Fire Emblem Redux: Dragon's Blood

Chapter 5: Beyond The Borders

(Also known as: Support chapter: Steely eyed stallion?)

A/n: Well, before we get started… Sorry, the last chapter was crap. Really, it was only about 2000 words… what am I supposed to do with 2k words? Really, it was more or less only a thousand… couldn't do much, other than set up THIS chapter. I suppose you could think of Support chapters as my way of filling the time between them. Oh well.

For those who are wondering…. NO! ARIANA DOES NOT 'DO' HER DRAGON!!!! Gah….

I leaned up after the good meal. I sighed heavily, but Erk spoke up quite… well, he spoke with authority that didn't belong.

"So, how does a strategist come that close to death…? Unless he is complete and utter shit at commanding his army?"

Less than a quarter of a second passed, and Erk was suddenly on his feet, held up by a rather mean looking dragon. He had two spears at each side, and a fireball glowing above his head. in front of him were two swords, and I just sat calmly by, putting on some gloves Dorcas had picked up for me. "Garnet… Put the mage down….. DOWN!"

Garnet reluctantly obeyed, but Ariana's fireball still was shining above Erk's head. Dorcas just kept cooking. "Weapons away people… Garnet, please show the mage just how much of a dragon you are. I would like to come with you. Ariana, if you would bring your spear, I'm certain you would be all the escort we need… and Sain… Easy on the chili beans…"

Sain had sat back down (and was working on his fourths.) but he looked at me, and slurped up the rest of the strip of meat. "Aye aye, sir!"

I stood, and walked with Erk in front of me, Ariana had her spear in a horrible grip. But Sain could teach her more later. Garnet however, led the way to the crater. "Here we are…" I said slowly as we stood over the crater of blackened earth. "Please, look down in there."

He did so, and promptly hurled his meal into the pit with distaste. "Rather stinky, isn't it? That's the stench of vaporized Pegavern. Also in there are the remains of humans, that were turned into 'fire works' by our friendly neighborhood fire breathing wyvern." Garnet puffed his chest out.

The mage stood up. "…. Bullshit. This was the work of a great collection of Elfire spells. A million of them lit up the night sky. Besides, all dragons were sealed during the scouring."

"That's what you think." I looked at Garnet. 'Please spit on his but and light him up.' The dragon smirked quite convincingly. Erk saw it. "What the hell was that?" He looked at me strangely, perfectly exposing his rump.

Erk suddenly felt something slightly wet hit his behind. He raised eyebrow, then yelped as something EXPLODED on his ass. "YAI! What the hell?!"

Ariana burst out laughing. "Garnet nailed you dude!" she laughed like she was going to burst. "Oh, He SOOOO nailed you!"

I smirked. "Your pants are on fire…" Indeed, they were. The mage was off screaming, yelling "HOT HOT HOT!!!!!"

I held my hand up as the others were ready to go to the camp again. "Into the fort please."

Kent raised his eyebrow as he witnessed a flaming mage run screaming by the camp. Serra looked around. "What the hell was that?"

Dorcas finished his bite first. "I believe that was your 'erky-poo' running in fear."

She jumped up and dashed after him as only a hyper cleric could. VERY QUICKLY. "HEY WAIT! You're not done with your mission!" The small dust clouds curled around themselves and fell to the ground slowly.

Florina sighed. "Great, another woman who falls in love at first sight."

Dorcas nodded. "Sometimes, the fates themselves call these things."

Sain smiled. Then he frowned. "Oh lord…. I just ate beans, didn't I?"

Lyn smirked. "Yeah… you ate six bowls of a bean heavy stew…"

Sain paled as he stood up, and then took off running. "Excuse me…"

Hiiro looked at the troop as Kent suddenly felt it hit him. "Six… bowls of chili beans?" Lyn suddenly realized it too. Florina was already looking for Lyn's perfume. The men were scrambling, even Dorcas, who was just caught up in the moment.

Natalie pulled the covers up slowly, when suddenly, she felt her house shake a bit, and heard the most awful sound. Something akin to the explosion Garnet had made mixed in with a rather wet popping noise, and then the sound of screeching wagon breaks. A rusty door swung on its hinges next, and then a tribal drum band started playing for a minute. After that, all was silent, until… some sound she couldn't exactly identify, suffice to say it sounded like a gigantic fart. She sighed. "Excuse me…" She then made the mistake of sniffing. She promptly passed out.

