During the night, a heavy rain began. By morning, it beat heavily against the windows and roof of the tower, echoing through the stairwell into the bedchambers, making the entire structure sound like the inside of a drum. As Remus lay in bed, he reflected dimly that maybe the noise could hammer all thought out of his head. That wouldn't be such a bad thing, he mused. When his friends began to stir, Remus murmured from under the covers that he wanted to sleep in, and he let James, Sirius, and Peter go on to breakfast without him.
Once all his classmates were gone, however, Remus leapt out of bed and quickly dressed. He knew that if he had asked Sirius or James to return Severus's wand, he wouldn't likely receive it. Casting a cursory glance about the room, he didn't think he would find it here. He looked in the trash bin and smirked at his own naiveté; why would they have left it there, for anyone to find? It could be in James's trunk; but he doubted that James would have left such evidence lying around – even though Severus was unlikely to accuse James and Sirius of theft anyhow, as there were five students who would testify that Severus had tampered with the Whomping Willow. At any rate, Remus wouldn't feel comfortable rummaging through James's belongings.
He was certain that Severus had already tried a Summoning Charm, but Remus raised his hand nonetheless and commanded, "Accio Severus Snape's wand!"
Nothing flew into his hand, but he heard a rattling from the corner of the room. It appeared to be coming from somewhere near the window. Remus approached the noise and crouched down on the floor. Cocking his ear to the stones, he heard a soft scratching.
"Wingardium leviosa?" he tried, pointing his wand at the stone from which the scratching seemed to be emanating.
At once the stone lifted itself, and a wand sprung from the foundation below into his waiting hand. Remus examined it carefully: the wand was indeed Severus's. It had a scorch mark on the handle, as if James and Sirius had tried to burn it. And there were splinters along one side, although the wand itself appeared to be as sturdy as ever. It seemed strange holding the wand of another student, but it was especially weird knowing that its owner was Severus Snape. He felt as if he were reading someone's private journal, or spying. It felt dangerous, handling this thing, so he quickly pocketed it and looked at it no more.
Remus gathered his books for the day's classes and hurried downstairs to the Great Hall. The magical sky inside the hall was a threatening, heavy gray, with swirling clouds and daggers of lightning slashing low over the breakfast tables, causing students to start and duck. Raking his eyes over the Gryffindor table, he saw that Lily wasn't there. He swiped a piece of toast, wrapped it in a napkin, and skirted over to the opposite side of the room. He quickly spotted Severus, eating alone and reading his Potions textbook at the Slytherin table.
Pocketing the toast in his bag, he leaned over Severus's shoulder and said quietly, "A word?"
Severus turned jerkily and glared at him. His nose was repaired, although it was still as hooked and hawk-like as ever. Remus immediately averted his eyes to the white tablecloth; he had no desire to see more of Snape's history flashing through this mind.
"Our little chat yesterday does not make us friends," Severus observed unnecessarily. The rancor in his voice nearly made Remus turn on his heel and walk away. But a Hogwarts student couldn't manage his classes without a wand, and Severus had already been without his for a whole day.
"I have something of yours," Remus reminded him.
Severus was still for a few seconds, then he briskly wiped his hands on his napkin, took another sip from a cup of very dark tea, and slid his chair back so quickly that Remus had to dodge being bumped by it.
Severus walked with purpose toward the doors of the Great Hall, and Remus followed. He glanced toward the Gryffindor table and saw Sirius and Peter watching him with something like alarm on their faces. Peter said something, and immediately James was watching him follow Severus out of the Great Hall, as well. Remus turned his gaze back to the skinny, hunched figure in front of him. He would explain later.
Severus led him into classroom eleven and whirled to face him. Remus produced the wand, presenting it flat on the palm of his hand, and Severus stared at it.
"It's been burned," he intoned.
"Yes," said Remus.
Severus started to reach for the wand, then hesitated. His fingers hovered motionless over Remus's. "How do I know they haven't tampered with it?"
Remus hadn't considered this possibility. "Erm, I don't know. I don't think they would have. It looks to me like they wanted to destroy it, nothing more. They don't know I've found it. In fact, they don't even know that I know about the incident at all."
Severus's silence was heavy with deliberation. Remus waited, staring at his own hand, the battered wand in it.
"How do I know you haven't tampered with it?" Severus demanded smoothly. Remus felt his eyes on him, penetrating him.
Remus's arm remained stiffly extended, the wand lying innocently on his palm. Severus's fingers lingered over Remus's hand, as if the wand were a piece of fruit he was about to pluck from a waiting branch, if only he could decide whether he was hungry. If anyone had been watching, they would have thought the two young men had been Petrified and stuffed into the empty classroom as a joke. Resolutely, Remus raised his gaze to Severus's.
