Here's the next chapter. Thanks again to everyone for the positive reviews! That's what keeps me writing!
Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass would be all mine and we'd never leave the bedroom. Enough said.
The Music in Me: Chapter 3
Blair remembered waking up after having sex with the man of her dreams.
The room had been dark, even though it was mid-morning. It was so dark that she could almost compare it to a coffin. A creepy silence had permeated the entire room, just like the natural smells that to her described the scent of regret. If she hadn't felt his back leaning up against her arm, she would have sworn there was no one in the room except her. He had also stolen all of the blankets, and she had felt very cold--and very empty.
She had dreamt of that night for years. But when she had ran her hands up and down his tanned back and dove her mouth right into his kiss, she had felt nothing. Her stomach had not twisted into knots and she had not felt her blood rush. She remembered looking into his deep blue eyes, searching for something that she felt like she had lost without ever gaining.
Now she woke up the exact opposite. The music room was filled with a sparkling light. Blair heard a few birds chirping outside…and noisy horns blowing from the street cars. The air hung with the smell of his traditional cologne and scotch combination, and her perfume. She was smiling widely, warm and wrapped in the arms of the man who she never dreamed she would have fallen for in a million years.
The previous night had been mind-blowing. Just when she thought Chuck couldn't get any better at what he did, he proved her wrong. He had been so demanding, so driven with desire that she had immediately succumbed to him without any other thought. Blair could still feel his hands on her, pressing her close to him as he leaned against the grand piano. She remembered running her fingers through his thick, dark brown hair and placing her legs on his strong thighs. His lips moving up her neck, along her shoulders, and everything in between. His deep, whispery voice echoed in her mind:
I've missed you on me," he had said with a naughty grin. "You're so hot."
She adored the way he made her feel throughout the whole thing. Whenever she was in his arms she felt like a true woman. In the world of the Upper East Side, Serena got all of the attention. Chuck only wanted her. He actually wanted her, Blair Waldorf, the overlooked sidekick of Serena Van Der Woodsen. It made her feel so exhilarated.
Blair loved the way he touched her. Whether he was grabbing her waist and bringing her lowers into his, or running a hand gently across her cheek, Chuck always managed to make her blood stir. She hadn't felt that with Nate at all, not even when he was naked and touching her.
Then there was the way Chuck looked at her. His dark chocolate, almost black eyes were always filled with emotion. He had looked right into her eyes last night with such want that it made Blair forget everything else but him. They seemed to burn right into her. She knew that he wanted her, and he didn't even have to say the words. He tortured her when he had stood there for a few moments, just staring at her with that look. It had felt like hours before he finally couldn't hold off and took her in his powerful arms. Blair had wanted him so badly and she was never a patient person.
Blair adjusted the shirt that laid over her, then turned her head upward and looked at her lover. The piercing eyes that had taunted her were closed, and his entire facial structure looked relaxed. Blair stared in puzzlement, trying to remember a time when she had seen him like this before. Chuck looked so calm and happy that it was abnormal--for him, at least.
The sun threw in much light on his body and Blair's eyes examined him. His coat was placed so that it covered his privates but left his waist bare. Her eyes moved upward towards his chest and images from the night before flashed in her mind. A huge grin began to form on her face, and she looked upward to focus on something else.
It didn't help, because Chuck's face looked so sweet when he was sleeping that it was a turn on. His usually smirking mouth was formed into a cute, innocent looking smile. His hair was attractively messy, riled up from the sex. Blair just couldn't get over how content he looked. The casted sunlight and his softened features made him look like an angel. Blair nearly laughed. He was the untamed, authoritative, unbelievably sexy devil at night, the pale but fair-skinned angel at morning.
His arm was still around her, so she gently placed her palm on his outstretched hand. She intertwined her fingers with his, and she discovered that their hands fit perfectly.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Chuck stirring slightly. She saw his eyes opening, and a smile spread across his face when he saw her. She smiled back, loving how sweet he looked. It was the side of him she had never seen before--or just never noticed.
"Morning," Chuck said, his voice weary.
"Good morning," Blair replied brightly. Chuck continued to smile and looked at her lovingly. She blushed as the butterflies returned to her stomach.
"Stop denying it," her mind told her. "You're falling in love with him."
Chuck slowly moved his arm out from behind Blair's head, for it had fallen asleep. He moved it down and found her hand and held it. Blair kept looking at him in silence, and he looked back. They remained like that for a few moments before Chuck spoke.
"There are…no words to describe how great that was." Chuck never normally admitted how great the sex had been for him, but he couldn't help himself this time. Blair grinned from ear-to-ear at hearing that.
"I agree." She suddenly whispered. "I think your facial expression when you came is going to be burned in my memory for a year." Chuck stifled a laugh and whispered back:
"I think the feeling of when I came is going to be burned in my memory for a year." Blair turned red as his voice sent chills up her spine. She suddenly felt the urge to do it all again. "I've taught you well, Waldorf." Blair laughed.
"Yeah that's right Bass, take all the credit."
"Nathaniel couldn't have done it better." They both laughed maniacally, and then there followed an awkward silence. "Blair?"
"Hmm?"
"You are breaking up with Nathaniel now. Right?"
Chuck's eyes were back to their normal, "answer the way I want you to" stare. Blair wanted to speak, but no words came out. She sighed.
"I don't know, Chuck. There's so much I have to lose if I do."