Sain finished bearing down, and sighed. Not a single sound had come out. Not even a stench. He walked back to camp, and shrugged. "I've no idea what just happened, but I had too, then I didn't. It's almost like someone else passed the gas for me…"

I dropped my hand and sucked the blood off the tip of my finger with a huff. "Lord I hope I didn't just make the King of Bern fart like that…"

Garnet flapped his wings a bit. 'What exactly happened?'

"Displacement blessing. It moves one event somewhere else. For example, I just moved Sain's fart somewhere else, to some other random person." I shuddered. "I just didn't want to smell it."

"Ah…" Ariana said. She gulped nervously as she stood beside Garnet. "Alright… I'm going to develop a 'Soul bind' between the two of you. It's obvious you trust each other completely. That makes this easier. You won't notice much difference, other than knowing when something happens to another of you. This will speed your growth exponentially, Garnet, but it will slow Ariana's. Eventually, you two will balance out, being the same relative ages. I warn you though…. This can be very nasty."

'What do you mean, 'Very nasty', Kai?' Garnet had a worried look in his eye.

"Whenever you get hit by an axe, spear, sword, spell, or anything, the other gets mana burned. For example. If I hit Ariana with a fire spell in the face, you would go blind for about three minutes as your soul recovered from the mana burn. Healing magics don't apply to this though, although you will both be healed if one is healed. You won't have to deal with healing Mana burn."

They nodded. I continued. "This is a VERY basic procedure, something a wyvern rider can do by himself with his wyvern. Very easy, very natural for those with flying mounts. However, since Ariana wears no armor, you might feel a bit naked…."

I phased quickly, ignoring the rest of their questions. 'Don't move.' I ordered them, and looked around. They already had the basis of one formed, from sheer force of will and friendship. A hazy line formed between the two. I grabbed on to both sides of this line and examined it. I spotted extra tendrils trying to find a mate from the other set. Ariana's were blindly calling out to the tendrils of soul emanating from Garnet, and his were shyly trying to find hers. I began to pair them up. This would take a while….

Ariana suddenly found herself remembering things… things that SHE didn't do. She remembered seeing Lyn's fingers, up and down, in and out; hearing the sounds, smelling the scents, seeing the wetness… she blushed furiously. She didn't want to know this!!!!

Garnet was looking at a river, at ARIANA'S face. She had tears running down her face. "He's not human, girl! You can't fall in love with a dragon!!! He can't give you children to love and protect!!!" The image was talking. He felt his head shake. He heard his, well, Ariana's voice. "But he saved my life, he keeps me warm at night, he's so kind to me, he's a true gentleman, he'll carry me across anything I ask him too… And he's not just a baby dragon any more."

I sighed, and came back to my body. "Well, that's that… you're now officially a Wyvern and human pairing." I looked between them.

Garnet's eyes were no longer his eyes. They were different somehow. His eyes were normally red irised, with black slit pupils, and golden whites. His whites were white, and his iris was blue, but he retained the slit. Ariana's brilliant green iris stayed the same, but her Pupil was slit, and a gold rim surrounded her iris. My head kind of went back a bit. "Whoa… that's new."

Ariana looked over at Garnet. And then she spoke in Clear, Precise, utterly perfect draconic. He looked at her, and smiled as though he were simply a man. I was officially freaked out. He responded in a series of growls and Coos, neglecting his telepathy.

Ariana looked over at Kai. "Thank you so MUCH! Sure, this perverted dragon has some things I didn't want to know locked up in his mind… like the fact that the average human male mates for two minutes, and the average female for five to six… Okay, EW! Stop thinking about stuff like that Garnet!!!!"

Garnet nodded. 'I too, thank you. She's quite a firecracker, behind the shy exterior.'

I simply sighed. "By Elimine, What have I done? Bah! We should just get some sleep… and No Touchy! Either of you. Between lord pervert the dragon and your impressionable age, I wouldn't be surprised to find baby quarter dragon, quarter wyvern, and half humans running around tomorrow. So no touchy!"

They nodded, and followed me out of the fort, back to the darkening campsite. Everyone had a nice sleep, but I noticed Erk and Serra were back, though Erk looked distressed.

He glared at me with eyes that would bore into a general's skull effortlessly. "Er… Erk? What is the matter?"

"You were just working Bernian magics in there. Wyvern based magics."

I nodded. "What of it?"

"You are a strategist; those magics are for Wyvern riders alone."

"I've been around."

