Random talking: If you thought it couldn't get any more random, you need to pull up your pants and prepare for random things. Oh yeah, disclaimer: if I owned these anime, which I don't, I would make them sing. Most likely something from Avenue Q.

Fun Times at Atom Academy

(Or "The Super Happy Fun-Time Random Anime Character Variety Show")

story, insanity, random plotting by Zero Rose

episode three: "Engrish good for you is"

The first day of Atom Academy continues despite a false fire alarm and an outbreak of panic brought on by the collective stupidity of the students.

10:45 – Art

The Arts Building was a little hard to find at first since it was tucked away among the trees next to the athletic field. The building was short and a boring grey cement color (probably because nobody felt like painting it). The good thing for Chibi-Usa was that once she was inside, the class wasn't difficult to find since there were only four rooms – one for the film study class (filled with DVDS, videotapes, and TVs), one for the dancing students (a large studio), one for the theatre students (a large studio but equipped with a small stage), and one for the art students (including easels, paints and other art supplies).

Chibi-Usa went inside and sat at an easel. She looked at the boy next to her.

"Hey, didn't you cause the fire last class?" asked Chibi-Usa.

"It wasn't a fire!" replied the boy, Edward, "The pot just started to melt and it accidentally gave off some smoke and the alarm went off."

"So…you caused it." said Chibi-Usa.

Edward sighed, "Yeah, pretty much."

"How did you even do it is my question." asked a boy.

"HE'S A WITCH!" proclaimed a small, strange looking bald student.

"For the last time, Milo, I'm not a witch – Kiki is!" yelled Edward, "I'm an alchemist!"

"You must be a witch! You turned me into a newt!" replied the student, Milo.

Chibi-Usa blinked and said, "You're not a newt."

"…Well, I got better." replied Milo.

"Don't pay any attention to him, he's one of those crazy transfer students from America." said a boy in front of them.

"Nyu." agreed the girl next to him, Nyu.

"I remember you! You poked me!" said Chibi-Usa to the girl. Nyu tilted her head.

"Nyu." commented Nyu.

"Don't mind, Nyu. She's…special." said the boy. He forced a smile, "I'm Naota Nandaba. My family's been taking care of her and by my family I mean mostly me since everyone else in my family lacks most common sense to take care of anything outside of a goldfish."

"What's with the horns?" asked Edward.

"I wish I knew," replied Naota, "but considering how weird everything else is in my life has been, I'm not surprised."

One of the students sitting next to Nyu, Ed, had begun to poke her and Nyu, in turn, and decided to poke her back so a poke fight was occurring.

The teacher walked into the room. He stood in front of the class and said something that the students didn't exactly understand. When he saw their puzzled looks, he reached into his pocket and pull out a tiny red book with the label ENGLISH-JAPENESE DICTIONARY.

"Everyone, today. I, your art teacher, am the French of Andy." he said, "As for me from the American place there is a distance. You understand?"

Silence went through the room.

The teacher smiled and continued, "As for me it is here where in the Atomic Academy is excited very with the teacher. I desire for me when is, because of you this year it is simultaneous many pleasures in the same way."

Another silence.

"Excuse me," said Naota, "but what the hell did you just say?"

The teacher didn't seem to understand but he pulled out his cellphone, dialed a number, and talked into it. A few minutes later, a student arrived. It was boy who had the exact same face as the teacher. The teacher told him something and the boy nodded. He faced the confused students.

"Hello, my name is Kevin French and your teacher is Andy French, my older brother. He is from America and does not have a mastery of Japanese like I do so you will have to pardon him. I'm sure after staying in Tokyo-4 for a while, he will eventually pick it up." explained the boy to the class, "He hopes that this year will be as fun for you as it will be for him. As for me, I am a transfer student from America and a freshman. Perhaps I will see some of you in class."

Kevin then told Andy-sensei something in English and Andy shook his hand and ushered him out of the room.

"Don't we why try the fact that a certain very simple sketch is pulled?"" said Andy-sensei.

Everyone in the room blinked.

"He wants us to try sketches." said Ed.

"You understand what he just said?" asked Edward.

"Of course. Andy-sensei sounds exactly like the twelve-year-olds leaving messages on Ed's myspace." replied Ed.

The class dragged by painfully, mostly because Chibi-Usa couldn't understand a word the teacher was saying but thanks to Ed, she translated most of what he said.