She couldn't bear to look at him. She figured he looked more hurt than he had ever looked before, and it would crush her to see him like that. Neither of them did anything for the next few seconds.
"I knew it," Chuck suddenly sneered. He sat up and reached for his shirt on the other side of him. "What was I fucking thinking?!"
"Chuck, we both know that this…us…we can never be. You said so yourself," Blair said, trying to stay calm. "It's my reputation…what others will say…" Chuck was angrily putting his clothes on when he suddenly stopped and looked at her. His eyes became black and furious.
"Last night you said you didn't care!" Blair sat up, angry again. Chuck turned away once more and reached for his shoes.
"I never said that!"
"Yes, you did. You did when you kissed me back. I thought things were going to be different this time!"
"You don't know how hard it is for me to keep up these appearances!" Blair exclaimed.
"Yes Blair, I do. I have to wake up every day, pretending that what we did never happened, and that it meant nothing to me. I can't take it anymore!" Blair was shocked. Since when did a girl mean anything to Chuck other than sex?
"Chuck, I--!" Blair stopped. He had turned once again and held her gaze. She saw the emotions in his eyes again: rage, hurt, desolation. Chuck leaned forward and put his index finger on her lips. She could look nowhere else but right at him, and her heart was breaking in two.
"Mark my words," Chuck said. His voice rippled from the feelings he was concealing from her. "I will not be played a fool one more time. No more secrecy, no more lies, no more sexual frustration." He dropped his finger, but she couldn't look away.
"Chuck…"
"It's either me, or him." Chuck stood up completely, gazing down at her. "I'm through with this shit."
He walked away, his feet hitting the floor hard. He slammed the door behind him, leaving an echo louder than all of the horns outside. Blair sat there, staring at the door in disbelief. Never before had she seen Chuck so angry…so angry at her.
Tears began to flood her eyes, and she began to gasp. Her chest felt heavy and sore, like someone had placed a weight in her. When she couldn't hold it in any longer, she buried her face in her hands and wept.
Forget starting to fall in love with Chuck. She already had.
Spotted: C going home from school…at seven thirty in the morning?! Unless St. Jude's has a new "very early detention" policy, we can only begin to imagine what C was doing in there. His appearance did look quite disheveled. Was he being punished in some other way? Are chalkboards C's new turn-on? Who knows, with that naughty boy. I'll find out, though. C should know more than anyone that you can't keep a secret forever. U know u love me.
XOXO
Gossip Girl
"Oh my God, you're kidding me!"
Serena sighed and stomped her foot in frustration. She flung some hair out of her face and coughed as the surrounding car exhaust filled her lungs. Her mom, Lily, got out of the limo and sighed.
"Well Serena, I must say that I've never seen you so anxious to get to school before."
"It's just because of Blair," Eric quipped. Serena turned to her little brother, who gave her a warm smile.
"Wow Eric, don't you have your own friends to worry about?" Serena joked.
Serena's brother Eric had a doctor's appointment early Monday morning. It was just a routine checkup on his condition, but the doctor's weekend had been booked. Serena had insisted on going with Eric for moral support. Lily's mind had been so filled with wedding plans that she decided to accompany her children. Unfortunately, on the way back to Constance and St. Jude's, the limo's engine had gone wacko. The Van Der Woodsen family stood on the side of a New York expressway, wondering what to do to pass the time before help arrived.
"So what does Blair need you for?" Lily asked her daughter.
"It's more of my own wondering," Serena said. She sat on the curb and Eric plopped down next to her, pulling his earphones out of his pocket. "I called Blair this weekend and she didn't answer her phone. She finally picked up Sunday night and said that she would tell me what happened today after school."
"I hope it's nothing too serious," Lily said. Serena thought of Blair's eating disorder and her stomach dropped.
"I hope that too."
Serena eventually got to school, only to find that Blair wasn't there.
"Her mother called in and said that she was very sick," one of the teachers informed Serena.
"Sick? Oh no."Serena tried texting Blair in class; no response came back.
Soon it was lunchtime, and Serena was meeting up with Dan in the courtyard. At least, that was the original plan. Serena stood by a vine-covered wall, tapping her foot and waiting for her prince in the army green coat to show up.
Soon she saw him running towards her, his black-haired head bobbing as he ran. He came to a sudden stop in front of her and took a few deep breaths.
"Hey!" Dan said cheerfully through his panting.
"Where were you? I was getting worried," Serena stated. Dan smiled.
"That's sweet of you."
"Well, I love you. I tend to worry when you decide to show up twenty minutes late." Dan laughed and put a stubborn lock of her hair behind her ear.
"I'm sorry, I was talking with one of my teachers, and now I just got an emergency call from my dad. I have to rush home."
"What, right now?" Serena asked, surprised. It wasn't like Dan to abruptly leave school--it wasn't like Dan to leave school, period.
"Yeah, my dad may have gotten the band our first gig, and we need to go talk with a possible agent." Serena gasped with joy.
"Dan, that's wonderful!" She threw her arms around him and he hugged back. They stood like that for a few seconds.
"Um, as much as I do enjoy the occasional ten minute stronghold, I better go," Dan said. Serena pulled away and looked at him with a grin.
"Go on and negotiate," she said. Dan bent down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.