"You shouldn't know those magics!!!"

I smirked. "I used to be a Bernian Wyvern Rider. I also used to be a mage. I fought with axes, swords, spears… I've done all things possible in this world. And to this day… I have never EVER found a profession that made me happier than being a Strategist."

"But you wear an apprentices seal!"

I winced. "So you've found me out."

"Who was your master?"

"Nergal, the Black Strategist."

Erk's eyebrow rose. "Those who reach Strategist potential are VERY well known. You're a Tactician, just as your master was."

I glared at him with venom in my eyes. "I am a Strategist."

"You are a tactician! I have seen no indication that you are a strategist. Where is your Flare, your smoke, your Savior Grand, your Blessing holy, and most importantly, can you even call a Holy Light?"

"Those… save for Flare… are extremely dangerous."

"So you do not know them?"

I looked him in the eyes. "Elimine, Grant the grand of the soul to the soul of the meek, give the life everlasting unto the meekest servant I see, may it be grand, Savior, for you are the great one who will Sheppard us into the gates of…" I left the last word out. I had no reason to finish it, I hadn't offered a proper sacrifice, and I was totally unprepared to finish the spell.

Erk shuddered. "And Holy light?" he was frustrated that I might know more than him. "Fine, I'll tell it."

"Blessed be the light which doth shine over the world to purify the mistakes of the scouring, the spirits of those fallen and the minds of those living, corrupted by the scouring. Come forth ye spirits of old and grace this land, the dragon of Light doth call my name in rage, for Lo I call his minions to cleanse my…" once again, the last word left out.

"DAMNIT! No, you're wrong!" He frantically flipped through his personal grimore. "AH HA! HERE IT IS! The last word is…" I leapt at him to cover his mouth. Too late.

"Soul."

The ground underneath both I and Erk cracked. I grabbed him by the collar, and yelled "SCATTER!!!!" The scatter was quick, but not quick enough it seemed. The burning claw reached up, and grabbed a hold of Ariana's leg.

"GARNET!!!" she yelled it quite quickly, calling out to her dragon. He was back into the rising maelstrom as the cracking ground belched flame and fury. Flaming claws continued to reach out, grasping at Erk and me as I dragged him along. I turned and threw him forward, just outside of the cracked circle of earth. The ground started to buckle as I turned back to help the dragon and his mistress.

Garnet was roaring in fury as he bit at the flaming hand. Ariana was holding onto his body for dear life as she felt her start leg become a blackened lump of flesh. But for some reason, neither of them could smell burning flesh. It was almost like it was merely accelerating something that was bound to happen. I jumped in, and grabbed at the burning hand, and cutting at it with my Katar. (I always had it with me, under one of my many robes.) I finally cut through the limb, but, I was also now falling into the pit of fire and stone. Before I closed my eyes to accept my fate and apologize to the people who were counting on me, I noticed that her leg was no longer black, a single slice of it flying into the air within the massive updraft. Red colored scales had taken their place.

Roland frantically shook Elimine. "DAMNIT! ELIMINE, WAKE UP!" her fluttering eyelids were glowing brightly as someone somewhere finished a Grand prayer. This usually cost the invoker his life. But if it was botched up… It would turn on the casters.

I fell deeper, but I heard a rushing wind. Ariana sat on the back of Garnet, matching my speed, and then beating me as they flew to rescue me. "GET OUT!" I yelled in a blind panic.

"NO!" Garnet… Wait, that wasn't telepathy! My eyebrow shot up like it was attached to some fireworks. Ariana's hand was on my shoulder, and I was on the dragon's back as I heard the screaming sound of the maelstrom begin to close. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT NOW!!!"

Garnet's wings flapped harshly as he caught the massive updraft that was this crater. He wove between the claws of flame as massive pillars of magma rose towards the sky at nearly triple our speed. My hands were gripped on Ariana's waist as though I were an infant. The maelstrom intensified still.

Garnet screamed in fury as he felt the final pillar of magma reach for us, singing the underside of his wings as the hot air caught us. 10 foot between us and the surface, well outside of the range of the blessing's might. The pillar of flame was only twenty five feet or so behind us. All three of us screamed.

Elimine jerked up. "OH MY ME!"

Roland sighed. "What did they cast?!"

"The curse of Tiamat… they made me unleash it… on themselves!"

"Only three people know that blessing! Athos, Nergal, and… KAI!"

She screamed in fury as she looked down at the world, something that Roland could not do. Her eyes were drawn to something that seemed to happen in slow motion.