11:30 AM – Algebra

Chib-Usa's stomach was already growling and lunch was still a quarter of an hour away. She had to drag herself to Algebra – one of the most dreaded of all freshmen classes (or at least in her case it was). The classroom was a regular class with desks and a dry erase board. Sitting in the class already were Pucca and a boy she was mooning over.

"Hi, Pucca." said Chibi-Usa, "Who's this?"

Pucca giggled and said something in Korean, to which Chibi-Usa did not understand. The boy grumbled something and moved away. Pucca sighed dreamily, gazing at him.

"She said his name is Garu and he is also from Korea." said a blonde haired girl.

"You speak Korean?" asked Chibi-Usa.

"My brain has a built in translator." said the girl, "I speak over thirty seven different language, including some known to animals." She smiled, "Kenichi made sure I would be well-equipped when he rebuilt me."

"Rebuilt? You're a robot?"

"I prefer the term 'robo-sapien'." replied the girl.

"A robot, huh? Everyday a new surprise here." said a woman who appeared out of nowhere.

"Who are you?" asked a student.

"I'm your teacher," said the woman, who was standing on the desk. She was very short for an adult and had a lot of strawberry red hair, "Washu-sensei."

"Question!" asked a student, "Where did you come from?"

"Oh, I teleported," replied Washu-sensei, "but that's not important."

"Not important? You. Teleported. Into. A. Room." said the student, "That's a little weird the last time I checked. This isn't Star Trek or some mecha anime that has heavy Christian overtones."

Washu-sensei didn't even seem phased. She sat on her desk and smiled at him, "What's your name?"

"Shinji Ikari." replied the student.

"Shinji-chan," said Washu-sensei sweetly, "there are many amazing things at Atom Academy that you are going to experience and that's why you're here, to experience new things. Why just this morning I met my first American, and then immediately hated him. And then I met another American and he was just annoying but that's not the point of this conversation. Now, let's try some quadratic equations!"

"But that doesn't explain–" protested Shinji.

"Shinji, if a train leaves Tokyo-4 at 5 pm and another train leaves 2 pm, how long will it take The Big O to destroy them both?" asked Washu-sensei.

Shinji blinked, "…I don't know but…"

"Then shut up!" replied Washu-sensei.

Defeated, Shinji opened his notebook.

Across the hallway in Calculus with Gendo-sensei, Chiyo-chan was facing her own difficulties. She was also surrounded by Seniors and Juniors. She felt even smaller, sitting at her desk, as everyone dwarfed her. To make things worse, there was this guy sitting in back of her that wouldn't stop staring at her.

"Who's that?" asked a girl, looking at Chiyo-chan.

"It looks like a kid. Maybe it's a midget." replied a boy.

"What would a midget be doing here?" asked another student.

"Are these pigtails or horns?" asked a guy, who reached over and yanked Chiyo-chan's hair.

After she did this, he was immediately electrocuted.

"Everyone, stop acting so barbaric!" said a girl with long green hair and horns, "As seniors, it's our responsibility to set a good example for freshmen and not let people think we're jerks. Or weird."

"Says the horned girl." replied the guy, who was promptly electrocuted by the green haired girl.

"Ignore them." said the girl to Chiyo-chan, "I'm Lum and I welcome you to our class."

"Sorry I'm late." Gendo-sensei said, walking into the room. He went to the board as the students returned to their desk, "We had an emergency – some idiot decided to have a parade, please do not ask for details." He wrote on the board. "Let's just try and solve the first few problems."

A hand shot up in the air.

"Yes?" groaned Gendo-sensei.

"Parade?" asked a girl.

Gendo-sensei gripped the chalk. "I specifically asked that you not ask for details." The girl blinked and Gendo-sensei groaned, "A few minuets ago we had a problem at the arts building with a parade. Let's drop it."

"What kind of parade?" asked a guy.

"A parade of frogs and inanimate objects!" said Gendo-sensei, "It's already happened. It's already been taken care of. Let's just get to work!" He pointed at the problem he just scribbled on the board. "Solve these equations!"

The students were still puzzled at the reply but they took out their notebooks and began to work away. Just as Chiyo-chan solved the third problem, music slowly filled the air. At first it was just a low hum but it grew louder until it was blasting.

"…uh…Gendo-sensei…" said Lum. She pointed out the window.

Gendo-sensei walked over to the window.