"You're the best!" he exclaimed. He waved at her as he backed up, knocking into one of the boys walking behind him. The boy's books dropped all over and Dan nearly tripped. Serena let out a laugh, not being able to hold it in. The exit was just so Dan-esque.
Dan turned around to help the boy who he knocked into.
"I'm sorry! I didn't see you there," he stated.
"No problem, Dan." Dan looked up, right into the blue eyes of Nate.
"Hey Nate!" Dan picked up one of Nate's books and held it in his hand. He cocked an eyebrow. "You're reading a Mozart biography?" Nate took the book from Dan's hands.
"I found him kind of interesting after we learned a little bit about him in chorus class." Dan nodded as he handed Nate the rest of his books. Serena observed them with widened eyes.
"Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you later," Dan said as he stood up.
"See yah," Nate replied. Dan jogged away after one last wave to Serena, who waved back. Nate watched him go, and as soon as Dan was out of sight, Serena walked over to her old flame.
"He's amazing, isn't he?" Serena asked. Nate looked startled by her sudden appearance, but he laughed jocularly.
"Well, I can't say," he said. They laughed to hide the awkward tension building up.
"I haven't talked to you in forever, Nate."
"I don't see why we should have, after…everything." Serena nodded.
"I know. But that was a long time ago. Can we ever just be friends again? Like we were before that whole thing happened?" Nate smiled, trying to hide his attraction and his sadness. He wanted to talk to Serena again, but he couldn't deny that he still liked her for more than a friend. Approaching him and asking for his friendship was the sign that she had truly moved on.
"Sure," Nate said with a nod.
"Great!" Serena said, thinking everything would be cool once again. She sat down at one of the tables and Nate took a seat next to her. Serena spoke with such a certainty. She did not gaze at him with a sparkle in her eye or speak bubbly, the way she used to act around Nate. "So, what's up?"
"Nothing much."
"Dan told me that you're really getting into the band." Nate smiled.
"Yeah, it's been fun. Dan's a nice guy, and Carter has surprisingly been acting normal. Everything has been going well."
"I never thought it would work, putting all of you in one room together." Nate laughed again.
"Me neither. I thought it would be hell." Serena's facial expression turned serious.
"Did Blair text you by any chance? She isn't in school today, and she didn't answer her phone all weekend."
"Yeah, she came down with a bad sickness on Sunday," Nate explained. "I think it's the flu. No wait, maybe it was strep." Serena wondered for a second if Nate even cared. Nate suddenly looked at Serena with questioning eyes."Did you ever tell Dan about you and Carter?" Serena nearly screamed in shock. How did Nate know?
"How do you know about Carter and me?" she asked in an angry tone. Nate was taken aback, but he understood.
"Don't worry. Carter told me when it happened. We were still close friends back then, you know. No one else ever found out."
Serena couldn't believe it. Nate had known all along?! Why didn't he ever tell her?!
"Are you absolutely positive that no one else knows?" Serena asked.
"Yes. Come on, if anyone else knew, it would have been all over Gossip Girl in the blink of an eye," Nate said. Serena nodded, knowing he was right. "So did you?"
"Did I do what?" Serena asked.
"Did you ever tell Dan about you and Carter?" Serena looked down at her manicured fingernails.
"No," she answered curtly. Nate's eyes widened slightly.
"I think you should tell him. It's better that he knows."
"Nate, I'm sorry, but I think you should go." Serena turned her head slightly away from him. Nate stared at her for a few minutes, trying to guess what he had done wrong. Then he slowly stood up and walked away.
Serena was furious. Nate's reminder of her and Carter's fling had made her feel like utter trash. Why hadn't Nate told her that he knew about Carter?! Did he think that he could just suddenly bring up her scandalous old life and her present love life--now, after not speaking to her personally for months?!
Yet deep in her heart, she knew Nate cared about her. That was why he never told anyone else. Serena also knew that she did have to tell Dan. She remembered when she had tried to hide her Nate fling from Dan, and nearly lost him in the process.
Serena couldn't risk that again. She loved Dan too much to lose him.
"Good news, everyone!" Dan exclaimed as he walked into the music room Thursday afternoon. His fellow band members were there, playing cards. Naturally, it had been Carter's idea to pass the time. Chuck perked up at Dan's words.
"You're buying dinner? Fantastic." Chuck looked at his two companions. "I'll eat anything that does not include anchovies or anything wimpy. That means no plain cheese, Nathaniel."
"Royal flush," Carter suddenly said, tossing his cards down on the desk with a smirk. Nate threw his cards down, his face red as a tomato.
"You just got lucky, Carter," Nate commented. He was a pretty sore loser. Chuck rolled his eyes, annoyed that no one was paying attention to him.
"It's a sad day when a Bass is ignored." He purposely raised his voice to a loud tone and looked at Dan. His next sentence dripped with over exaggeration and sarcasm. "Hey Humphrey! What's going on, old pal?!" Dan looked at them all with a serious and annoyed face.
"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Just that we got our first gig and an interested agent took down my number, but that's not important. Can we get back to mocking me? That was some jolly good fun."
The boys all stared at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. It was the quietest Dan had ever seen them. Dan smirked a little as they stared at him like fish waiting to be fed.
"We got our first gig?! Where?!" Nate asked excitedly.
"An underground club in Brooklyn. My dad played there a lot before he went out on the road," Dan replied.
"Whoa whoa, hold on," Chuck said as he lit a cigarette. "No way am I going to Brooklyn."
