Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, as I am not Eoin Colfer, and as I am not, all you AF fans be grateful… or else I would muck it up hugely
A/N: Okay, really sorry, people. If there are any people reading this… anyway, this is a really angsty chapter, but it does introduce someone who may be welcomed by most of you…
Chapter 13 – In which Artemis receives a shock
Somehow, and I think most people will agree with me on this, the words 'Artemis Fowl the Second' and 'panic' don't really appear in the same sentence without sounding wrong. Unfortunately for all of you, that is precisely what I am about to do.
Artemis Fowl the Second, child prodigy, was panicking.
He didn't even have a right to panic! It wasn't as if he had really cared for Kestrel, not on the same scale as the Butlers or his parents, which meant that she should have been, expendable (for want of a better word) to him. He shouldn't even be feeling an ounce of emotion for her disappearance.
"Something seems to be incorrect about this scene." He spoke out loud. That was odd. That was the second time in a year that he had voiced out his opinions without being absolutely sure of its origins.
Kat scowled at the 'Rich yob' whilst helping Piccolo to his feet. "Can't you just say 'Something's not right' like normal people?" It seemed that she was sour about Kestrel knocking out her leader, "And what seems to not be right? Kestrel knocked Piccolo out, and then hightailed it. What can be wrong about that?"
Artemis took several deep breaths. He knew something wasn't right about this. However, he only knew that he knew. He just didn't know what he knew. If that made any sense.
Piccolo hauled himself upright, panting slightly. No wonder, Artemis mused, I've been hit by Kestrel before… and it was painful without a metal pole.
"Ivy can't have done this on purpose. She's just not that…" Piccolo seemed to struggle for words. "… straightforward, I suppose. And she'd be a little more subtle about knocking me out."
And suddenly, everything in Artemis's brain clicked.
"You say that she picked up the metal pole and hit you in the chest? Did you notice anything about her behaviour before that? Was she shaking her head? Fidgeting? Being more paranoid than usual?"
His expansive vocabulary had deserted him for the moment, but Fowl didn't seem to notice. All his rationality had gone out of the window about a minute ago.
"Paranoid? Yeah, she was paranoid, but her being who she is and her mother being who she is? What girl wouldn't be?" Grunted one of the giants in the shadows. All of the muscle men seemed to stay there. Artemis had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Melodrama… one of the reasons he hated films.
Artemis thought for a while. Then felt in his pocket for his palmtop. It was amazing what a few pieces of fairy technology could do to any kind of human machinery. He had been much more subtle this time round… only a few wires and a few bits and bobs.
He was still recovering from his last meeting with Spiro.
Artemis pushed thoughts of Spiro to the back of his mind, and turned to confront Kat.
"Do you have a phone hereabouts that I could use?"
Holly, Kelp (Major, not Minor… obviously) and Mulch (who had just picked a few pockets of well known Sool supporters… old habits died hard) were on their way to Police Plaza when Holly's mobile rang. She picked it up, staring at it in wonder.
She shot a look at Mulch, and snapped, "Are you trying to play a prank on me?"
Trouble, however, was staring at Holly, and then at the phone, and back to Holly again. "Since when have you had one of those?"
"Since Mulch complained about not being able to reach me whenever an urgent situation arises. Which is usually because he ate a lump of diamond or something."
She answered, and found (to her eternal surprise) Fowl's face staring at her coldly.
"Holly, how long does it take you to pick up your phone and answer it?"
She would have turned red, had her skin tone allowed her to do so, "I was busy. What do you want Fowl?"
"Did you know that Ivy's missing? Or would you prefer for me to hang up?"
Had the event been less serious, the changing expressions upon Holly Short's face would almost have been comical. It had turned from anger, to disbelief, to confusion, to disbelief and the opening and closing of her mouth was really quite amusing.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"
"I said, we're in Chicago, and Ivy's just undergone typical behaviour for someone who is being controlled by a woman who doesn't have any sense of how to concuss a man. Did you receive Kestrel's message?"
"Yes, and we're going over right now, as soon as we've been kitted out and got permission…"
"Which had better not take more than five minutes, maximum. Any more, and my patience shall run out. And Ivy's lifeline may do as well."
It was the last seven words that caught everyone's attention. Mulch was the first to open his mouth,
"What do you mean by…"
He was cut off sharply by Holly's terse hang up as she snapped the conversation shut and headed towards the doors. Trouble and Mulch had to race to even get half a foot behind her.
"Oi, I wasn't done with my question yet!"