We had three seconds until we were dead. Two seconds…

Erk scuttled backwards as he watched what HE had just unleashed. Lyn and Florina were staring in awe, though the whole group could feel the pressure I felt. Kent and Sain held Hiiro back from the inferno, and Dorcas… well, Dorcas held out a weenie near it, and watched it Insta-crisp… then explode. Wil did the same to a marshmallow. Serra was checking on Erk.

One second. Ariana and I could have jumped clear of the pillar by now. But…

Garnet swooped out of the way, even as the pillar burst right behind him, catching his tail tip on fire. I and Ariana dove off and panted from all the adrenaline. Garnet howled in a blind panic as he feverishly blew his tail out. He then began to suck on it.

The fire pillars receded as quickly as they had came, finding no enemies to slay within it's fury. I panted slowly.

The whole of the camp watched as the magma became rock in the crater it had made… and then looked as if nothing had happened. Erk looked at me with panic written across his face. I just sighed, and closed my eyes. I fell asleep rather quickly.

Morning came. I woke with a slow stir, and found the camp already packed. Garnet and Ariana woke with me. Lyn and Florina were tying down the last of the wagon's cover, while Kent and Sain saddled the horses. Wil and Dorcas were setting up the yoke for the oxen. Serra was busy fussing with Florina's mount, and Erk was looking at some maps. Damn mage.

"Alright, Florina, I think that's got it… okay, who wants to risk Kai's wrath?" everyone else suddenly slowed down. "Don't worry, we're awake."

They all smiled. "Alright, let's get a move on. We've lost what, three days here now?" I sighed, and got on my small horse, patting his flank. Garnet started to move out first.

We were barely 20 foot away when the joking started. "I wonder what happens when we reach Lycia."

Sain opened his mouth. "I myself need some Spiritual healing. A knight is not all powerful; we do need our soft beds and warm companions from time to time!"

Wil laughed. "Aye, I'm sure even the mage will agree to that!"

Lyn smirked. "Wil will always agree to that, you smooth talker!"

Dorcas smirked. "Wil will do anything to get a nice warm bed!"

Serra smirked. "Awww, he's always hard on his luck?"

Kent smirked as well. Man this was getting Sardonic. "Maybe not his luck, but he's always hard on."

Erk sighed, his normally grim demeanor blackening our mood. "Well then, If you're all done being dipshits, would someone mind telling what in the blue monkey hell went on last night?!"

I sighed. "Fine, you stupid mage. You finished a corrupted version of the Holy Light incantation. It's called the "Curse of Tiamat.""

"Curse of Tiamat?"

"Yes."

"So it's what?"

"A curse."

"And who's Tiamat?"

"A rather Evil Dragon."

"And how was the curse laid?"

I was beginning to get aggravated. "By a Nasty Dragon."

"How?"

"Well, with Magic and words, supposedly. Isn't that how MOST curses are laid?"

The group snickered. "Then explain how this one was laid."

"GAH! I didn't want too! Fine, you little peck-Erk head, I'll explain it. Vaguely. This is the jist of it. Two dragons gave birth to the rest of dragon kind. They eventually became known as the gods of dragons, Bahamut, and Tiamat. Bahamut was with the good guys. His children eventually became Wyverns. Her line was dragons. They got mad, and attacked humans. Elimine stopped them. Tiamat got pissed, and cursed the earth, any prayer that got screwed up by any 'tacticians' which were the main reason for her demise, would result in the earth it's self swallowing their group."

"So it's a curse."

I rolled my eyes. "Basically."

"And I caused it?"

"You didn't cause it, you invoked it."

"So my notes are wrong."

"Basically."

"Could you teach it to me?"

"Vaguely."

Erk raised an eyebrow. He wasn't quite aware that I was ignoring him now. "What? That's not an answer!"

"Basically."

"You're not even listening to me!"

"Exactly."

"See? You're not listening! You… wait… DAMNIT!"

I grinned as the group laughed and the mage fumed. I whistled merrily to myself. I could say with certainty, life was never boring around Lyndis Caelin.

About four hours later of cheerful banter, Kent decided to break the most recent silence. In a deep booming bass, he sang out "On the road again…"

Wil immediately gagged. "Good lord man! Did you swallow a frog?!"

Sain leapt to his friend's defense. "What? You must be tone deaf. That was beautiful! Best singer in the Caelin Canton I would say!"