"Why not?!" Dan asked. Chuck smirked as if Dan was stupid.
"The class system plays a bigger role than you think, Humphrey. I've never been anywhere past the Upper East Side, and it's going to stay that way."
"Chuck, come on," Nate said. Chuck rolled his eyes again, this time directed at Nate.
"You can't seriously want to go there," Chuck said.
"There's no other choice, Bass," Carter cut in harshly. "Either you're with us or against us. I've worked too damn hard for this to result in nothing."
Chuck's eyebrows lowered. He always got his way--no questions about it. But, what did he care about what other people thought of him anymore?
"Fine, fine. Whatever." Chuck sat on a desk and hung his legs off the sides. He took a puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke through his nose. "I'll have to show the middle class who truly runs the show." Dan ignored him and continued.
"I met with a man on Monday named Harold Price. He's a music agent, and he liked the songs we recorded that one day in practice. He said that he would come to our first show and see if we are worthy of a contract or not."
"Sounds great!" Nate said eagerly.
"Looks like this will be the defining moment, you guys," Carter said with a small grin. Chuck ran his fingers along the creases in his pant leg, not replying.
"We're set to appear at the club next Sunday night at eight," Dan said.
"Next Sunday?! That's like a week from now!" Nate exclaimed.
"No Nathaniel, it's twelve and a half years," Chuck said with a cocky grin. Dan clapped his hands together.
"Alright guys, now to work. Let's review 'The Ballad of a New York Sex Addict.'"
After their long practice, Dan told the guys to keep practicing, and dashed out of the room first. Nate coughed.
"Wow, I think I'm going to get laryngitis if we keep up these hard practices," he said. It was a good thing that Chuck had his back towards Nate, otherwise Nate would've seen Chuck's glowering, jealous stare.
"Make sure you don't," Carter said.
"Wouldn't that be terrible?" Chuck thought sarcastically. He suddenly sighed and rubbed his throbbing temples. He hated thinking this way; he really didn't want to despise his best friend. But he just couldn't help it.
"Chuck man, are you okay?" Nate asked, looking concerned. "You haven't seemed yourself this whole week. Are you getting sick or something?"
"Just sick of you. And sick of her wanting you. And sick of my whole, screwed up life."
"No, I'm fine," Chuck said with an encouraging smile. "I've just been having a few bad nights, that's all."
"Have the girls been that bad?" Carter asked with a perverted smile. Chuck didn't reply.
"You should go home and sleep," Nate advised as he picked up his own stuff. He turned to Chuck. "Do you want a ride?" Chuck smiled at the corners of his mouth.
"I think I can call my chauffer, Nathaniel. But thank you."
"No prob. I'll see you tomorrow, guys." Nate turned and walked out, seeming very happy and proud. Chuck looked down again as he heard the door slam, thinking about how badly he needed a drink.
"You hate yourself for loving her, don't you?"
Chuck looked upwards in shock as his stomach churned. Carter's smooth, confident voice hadn't said those words. He couldn't have.
"I never would have believed it if I saw it. Chuck Bass in love!" Carter laughed in his throat. "And with his best friend's girl. Nice."
Chuck winced, and he could feel his hands clench into fists. How Carter could have known about him and Blair was beyond him. All he knew was that it pissed him off. Chuck turned around very slowly. He scowled as his eyes fell on Carter, standing tall with his arms folded casually and his mouth formed into the smarmiest of smiles.
"How the hell did you find out?" Chuck asked, trying to keep his composure as much as possible. Carter paused, purposely keeping Chuck on edge.
"Chuck, have you forgotten who taught you everything you know? I can find out anything I want. I have the money and the connections."
"Why…" Chuck couldn't even form the sentence. He was too disgusted and shocked for words. Carter smirked, enjoying Chuck's displeasure greatly.
"I noticed you looking at Blair so resentfully whenever she came in here. It caused me to wonder why. After all, you two were on such good terms when I left." Carter stopped to beam, taking great pride in himself. Chuck would've punched him, had he not wanted to hear the rest of the story. "I took a little gander at the old Gossip Girl posts. I saw everything. Nate and Blair at the Cotillion, you pulling a Serena and running away to Monaco, everything. I suspected that something was going on between the two of you, but I didn't have any proof. Then, I read the post about you coming out of St. Jude's."
Chuck drew in a breath as Carter continued to smirk.
"I had met with Nate for drinks that Friday night. He wanted to chat and let bygones be bygones, I suppose. Even though, according to your warped imagination, I tried to steal his girlfriend at the Cotillion."
Chuck nearly slapped himself. How could Nate do that?!
"He received a text from Blair, telling him that she was at something for her mom, and that she was going to St. Jude's to look for her checkbook. After reading the message, Nate explained to me how Blair had lost it and everything. Then he got your message. The one that told him you were planning to leave the club early and that you were wondering what he was doing. Well, he was getting a little too drunk to reply back." Carter flashed an evil grin. "Sorry about that."
Chuck was frozen. He wanted to punch Carter, or call Nate and yell at him, or do something. It was like Carter had him held in a dazed spell. Chuck wished all of this was just the work of some spell or nightmare that he could wake up out of.
"The description of your condition and the knowledge that Blair was going to St. Jude's made everything too clear. I knew you two were having sex, but dear God, I didn't expect you to be in love with the woman." Carter laughed coldly, like a villain out of some old movie. "Nate may not see the changes in you, but I do. You look tortured constantly, because she will never be yours. You hate her for not wanting you and you hate yourself for being so attached to her."
