A human voice called.
A girl. A girl in the forest.
Hours had passed. It was nearly daybreak, and the creature was no longer alone. It loped easily toward the sound of the human voice, getting close enough to smell and see her, but not close enough to be seen.
The female called out again.
Sweet … and familiar? A girl, but not a child. A young woman. Fearful sweat. Pungent, musky, feminine odors. Succulent flesh. Totally alone.
Another shout. The girl was scanning the darkness through the trees, overlooking the creature completely.
Take her. Devour. Possess. Kill.
The creature was beginning to salivate. It ambled closer, closer, through the copse of trees. Fresh, bloody wounds glinted on its limbs but did not hinder its progress toward its quarry. The girl saw the creature, finally, and screamed. Quickly she raised her wand in front of her. Her breath quickened to a fevered pace. She seemed rooted to the spot with fear, as so many of the creature's playthings had been, though those were smaller animals, not for killing, not human. This would be so pleasant, such a treat, at last.
No. The creature paused, one paw in the air. It cocked its head and slowly began to circle itself, almost as a dog chases its tail, searching in vain for the voice that had commanded it to halt, sniffing for another werewolf, some other creature that somehow spoke its language. Confused, the creature continued circling; it began to growl and snap at itself.
The girl backed away gracelessly, panting, her glazed eyes darting around for escape, her wand shaking; but the creature, now whimpering, had forgotten her. The girl hesitated and stared into the creature's wild, green-blue eyes. She faced the beast with fearful curiosity, her wand slowly steadying in her hand.
The moon was gone. The darkness in the forest was turning grey, and some color began to appear on the ground. The creature howled, a furious, reverberating cry; the girl shrieked once more but stood her ground, her wand trained on the beast. The creature bounded away into the trees, to hide, to prepare for the pain. Yelping and snarling, it tried to find a safe place, but the transformation had already begun. It cowered, shivering, under a large tree and braced itself for the mindless pain and the loss of awareness, not knowing but loathing what it was about to become.
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"… Remus! … Remus!"
Over the buzzing in his ears, Remus slowly began to register his own name, and a sobbing voice. Someone was kneeling next to him, hands on his naked back. Remus felt moisture and dirt covering his body, sweat saturating the hair hanging in front of his eyes, his forehead on the mossy ground. His arms were covered in the scratches and bites he often gave himself when he was alone in his transformed state. He felt something dripping onto his back, little splatters of what felt like warm summer's rain. He tried to push himself up on his hands to turn to see the person next to him, but only managed to turn his head to one side. His eyes darting in a spasm, he saw only a flash of a girl's black lace-up shoes and black woolen stockings above them. He felt a cloak being thrown over him.
"Who …? Who …?" Remus began shaking uncontrollably. His entire body quaked, and his dilated pupils wouldn't focus. He felt himself being rolled over onto his back, the cloak being pulled over him. He weakly tried to push the cloak away; he was burning alive.
Friend or foe, friend or foe? The mantra from his boyhood chewed into his mind unbidden. "Who is it?" he managed hoarsely through his chattering teeth.
"Remus, it's Lily."
No. He felt his own hands covering his face as the shaking intensified. No, no, no, no, no. Hot, uncontrollable tears squeezed their way out of the outer corners of his eyes, running down into his ears. He tried to roll over, away from her, but could barely bend his legs. Where are James and Sirius and Peter? he wondered wildly. Why did the Whomping Willow not let me in? It was all coming back to him, painfully. He was in the Room of Requirement, because he knew that Hagrid was working all night in the Forbidden Forest. His stomach lurched as another realization struck him: What did I do to Lily last night?