Lyn laughed. "Ha! I think Wil IS tone deaf. That was hot!"

Ariana snickered. "Yeah, sounded kind of like Garnet purring."

The dragon just nodded his head, and Serra spoke up. "That was very nice… Too bad I'm a cleric!"

"You're kidding me right?" I said as I looked back at her, working my gloves around on my hand a bit.

Erk sighed. "No, she's not. She's as lusty as a barfly!"

"Eh, she couldn't be more of a Lust Bug than Sain."

"I'll have you know I am VERY calm right now!"

"Ariana. Naked. Wet."

TING!

Kent smirked. Ariana just about screamed in embarrassment. "GOD! Kai! You pervert!"

Sain was going blue in the face. "LOW! BLOW!" his voice was steadily getting higher. He tumbled off his horse in pain, and I raised my eyebrow, and then I remembered. He was, suffice it to say, endowed more than any man should ever be. "OOPS!"

"Get his Greaves off! I'm such a moron!"

Shortly after…

We setup the campfire for the midday lunch. "I'm so sorry Sain…"

His voice was hoarse. "It's… okay…" he paled a bit more as he moved a little.

Ariana finally stopped laughing. "So… Sain… what part about that got you going?"

"All or nothing." was all he said.

The males who heard that all understood instantly. The translation goes something like this. "That normally, in little pieces would not arouse me, but the thought of You, Naked, and wet, in any way, is 'ting' worthy." Kent was laughing at Ariana's puzzled expression. I leaned over and explained to Lyn, who cracked up.

Even Sain was laughing. Just as I stopped to bend over from laughing so hard…

"ARGH!" Sain screamed as the arrow tip (Aimed for my head.) buried up into his thigh bone. "GODDESS DAMNIT! AHH!"

"SHIT! GET READY!"

The battle was joined less than an instant later. This wasn't defense of a fort, this was defense of a wounded comrade. Something far more important. "Elimine bless us…" I said as I began to phase.

I projected onto Lyn. The trees surrounding us provided wonderful cover, but not enough really. I saw the axe flash, and guided her arm, and smiled smugly as I felt another hand on mine. I could almost see a man in ancient sword master garb. His hand was also guiding her hand. 'Mani.' I said from my ether state. He merely nodded. 'Go.'

I phased to Kent. Kent was looking in shock as his friend's wound. 'DAMNIT KENT! Snap out of it! HOP TO IT SOLDIER!' He was up as quick as anything. His sword whirled around. I cleaved clean through a young brigand whose eyes seethed with the thought of an easy kill. Suddenly, his eyes looked a bit strange… deflated almost as it looked like he tried to cry. Then half of his face fell away from his body. I nearly gagged on bile at that point, which was horrible. But Kent's eyes… Twin infernos raged behind them, like he was in a pure blood lusting rage.

I quickly shifted as Florina took to the skies, leaving Ariana to fumble with a book as Garnet's tail slapped an arrow from the air. I tied to Florina, and got a good look. 'Careful, there are at least 2 archers, maybe more…' She nodded. "I know. Show me a target, commander."

I glanced around, and spied an archer's bow…. It was aiming at Florina. 'Evasive action and close the distance. Take him down.' I highlighted him in red. His arrow took on a red glow as well as it started to fly through the air. I felt a bit dizzy as I flipped to the side with Florina. 'HELLO! Nice trick… I think you have it up here…'

I shifted to Wil. 'Wil did you…' his arrow was already buried in the first archer's hand, making the man scream as two more arrows were already streaking his way. Wil's eyes were looking… scared. He was shooting blind almost. He had already gotten the fourth arrow off, and had his fifth lined up. 'WIL! Stop shooting him…'

The second arrow Wil had shot broke through the bow of his foe and slammed deep into the eye of his opponent. The third was just behind it, and robin hooded it. I wondered where that phrase had come from. But the fourth slammed into the man's stomach, nearly lifting him off the ground, even as the fifth split his solar plexus apart. Wil heaved with the effort as his eyes slowly drifted away from nearly bleeding.

'You okay Wil?' He was panting. 'I was gonna die…. I was gonna die!' I could hear his thoughts. He was stuck in a loop of sorts. He shook himself visibly. He took a deep breath. The felt his body for arrows… "I'm... ALIVE! HA HA!"

Erk's fire spell hammered the brigand who was jumping out to end Wil's life. Wil jerked quickly. "Right sorry. Won't happen again. I panicked!"