Chuck stood in silence, in awe. He had to give Carter Baizen credit. No one else had ever suspected the bad boy and the pristine princess to hook up. Not even Gossip Girl was aware of that one. Carter had seen through their facades. He had figured it out.
"You wronged me so much in the past, Bass. I befriended you and Nate, and I showed you two the time of your lives." Carter began to step forward. Chuck didn't dare breathe. "And you repay me how? By rescuing Nate and making a fool out of me?! Making Nate resent me completely, and off-handedly telling him to give me a black eye?!" Carter got right in Chuck's face. Chuck clearly saw the rage flaming in Carter's eyes, and could have sworn they were the angry eyes of Satan himself.
"You think you're so damned clever, coming up with your little schemes and shit all the time. Well let me clue you in: you're nothing."
Carter swiftly brought his hand up and brought it down violently on Chuck's face. Chuck felt his head throb even more and his face stung from the sudden inflicted pain. However, Chuck didn't put a hand to his cheek or anything. He just looked back up at Carter with determined eyes. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
Carter suddenly grabbed Chuck's shoulders tightly and pulled him so close that Chuck saw every angry wrinkle on Carter's face.
"I won, Bass. This time, I won."
Chuck looked down, acting nonchalant. Then he coolly looked back up at Carter.
"Get out of my fucking face."
Chuck forcefully brought his leg up in between Carter's legs. Carter yelped loudly and loosened his grip on Chuck's shoulders. Chuck used all of his arm strength to push Carter off of him completely. Carter fell backwards and tripped over a chair leg. He fell to the ground with a hard thud, while Chuck watched.
"What did you win, Carter?" Chuck began to slowly pace back and forth, looking down at the crumbled Baizen ball on the floor. "Sure, you figured it out, and I give you immense credit. No one has ever pieced it together yet other than you." Carter tried to stand but he couldn't feel his legs. Chuck smirked. "But you say you won. What was the prize?" Carter managed to bring his head up and smile evilly.
"Why do I do all of my investigations? Why have I tried to screw over my friends? Why did I travel the world and come back with more sins than you can count? It's all for money, Bass. Money is everything. And your father has the largest supply in New York."
"What are you getting at?" Chuck asked, though he knew fully well.
"I'm playing your little game, of course. I'm blackmailing you, Chuck. If you don't give me all of the money I ask for, I'll tell Nate that you love Blair and have had sex with her. Nate will not take to that news very well, so once he knows, everyone will know."
Chuck couldn't believe it. The tables had turned, and not in his favor. He hadn't trusted Carter from the start. He should have warned Humphrey how dangerous Carter truly was. Chuck cursed his sense of pride.
"You really aren't in financial trouble, are you?" Chuck asked. Carter laughed.
"Are you kidding me?! Of course not! That was a bunch of bull. I knew--and read--how much of a kind, trusting guy that Dan Humphrey was. With my skills he would let me in the band without a second thought. I knew I could convert Nate back to my side too. It was you I knew I would never be able to fool." Carter stood up, still laughing in his throat. "Yet you didn't tell Humphrey." Chuck scowled.
"Go ahead and tell Nate," Chuck said. "Go ahead and tell the world. I don't give a damn about what people think anymore. I'd rather have Nate hate me forever than live with these secrets every day of my life." Chuck turned on his heels, ready to make his dramatic exit, when he heard Carter's accursed, cocky laughter again.
"I know you don't care, but what about Blair Waldorf?"
Chuck froze as an image of Blair entered his mind. If the secret got out, it would destroy her future completely. He knew how badly she wanted that future. All she had ever dreamed of was Nate, Yale, a few kids and a small house. Chuck wasn't ever in those dreams, as much as he hated accepting that fact.
His heart sank in his chest. He knew that if he had sense, he wouldn't care about her. He would just walk out, thinking that she deserved it after the way she treated him.
Chuck sighed heavily and walked back over to the rising Carter Baizen.
"I guess I don't have sense."
"Alright Carter, you'll get your money. Just leave Blair alone." Carter grinned with pride.
"I knew you would crack eventually. Everyone has a weakness, Bass. Even you."
"Just tell me how much you want," Chuck said, annoyed.
"I want four million dollars to start." Chuck's eyes went wide. His father would definitely notice that amount gone from his son's bank account. "But don't worry, you can pay me a little every week. If I don't get the money by the end of every Friday, I'll head right for Nate's doorstep. And that does count tomorrow."
Chuck snarled under his breath. He couldn't believe what he was about to ask Carter.
"Promise me something," Chuck said. Carter raised an eyebrow as Chuck gave him a death stare. "You are not going to walk out on the band." It wasn't a question. Chuck knew how much effort Nate and Dan had put into it. Chuck couldn't believe that he was actually standing up for Dan Humphrey.
"I'm not leaving the band. Wherever there's money to be made, I'll stay." Carter got in Chuck's face again. "You wouldn't tell Nate about this, of course. But if you breathe a word of this exchange to Dan or anyone else for that matter, I'll know. You know what will happen then." Chuck nodded slowly, accepting the deal. Carter smiled and slowly brought his hand up. He grabbed the end of Chuck's scarf and rubbed the fabric.
