AN: Well here it is, sort of. Yes the answers are here…sort of. Hope you enjoy. And thanks to Bella-Mi-Amore for her help with this chapter. I definitely couldn't have done it without you.

Booth placed his hand up to his cheek and looked at Brennan slightly in shock.

"How dare you Booth!" Brennan moved away from him, trying to keep the flush off of her own cheeks. She hadn't expected to be so affected by that kiss.

"Bones…" He took a step toward her, fully aware that there would be a hand shaped bruise on his face come morning.

"Hey, just because you two are having marital problems doesn't mean you can just kiss her whenever you want." Gavin stepped up next to Temperance and stood as tall as he could. He'd had enough of Booth pushing them around.

"What are you talking about?" Brennan looked at Gavin with complete confusion.

"Your marriage. I'm assuming that you're here to get away from him for a while."

"We're not married, but you can bet your ass that if we were, I sure as hell would kiss her whenever I wanted." Booth put his hands on his hips and schooled his face to show no emotion.

"But you used to be married right? You have a child together." Gavin looked from one to the other, confused.

"Gavin," Brennan spoke with something akin to forced patience, "Booth and I are partners at work. We've never been involved beyond a professional capacity." She glanced over at Booth in time to see his neutral expression become one of extreme hurt. She felt her own chest tighten a little that she had caused it, but thought to herself that he deserved it. Gavin brought his arm up and slung it around her shoulders in a blatant effort to claim her in front of Booth.

"Great way to reduce our friendship there Bones." With that, Booth turned from the pair and walked away.

"Booth, hold on there," Max said as he followed the FBI agent. Booth stopped long enough for the ex-con to catch up to him. "Why don't we go get a coffee or something?"

"Sure, why not." Booth glanced once more in frustration at Brennan as he left with Max. "You know Dr. Brennan, I believe that at the wedding you said your feelings were a little more than just friends, but me with my limited knowledge base could have misconstrued it."

"What did he mean by that Temperance?" Gavin looked at her curiously. Brennan ignored him for the moment as she watched Booth walk away. Maybe she had been a bit unfair to him. But if she'd only been a bit unfair, why did she feel like she'd been kicked in the stomach?

"We…I…Look, our relationship is complicated. We're close, or were until he got married." Brennan rubbed a chill from her arms and began to walk off the platform. Russ and his family hung back from her to give her some space, but Gavin stayed with her, his arm still around her shoulders.

"Did you love him?"

"Gavin," Brennan sighed and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "Yes, I did."

"Do you still?"

XxXxX

"I think it's a good idea Booth, you can blow off a little steam, and you can shoot something."

"I'm not going to the shooting range. There has to be somewhere else I can go."

"On Christmas Eve? Most places close down earlier. Go on son, it'll make you feel better." Booth looked at Max for a moment before giving a nod briefly. He would feel better if he could shoot at something. The pair had taken a cab back into Clio where the family lived, and now Booth and Max were walking the streets of the town with their cups of steaming hot coffee. "What would you normally be doing on Christmas Eve Booth?"

"Usually nothing. Rebecca always let me have Parker for a while on Christmas Day, so usually I'd be home watching some movies or maybe have a beer. This year though, I was supposed to have Parker the whole holiday." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. This whole situation was so convoluted, and he couldn't help but feel that his life was never going to be the same again.

"What about your own family, do you ever see them?" Booth shook his head rather ruefully and took another sip of his coffee.

"You know, I used to feel sorry for Bones about what happened with her family. I could never fathom what it would be like to not have that support base, but now she's the better off one. You and Russ are back in her life, she's met her aunts and their family… I haven't spoken to my father in about ten years, and I never go back to Pittsburgh to see them."

"Why not?"

"Because it always ends in a fight about how worthless I am."

"I really doubt that any parent would say that to their child, at least not if they care about them."

"Well, you haven't met mine. My mom and dad are Catholic, so the fact that I had Parker out of wedlock is a bit of a sticking point. I took all of my college courses while I was in the Army while my brother went to Penn on a scholarship. He's a very successful financial analyst and I was and still do kill people for a living. Jared's Mr. Perfect, and I do my best to get by."

"Look son if you think your parents don't love you, you're mistaken. There's nothing about you to frown on. You're successful at your job, you're a great father, and you care deeply for the people you let in your life. To me, that's better than having a high paying job or a fancy car."