The snobby mage snorted. "Right. Better not, I won't save your ass again, now finish him off will you?"

I mentally stuck my tongue out at his back and shifted focus. Dorcas was spinning his throwing axe with its cloth tied tight from his left hand, and brandishing his steel axe with his right. He smirked. 'Now.' I said to him. It was merely a flash of movement…

Thankfully, I could see every action in slow motion of sorts. His throwing axe whipped out towards the first brigand, spiraling away towards his face as Dorcas leapt into the air, his own steel axe coming down in a crescent moon slash. The instant his throwing axe cleaved into the first brigand's face with a dull thump, his right handed axe had made a melon out of seconds' head. He jerked back on the cloth tied to his throwing axe as he pulled his own axe free. A second later, he had his throwing axe at the ready again, and had flung the blood from his own axe. The men both fell at the same time.

I shifted again, this time focusing on Ariana and Garnet. Ariana was fumbling with her spell book, and tripping over words as a Brigand leapt at her. Garnet was quicker. Garnet's fangs ripped through the man's arm's flesh, and bit into his chest, and I could almost feel the liquid being pumped into his bloodstream. I winced as Garnet tossed it away, the now lifeless corpse slamming into another man. Unfortunately, Ariana had just finished reading an actual incantation correctly. "Eldaris Elfanim Infernus!" I somewhat understood the incantation as something else. Elder Anima Inferno.

I just realized that I had given her an Elfire spell book as a starting tome. I slapped myself in the head as I watched it literally hammer into the man's corpse, punching a hole through it from the sheer FORCE of the wolf's blood used to power the magic. As I watched the spell develop, I realized that this particular one was a White Wolf's blood. The sizzling of the corpse began to trigger Garnet's venom, which promptly made the fallen man begin to explode. The unfortunate part was when the fireball slammed through the man beneath the corpse's ether, ignoring his body as it sought the ground. It found it, and rose up in the inferno it was meant to. The resulting forces compressed the still living man between the force of the corpse's explosion, and the force of the Elfire spell. Needless to say, the man popped like an overripe watermelon.

I shifted to Hiiro, and I felt him walking alongside Kent, their swords looking like mirrors of each other, though one was big and powerful, the other light and sharp. Where Kent's blade left ribbons of blood slowly falling to the earth in the air, Hiiro's coated the ground with showers of red liquid. I saw Kent on his horse, slashing downward into one man's head, while Hiiro leapt into the air, and came down with such speed even I had trouble following it. Whereas Kent's foe's head came in two (Then was promptly relieved of one of its halves as the red armored cavalier removed his blade…), Hiiro's merely fell into two pieces, and he readied his blade again with a sidelong flourish. I just raised my eyebrow. We had pushed the sides back, and I could vaguely see a shape in the sky throw another shape down.

The archer screamed as he plunged to the ground with a hole in his lung. He didn't know what was a scarier thought: Falling to his death, or dying while falling…

Bug snarled as he heard the last of his men scream in their death throws. Then he looked up, and realized it was an archer falling from the sky. 'Must be an Arrow storm.' He vaguely thought.

CRUNCH! The archer slammed into Bug with enough force to cause both of their heads to explode from the impact. The seasoned brigand's body slowly collapsed forward as it tried to support the other body too. Alas, it did not avail, and fell forward onto it's face, or lack their of, really.

I Snickered as I saw this happen. That was a FUNNY way to die. "HA! You son of a bitch, you just got SMACKED!" I suddenly realized I was back in my body. The vaguely red tinted air hovered around the makeshift camp site. Lyn was leaning against a tree, using a piece of silk to clean her blade, amazed at how… pleased it felt. Her sword did ring a little, but I didn't think much of it. Though I did hear a purr from her general direction.

Sain was blue and red in the face as he whispered to Serra. I heard what he said. "It… nicked something else, Serra." She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. I sighed, and walked over, leaning over to her. "He's rather… well endowed. That's why the 'Ting' was so loud, and well… Yeah, I think it scraped it."

Her cheeks went flame red. "Good gods!" She helped him limp over to a tree, and hid them behind it. "Show me where it hurts…"

I went and checked on Kent. "Kent, turn off the battle lust friend, I think they're all dead!" His eyes seem to stop smoldering and he blinked. "My apologies, sir. I did not mean to do that."

Hiiro was going around, collecting gold pieces from the corpses. "Eh, don't worry with it dude. Shit happens; your friend probably got shot in the dick. I would have gone nutso too."