Remus felt Lily's hands around his back, pulling his naked body toward her. She held him tightly. The warm rain, somehow, was falling onto his neck now. Remus heard a soft, quavering humming and realized it was Lily's voice. She was humming a tune, something he thought he remembered from his childhood. He weakly tried to push her away with both hands, but she held him fast, rocking him slowly and gently. Remus couldn't stop his tears from falling, and soon Lily's white blouse was soaked with his tears, smeared with his blood. Then, very, very gradually, the blessed numbness started to set in – the numbness that, in the past, before his friends were there to help him, had always helped him to regain his mind, his sense of self after having been something else. His eyes looked at nothing as Lily continued to rock him on her lap. Slowly – it seemed like hours – the quaking of his body subsided. Still Lily held him tightly, silently, as motionless as a statue but for her breathing.
Finally, Remus felt himself being lowered to the mossy ground. At last he could make out Lily's face; it was streaked with tears. He saw an angry red mark on her neck, where he had sunk his human teeth into her last night just before transforming. The skin wasn't broken, and she appeared to have no other injuries. A hot well of shame bubbled in his throat. Lily was pushing the hair out of his eyes, away from his cheeks, and her tender countenance made him wince.
"Lily, don't."
"Shhh."
Remus felt a deep embarrassment, a powerful remorse that he hadn't felt in years. He couldn't look at her. "Lily, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're touching a beast. I'm a beast, nothing more." His voice shook and he couldn't seem to control it. He squirmed under the touch of her hands on his face, too weak to evade them. "I'm cursed. Go away."
"Stop that nonsense," she said simply.
"I am a beast. I hurt you. And I could have … it could have been ..." He swallowed. "You must have seen the transformation," he whispered, looking into her eyes. His pupils were still rather dilated, and he could barely see her for the relative brightness of the faint sunlight behind her. Her form looked as if a halo surrounded it, as if Lily herself were eclipsing the entire sun.
She stopped smoothing his hair back and gazed at him. "Yes, I saw you change just now," she murmured. "But you … you are no beast." She faced him directly, with no fear or uncertainty. Remus turned his head; he couldn't bear her gentle gaze.
Lily placed a cool hand on his cheek and gently turned him to face her again. "You have nothing to be ashamed of," she assured him throatily, silent tears rolling down her face again.
They looked into one another's eyes for a long moment and Remus felt himself wanting to believe her, to believe that it would be all right, to believe that she trusted him and knew him for the man he was, not the creature he became under the tyrannical stare of the full moon. He didn't want to move from this spot; it was as if some force kept him looking into her eyes.
Lily traced the deep scar above his left eyebrow, the thin one along his left cheek, the faint slash over his upper lip. "You did promise you'd tell me where these scars came from."
"I did." His strength slowly returning, Remus took her hand in his to stop her touching him. "But not like this. Not like this."
"Well," she said with finality, "what's done is done."
Remus's mouth twitched wryly. He didn't deserve her absolution, but he somehow felt that he needed it desperately.
Lily drew her wand and quickly performed healing charms on all the bites and scratches he had given himself last night. Then she began to survey all the old scars on his lean, sinewy body – wounds no women but his mother and a few Healers had ever seen before. She placed her hands on his torso and began to touch each place gently, as if hoping to wipe them away with her fingers. Remus watched her, wanting to stop her; but he felt strangely comforted by her touch. Lily leaned over his chest and kissed the old gash on his left shoulder – Greyback's bite – then the continuation of that scar right above his heart – where Greyback had torn the flesh.
"Lily –" Remus began.
Lily placed one shaking hand gently over his lips to quiet him as she kissed another scar, then another. She kissed each scar on his chest, and her tears dripped onto his body, warm and salty. Resolutely, she moved toward the scars on his torso and Remus felt a shudder ripple through his core. His body trembled under the insistent pressure of her lips, the trickle of her tears; but he wasn't worthy of this attention, this tenderness.
"Lily, don't pity me," he cried desperately.
Lily raised her head and looked at him curiously, intensely. "This isn't pity."
"Then … what is it?" he whispered.
Their soft breathing was the only sound, their blinking eyes the only movement for a long minute. Finally, Lily curled herself around Remus, her wet face in his neck; and his arms encircled her narrow waist of their own accord, as if they belonged there. Remus looked up at the canopy of trees, where the pale light of the enchanted sun sharpened the edges of the naked branches above. He could almost imagine that this was a real forest, not the Room of Requirement. He could almost dream that this moment, tender and sweet, would never have to end. He started to feel quite peaceful and drowsy. Closing his weary eyes, he decided to surrender to the feeling.