"You know, Bones is lucky to have you as a father."

"Thanks Booth, that means a lot. Now, are you going to fire off some rounds or not?" Max clapped Booth on the shoulder as the pair entered the shooting range. It would do the agent some good to rid himself of some of that frustration.

XxXxX

Gavin went to the back office of his range tired and frustrated. The evening with Brennan had gone to pot after Booth's hasty departure. It was obvious that Temperance still had feeling for the guy after all this time. He sat down next to his employee, Hank and looked at the monitors.

"Man, you should see the guy down there work. I don't think I've seen skill like his." Hank looked at the monitors in awe. Gavin watched for a short time as well and had to admit he was impressed. The man was on the rifle range, handling the weapon in his hands with ease.

"How many rounds has he been through?"

"I don't know, probably close to a thousand. He made quick work of the targets with his 9mm and I moved him to the rifle range 'bout fifteen minutes ago."

"Well, let's see what he can do outside, shall we?"

"You're gonna let him use 'Scarlett'?" Gavin nodded and went to a storage locker to get his pride and joy out.

"With skill like that, the man deserves the chance to use her." He took the rifle with him down to the range. He wanted to see if this guy could handle some real fire power. When he got down to the range, he paused. The man he'd been watching on the monitors was Booth. "That's some skill you've got there Booth."

"I know." Booth turned back to the targets and took aim. Gavin put his hand on Booth's shoulder getting him to turn around first.

"Thought you might try some shooting with this baby." He showed the rifle to Booth. It was an M-21, and Booth flinched a second when he saw it.

"No, that's okay." Again he turned back to his target.

"What are you afraid of? You think it's too much for you?"

"Not at all, I just don't feel the need to prove anything to you."

"Right, like I believe that. That's why you continually step in between Temperance and I." Booth looked at Gavin for a long time. The M-21 was the rifle of choice for snipers and while he didn't want to open that can of worms again, he wanted to wipe the smug expression off of Gavin's face. He set down the rifle he'd been using and took the M-21 from Gavin. He took a deep breath before turning back to the targets. His focus became sharper as he looked through the scope and took aim.

XxXxX

Brennan sat on the front porch of the house with a blanket wrapped around her. It had been hours since she'd last seen Booth and her father and she was beginning to get worried. It was time to sit down and talk with Booth. He'd been trying for months, yet she'd been too hurt to listen. She hadn't thought about how tough her silence might have been on him. The fact that he'd been in a relationship with someone else for almost two years was tough, but she'd never said anything. Maybe this was as much her fault as his for never saying anything. She yawned and closed her eyes. They'd probably be back soon.

Half an hour later, Booth and Max turned on the street. Neither spoke as a gloom seemed to have settled over Booth since the shooting range. They reached the house and saw Brennan curled up on the front porch swing. Max gave a quick pat to Booths' shoulder as the agent went in the house. Max stopped in front of Brennan and shook her gently. Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked around confused.

"Honey get on in to bed. You'll catch your death out here."

"Where's Booth?" She looked around for him and frowned when she didn't see him.

"He already went in. Come on baby, let's go inside." He pulled her up and led her into the house and out of the cold.

It was after midnight that Temperance woke up again. She wasn't sure what woke her, but she couldn't get back to sleep. With a sigh, she decided to go to the living room and pull out her laptop. As she reached the room however she was surprised to see Booth sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked up for a moment when she came in, then returned to staring at the floor.

"You couldn't sleep?" She looked at him, waiting for a response. He only gave a brief shake of his head, not looking at her. Quietly, she padded into the kitchen and got him a glass of warm milk. When she brought it back, he looked at the glass and gave a weak smile.

"Thanks Bones, but sleep is the last thing I want right now." Brennan sat the glass down and decided maybe something else was in order. After a moment, she returned with a glass of scotch for Booth.

"Do you want to talk about whatever's bothering you?" Booth looked over at her for a moment, and then took a sip of the scotch. Neither said a word as they sat there. Brennan wanted desperately to talk to Booth, but didn't want to push him. Whatever was bothering him would come out eventually. She took a drink of the warm milk and looked over at Booth. He seemed so tired and worn out which was so unlike him. With a sigh, Brennan stood up. "I'll see you in the morning Booth. If you're not going to talk, then I'm going back to bed." She turned to leave and was surprised to feel his hand on her arm.