"See for yourself," he said flatly.
Severus's brow twitched for a split second; it could have been confusion Remus saw in that movement, or mistrust, or triumph. Then Severus's eyes narrowed and Remus felt the memory of finding the wand this morning sailing past his own eyes, racing toward the dark ones in front of him.
Remus squirmed, felt his head turning away. "That's the last time," he muttered, breaking his gaze before anything else seeped past the floodgates. He had to see Dumbledore, and soon.
Severus smirked. "How trusting of you," he jeered, and he dropped his hand.
Remus felt himself flush. "Take your wand, Severus."
There was a pause.
"No, I don't think I will."
Remus stared at Severus. The smile he wore was ugly, defiant.
"I went to Ollivander's yesterday afternoon. I found another wand, one perhaps better suited to my … needs." Severus regarded Remus with curiosity. "You didn't think I'd trust you to return this to me, did you?"
"Just take it," Remus said again, feeling his heart pounding with anger. His hand was beginning to shake, and now he had to clasp the wand to keep from dropping it.
"I don't need it anymore." Severus folded his arms; he was clearly enjoying having the upper hand.
"Severus – "
"I have a wand, you idiot."
In a flash, Remus dropped his book bag and shoved Severus hard against the wall. He forced the wand into Severus's resisting hand.
"Now you have two," Remus growled. He snatched his bag and stalked out of the classroom, breathing heavily, barely seeing where he was going. As he made a sharp turn past the doorway, his shoulder collided with Peter's. Without a doubt, he had been eavesdropping for James and Sirius.
Remus advanced on Peter, who cowered against the doorjamb, his small eyes squinting as if he expected to be struck. "Spying on me, are you, Peter?" Remus spat through gritted teeth. "Did you get anything good?" He wheeled away and pounded toward the Transfiguration classroom, wanting nothing more than to be away from everyone he knew.
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Hard rain pelted the school all day. The weather was so disagreeable that the students either chose to remain inside or, if they had classes outdoors, complained bitterly as they hastened toward Care of Magical Creatures or Herbology. Drying spells were cast liberally, but unfortunately they did nothing to raise the spirits of those waiting for the driving rain to cease.
The rain suited Remus's foul mood perfectly. In each of his classes he sat near his friends, as usual; but he spoke not a word. He made his face as blank as he possibly could, not wishing to grace Peter with the gratification of a scowl. He could feel James's and Sirius's eyes boring into him, but he did not return their gaze. He'd had enough mind penetration for one day; and, frankly, he didn't care to read their thoughts, not now, not ever.
In the dark Potions classroom, Slughorn submitted a tricky assignment that involved some critical thinking on the part of the students. They were to figure out, on their own, what single ingredient to add to a completed Invigoration Draught that would cause the Potion to simulate a Strengthening Solution. The result would be weaker than the actual Strengthening Solution, but would serve in a pinch. The purpose of this, Slughorn had explained on the blackboard, was to brew a bit of physical strength in a hurry, as the Strengthening Solution took several days to mature. One by one the students poured in, read the written instructions on the blackboard, and immediately set to work on their Invigoration Draughts.
Severus, standing at the table he shared with Lily, had apparently arrived early; he was already lining up ingredients for the draught, his dark brow knitted. When Lily entered the classroom, however, she sauntered straight past Severus and set her bag down beside a table usually shared by three other Gryffindor students. The students raised their eyebrows but said nothing as she glanced at the board and began selecting and arranging her own ingredients in her small space, her face hardened impassively, like wax.
Remus stole a glance at Severus. His black eyes stared, almost in a daze, about four feet in front of him, at what had until today been Lily's half of the table. The only indication that he was in the least flummoxed by Lily's snub was a rapid blinking of his eyes; but he quickly brought his focus back to his own jars and vials, his jaw firmly set. He seemed very small and insignificant at the long table by himself, and Remus couldn't help but feel a thrill of satisfaction that Lily wasn't about to forgive Severus for his malicious meddling. She still wore her blouse buttoned high, with the Gryffindor tie firmly knotted. He knew, with a weight in stomach, that it would be a while before that bruise healed. But he also knew that he could kiss it until it did.
Near the end of the class, Remus gazed into his successful Invigoration Draught, which was a shade of golden yellow, thin and soupy. He thought the appropriate ingredient to add at this point might be pomegranate juice, which happened to be an ingredient used in Strengthening Solutions and well-known for its salubrious properties. As usual, however, Remus intended to ruin the potion to escape Slughorn's attentions, just in case pomegranate juice was indeed the necessary ingredient. He simply couldn't bear the thought of the professor gushing over him in front of everyone and inviting him to tomorrow's party. He reached into his pocket and took a small handful of cornstarch from the little bag hidden there. When he was certain no one was watching, he tossed the teaspoonful into his cauldron and stirred it.
