Okay, to avoid confusion, we'll call Artemis Fowl the Second "Artemis" and Artemis Fowl the Third "Art"
"Artemis, did you buy diapers again?" Anna-Maria asked.
Artemis emerged from his study. "It wasn't me. I know the twins have been potty-trained for about three years now."
Anna-Maria turned to the four year old twins. "Art, honey, Angelina, do either of you know who bought diapers and put them in the nursery?" The twins looked forlorn until she knelt and held her arms out. They rushed into her embrace eagerly. Artemis smiled as she kissed the tops of their heads and hugged them warmly.
"It was Grandmama," Art told her, his green eyes reflecting his mother's.
Anna-Maria raised an eyebrow and looked at her husband. "Why would Mom get us diapers? Everyone in the Manor knows that Artemis and Angelina are potty-trained."
"They're not for us, Mom," Angelina said, her blue eyes glinting and setting off her dark brown hair.
She looked puzzled and glanced at Artemis. He just shrugged and shook his head. "What do you mean they're not for you, Angelina? Who else would they be for? Diana didn't...uh-oh. And the girl's only fifteen! I thought she would have told me if -"
"Anna-Maria, calm down," Artemis told her. "I'm sure that's not what the twins are talking about. Diana isn't even attracted to any one...I think."
"Wasn't she dating Minerva's brother, Beau, though?"
"No. Minerva just said they were. Beau, apparently, talked about nothing but chocolate on the one date Diana did have with him and she refused to go out with him again."
"Well, then what are the diapers for?"
Angelina pressed her head against her mother's abdomen. "They're for the babies who are coming, Mom."
"What babies?" Anna-Maria paled. "I'm not...there's no way I...there must be some mistake." She looked at Artemis. "Please tell me your mother is pregnant."
"She's not," Artemis replied calmly.
"You're pregnant, Mom," Art said.
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are," Angelina added. "Quadruplets. I can hear them."
"Anna-Maria, are you going to be all right?" Artemis asked, worried.
"Yes, I'm fine." Slowly, she stood up. "I'm not pregnant, clearly I'm not, I'll prove it."
Ten minutes later Artemis and the twins were waiting outside the bathroom. "Anna-Maria? Are you okay?"
A piercing shriek answered him.
Anna-Maria stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, thoroughly flustered. "This can't be happening again, it can't happen! I mean, honestly, I know that the mix of elf and human blood is fickle and such a pregnancy rarely survives past the first trimester, and we were lucky the first time, I knew that after the first three months Angelina and Art would be all right. This just can't happen, there's no way this would work and -"
"You're in your second trimester, Mom," Angelina told her.
Anna-Maria stopped and stared at her.
"Four months," Art confirmed.
"Anna-Maria, please remain calm," Artemis said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders comfortingly. "Just relax and everything will be -"
"Artemis, don't you tell me to relax!" she interrupted, pushing his arms away. "I need to see a new gynecologist, and I need to take off from work again, the nursery needs refinishing, we need to get a new crib, I need to start meditating daily to keep my hormones in check, and..." her voice was too much of a blur for him to understand what she said after that.
"Okay. Fine. We'll just let your...flustered state run its course."
"What flustered state? How many did you say it was this time, Art?"
"I didn't say it, Angelina did."
"Well, how many?"
"Quadruplets."
Artemis caught Anna-Maria easily before she could fall. "Well, this is exciting. Though I have to wonder how Mother knew when we didn't...must have been some maternal instinct."
"Here we go again," Anna-Maria sighed.
"Two of them are male, two are female," Art said.
"I say we name them Gavin, Danny, Carmela, and Coralie," Anna-Maria said, overcoming her initial shock.
"Good...but I like Kyle, Troy, Seda, and Ria better," Artemis replied.
"We'll pick out of a hat."