A Sticky Situation – An FFVII Fanfiction
Disclaimer: The FF7 characters do not belong to me. But Tai-Chung and the hybrid monsters are mine. Steal and DDIIIIEEE. X.x
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The ominous island lay eerily still amidst the battering force of the sea waves. Its terrain was perfectly flat except for a sudden incline in the centre of the huge expanse of land that gave way to mountain that looked very much like an irate volcano.
Upon seeing it, Cid muttered a few obligatory swearwords and prepared Highwind for landing, making sure that he set her down a considerable amount of distance away from the volcano. Even though he's going to be paid a lot for this mission, he didn't want to risk a trip back to Shera for new parts to replace molten ones.
With Highwind safely settled in the middle of the plains that bordered a dense forest, Cid got up from his seat to rouse Vincent in the Medic Room. He grabbed his lance and proceeded on his way, picking out a cigarette from his pack and lighting it with a Fire spell as he went.
When he arrived at the Medic Room, Vincent was already awake. Pained from the throbbing in his head and feeling almost comatose, the gunman didn't notice the pilot walking in.
Cid watched as Vincent rubbed his eyes and yawn. The blond never saw the ex-Turk do such humanly actions, so he stayed quiet and observed. He eyed the silky-looking raven-coloured hair that trailed gracefully along the gunman's naked back. He saw the thin arms stretch and flick some of the shorter hair clumps away from a pale, almost ethereal face. He froze as blood red eyes turned to stare at him, first in alarm, then sudden relief.
"Cid…"
The pilot felt his name echoing in his thoughts. In a shout; in a growl; in a resigned voice; in a breathy whisper; in a moan…
"Hyne, Cid, you're dribbling."
This snapped the pilot out of his reverie. He sucked back the stick of cigarette that almost slipped out of his mouth and coughed as the smoke choke him.
"Have we arrived yet?"
Cid nodded dumbly, staring as Vincent got out of the bed, facing away from him, and put his clothes back on.
"We should call Cloud and tell him we're here. Shall I do that, or will you?"
Cid nodded again, looking like a dumb donkey, but feeling like a virgin after a mind-blowing orgasm – empty, satisfied. Hyne, he's fine.
"Cid, please. Stop staring."
Oh, he's begging… begging for me… "Please, Cid…" Oh, Hyne, he's begging for me to—
"Cid!" A gunshot was heard and a bullet whizzed past his ear to embed itself in the white wall behind him.
"FUCK!" The pilot jumped to the side and banged his head on a white wall, falling limp to the floor.
Vincent calmly trekked over to him and offered him a hand. The pilot took it without a fuss and he was helped to his feet.
"I'm sorry." The gunman said, but it was obvious that he didn't mean it.
Cid didn't say anything in reply. Gritting his teeth and almost crushing his cigarette in the process, he whipped out the PHS from his pocket and pressed the speed dial button. Vincent took his time re-loading his gun, intentionally allowing Cid a peek at his cartridge holder – a small, tidy box full of lethal bullets.
Cid hastily looked away and was grateful when the other receiver was picked up at the end of the PHS line.
"Cloud?"
/"Theez eez Tai Chung's Takeaway. Takeawayz for the faaaar away-est of peoples! What you want me to send you tudaaay?"/
"I want Cloud."
/"Oh yeeees, we have Tuna Cloud, Spicy Hot Cloud, White Cloud, White Cloud with side-serving of Blue Sky, Sweet and Sour Cloud wrapped in Rice and Seaweed, Grey Cloud, Black Cloud, Gloomy Cloud, Lost-all-my-memories Cloud—"/
"I just want Cloud, please."
/"Oh. Weittaminoot, yeh?"/ There was a brief clatter and a spurt of Wutainese chatter from the other receiver. Cid held on to his sanity for a little bit longer. Supposing this is the Radio's house? Hyne, I'd be damned if Cloud left me behind with this sexy weirdo, the pilot eyed Vincent up, …for Yuffie Radio Dot FM in Wutai. I'd skewer him. Or maybe not, if I can get a chance in with Mr Brick Pillar here…
/"…Oh, we have cloud! Yes, yes, very beautiful cloud right there—"/
Ah, this sounds right. "May I talk to him please?"