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A deep, booming bark broke him from his reverie. Remus knew that bark. Lily sat bolt upright and stood up at once, looking for the source of the sound, drawing her wand and bracing herself. Remus quickly assured her, "It's only Sirius." Lily stared at him, perplexed. He wrapped Lily's cloak more closely around his body and pulled himself, stumbling, to his feet.
At that instant, a large black dog leapt through the trees and Lily shrieked. Remus placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "It's all right." The dog had clothing in its mouth, which it dropped to the ground at Remus's feet. It sniffed the air for a moment, looking at Lily and Remus in turn. Suddenly, it morphed into a young man – Sirius Black.
Sirius looked warily at Lily. "Hello," he said curiously, as if he had just stumbled upon a small kitten stuck in a tree. His eyes narrowed at the sight of Remus's blood on her white shirt, the torn collar, the red mark on her neck.
"It's okay, Sirius. It's my blood. She's not hurt," Remus assured him.
"What are you doing here?" Sirius demanded, ignoring Remus. "You weren't here last night."
"I came to help Remus," Lily replied, still holding her wand, a look of pure astonishment still frozen on her face.
Finally Sirius's eyes moved from Lily to Remus. He spoke softly. "Are you all right, mate?"
"Yes. I couldn't get into the Whomping Willow. The knot wouldn't respond."
"I know," Sirius replied, picking up the clothing from the ground. "After you went upstairs, James, Peter, and I went down to borrow some butterbeer from the kitchen. We tried to meet you before moonrise to go into Hogsmeade, but we got waylaid by Filch on our way out of the castle. He thought he smelled butterbeer on us and he managed to delay us until a few minutes after the moon was up."
"Argus Filch, the man with the worst timing I've ever seen," Remus said wryly.
Sirius's went on passionately, his eyebrows knitted. "I'm sorry we weren't there, mate. We shouldn't have gone for those butterbeers. Filch wouldn't have had anything on us except for that. Believe me, he came out of nowhere. But even so, we figured you were safe, that you had probably gone on to the Shrieking Shack alone. I mean, Dumbledore trusted the tree – and you – enough to let you start using it last year without supervision, right? We figured if Dumbledore placed the charms on it, then there was no way in hell that tree would ever fail. But when we finally got there we couldn't get in, and you were nowhere in sight." His eyes darkened and he spoke with venom. "I reckon we know who's responsible."
Remus shook his head, wanting it to be a horrible mistake.
Sirius glared at him. "Come on. Who do we know who has a grudge that deep?" He thrust Remus's clothes at him.
Remus frowned as he took them. The two friends were silent as they studied each other. "I suppose you're right," Remus finally agreed. "How did you find me?"
"The map," Sirius replied. "We thought you were in the Forbidden Forest at first, then we spotted you here in the Room of Requirement. Good thinking." Sirius looked around at the enchanted forest. "I'm impressed."
Finally Lily blurted out, "What tree? What map? What do you mean, who's responsible? When did you become an Animagus?" Suddenly she noticed she was still holding her wand, and she quickly pocketed it.
"All in good time," Sirius said, taking her elbow and gently leading her away from Remus. "Let's let him put some clothes on so he can go get some sleep."
Lily looked over her shoulder at Remus, but walked with Sirius beyond the edge of the grove. Remus watched her disappear with his friend and felt a sickening sense of dread. Quickly, he threw on his pajamas and dressing gown and approached his companions once more.
"Thanks, Lily," he said, returning her cloak. Lily kept her eyes on the ground as she took it.
The three stood in awkward silence for a moment before Sirius asked bluntly, "So, Lily, why did you come searching for Remus?"
Lily's face flushed and she seemed to be searching for the right words. Remus's heart began to pound. "I saw him rushing into this room, and – and I knew something was wrong. I tried to stop him, to see what was the matter, and he – he bit me. Obviously." She cleared her throat and glanced at Remus. "He ran into the room and the door shut behind him and I couldn't get in … until sunrise."
