Remus was so discomfited by Binns's speculation that today's werewolves were a stronger, fitter lot that he hadn't even mentioned it to his friends. What could they do about it, anyhow? He was terrified that he wouldn't be able to track down Fenrir at all, that the werewolf would attack again and again and leave no trace, a super-monster who was constantly a step ahead of the people who might be able to stop him. Remus's one comfort was that he, too, was probably part of that more resistant strain of werewolf; after all, Fenrir himself had made him. Perhaps Fenrir wouldn't sniff out the fact that he was being hunted. And perhaps, if he ever did track the beast down, Fenrir wouldn't be able to recognize Remus as one of his own – although that was unlikely, given the set of scars on his face. His signature, Madam Honeyduke had said.

With a frown on his face, Remus traced his circuitous thoughts round and round again as he ambled down to Herbology on Monday morning. He tore his gaze up from his shoes; and suddenly, with a jolt, he realized he was trailing Lily on her way to the greenhouse. She was halfway down the hill already, walking at a furious pace, her book satchel bouncing madly on her hip. He slowed his pace, realizing that he had no idea what to say to her yet. He desperately wanted her to know that she wasn't to blame, that he had been drawn to her since the day they met, that he had wanted to kiss her since their third year. But that same year James, in his uncannily bold way, had made his feelings known unequivocally, practically claiming her for his own – even though Lily seemed to have no interest in returning his feelings.

Remus wished he could hate James. He wished that James were a cad, who dated girls and tossed them aside as often as Sirius did. But James, for all his bravado and flirtation with several different girls, had never had more than a dalliance with any of them. "It's Lily for me," James always said. Remus sighed.

He watched Lily's hair swinging in its ponytail as she trotted toward the greenhouse. Was she trying to avoid him? That would certainly make things easier. But the thought of not speaking to her made Remus as miserable as the thought of having to talk about what had happened. Her red hair glinted in the morning sun as it whipped from side to side. Suddenly, Lily slipped awkwardly on the wet grass and her bag fell to the ground, books scattering everywhere on the grass.

"Bollocks!" she cursed, throwing her hands into the air. She stood with her hands on her hips, staring down at the books as if they were supposed to crawl back into the bag of their own accord. She drew her wand, preparing to replace the contents of the bag magically. Then she turned her head and saw Remus coming down the hill.

It's now or never, Remus thought as he continued walking toward her. Her wand dropped as she waited for him, her expression unreadable.

Remus dropped his own book bag when he reached her. "Hello," he smiled nervously, bending down to gather her books, which were damp now from the wet ground. He was glad to have somewhere else to focus besides her eyes.

"Hello," she said, strangely formally. She squatted next to him to gather some sheets of parchment and shake them out. They moved in silence for a moment, Scourgifying the dirt from her books and placing items back into her bag. Finally they both spoke at once.

"Listen, I didn't mean to –"

"Lily, I want you to know –"

They stopped, blushing, each staring at the ground between them as they knelt in the wet grass. Remus steeled himself and decided simply to tell her the truth. "Saturday night was wonderful."

Lily's expression softened into one of relief. "Really?" she asked. "I expected you to hate me. I made a fool of myself."

Remus hadn't quite expected this. Was it just a mistake? Would it have made any difference who was walking her home? Would any drunk and heartsick bloke have received those sweet kisses? Of course. She was only drunk. Why else would she have kissed him?

"No. No, you didn't make a fool of yourself, not at all," he said cautiously, feeling his heart slipping toward his gut.

Lily sat back on her heels. "Remus, I want you to know something," she said directly, in a matter-of-fact tone. "I know James still likes me, and he's your best friend. You probably feel horrible right now. And that rips me to pieces, knowing that I put you in that position. Believe me when I say I don't take this lightly." She took a deep breath and let it out in a huff, as if this were the one statement she needed to say and now it was done.

Remus wasn't sure what to make of this. "I believe you," he probed.

But she wasn't finished. She blinked several times and went on. "I just – I mean, I thought –" Lily suddenly was flustered. "What I mean to say is that I wanted to kiss you, but I wanted you to want to kiss me back and I didn't want you to have to think about James. I didn't want to think about James. I just– I just –" Tears welled up in her eyes, but she cleared her throat and went on. "I just wanted to kiss you, Remus!" She met his eyes boldly, almost daring him to contradict her.

Remus's heart swelled, which only seemed to compound his misery. He struggled for a moment to find the right thing to say. "I … I wasn't thinking about James," he admitted, squinting into the sun behind her.

They sat in silence for a moment. He didn't want to say too much; he had already gone too far. He bit his lip, determined not to utter another word.

"Okay," said Lily, cutting the silence. "Erm …" She looked around awkwardly, avoiding his eyes. Her brow was knitted, her pretty mouth curved into a frown.

Suddenly words spilled out of him. "Listen, Lily," Remus blurted. "If James weren't my best mate …" Lily's eyes swept over his face. "If things were different …" He sat back on his heels and looked down toward the forest, feeling defeated, not daring to look into her eyes a moment more; he was losing his resolve. "If, if, if," he breathed, each word a curse.

He stole a glance. Lily watched him quietly, her lips pressed into a straight line.

Remus inhaled and decided to offer what he could. He even managed a smile, which he hoped was rakish rather than pathetic. "If things were different, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If things were different, I'd be walking down to Herbology with you, with the goofiest grin on my face, daring anyone to ask me what I'd been up to."

Slowly, Lily released her pinched lips into a sincere smile; it faded quickly, however, and she regarded him for a while, her eyes searching his face. Sighing, she picked up her bag and stood up, brushing the grass off her knees. Remus grabbed his book bag and rose, as well. The two faced each other, and after a moment Lily nodded.

Turning toward the greenhouse, they began walking down the hill together. "Me, too," she agreed, softly.

Suddenly Remus grinned, a grin that stayed on his face as he entered the greenhouse and dropped his bag next to the long table. Lily wandered around to the opposite side of the table where Olivia waited, wearing a scowl. Sirius was already in the greenhouse, studiously ignoring Olivia as he prepared the work space he shared with Remus, James, and Peter. Seeing Remus's smile, he raised an eyebrow.

"What have you been up to, mate?" Sirius asked.