"This is amazing," he said. "I'm the one person who outsmarted Chuck Bass."
Carter's cocky moment was destroyed when Chuck kicked Carter's shin. Carter let out a little whine and dropped the scarf. Chuck grinned. Carter was such a weakling.
"Yet he's winning." Chuck's face went blank, then it suddenly formed into a look of vengeance.
"Not if I have anything to say about it. This isn't over, Baizen."
Chuck slowly turned around and adjusted the scarf around his neck as he went for the door.
"And he walked to Victrola with a smile on his face, a wad of cash in his pants…" Carter sang eerily. Chuck reached the door and paused. He looked back at his adversary once more with immense hatred. Carter had the devil's smile spread across his face again.
"Came home with five, woke up with nine, and he poured himself another glass!"
Chuck opened the door and left the music room, Carter's laughter echoing behind him. Chuck walked out of St. Jude's slowly, weighed down by all of his shattered dreams.
That same Thursday after school, Serena paid a visit to a certain Waldorf residence. She came up to the penthouse in the elevator. Blair's maid Dorota saw Serena come in as she carried an arrangement of flowers.
"Oh, Miss Van Der Woodsen!" the maid exclaimed. Serena smiled back.
"Hi Dorota. Is Blair here?"
"She is, but she has been very sick. She is not accepting visitors right now."
"Please, I have to see her. I have her homework," Serena said as an excuse. Dorota shrugged, figuring that if anyone was going to cheer Blair up, it would be her best friend.
"Okay, come in. She's in her room upstairs. But make it quick." Serena went up the stairs and knocked on Blair's door.
"Who is it?" came a weak voice from inside.
"Blair, it's S. Can I come in?" There was a small pause.
"Sure." Serena opened the door and saw her best friend sitting on her plush bed, watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's" on a small TV. "So what did you come down with?" Serena asked.
"Strep throat," Blair said hoarsely. Serena smiled.
"You're no Audrey Hepburn, B. I even think Dorota knows you're faking sick." Blair frowned. "What's really going on?" Serena asked. She came and took a seat down on the bed, and Blair sighed heavily, her stomach in knots. She really didn't want to discuss it, but it didn't look like Serena was going to leave without answers.
"I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone. Not even cabbage patch."
"Of course not," Serena promised. She looked concerned. Blair looked down, not wanting to see her reaction.
"Chuck and I had sex again."
With the way Serena was looking, Blair could've said "I'm going to kill myself." It was the same reaction.
"Oh my God!" Serena exclaimed. She stood up and gawked for a few moments in disgust and disbelief. "Oh my God!" She looked at Blair. "Oh my God!"
"Can you please say something else? You're starting to sound like a broken record," Blair said.
"Oh my God!" Serena exclaimed again, obviously not listening. She paced to the mirror, and then paced back, not knowing what else to do. "Are you insane?! Chuck was completely out of your life, the way you wanted him to be! Why the heck would you go back and sleep with him again?!"
"S, I--"
"I thought you loved Nate." Blair looked up at Serena, who looked baffled and disturbed.
"You don't understand, Serena. No one does. Which is precisely why…" Blair couldn't finish her sentence. Serena sat down again and tried to get over her shock. Blair looked awfully sad.
"'Which is precisely why' what?" Serena asked. Blair looked down again, and when she rose her head there was guilt in her eyes.
"I snuck into St. Jude's on Friday, after Eleanor's party. Remember when I told you that I lost my checkbook?"
"Yeah," Serena said.
"I thought I might have dropped it in there on Thursday, so I went in there to look. And Chuck was there."
"What was he doing?" Serena asked.
"He was singing." Serena was shocked once again.
"Since when does Chuck break into school just to sing?"
"I have no clue," Blair said with a shake of her head. "But I heard him all the way down the hall. I knew it was him. I could have turned back, but his voice made me walk on. I never heard him sing alone before without the band. It was a side to him I never saw, and I was curious. I walked in and accidentally knocked over a chair and he saw me. Then we started arguing about Nate." Blair stopped talking and looked down. It was all too hard to look back on.
"Then you two had sex," Serena said for her. Blair nodded, and Serena saw her friend trying to suppress a sudden grin. Serena's mouth formed into an o shape. "And you enjoyed it, you sick monster." Blair laughed.
"Shut up!" She continued to giggle. "I can't help it if he's amazing in bed!"
"Please, I think I'm going to throw up," Serena said, holding up a hand. She didn't care if he was going to be her stepbrother; she despised Chuck and the thought of her best friend with him made her nauseous. Blair kept laughing, and when she stopped her face looked very melancholy.
"The worst was when we woke up. He asked me if I was breaking up with Nate."
"What did you say?"
"I told him that I didn't know. He got so mad and he left." Blair could feel her stomach heave as if she was going to cry, and she tried to hold it in. "I've never seen him so furious before…so furious at me." Blair put her head in her hand and sniffled. She looked back up again with tear filled eyes. "I sat there, and I felt so bad. And I never feel bad for anyone but myself, usually."
"Why would you feel bad?"
"Because he likes me, Serena." Serena let out a loud laugh.
"You're so funny. Chuck doesn't like girls, he uses them." Blair looked at her friend with a face as serious as death. Serena's bright expression faded. "You're not joking."
"No. He said that he wanted more. He said he was tired of being the rebound guy, and that it was either Nate or him." There was a long pause as the information sunk in both of their minds.