Immediately, the entire potion thickened into a pudding-like consistency, and the color deepened into a carrot orange. It smelled rather pleasant, like the yam casseroles his grandmother made at Christmas. Remus stared at it in surprise.
He darted his eyes toward Severus, who had added pomegranate juice, probably for the same reasons Remus would have done so. Severus's mixture was the color of tobacco juice and smelled like sour milk. He looked daggers into the cauldron, as if by sheer force of will he could morph the potion into something more successful.
When all the students were finished, Professor Slughorn slithered over to Remus and, just as he feared, went into raptures.
"Well done, well done! How on earth did you think to use cornstarch to approximate the Strengthening Solution?" Slughorn asked, a toothy grin splitting his plethoric face.
"Er, it's a thickener?" Remus was grateful that the professor didn't seem to notice that there was no jar of cornstarch on Remus's table.
As predicted, Slughorn invited Remus to his Friday evening soiree; but Remus, borrowing Lily's graceful tactics, said he already had plans. After all, the four friends and Lily were to meet again to brainstorm about how to find the Greyback manor. Once more he felt the eyes of his friends eating holes through him, but still he ignored them.
After cleaning up, it was time for lunch. There was no avoiding a confrontation now. As they headed to the Great Hall, James and Sirius flanked Remus, while Peter skulked behind. The storm raged as hard as ever outside. Through the arched windows, lightning splintered the sky and seemed to follow the four's progress down the corridor.
"All right, what's all this about?" Sirius demanded.
"I might ask you and James the same," Remus replied, keeping his eyes straight ahead.
"Are you and Snivellus old mates now?" James asked, a threat lurking under his tone.
"Why don't you ask Peter?" Remus whirled and glared at Peter, who flinched, his eyes wide. As Remus stared at him he saw Peter, as a rat, watching Lucius Malfoy speak to the Death Eaters in the Hog's Head. He heard snatches of eloquent language about the glory one could enjoy under the protection of Lord Voldemort. Quickly Remus turned away and shut his eyes tightly. He opened them, blinked several times, and began walking, faster this time, with Sirius dogging his heels.
"Why did you give Snivellus back his wand?" Sirius growled.
"Why did you take the wand? Why did you try to destroy it? Why did you beat him up? Why did you go behind my back?" Remus spat each question venomously. "I thought we were in this together!" But he felt like a hypocrite as he said it, which made him even angrier at them.
Sirius grabbed Remus's shoulders and turned him to face him, and they all stopped walking. Remus kept his eyes on the wall over Sirius's shoulder. Sirius's voice was low and he spoke slowly. "You have no idea what Snivellus is capable of." Suddenly he shook Remus hard. "Look at me!"
Involuntarily, Remus shot a glance at Sirius. Once again he was flooded with images – Sirius watching his brother Regulus and Severus Snape in a hushed conversation at the Three Broomsticks, the two brothers in a screaming match in the Black home at Grimmauld Place …
Remus tore his gaze from Sirius and met James's hazel eyes watching him warily. Now he saw James touching Lily's wound, James with his hand on Lily's back and steering her away from Remus in the hallway after they told her everything …
"I – CAN'T – LOOK AT YOU!"
Remus wrenched free of Sirius's grasp and pelted down the corridor, his footsteps echoing sharply on the stone walls.
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Remus muttered the password at Dumbledore's office door and bounded up the spiral staircase two at a time. As usual, the professor, sitting quietly behind his desk with a piece of parchment in front of him, didn't seem at all surprised to see him. Remus approached the headmaster and tried to catch his breath. It seemed somehow incongruous that Dumbledore should be so calm while Remus's thoughts whirled like raving Banshees, so he tried to focus his mind.
"Ah! Remus!" Dumbledore said brightly. "I was composing a note to you this very moment. How fortunate that you seem to have read my mind and have arrived unbidden."
Remus, breathing raggedly and clutching his book bag against his chest, almost felt like snickering at Dumbledore's choice of words; but he knew if he started laughing he might become hysterical and never stop. "Sir," he said instead, stiffly, "I hope you will forgive me for not looking at you. It's all too much – "
"Yes, your note told me that you've stumbled upon a new set of talents," Dumbledore said gently. "Please, sit, Remus."
But he couldn't sit just now. Remus let his book bag fall to the floor beside the chair and he stormed from one side of the office to the other, back and forth. His erratic, racing thoughts seemed to be leaving his awkward body behind; he felt almost obliged to pace in order to keep up.