"I knew, knew. I shouldn't have gone to the range. I knew something was going to happen to me. It always does. I never get a break. Why can't I get a break? It all just piles up higher and higher until it topples over." Booth slid his hand down to hold hers and played with her fingers for a moment. He couldn't help but notice her grandmother's ring on her middle finger. It contrasted so much with the one on his ring finger. He sighed and let go of Brennan's hand. She sat down and Booth leaned down over her almost nose to nose. "Last time was at a table this time in a fucking dream. A dream. A GOD DAMN DREAM." Booth began to pace the room as Brennan watched him is silence. He turned around and pointed a finger at her moving in close enough to her that she could smell the scotch faintly on his breath.

"You know this is all your fault. I had everything under control until you came into my life, you and your "Squints". You have to be right about everything. Always have the answers. Why am I intimidated by you? Why? I am a damn FBI agent, a former sniper for god's sake. I don't intimidate." Booth stood up, his feet apart and one hand on his hip. He pointed at his chest before continuing on. "I. do. not. intimidate."

Brennan opened her mouth to speak, but Booth continued on before she could say anything. "But you... ohhh," he sputtered as he ran a hand through his hair, pulling on it fiercely. "You do this thing to me. God It killed me to go undercover. I knew it would ruin everything. But Cullen and his 'this is such an important case that would give us tremendous news coverage when it breaks' speech. I knew. I knew I should have passed it up. But I couldn't, with my damn list." Booth set down his drink and pulled a sheet of folded paper from a pocket and waved it around wildly. Brennan watched him, slightly unnerved by this wild and uncontrolled Booth. "This list is what sealed the deal."

"What list?" Brennan was confused as he threw the piece of paper at her and picked up his drink before pacing the room again.

"Do you know that I look at this list every day? Each. and . e v e r y DAY! and now I have a wife who isn't my wife and a 'baby' that isn't even mine. It is her fiance's. A perfectly wonderful guy who works in a lab." Booth stopped pacing and flexed his hands wanting desperately to punch a wall.

"She got to tell her lab person.. Why couldn't I tell mine?" Booth turned to look at her, his eyes intense. "You want to know why I couldn't tell my person? Because she wasn't mine. She. Was. Not. MINE. She was the unatainable. The one thing I knew I could never have but would always want. Then," Booth began to pace again, his hands still in fists, "then, of course, the day I get fake married she tells me that she loves me after she watched me exchange vows with another woman. She just watched and did nothing. When the priest asked if anyone has reason for this marriage to not take place to speak now or forever hold their peace... did she hold her peace? Yeah, she did until we got to the reception. Then she went and announced it to the whole reception area, while I was stuck sitting next to a woman who was not my real wife looking like a fish out of water." He grabbed the glass of scotch, knocking back the rest of the liquid and setting down the glass.

"Do you know what it is like to kiss a woman that you have no feelings for?" Booth moved to the small occasional table and grabbed the bottle of scotch there, pouring himself another glass. "Do you know the anguish I have gone through? The heartache that I couldn't tell you? My best friend. The one person I know will not judge me." Booth laughed ruefully and began pacing again.

"Of course not, you don't let feeling get in the way. You push them aside and dive into your work, except on those brief moments where you let me in just a little." Booth held his thumb and forefinger apart just slightly before dropping his hand again. Do you know how many times I have prayed for you to let me in just a little more than the last time? I have stock in the freaking candle company that my parish uses. Hell I should just go out and buy the damn company I have used so many of their candles. All for you. To help you find your way, to help you deal with your feeling with your parents. To keep you safe. Fuck, the saints all but know me on a first name basis I talk with them so much." He ran a hand through his hair and turned around to face her, his finger pointing in her face.

"Oh I know you don't believe in faith. God is just a myth. Well let me tell you, he has been there for me no matter what. He never leaves me. When I need him all I have to do is say hi and he is there. He doesn't run away from me and leave me alone to spiral into nothingness." Booth took another swig from the scotch and swirled the liquid as he stared up at the ceiling. Brennan had thought she'd been scared of Booth before, but now she was really freaked out. If she could get up and leave, she would have, but something was compelling her to stay seated.