I laughed as I walked over to Dorcas, who was using a wet rag to wash the blood and guts and bone off of Ariana's face. She was almost hyperventilating. "That was so cool! Then again, is Sain alright?" Dorcas just smiled. "He'll be fine, Kiddo. You'll see. He's a lot tougher than he lets on. I'm sure the kid has seen his share of troubles."

"Well, it doesn't really matter. I mean, he's what, 20 something? Here I am, 14 years old, Lusting after some brave knight in green armor with muscles and a stomach that looks like a washboard…" She sighed lightly. Dorcas just grinned. I could tell those two would be friends. Garnet just rolled his eyes. 'Well, it doesn't matter to me, just so long as he passes MY inspection.'

I snickered, and checked up on Florina, who was giving her Pegasus some oats. "Nice job today, Avion."

"Nice name for a Pegasus, Florina."

"OH! Kai! I didn't see you there! Heh… yeah, He's been my mount for as long as I can remember. The girls at the academy used to call him "Avion the unflyable." They couldn't teach him how to fly. He's got a crippled wing, see? They couldn't figure out how to counter it. He's heavy on the right side, because of the wing. But, I'm left handed. And I'm so light; he doesn't really notice the weight difference. He does pull right a bit in the air, but if you keep a little pressure on his right side, he compensates." I looked at the poor horse, and did indeed notice the lump in his wing bone.

"Ah, I see. Well, it's a good thing you two are so in synch. But I'd be extra careful around arrows. If one were to knick his good wing, you're going to go down, HARD."

"Yeah, I know. They told me to get another mount, but, how can I resist those eyes?!" She cooed and hugged her horse.

"GODS ALIVE! STOP!!!!"

Sain dove out from behind the tree, struggling with his pants as Serra blinked slowly. "What?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What in the blue blazes?"

Sain panted slowly as he tightened his pantaloon's string. "Keep that… cleric away from me!"

"What did I do?" Serra had a genuinely puzzled look on her face. I too, was puzzled. Kent spoke up. "When you were working on him, did you happen to… impact him?"

"Well yes, it wasn't exactly something I could heal with my staff or prayers. It was like, I don't know, bent? So I tried to fix it!"

I paled, as did Dorcas. Sain just bent over and breathed harshly. Kent winced heavily, and Wil doubled over. Hiiro was about the only one unaffected. (Under affected seems more appropriate.)

Hiiro sighed heavily. "Fine fine, I'll explain it to her…" he walked over to Serra and grabbed her by the arm. Erk walked up with a raised eyebrow. He saw we, the males of the group, in obvious empathetic pain (And one in real pain.) "What is going on? Did Florina kick you all in the nuts?" We shook our heads. "Serra, bend, backwards, Sain."

Erk immediately fainted.

Hiiro sighed. "Look, A… well, for lack of a more proper term, Wang-chung is always chung, not chang, got it? If it is bent like that NATURALLY, it doesn't bend the other way."

"What's a Wang?" Hiiro's face went blank.

"A dick?"

"What?"

"Wanker?"

"Huh? What're you talking about?"

"A PENIS! Good GOD girl!"

"Ohhhh… so what's a chung?"

"The angle at which the penis bends." He sighed. God this girl didn't know SHIT about male anatomy.

"So his 'Wang Chung' was Chang?"

"No, his Wang chung was properly chung-ed, and you Chang-ed it by bending it the other way."

"So a chang is good?"

"No, it's bad."

"Wait, I'm confused…"

"ARGH! You bent his penis the wrong way, things like that don't bend like that! It's a 'hard on' for a reason!"

"Did I hurt him?"

"Okay, let me put it like this… Ever had a purple nurple?"

She nodded. "Well, yeah. But a purple nurple is a drink…"

Hiiro looked blankly at her. "A nipple twister?"

"Huh?"

He grabbed her nipple and twisted harshly, pulling out. "That's a real purple nurple!"

Her eyes went from pink to purple. She tackled him. "COME HERE DAMNIT!"

"AHH! SHIT! HELP!!!!"

I ran up to the scene and pulled a rather feisty Serra away from Hiiro, who was trying to pull his pants back up. "Goddess help us!"

I looked at her purple eyes. "DAMNIT! Stop teasing me, all you damn men!" She nearly broke free. I grabbed her up closely. "FLORINA! I NEED SOME HELP!!!!"

Florina dashed in, nearly tripping over Hiiro. "What's going on?"