Holly didn't even bother turning around to face Mulch, opting instead to yell several words that wouldn't really translate into plain English. At least, not in two lines.
It was sometimes wonderful how many meanings you could fit inside three Gnommish words.
Trouble and Mulch were left lagging behind the determined elf, when Trouble finally plucked up the courage to say,
"I think she means, you'll waste time."
Ivy was struggling against her bonds. And not having much success didn't really deter her from repeatedly smacking herself. Maybe someone will see me smacking myself and decide to send me somewhere with bouncy walls…
Unfortunately, this part of Chicago was… slightly less populated. Somehow, the news of a gangster mob residing in the alley next door and two shaved gorillas who weren't likely to give you the proper change you needed and would probably terrorise you non-stop if you were to correct them kind of dispersed the population living there.
Convenient.
She stumbled her way down the road, gripping onto whatever she could grip onto. Why aren't there any cars passing by?
And at last she came to her final destination. She knew her mother, if she didn't cooperate here, Melissa would hurt her till Kingdom come.
Which was why, of course, she started struggling. Pain beyond anything she could have imagined shot through her, and it was simply impossible to disobey her mother's will by now. She was overcome by a powerful motive to snicker. Mother? What kind of mother would treat her daughter like this?
Passing through the door, she was faced with two bulky males who looked as if they had the intellectual capacity of a three year old. Actually, she was half right, if you did combine their intelligence, they'd probably make it through kindergarten.
Of course. Ivy rolled her eyes, thinking back to Holly's graphic tales of her adventure in Chicago (with much giggling… just because Ivy was a genius, didn't mean that she wasn't prone to giggling). But why, oh why did Melissa have to choose Pex and Chips?
The two goons couldn't even do their job right! Ivy was (as you may have gathered by now) a perfectionist. And Melissa, obviously, wasn't. One of the many things that got between mother and daughter, on a daily basis.
If you'd wanted to make me come here against my will, did you have to hire two such idiots? She sent a plea into the dark corridors of her brain, knowing that her mother would not reply. But baiting was so much fun.
One of the goons elbowed the other. She didn't bother looking to see which one.
"That the girl the pretty lady talked about?" He asked thickly. There was a faint smell of barbecue in the air. Ah, so this one was Chips…
"I think so. Think we should go check?" And that was definitely Pex. Unless Chips had suddenly developed the skill of speaking to himself in different voices.
"Er, girl? Are you with the pretty lady?" Chips asked tentatively. If such a word could fit inside his brain, Ivy thought as she gritted her teeth. She was not going to say anything…
"Yes." Came the grated answer. She felt like screaming, tearing, cursing…
"Okay. You need to come with us."
It was probably then that everything that Ivy had ever stood for collapsed. She gave up. She hadn't even thought that phrase existed, but apparently, it did now. She didn't even struggle as Pex and Chips frogmarched her into a car, where they said to the chauffeur,
"Prison."
The car drove silently down the road, and when it disappeared off, there was nothing left. Except for a single beating heart.
A short, dark skinned man with a hat hiding the real shape of his ears and a mask that hid most of the hideous scars that clouded his face watched the car go, and immediately set off to find the gang.
Artemis was pacing. A small part of him was sneering cynically, Fowls do not pace. Fowls plot. Fowls scheme.
Another part was shouting unnecessary insults and words that he didn't even know were part of his extensive vocabulary at the cynically sneering part and winning. He continued pacing.
After a while, Kat came in, not bothering to ask permission before entering, and yelled,
"Oi! Rich yob! Someone here that you may be interested in! He says he just say your girlfriend!"
"She is not my girlfriend! And wait for me if you value your consciousness!" Stated Artemis coldly, before abandoning all decorum and running.
Former commander of the LEPrecon, Julius Root, was savagely sucking on one of the most noxious cigars that Artemis had ever smelled. Perhaps it was the shock of Kestrel being abducted, perhaps it was just worry, but whatever it was, it managed to let Root take advantage.
"Hey, Fowl. Heard you and Ivy had a thing going on. I'm going to have to say a few things about that…"
"Commander Root, if you would please put out that foul cigar then I may be willing to…"
And then what he just said, or more importantly, who he just said it to, dawned upon him.
And that was time for the second most humiliating sentence he'd uttered in his short adolescent life.
"You're not alive!"
A/N: Don't worry, I'm going to explain everything next chapter… it has a perfectly acceptable explanation (in my twisted mind, at any rate)…
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