"What do you think?" Serena asked quietly. Blair wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She looked ashamed.
"I think I'm in love with Chuck."
Serena didn't remember fainting, but when she woke up on Blair's living room couch she knew that's what had to have happened. Blair walked into the room with a cold, wet washcloth.
"Oh good, now I don't have to wake you with the risk of you getting hypothermia," Blair commented. Serena sat up, her eyes shell-shocked. And then the words flew.
"How can you be in love with Chuck?! Do you know what a creep he is?! Have you been blind to what's he's done these past years?! The fact that he's a man-whore is bad enough, but he's not even nice! Are you crazy, Blair?! Has something snapped?!" Serena inhaled, her cheeks red from the screaming. "There, I feel much better now." Blair just looked at her with saddened eyes.
"I'm not nice either, Serena."
"What?"
"You said Chuck isn't even nice. As true as that is, I'm not one to talk."
"Blair, you cannot be comparing yourself to him."
"We're more alike than you think. Manipulative, self-centered…we put on masks every day for other people. And you know what else isn't nice, S? When Nate didn't show up for my birthday party. When Nate doesn't answer my calls and couldn't care less if I worry about him. When Nate slept with my best friend and didn't tell me until the night when I was about to sleep with him." Blair controlled the rage building up in her voice, and Serena looked guilty at the mention of her fling.
"I just think you can do so much better," Serena said. "Maybe not Nate, but I'm sure there's some other guy out there for you." Blair smiled a little.
"It's nice you think that way." The smile faded. "I think that way too, sometimes. But then I remember how Chuck has always been there, and the way he smiles at me, and the way he makes me feel so special just because I'm me." She smiled again, contrasting Serena's large, disapproving frown. "That's why I love him." There was another long pause, before Serena sighed.
"If that's the way you truly feel, why aren't you with him?"
"You know what everyone will say, S. I have to live a perfect, faultless life. Those exact words are the opposite of what Chuck is."
"You're right." Serena said. She pondered for a moment. "But is Nate really any better?" Blair looked down as she took in her friend's words.
"I still care about Nate, even though I don't love him and never can. He has always been a friend. Not a very reliable one, but a friend all the same. I don't want to hurt either of them," Blair said.
"I think either way, one of them is going to have his heart broke," Serena said. "You need to decide who takes the top priority. I wish I could help you with that Blair, but I can't. It's a hard thing that you have to decide for yourself." Blair continued looking at the ground, thinking of both of the men that claimed to love her. Serena flattened out her jacket and sighed. "I better go home. Mom was talking about doing some more wedding planning tonight. Do you think you'll be in school tomorrow?"
"It depends." Blair smiled once again. "Thanks S. It feels better now that I told someone."
"Hey, what are friends for?" Serena asked. She smiled back before turning around and walking to the elevator. As soon as she was alone again, Blair went to the couch and laid down. She kept seeing Chuck's face in her mind, the way he had looked when they woke up that one morning. She remembered how happy he looked, and how happy she felt.
Blair kept thinking about him until her eyes closed. She was startled awake a few moments later, thinking that she had felt his arms around her. But it all was just a dream.
Serena arrived at the Palace and her mom was busy looking at some dress catalogues.
"I can't decide if I want a colored ribbon in my dress or not," Lily said as she heard her daughter come in.
"No, go with traditional white," Serena advised. Lily turned and saw that Serena was about to take her coat off.
"Wait Serena, can you do me a favor and go somewhere?" Serena didn't feel like it, but she had felt like she had to repay her mother in small favors. After Lily had left Rufus all so that she and Dan could be together, Serena felt like she owed her mother big time.
"Sure mom. What is it?"
"Will you run up to the Bass suite? I need to find out if the men are wearing black, grey, or navy blue suits. Bart wasn't sure when I last asked him, but maybe now he'll know. If he's even home, that is."
It took all of Serena's power not to faint again. Chuck was the last person she wanted to see.
"Sure." Serena turned around so that Lily wouldn't see her wince. "I'll be back in a jiffy." She left the room and went to the elevator. She was almost tempted to wait a few minutes, go back to her mom, and lie about the suit color.
"Yeah, just do that. Oh no, too late," Serena's mind thought. She had mechanically arrived at the Bass suite door, too deep in thought to notice that she was walking there. Serena raised a shaking hand and knocked on the door loudly. The knock echoed down the empty hallway. No answer came, so Serena knocked again.
This time the door opened slowly, due to the force Serena had used with her fist. Someone had left the room unlocked. Serena raised an eyebrow, finding that strange. It wasn't like Chuck or Bart to leave the door unlocked.
"Chuck?" Serena asked as she stared at the little crack in the doorway. The lights were on inside. Serena waited a few seconds before slowly pushing the door fully open with one hand. She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She looked around and sighed when she spotted him.
Chuck was sitting on a tall chair at the bar counter that he had in his room. He was still dressed in his St. Jude's uniform, except for the navy blue coat and the scarf that were next to him on the opposite chair. He had his head down on the counter and his arms were placed around each side of his head. Chuck's right hand was placed around a scotch glass, like he had fallen asleep holding it.
Serena walked forward and shook her head. He was the same old Chuck, probably drunk off his ass. She just didn't understand what Blair saw in him.