"You know what is funny. I never knew her feelings. Over and over I wished that her actions meant something else but she never gave any indication to further it. What am I supposed to think? Now I get this assignment that is so classified I can't even tell my son the truth." Booth whirled around and looked at Brennan, a strange glint in his eye. Brennan gulped, not knowing how close he was to truly losing it. "Do you have any idea how hard this is going to be on my little boy? My son really likes Annie. Hell he probably loves her. Now I have to explain to him when all of this is over that it was all a set up. It wasn't real. God, Rebecca is going to flip. She will probably limit my time yet again."

"Booth…" Brennan tried to speak, but he set down the glass of scotch and moved in over her, looming as his hands were on either side of her on the arm rests.

"So don't you dare think you have the right to have this attitude because I got married. You could have stopped it. Said something at any time. You…you" his voice faded almost to a whisper as he dropped his head down onto a bicep. "Why do I let you do this to me? Now you have yet again got yourself someone new. And I again am left with my dreams and nightmares." He looked up and at the paper that Brennan held in her hand.

"I am never going to catch up. I don't know why I even try. It's not like anyone cares. No one ever knows. It is just me and the fifty." Booth sighed, his breathing hitched as he made eye contact with Brennan.

"Parker asked me when I started dating Annie why I wasn't dating you. He adores you so much. It broke my heart to have to do the assignment. We had Annie go undercover as his teacher for that year so she could win him over. Him and Rebecca. It had to seem real for it to work. The danger is so bad Bones." He closed his eyes and shook his head, anguish dripping from his voice. "I don't know if I can do it this time. How can I keep you safe and do everything else too? Your dad... he is a target Bones. And he doesn't want to leave you again. How am I going to keep you all safe? I don't think I can do this Bones." Booth dropped down to his knees in front of her, his head dropping down almost into her lap. "My list is going to get longer and I can't do anything to stop it."

Booth swiveled until his back was to the coffee table in front of Brennan. He looked up at the ceiling and let out a rueful laugh. "Feelings suck. I should have just turned them off when I had the chance. I should have just gone on auto pilot like I used to. Everything would have been so much easier. Why did I let you get under my skin?"

"Booth, I…" She didn't know what to say as he looked up at her. She placed her hand on his arm and he looked at it a minute before talking again.

"When I first met you I was so amazed by you. You have this gift that I could only dream of having. The way you look at the bones and they talk to you is just amazing. Me, what do I have? My gift is to kill people. I kill people. I, Seeley Booth am a hired killer. Goverment trained."

"That's not true, and you know it."

"You know Bones... my list is at fifty people. I know that it's longer, but those fifty are the names I know, of the people I have murdered. What other way is there to call it. I can see their faces. Each of their names have a face, a family. Loved ones. People that loved them for who they are or rather were. Those families mourn the deaths that I caused. I killed them because someone told me that they were bad and needed to die. When I go to sleep at night each and every one of them visit me. They haunt me. I can't seem to get closure. Then I met you and you had this energy. You wanted to get out there and find the bad guys. I thought I had finally found the one person that..." Booth took a deep breath and gave a chuckle as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "I never win. I play a good game though huh? I walk the walk and talk the talk. I am exactly who they want me to be. I am a killer. The only difference between me and the bad guys is that I have a conscience." Silence filled the room between them for what seemed minutes before his voice lacking any hope broke the deafening quiet. "...I think."

Brennan looked down at Booth before slowly sliding down onto the floor next to him. Neither said a word for a long time and just stared at the wall watching the snow fall outside. Finally Brennan looked over at Booth.

"So you lied to your priest?" Booth turned to look at her shock on his face as for a moment he opened and closed his mouth, then shook his head.

"Of everything I just said, that's what you choose to comment on?" His tone was so defeated as he stood and left her sitting alone. "I pur my heart out to you and you ridicule me about something you don't even believe in." Booth grabbed his glass and the half filled bottle of scotch before turnign to look at her once more.

"Me and my faith are going to leave you to your superior views. Next time I'll remember that the only person to have faith in me is me."

Brennan watched him leave and sighed deeply. "I have faith in you." She almost whispered it, but it was loud enough to make Booth pause before he continued to his room and slammed the door. Booth leaned against it and gasped, trying to breathe despite the choking emotion holding it back. He took another couple of deep breaths, fighting hard not to let his emotions loose when a light knock sounded on his door. He opened the door and saw her standing there. Instictively she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. Booth dropped his head onto her shoulder and shook with all of the pent up emotion inside of him.