A/N: Seven reviews for a single chapter… long time since that's happened.
Anywho, here are my replies:
Jarkes: Thanks, but could you submit longer reviews?
MST3K Forever: Commend garfieldodie for that one, not me. If you love MST3K stuff (as your pen-name professes) I suggest you check out his fic. It's about fifty or so chapters long now, but it's worth the long read.
Thanks for the review. Please submit longer ones in the future.
97: I know. That's why I picked it.
Pink Parka Girl: Thanks for the review and the heads-up. Nevertheless, I shall go on.
Swiftstream: That was my favorite part too! Came to me in a stroke of inspiration… Thanks, and I'm glad you like the fic. Hope this chapter won't disappoint.
CuddleyEeveeM: No need to e-mail it to me for the time being. I'll have a read and if I feel it's spoofworthy, you'll see it here pretty soon.
Orange Sora: Thanks a ton, but please, longer reviews!
Also, today's feature includes a short before the actual movie begins. It's called 'POKEYMON REVALOOSHUN' by Stupidfic, my favorite parody author who always capitalizes and misspells his titles.
Statutory Warning: It's a bit vulgar (the short, that is).
Now, on with the story!
Most of the Pokemon were in the central room again, reposing on comfy armchairs that Deoxys had forgotten to remove. Sceptile and Charizard weren't present. They were off looking for something and had taken Munchlax with them.
"So what do you think of the movie so far?" asked Pikachu conversationally.
Everyone gave him a look. Pikachu sighed. "I know the movie reels aren't even worth expending the energy to destroy them, but I'm going nuts! There's nothing to do here!"
"Except watch movies, laced with —" began Squirtle, before he was cut off by several rude comments from the Pokemon.
"What is it with him and grammar?" asked Donphan fretfully.
"I didn't eat my vegetables," said Squirtle by way of explanation.
The conversation was interrupted by the return of Charizard, Sceptile and Munchlax. Their re-entry into the living was in accordance with the advice of the Psalmists, when they say, "fling wide the gates". A door dotting the walls flew open, bounced off the wall and closed, hitting Charizard in the snout ("OOF!") and hiding him from view. The door was then re-opened slowly and the trio walked out. They brought with them heaps of candy, popcorn, and melted butter which could be added to the popcorn. The room they had left contained even more of the stuff.
"So it turns out that Edible Hell does not appeal even to a psychopath like Dee-sis," said Charizard brightly, dumping his burden on a lounger, failing to notice that it was occupied by Beautifly.
"Excellent! The movies might actually become bearable after this!" cried out Marshtomp, jumping out of his chair in glee.
"PIG OUT!" This was all Pikachu managed to blurt out before hurling himself at the candy 'n' corn.
Everyone went bonkers. They had eaten Brussels sprouts earlier to avoid starvation (and would have preferred putrefied corpses). After that traumatic experience, the deliciously sweet and salty and peppery and crunchy eatables seemed like a godsend.
Corphish was shoveling down the food without even opening them — quite an achievement for someone whose mouth was not visible. Swellow had propelled himself into a gigantic sealed popcorn bucket several times its own size by using a combination of Aerial Ace and Peck. Upon a rather loud and petulant request made by the bird, Charizard poured several gallons of melted butter into the bucket.
Pandemonium reigned. Discarded wrappers and containers and bits of food littered the floor. Only Pikachu, after an initial surge of insanity, was now acting mature, feeding the timid Bonsly. Beautifly, too, was acting unlike the others, but that was only because it was still pinioned by the food items that Charizard had dumped on it.
Suddenly, everyone froze and stopped what they were doing as three sharp beeps cracked through the air. That meant one thing — Dee-sis was calling. If they did not respond themselves, then Dee-sis' image would appear automatically after twenty seconds. And he probably wouldn't be happy about the fact that they had found his secret goody stash.
"HIDE THIS STUFF NOW!" bellowed Sceptile.