/"Oooh, that cannot be doing, sir!"/
It took Cid a minute to decipher this into 'it cannot be done'. His patience ran thin. "Why the fuck not?"
/"Fook? You know my semi-demi-quarter-stepbrother-in-law Fook? Oh, I be delaited! What he say? Did he say semi-demi-quarter-aunt-in-law give me money?"/
Once again, Cid threw the PHS at Vincent, who caught it this time and ended the call. Using his flesh arm, he dialled Cloud himself, using the correct speed-dial button this time.
/"Hello!"/
"Tifa, we've arrived at th—"
/"Tifa here! This is the PHS of heroes! The Avalanche group is currently unavailable at the moment – we're probably sleeping; out eating; lying around bored; fighting our nuts out; or getting pummelled by a bid bad Bandersnatch. If you can kindly leave a message we'll get back to you as soon as we can run away from the wimpy monsters! Bye!"/ BEEP.
Not one to be easily humoured, Vincent simply stated that they've arrived at the island and ended the call.
"Damn, Vince, you're boring." Cid claimed, chewing on a new stick of cigarette. The gunman took the source of nicotine from out of the pilot's mouth and threw it away. The blond grumbled his protest.
"…Let's just go." Vincent muttered.
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"…Let's just go back." Cid complained grumpily, tugging his lance out of the corpse of a mauled Formula and frowning at the slimy trails of blood along the spearhead. Vincent re-loaded his gun and wiped the muzzle with a piece of cleaning cloth before walking further into the forest, ignoring his battle partner deliberately.
"…Vince, didja hear me? Let's. Go. Back. Obviously there aren't any more freaky bastards on this island than there are right now. Come on! The ship's not far away, and we-"
"Exactly. We haven't gone far enough yet. This island is supposed to be humongous. If the ship's still nearby then we have a lot more area to cover."
"Whoah. Big, long words from you, Vince." A glare from the gunman, "…But anyway, can't we use the ship and scout the whole damned place from the skies?"
Vincent was silent for a long while. But he had stopped in his tracks, allowing the pilot to catch up.
"…Damn, Vince, don't space out on me now!"
"I am not spacing out. I'm… thinking."
"Thinking 'bout what?" Cid raised an eyebrow when Vincent stared in his direction, almost through him. "Yes, Vince, I did remember to pull out all the electric plug from their sockets, I've checked the water taps, I've got the keys right here—fuck, where're me keys?"
"I have to agree, Hig—Cid, that what you suggested was a reliable idea, but if we did find the monsters by flying over them we couldn't really land near them unless the monsters are in a flat open area."
Cid wasn't listening. He's still fumbling around for his keys.
"I knew I had them somewhere..." He started mimicking his last few actions before they left the airship. Vincent watched in mild amusement as Cid re-enacted the moment when he tripped on the last step of Highwind's ramp. He evaded a thrust made by Cid's lance as the pilot tried to imitate their battle with a Formula ten minutes earlier. When the blond got so particular he tried to mimic all the various hand gestures he used from the moment he got off Highwind – including the flip he gave a Bandit when it tried to steal his cigarettes – Vincent stopped him.
"Cid, try looking under your goggles."
The pilot gave the gunman an incredulous, 'what-the-hell-do-you-take-me-for' look before he put his hand up to lift his goggles.
The keys to Highwind slipped out and flopped onto the ground.
Silence.
Cid chuckled nervously. "Silly me. I'm such a battered old duck. Uh… so… lead the way, Einstein." He quickly picked up the silver keys and followed Vincent as the black-haired man slinked under the shadows of the trees.
After a minute or so, "Cid…"
"Yeah?"
"Who's Einstein?"
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I'm sorry this came so late. I was hooked on playing a virtual pet site and totally forgot to upload this. ;-; Sorry! Also, apologies to all the Chinese people who read Cid's conversation with Tai Chung. Don't take offence, please! I was trying to be funny by stereotyping. GAH!
Takeaway phone calls are so much fun to write, though. ;D