Give me time to understand what I am feeling; to grieve the loss of Eddie as my father and to comprehend you there instead. I am truly happy that you and Mom have found each other and seem so happy but I need time and space. I'll come to you when I am ready to talk about it. In the meantime, can we just be like we've always been?

Love,

Lindsey

PS: Thank you for the bear. I named him Atticus after the father in To Kill a Mockingbird. I've always thought he was very wise and loving.

Catherine saw the tears that formed in his eyes as he read and watched as they trickled down his face as he finished the note. He looked up at her, unable to speak. Quietly he handed her the note. She embraced him as she finished the note. No words were needed between the two parents as they came together over their child.

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This one got a little long. But I think it said what I wanted it to say. Looking forward to your comments on it:-)