Charizard used a vicious whirlwind attack to blow the wrappers and discarded food items into the nearest room, whose door was opened by Bulbasaur's vines. Everyone ran around hiding their edibles as fast as they could. Munchlax did this in a way that made most sense to him: He ate them, including wrappers. Sceptile seized the lounger which Charizard had dumped a pile of eatables on (with Beautifly still trapped underneath) and propelled into an adjoining room. Sceptile accidentally overturned the lounger. Beautifly's luck was such that somehow, she landed on the floor and was subsequently crushed by the same pile of edibles and the lounger.
The other Pokemon hurled their burdens under couches. Torkoal used Iron Defense, withdrawing into its shell with its bars of chocolate and bucket of popcorn while Foretress jumped on a pile of its own food to hide it. Squirtle, Marshtomp and Ludicolo used Water Gun to clean butter and chocolate stains. Much to Torkoal's dissatisfaction and Pikachu's exasperation, Bonsly had Mimicked the Water Gun and was showering Torkoal's shell.
Among all this commotion, Swellow had been quietly residing in its bucket of popcorn, helpless to do anything. Munchlax sauntered over and not realizing that Swellow was in the bucket, raised it to its lips.
"NONONO! I'm in here!" yelled Swellow. Munchlax paused, a quizzical look on its face.
"We have five seconds," said Sceptile.
"Go for it, but don't swallow," ordered Charizard.
"NOOOOO!" shrieked Swellow, but found itself hurled into Munchlax's gullet nevertheless, just as Deoxys' image flickered into sight on the ceiling.
"Evening, imbeciles," boomed Deoxys.
"Hey Dee-sis," everyone chorused weakly.
"IT'S DEOXYS!!" came the reply. Deoxys then had a look around the room. Suspicion came over his face. Everyone realized that he was checking up on them to see whether or not they had found his stash.
"So how's the taking-over-the-world going?" asked Pikachu, trying to divert Deoxys' attention.
"Fine, fine," said Deoxys, looking at Munchlax shrewdly. "He looks bloated."
"So, what's new?" said Donphan nervously.
Deoxys' eyes narrowed. "You all look out of sorts, you know."
"We ate some of the Brussels sprouts," said Marshtomp in an emotionless voice. "What do you expect us to be, skipping?"
"True," said Deoxys, relaxing, apparently satisfied. "Well, it improves brainpower, and you lot are sorely in need of it." It was then that he noticed Torkoal.
"Why is he in his shell?" asked Deoxys, eyes narrowing once more. "He's wet, too."
Charizard thought quickly. "Uh, he took the Brussels sprouts more badly than the rest of us. He's being sick… in his shell."
Almost on cue, Torkoal trembled slightly.
"Oh, not again," said Crobat. "It might spill out this time round."
Deoxys' eyes widened considerably. "K. Catch you losers later!" With that, Deoxys' image faded out of view.
There were sighs of relief all around. Everyone retrieved their eatables from their hiding places and Torkoal came out of his shell (literally, not figuratively). Munchlax spat Swellow out.
"GAH!" yelled Swellow, hopping out of the bucket, covered in slime. Luckily birds don't have much of a sense of smell.
VREET!! VREET!! VREET!! VREET!!
"We got movie sign!" yelled the Pokemon and dashed into the theater.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((PAGE BREAK THINGY))
Everyone settled comfortably into their seats.
"In addition to goodies, we found this short to watch before the movie," said Sceptile.
"Supposedly it's hilarious," said Charizard. He suddenly wrinkled his nose… snout. "What's that smell?"
"Munchlax drool," said Swellow sardonically. "Now suffer the consequence of your decision."
"Hose him down, Squirtle," said Charizard. Squirtle obliged.
"Where's Beautifly?" asked Skitty as Swellow was propelled towards the ceiling.
Pikachu shrugged. "The powder room, maybe? She'll be right along."
Just then, the short started.
POKEYMON REVALOOSHUN!
"Uh…" said Donphan. "I have no comments."
by Stupidfic
"Mysterious pseudonym," said Skitty.
"I wonder what genre he writes," said Glalie.
It was another day in the Pokemon world as a trainer was training his Pokemon.
"Extraordinary," said Squirtle.