"Shut up and kiss her!" Hiiro was tying his pants back up and holding his heart, looking at her with scared eyes. Florina looked at Serra, and how she was fighting. "OHHHH!!!! What did you do, Hiiro?"

"She didn't know what a purple nurple was, I was trying to explain what she did to Sain, and somehow, we went over to 'purple nurples'. Don't ask, it was just weird."

Florina sighed, and grabbed Serra by the arm. By this time Sain had come to see what was going on. Dorcas as looking through a few trees at the scene. Wil was looking this way after he stopped polishing his bow for a second. Garnet was looking at it with a lazy eye.

The world stood still. Florina grabbed Serra by the shirt, and bent her backwards in a kiss, and every guy could tell, THAT had tongue in it. The world tilted a little bit, and then fell off its axis. I felt my nose start to bleed. There was a soft ting from Kent's direction, the rustle of chain mail from Hiiro and Wil's, mine was just a soft ruffling of cloth. Nothing from Sain's direction. We looked over at him as the two girls continued to make out, the purple slowly fading from Serra's eyes. He had his eyes squeezed shut and his ears plugged. That didn't help as he opened his eyes.

TING!!!!!!!!

We immediately jumped over at him, and popped the hinges on his greaves. "CALM DOWN!"

Florina stopped kissing Serra, and pulled away, and the Cleric blinked slowly. She exhaled slowly. "What happened Florina?"

"You're Schizophrenic. Or whatever. The point is, you have multiple yous running around in your head." Erk walked into the clearing and raised an eyebrow. "What the hell did I miss this time?"

Florina smirked. "Serra and I just got done putting our clothes back on."

Erk sighed, and rubbed his head. "Cool beans…" he said, and sat down on the log beside Dorcas, who just went back to stirring the stew, and wiped the slight nose bleed away.

Serra scratched her head. "I just blanked out, all I know, is that Hiiro started to give me a 'purple nurple' as he called it, and all of a sudden, everything went black, and then I woke up, with Florina breathing hard over me." She shrugged, and then said "Oh well, I guess I'll go get some water."

Florina came over and smirked. "She's got multiple personalities, I think. One's a raving sex-hound, and the other is a hyper active teenager. Let's hope she doesn't have any more. Oh yeah, and she's Masochistic, from the way she was trying to bite my tongue. She mostly got her own though."

I sighed. "God, Florina, how do you know all that from one kiss?"

She looked at me. "Don't get me wrong here, I'd gladly screw your brains out if you really needed it, but I've eaten a muffin before." She stopped as Wil gave her the eyes of the pervert, boring through her breast plate. She sighed. "Only if you needed it in the sense that Serra just needed it." Wil's countenance quickly drooped and he stumbled off towards the river.

The nose bleeds redoubled, and Florina walked away. Hiiro's eyes were drilling holes in her but as she swung her hips while she walked away. "My Goddess!" he said slowly.

"Whoa Hiiro, calm down boy… Did you not hear her? She beats around the bush…" That was me.

"What?" Hiiro raised an eyebrow.

Garnet sighed, and we heard him mentally yell, 'SHE'S A DYKE YOU DUMB ASS!'

Hiiro sighed, and went over to the log with Erk and Dorcas. The three guys took a little bit of cotton, and shoved it up their noses, and sighed. "WOMEN!" they said in unison.

Lyn and Ariana were holding onto each other, laughing like a pack of hyenas. "OH MY GODDESS! SOOOOO FUNNY! HA HA HA!!!!"

I and Kent took care of Sain. Wil dashed by us a second later (Turning my hair into a ball of fuzz sitting on my head, in the process.) A red Eyed Serra came by, brandishing her staff like a war axe. "GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERT!" She yelled. I looked, and saw Wil, Naked as a jay bird. I began to cry.

Those two moving moons would never leave my mind again.

AHHHHHHH!!!! Why did I have to go and make this one so funny? I thought it was. Though, the jokes are kinda elaborate, and more of a 'lockjaw' type humor. Kinda dry humor, like a bad prank. A really bad, really used, really dumb prank. I always hated this chapter. It always felt like a kind of space taker.

Oh well, Enjoy thoughts of a Sex crazed Serra plaguing your thoughts tonight. And Florina? Well, she's just more or less, a Tease in my way of thinking… then again, I like the shy nerdy looking girls… GOD, I need to stop drooling about the hot librarian. Xx

Ciao!