-1Chapter 3

Who I am Hates Who I've Been

Flashback

"Come on, I know you know where she is. Just tell me! I need to talk to her Sadie. I'm dying on the inside no knowing where she's at, and if she's okay." Tommy said. "She won't answer my calls or my texts." "For one Tom, she's fine. I have talked to her almost every day since she's been gone. And two, why should you care what happens to her, huh? You cheated on her!" Sadie yelled at Tommy. "Because I LOVE her Sadie, I love her." Tom said in an almost inaudible voice. "Well you sure have a great way of showing it Tom. Jude will come home when she's ready, and only when she's ready. Until then you're just going to have to wait, and be sure to come up with an extraordinary apology for when she gets home. You're going to need it."

End Flashback

Roughly three months after Jude left, Tommy finally had the courage to go back to their home. He needed to do what Sadie said, and come up with an extraordinary apology for Jude, and he would do that by doing what came as almost second nature to him besides producing. He'd write a song. He knew it wouldn't win her back completely; he'd have to show her he could be trusted first, but he knew this would help. He picked up his own

journal and pen and began to write.

(Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been) (I had to modify the lyrics a little to make it fit the story, but it's still not my song.)

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'Cause I don't want you to see me
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Sinking up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you give me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been

Many hours later, Tommy finally set down his pen. He did it. He put down in writing exactly how he felt. Tomorrow he would go to the studio and record the song. Feeling somewhat better, Tommy just lay on his bed thinking of Jude, and when she was going to come home.