The trainer said to his currently motionless animal
"DID HE JUST REFER TO A NOBLE POKEMON AS AN 'ANIMAL'!!!!!" bellowed the proudest Pokemon of them all. No prizes for guessing who.
"come on Absol, the Pokemon League will start tomorrow!"
The Absol, however, didn't want to train. In fact, he hated training. He was sick and tired of being a mere pawn for this pathetic child.
Everyone squirmed uncomfortably.
All the Absol wanted in life was to breed with some attractive Pokegals
"Well, who doesn't?" said Skitty, eliciting looks from everyone.
but his master ignored his pleas. And it wasn't his fault for not bothering to learn human language because he was way too superior and awesome to do such a thing.
"Couldn't have put it better myself," said Marshtomp.
"Absol…" spoke the trainer as he poked his furry pet "Absol, why aren't you doing anything? Absol!"
The Pokemon, having enough with the damn poking, screamed "I DON'T WANT TO (BLEEP!)ING TRAIN FOR THE (BLEEP!)ING POKEMON LEAGUE!
"I fixed up the bleeps," said Sceptile proudly.
"(Bleep!) (Bleep!) (Bleep!) (Bleep!) (Bleep!)" said Bonsly happily, jumping up and down, excitedly yelling the new words it had learned.
"You did quite a (Bleep!)y job, Scep," said Crobat dryly.
AND MY NAME ISN'T ABSOL IT'S HJJF9 AND I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN MY NAME!"
"How the bleep do you pronounce that?" said Pikachu.
"Bleep! Bleep! Bleep!" said Bonsly, actually saying the word 'bleep' this time. Everyone lauded Pikachu's craftiness.
"…Does that mean your ready to train now?" asked the boy who only heard Absol say his name multiple times.
"The plight of every Pokemon," said Swellow.
Hjjf9 finally snapped. This miserable life had to end NOW! He grabbed a chainsaw and ran to the human.
The Absol shouted in fury "DIE YOU (BLEEP!)!!!"
Then he got sucked into his poke ball.
"It's getting late, we'll train tomorrow" the Pokemon trainer said unaware what danger he was nearly in.
"Ash?" said Glalie.
A while later, it was midnight. Hjjf9 escaped from his poke ball and snuck off while his trainer was sleeping. As Hjjf9 was running through a forest, he began to think about the rest of the Pokemon captive by the merciless humans. Something needed to be done, and he had just the idea.
"I'll start a revolution!" he declared proudly.
But how could he start it? He remembered his ex-trainer talking about the Pokemon League and thought causing havoc there would be a good way to make a revolution. But it couldn't do it alone, he would need help, and lots of it. The Absol began his search in the woods he was running through, and spotted an Ekans lurking in some grass.
"You know, mindless as the story is, the author displays impeccable grammar," said Squirtle.
"Thank heavens," murmured Crobat.
"Hey!" Hjjf9 shouted to the Ekans "let's go kick some human (Bleep!) and start a revolution!"
The Ekans replied "I am sorry, but I do not know how to talk as I am a wild Pokemon and have no knowledge of communication."
"I see, Marlowe," said Corphish.
"But your talking to me right now!"
"HAH! I knew he would slip up! It's supposed to be 'you're'!" exclaimed Squirtle triumphantly.
"WE DON'T GIVE A BLEEP!" everyone yelled back.
"Go horse radish a car door and let me apple, addition cowboy bowling!" The Ekans bit the Absol and fled into the darkness.
Hjjf9 concluded that wild Pokemon were a bad idea, so he went to look for Pokemon that were owned by those damn humans. A Pokemon Center was nearby, and entered it.
Nurse Joy noticed the four-legged Pokemon and cooed "aw, you look hurt, do you need to be healed?"
Hjjf9 said "shut the (Bleep!) up" and punched the nurse unconscious. He went into the backroom and saw dozens of poke balls. He opened them all, releasing various Pokemon.
"What's going on?" a Slugma wondered.
"My fellow brothers" Hjjf9 began "for centuries we have been labeled as Pokemon or 'Pocket Monsters.' It is time we make a change and get our freedom that we deserve. Join me and let us fight against the human oppression!"