Outside in the courtyard was a long parade of frogs playing trumpets, walking shrine gates, dancing umbrellas, singing dolls, and other things that shouldn't be moving on their own. Confetti rained down out of nowhere. Amidst the chaos, a short red haired woman was trying to corral the parade.

"I hate my life." grumbled Gendo-sensei. He opened the window and yelled out of it as the students gravitated over to the area to see the sight, "Damn it, Paprika! You said you had it contained!"

The red haired woman looked at him and floated into the air. She shrugged and said, "It's hard to keep a dream under control, old man."

"Well, do something about it! I have a class to teach!" yelled Gendo-sensei.

"I'm trying! Keep your pants on old man!" said the woman. She flew down into the parade.

"Damn girl. I knew it was a bad idea to hire her." grumbled Gendo-sensei. He rubbed his temples – a migraine was coming on, he could feel it.

"What's happening?" asked a girl.

"Looks like the circus came to town," said a guy, "…on really good crack."

"Paprika-sensei's dreams are running wild." sighed Gendo-sensei.

Down in the courtyard, Paprika-sensei changed into a piper. She played sweetly on her flute and led the parade away from the main building and into a black hole nearby. The parade easily followed until all of it was gone. Paprika-sensei then hopped out of the hole just before it closed. She then looked at Gendo-sensei, blew a kiss, changed into a fairy, and flew away.

The students were left silent, unsure about what they had just seen.

"Oh, forget it." groaned Gendo-sensei. He looked at his students, "Class is dismissed." He left the room. "I need a drink."

The students rejoiced and flooded into the hallways.

"That was amazing!" said Chiyo-chan.

"You haven't seen anything yet." said a pink haired girl, "Last year Ranma-sensei exposed himself…er, herself at the sports festival.

"WHAT?" gasped Chiyo-chan.

"Haruko!" said Lum, "Don't tell her that! She's a little kid!"

Haruko attempted to give Chiyo-chan the details of the exposure incident but Lum shocked her before she could.

12:15 AM – Lunch

After the grueling math class, Chibi-Usa was starving. Through the entire class she had thought of the great food awaiting her in the cafeteria: cake, chicken, steak. It had gotten to the point where she thought if A was 5 and B was 6 then C was Muffin. She would have continued her thoughts of future food as she moved (or was rather squished) through the hallways.

Suddenly, someone's foot stamped on her head.

"Ha ha! See you at lunch, pinky!" said Naruto as he hopped from head to head through the hallway.

A second late a gun fired and he was wrapped in a thick net.

"Hey! What the hell?" yelled Naruto.

"No running." said a brown haired man.

"I wasn't running!" yelled Naruto, "And do you think your net can contain a ninja? Huh? Do you?"

"Yes." said the brown haired man and he walked away.

"Hey! Wait a minuet! You can't leave me here!" yelled Naruto. He attempted to rip the net but he remained ensnared.

"Who was that?" asked Chibi-Usa.

"Heero-sensei!" said a red haired girl, "He's the scariest teacher. But isn't he hot?" She sighed dreamily. She looked at Chibi-Usa, "You must be freshmen. I'm sophomore."

"A sophomore? Wow." Chibi-Usa said. She looked at the girl – bright red hair, black eyeliner, black nail polish, rising sun stitched onto school jacket. 'Yanki.' she realized. She forced herself to smile, "Please don't beat me up and take my money."

The red haired yanki laughed. She threw an arm around Chibi-Usa.

"Oh, you're so silly! I won't take your money today." said the red haired yanki. The hallway was starting to empty out so they could walk easily. Chibi-Usa walked along with her, hoping a beating wouldn't follow. "I'm Asuka, of Kamikaze."

"Kamikaze?" asked Chibi-Usa, "What's Kamikaze?"

"We're Kamikaze."

At the end of the stairs they were walking down was a group of yanki girls.

"I'm Ryoko, the leader." said a girl with spiky silver hair. She pointed to each of the girls, "This is Ayeka – second in command and Nana." She folded her arms, "We make up Kamikaze, the toughest yankis on campus."

"What do you want with me?" asked Chibi-Usa.

"I like your style." said Ryoko, fingering Chibi-Usa's pink hair, "I saw how you beat up that kid on the first day and I think you got what it takes."

Chibi-Usa looked at the girls – all yanki, all with (possibly) dyed and strange hair. Hoping to avoid angering the yankis, she walked along with them as they followed the group of people heading to the cafeteria in a separate building.

'I've been kidnapped...by yanki girls!' thought Chibi-Usa.