"Well, it's good that you couldn't get in before sunrise," Sirius remarked. "Remus can be quite snarky during his time of the month."
Remus wondered, with a mixture of sadness and hope, if Lily had sat outside the door all night. Probably not, since Sirius hadn't seen her on the map last night. But how had she known how to get inside this morning? Had she been here before herself?
The room had probably prevented her from entering until daybreak, due to the nature of his desperate need. I need a place where I can't hurt anyone! He must have been thinking of a forest, because he had never seen the Room of Requirement modify itself so drastically. It looked to be several kilometers wide and deep, full of trees, rocks, low hills, dead leaves. But no animals or birds. The place was peculiar in its total silence.
Sirius found a handle hidden within a particularly knobby tree trunk and opened the door. He checked the corridor to make sure they were alone, then the three filed out of the room and shut the door behind them. Lily pulled her cloak around her shoulders; because the clasp was broken now, she held it together at the neck and walked behind Sirius and Remus back to the Gryffindor portrait hole. Remus steadied himself with his hand on Sirius's shoulder. His steps were heavy and he squinted in the morning light.
"Coming in late again, Mister Lupin?" the Fat Lady inquired nosily as they approached the portrait. "Why Dumbledore hasn't had you expelled by now, I'll never know! Prefect, indeed!"
"Snitching mistress," Sirius commanded, using the new password, and the portrait swung wide.
"And you, too, Mister Black, out late more often than Mister Lupin. You should know it's dangerous to be out after dark, especially in times like these! But really, Miss Evans, I'm quite surprised at you. This isn't like you …"
The three entered the Common Room and closed the portrait before the Fat Lady could provide any more commentary.
"Where's James?" Remus asked.
"Asleep. He was up late combing the Forbidden Forest, when we thought that that was where you were. He had a run-in with some centaurs who gave him quite a turn. I searched Hogsmeade and the Shack. Peter stayed behind in case you turned up on the grounds," Sirius said quietly. "When we reconvened and realized you were here all along, I told James I'd come down to get you. We were on the verge of getting Dumbledore before we thought to use the map."
Sirius looked toward the staircase leading to the boys' dormitories and sidled away from Lily and Remus. Remus's heart sank at the knowledge that he had worried his friends so terribly.
Lily's voice brought him out of himself. "Will you be all right?" she asked, searching his eyes.
"Yeah." More or less. "I'm going to skip classes at least until lunchtime, maybe all day. Dumbledore knows; it happens every month. It's okay. This year he decided to tell the professors that I have an irritable bowel." Lily smiled grimly and Remus flushed. "Not very sexy, I know."
Lily glanced with unease at Sirius, who was watching them from his seat on the bottom step. "Can I check on you later?" she asked.
"Of course!" Remus answered quickly. "But I'll be okay, I promise. Just a little tired. And more than a little sore."
Suddenly looking into each other's eyes seemed a very intimate thing to do in front of Sirius, so they watched the stone floor instead.
"Well," Lily said slowly, "see you later, then."
"Bye," Remus mumbled awkwardly. He hadn't wanted their parting to be like this. "Erm, thanks for … for checking on me."
Her eyes fluttered to meet his for a split second. Then, clenching her jaw and blinking hard, she looked at the girls' stairwell. "You're welcome." She moved quickly and disappeared into the dark stairwell.
Across the dimly lit room, Remus shuffled to the boys' staircase, where Sirius stood up to help him manage the steps. Remus placed his arm around Sirius's shoulders and Sirius wrapped his arm around his friend's waist, a familiar position they had assumed dozens of times during their years at Hogwarts. They climbed the stairs in silence.
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A/N: Thanks for reading, and for all your thoughtful reviews. So, now Lily knows. How will the knowledge affect her? What, if anything, will happen between her and Remus? Reviews may prompt me to get the next chapters up very soon (hint, hint)!