"I feel blue," said Squirtle.
"And I fell red-and-metallic-grey," said Foretress.
"This is the most depressing movie ever," said Charizard flatly.
"You chose this," said Skitty, glad to finally have someone to say that to. Charizard rotated his neck and fixed Skitty with a gaze that made her shrink back into her seat.
"Yeah!" shouted an Octrillery "I'm getting sick of being loved and cared by my trainer!"
"And I'm tired of having warm and comfy shelter in my poke ball!" a Sandshrew piped in.
"And I had enough of all the delicious free food I can get everyday!" a Skitty yelled.
"Ooooooh, a Skitty!" said Skitty.
At that moment, all the Pokemon were roaring with energy as they joined Hjjf9's cause. The next day the revolutionaries marched to the Pokemon League stadium.
Hjjf9 shouted to his army "it's time to show we aren't mindless fighting machines by merciless slaughtering everyone inside this building.
"Ingenious," said Swellow.
Are you ready?"
"HELLZ YAH!" the revolutionaries loudly answered.
"Okay, then CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!"
The Pokemon went full speed to the stadium, however they had a problem…
"We can't get in!" a Goldeen cried "they have a highly complex defense system!"
The defense system the fish out of water was referring to was the front door. All the Pokemon were pushing on it, even though it clearly had the word 'pull' in giant letters.
"Damn those bloody humans and their advance technology!" Hjjf9 cursed.
"How are we supposed to riff anything?" asked Donphan.
"Yeah, the fic sort of riffs itself," agreed Bulbasaur.
"now how are we going to get in?"
A Ninetales spoke "uhh… I think they have an entrance in the other side."
"TO THE OTHER SIDE!"
The Pokemon ran to the other side of the stadium. There wasn't another entrance, but there was hundreds of Team Rocket members armed with Pokemon-snatching machines!
A Diglett squeaked "oh (Bleep!), it's a trap!"
All the Pokemon tried to flee, but were soon nabbed by Team Rocket grunts. The one who wasn't captured was the Ninetales.
Njjf9 asked in shock "why did you betray us?"
The fox Pokemon said "because I'm a heartless (Bleep!). Take 'em away, boys!"
The Absol screamed as he was put into a van, his screaming muted as the door was closed.
-
543757013457435634561347665156999999145 years later, all the humans died of second-hand smoking and Pokemon were the dominate species! Well, some of them were…
"Go faster!" a Charizard shouted as he whipped the Pokemon working on a farming field.
A Grimer slave tiredly asked "so why do poison types have no civil rights?"
"Because poison types (Bleep!) and are considered worthless!" the Charizard answered "and just for asking such a stupid question, I'm chopping off your (Bleep!)s!"
And they all lived happily ever after.
The credits began to role.
The Pokemon prepared to say various bad things about the movie and Bulbasaur was about to comment on the negative light in which Poison types were displayed, being a Poison type himself, when Charizard flew up and proclaimed, "WOOT! CHARIZARDS ROCK! WE ARE THE RIGHTFUL DOMINANT SPECIES!!"
Everyone kept their silence at that. Well, almost everyone…
Sceptile, who was just as powerful as Charizard and wasn't really scared of him, said with a laugh, "I thought it was a piece of bleep!"
Sceptile did not expect the nasty look that Charizard gave him. Charizard obviously considered the comment as a challenge.
"Er…" said Pikachu, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Should I go start the movie?"
"No," boomed Charizard, standing up. "Sceptile and I will do it. We have to step outside anyway."
Sceptile didn't reply. He stood up himself, and with his head high, marched out of the room. Charizard narrowed his eyes and followed.
Thirty strained seconds later, the movie started.
A/N: I decided not to put the movie in after all, as this chapter was getting to be rather lengthy. I hope you enjoyed the short. Next chapter will be the longest to date. It will include the movie that was being screened earlier, as well as another short entitled "Why Everyone Shares in the Pokemon World" by CuddleyEeveeM. Until next time, see ya!