"I don't know what's happening here," he said wildly. "I feel crazy. I can't control this. I don't know what to do. I don't want it!" His throat was closing up and he felt dangerously close to tears. His distracted gaze landed upon the Sorting Hat, and he tried to imagine himself again as an eleven-year-old about to be sorted; he must have been much more afraid then. And this was nothing compared to the terror of his transformations, no matter how used to them he might become. What was he blubbering about now?
"It's all right. I can help you control when it happens, and I can help you be more selective about the memories you extract." Dumbledore paused, tilting his head as he regarded Remus thoughtfully. "I understand your feelings, and they are perfectly normal. As I recall, I felt the same way when I discovered that I was a Legilimens."
Remus stopped pacing and stared at Dumbledore in surprise. So that was how the professor seemed to know so much about Remus! But, remembering his own visions, he furtively looked away; he dared not view whatever secrets hid behind the headmaster's crystalline eyes.
Dumbledore chuckled. "I see you've learned the most basic principle in controlling your Legilimency. But there are other ways."
Remus clutched at hope. "Other ways?" The theoretical books he had perused last night had offered little in the way of practical instruction. He lowered himself into the upholstered chair facing the headmaster's desk.
"The methods are easy to learn, difficult to master … but I am confident that you will master them." Dumbledore stood and crossed around his desk. He moved a pile of papers and leaned against the edge facing Remus. "We may have to have more than a few lessons. You will need to learn Occlumency, as well."
"Thank you, sir." Remus felt relief creeping over him like warm water.
"Legilimency and Occlumency are rare abilities, and it is rarer still for me to see two students developing them at the same time. Strangely enough, you are not my only student of this particular branch of magic at the moment."
"I know," Remus confessed, frowning. "Severus Snape told me to come talk to you about this."
"How interesting!" smiled Dumbledore, gazing at Remus curiously. "Severus has the potential to become a brilliant Occlumens. And I am guessing that you, Remus, might become a first-rate Legilimens. We shall see how this develops. It's all very exciting!"
Remus felt anything but excited, but he managed a nod nevertheless.
Dumbledore went on. "Legilimency would be a valuable asset should you become an Auror."
Suddenly Remus remembered that he should have spoken with Professor McGonagall long ago about the requirements for becoming an Auror. He was silent, feeling a prickly flush on his cheeks at how easily he had pushed the thought from his mind. Truthfully, he doubted that the Ministry of Magic would ever accept a werewolf as an Auror. He was almost positive there had never been an Auror who was a werewolf in the past. If the Ministry performed criminal background checks, then undoubtedly they would scan all the Ministry records and learn about his lycanthropy. Legilimens or not, surely that wouldn't be considered an asset. He was as unlikely to be selected as an Auror as he was to be hired as a teacher. What on earth was he to do after Hogwarts?
Remus buried his fingers in his hair and slumped forward onto his elbows, staring at the floor between his feet. Dumbledore was still for a while, then he pulled up another chair and sat close to Remus.
Dumbledore spoke quietly and soothingly. "As you have already discovered, Legilimency – extracting memories and emotions from another person's mind – depends upon eye contact. Now that your Legilimency has revealed itself so forcefully, I have reason to believe that you are exceptionally skilled."
Remus bristled, still staring at the stones below. "I barely have to look at someone and I start to see things."
"Precisely. And while this may be useful under the appropriate circumstances, it is no doubt rather annoying while one is going about his daily business."
In spite of himself, Remus felt a smile deepen the corners of his mouth.
"One of the things you can do to inhibit your own Legilimency is just what we are doing now."
Remus looked at Dumbledore. He didn't seem to be doing anything.
Dumbledore's eyes crinkled. "Put yourself at ease. Memories tend to fly when the Legilimens is feeling emotional. You will have much more command of your abilities when you are able to focus your mind."
Remus's mouth twitched wryly. "Are there ways to control my – emotions?"
"Indeed there are. Shall we begin?"
Remus sat up, took a deep breath, and let it out. "Yes, sir."
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A/N: Sorry it's been a while since I've updated; my computer was down a few days this week! (Grumble, grumble …)
I hope this chapter answers some questions about Remus's Legilimency. There are some fans (myself included) who suspect that Remus might be a Legilimens/Occlumens, given the way he always seems able to read Harry's mind and the "closed expression" he wears when Snape confronts Harry about the map; but it is not confirmed canon.
This week's bribe: Anyone who leaves a review gets to pull Remus into classroom eleven for a private wand lesson. (You can decide between the two of you who will be the teacher.)