As she approached closer, she noticed something. The scotch bottle rested on the counter as well, and it was practically full. Not even one fourth of the bottle was gone. Serena looked at the glass in Chuck's hand, and it still had liquid at the bottom. Was it possible that he wasn't drunk?
Serena placed a hand gently on his shoulder and rubbed it gently so that she wouldn't startle him awake. She looked down at his face and smiled a little. He looked so different when he slept. Serena felt disgusted with herself for thinking that Chuck actually looked cute.
His eyes opened slightly and he looked over at her with tired eyes. His mouth formed a little smile when he saw her.
"Hey sis," Chuck said. He sat up slowly. "I didn't hear you come in." Serena rolled her eyes.
"You know, we're not related yet," she reminded him. Chuck smirked a little, and Serena decided to interrupt before he could comment. "So I see you're not drunk, for once."
"I wish I was drunk. Today sucked ass."
"Tell me about it," Serena said. Chuck's eyes darted to his drink glass.
"If only you knew," he thought. Then he smirked again.
"Plus if I was drunk, you may actually look hot." Serena rolled her eyes again. There was the old Chuck. She decided to ignore him as best she could.
"I came here because my mom wanted to know what color suits you guys are wearing to the wedding," Serena said. Chuck reached for the scotch bottle.
"I have no idea," he said. He poured some of the brown liquid into his glass. "Bart's gone for the night, otherwise I'd ask him."
"When isn't Bart gone for the night?" Serena asked out loud. Chuck smiled as he twirled the glass in his fingers.
"That's one of those questions that no one will ever figure out the answer to."
"I'll tell you another one. Why is Blair in love with you?"
Chuck nearly dropped the glass. He placed it down and turned around to face Serena, his eyes wide.
"What?" he asked sharply. Serena crossed her arms.
"Blair told me today that you guys had sex…again, and she also informed me that she's in love with you. Can you explain that, Chuck?"
Chuck looked at her in shock.
"She said that?" he asked.
"No, I'm making it up, because I'm just sick like that," Serena said sarcastically. Chuck wanted to smile, but he didn't. He couldn't stop the butterflies in his stomach though, as much as he wanted to. His eyes looked up at Serena.
"She told you about us before?" he asked. Serena nodded. Chuck was silent then, and he moved a hand behind his head.
"She told me that you said you wanted more," Serena said. Chuck was going to laugh in her face and lie, but he stopped. He realized that he wasn't going to keep the act up anymore.
"Yeah, I might have said that," Chuck said, looking up at the ceiling. "Along with a few other things." Serena's eyes widened, unbelieving that Chuck was admitting it. Chuck stood up off of the chair and leaned against the counter. He looked at Serena with slit eyes. "Don't try to convince me to go running to her, Van Der Woodsen. If she really loved me, she'd be with me. I've said all that I need to say to her. It's her decision now."
If Serena were in her right mind, she would have told him not to worry about convincing him. However, she wasn't in her right mind. She was confused.
"Why do you like her, Chuck? Her out of all of the girls you've ever been with?" Serena found herself asking out of curiosity. Chuck shrugged.
"I don't know why. I just wish I didn't. Then I wouldn't have to go through this." Serena smiled.
"Why Chuck, that actually sounded like human emotion. If your aim was to thoroughly surprise me, you completely succeeded," Serena said. Chuck looked at her, his eyes serious.
"No, you don't understand," Chuck said, thinking about the blackmail again. Serena looked at him, puzzled. Chuck sighed, deciding to lie. "It's just too weird, is all. I've never felt this way before." Serena's confused look faded and she smiled again. She didn't know Chuck was capable of actual feelings.
"Don't worry Chuck. I'm sure everything will be okay in the end."
Chuck couldn't figure his soon-to-be-step-sister out. Was she that naïve? Or did she really know in her heart that Blair would choose Nate and she was just trying to be positive? Chuck picked choice number two.
"Thanks Van Der Woodsen. You're not that bad, when you want to be."
"Right back at you," Serena said. She gave him a pat on the arm before she started walking away, proud of herself for talking so deep with two people in one day.
Chuck watcher her start to leave, and he suddenly looked down. So what if Serena knew? There could be no harm in that.
"Serena?" Chuck called. She was halfway to the door, then she stopped and turned around to look at him.
"Yes Chuck?"
"Um, do you remember who her best friend is?" Chuck remembered suddenly. He looked away from her and crossed his arms.
"Never mind."
Serena turned again and walked out the door. Chuck sighed and stared at the door, his mind still in deep thought. Then he realized that he was sick of thinking about everything.
Chuck went to a drawer and found his red pinstriped pajamas. He went to the bathroom to change and took a long look in the mirror. He saw failure staring back at him.
He was tired of being a failure. His father had always described him as that ever since he was three. Everyone who heard about the life he led classified him under that title. Blair wasn't with him specifically because she thought he was a societal failure who she would be ashamed to be seen with in public.
Chuck never thought it was true. Until now.
"This never would've happened to dad," was all he could think as he threw his pajama shirt over his head. "He never got blackmailed in his life. Especially over a reason like this."
Chuck pulled down the shades in the room and found his bed through the darkness. He collapsed on it and covered himself with the blankets. They were so warm and comfortable that he wished he could just fall asleep and never wake up. Chuck had heard about some people who had died in their sleep. Some were really young, and everyone always felt bad for those young ones, of course.
What Chuck wouldn't give to be one of them was unlimited.