Whole

Sonnie

"It's been empirically proven that every time we do this, bad things happen," Shikamaru reminded Tenten as she downed her first shot of tequila.

"I'm just having one or two drinks, alright?" Tenten said testily.

"You're pissed because Neji hasn't called, aren't you?"

"I know men have that stupid rule where they wait to call a girl, but come on," Tenten huffed. "He's avoiding me."

"Whoa, slow down," Shikamaru advised as her hand reached to pour another shot. "What's the rush? I plan on getting a good buzz later so this troublesome party passes by more quickly, but I've still got a lot of time until that urge kicks in."

"The party will be gone before you know it if you just have some of what I'm having," Tenten said, winking, brandishing the tequila bottle at him temptingly. "It's your you're your favorite brand! Besides, it's the only time I really see you without inhibitions. In fact, you're pretty much anti-inhibitions."

"No tequila." Shikamaru's voice was dead firm. "For one thing it leaves me with the worst hangovers imaginable, second, it makes me act very unpredictably, and third, it makes me act very unpredictably towards you. Scratch that, I know exactly how I'm going to act and I have no desire to suffer the Gentle Fist style before I die."

"Neji doesn't know the meaning of the word 'jealousy,' Shikamaru," Tenten stated. "I actually saw him eating lunch with Sakura the other day. Sakura! Now I feel ugly, stupid, and really inferior so if you would please help yourself to some tequila, I know I'd feel a lot better."

"I'm going to be all over you tonight," Shikamaru told her. "I mean, people actually thought we were a couple last time."

"That's why you should have some more," Tenten said, grinning lazily. "Anata."

"I don't think so, koishii," Shikamaru countered, arms crossed as an unwilling smile made it onto his lips.

Tenten, a wee bit tipsy, giggled. "I'm going to appeal to that shriveled, foreign thing you call an ego and tell you flat out that I want your attention. Yes, it's because I'm not going to get it from someone else, but that can easily be overlooked with the help of that little shot glass over there and some of this tequila right here. Come on, Shikamaru…please?"

"Don't use that tone, I'm feeling morally frail," Shikamaru whined. "Ino's been gone on a mission all month and I am exceptionally weak-willed. We're going to be a real couple when she gets back, so we're technically not official yet…and you look quite pretty when you give me those puppy dog eyes."

"Shikamaru, it's the only way you'll go dancing with me and I really, really want to go dancing," Tenten said sweetly. "Neji asked Sakura to come here with him, and that's the real reason why I'm so upset. So please…just a drink?"

"Peer pressure, it's all so troublesome," Shikamaru mumbled, taking the shot glass. Downing the contents quickly, he poured himself another. "We're going to regret this. You're going to piss him off bad, and I'm going to be the one that gets their ass kicked. Normally I'd object to being used like this," he downed the second shot, "but not today."

Slamming the empty glass down on the table, he poured himself another.

"Bottoms up," he said with an uncharacteristically sultry grin. He winked at her.

"Bottoms up," Tenten echoed, toasting him.

-O-

"Um…what's going on?" Jou stood in the doorway, clearly confused. Her thin arms held an acoustic guitar case.

"Uh, yeah, we kind of got you a hot tub," Izari shrugged casually. "Fun, fun."

"A hot tub?" Jou asked, puzzled. "So that's why you guys have been acting a little weird lately?"

"Oh no!" Kotori wailed. "You weren't surprised!" The tiny girl ran down the hall and locked herself in the bathroom. Her sister was close behind, trying to talk her out. Izari sighed.

"Damn, I left my change of clothes in there," Izari muttered. "I'm going to dig up something in your room, Jou-chan. Don't worry, I'll try and get something that I won't stretch out with my boobs."

Jou blinked numbly, watching as Izari whipped off the towel on the way back to her room, practically giving Lee a brain hemorrhage. Shrugging (Temari got the feeling Jou had just about seen it all), Jou turned to Mika.

"What are you guys doing?" Jou asked finally, watching as Lee tried their best to clean up the mess they'd made in the kitchen. "What happened?"

"Izari can't cook." The short, clipped statement from Mika was right to the point.

"I can cook…it's the baking part I don't get," Izari clarified, stopping in the hall. Wrapping the towel back around her she walked back towards Mika. "I'm perfectly fine at mixing things, but heating them up…it's a lot of work. Besides, it's a lot easier to make things explode; it's a wonder it doesn't happen more often. Why, when you take into consideration the chemical makeup of sugar alone—"

"Izari, shut up," Mika snapped. "This is your fault!"

"Yeah, like I intentionally set her kitchen on fire," Izari said, rolling her eyes. "Give this detective a promotion!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did do it on purpose!" Mika retorted. "This day isn't even about you and you go and pull a stunt like this for attention—"

"Look, Mika-chan," Izari bit out the honorific, "I wouldn't go making indictments if I were you. You know I'd never do something like that; even I'm not that selfish."

Mika laughed incredulously. "You're the most selfish person I know!"

"Coming from you, it's a wonder that you don't fall over dead after an accusation like that," Izari snorted.

"Mika, Izari," Jou's voice was firm and the endearments were dropped. "This isn't anyone's fault. Don't worry about the kitchen; no one got seriously hurt and I think the person that's been done the most harm is Kotori-chan, from the sound of things. I'm going to go talk to her."

Jou looked back and forth between them, a dark look on her face that was dead serious. She dropped the guitar case between them loudly but her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Settle this."

Temari was surprised by the tone of her voice. Since when was Jou so severe? She saw that Gaara was similarly taken aback, if the only hints were in his narrowed eyes.

"Temari, Gaara, thanks for coming," Jou smiled at them brightly, surprisingly sincere and sweet. "I kind of know what's going on now, so I appreciate it a lot."

Mika and Izari continued to stare each other down as Jou went over to the bathroom. Sitting next to Komiko, she leaned her head against the door.

"Kotori, I wish you'd come out," Jou said softly. "I don't want you to be upset on my birthday."

"I spent so much time planning it with Komiko-chan and Lee-kun…" a sniffle interrupted the statement briefly. "I had the decorations planned out a month ago and I even had them specially made. You weren't even surprised!"

"I was surprised," Jou said honestly.

I would be too if I came home and found out my brother helped ruin a room of my house, Temari thought dryly.

"But it was a bad surprise!" Kotori wailed.

"I don't think so," Jou told her. "When was the last time we were all together like this since we toured Tea Country, hm? Tea Country wasn't even that great. The only reason I had so much fun was because all of my friends were there, just like they are now."

"Really?" Kotori sniffed.

"Really," Jou repeated. "I mean it. Now come on out so we can celebrate together, please?"

Temari could almost hear her head nod up and down from behind the door as she mumbled, "Okay." As soon as she was out of the bathroom, Izari zipped inside. Mika was still glaring after her.

"Talk about a peacekeeper," Temari observed, watching as Jou went over to calm Mika down.

"Tenten keeps Neji and Lee from killing each other," Gaara said.

"What's harder; keeping two guys from killing each other or keeping four girls from killing each other?"

"I guess that depends on the girl," Gaara said, eyes blinking as they read Izari's new shirt as she came out of the bathroom.

"What?" Izari saw nothing wrong with the shirt, which read "It's not easy being this easy" across the chest. "Come on now, it's either this one or the other one I have along."

"Actually, I like that one better," Jou suggested, sitting on the floor to leave her chairs available. "Go with that one."

Izari shrugged. "Sure, why not." She disappeared into the bathroom.

"So…I think this is the first surprise party you've thrown for me that I've actually been surprised," Jou said.

"Planning them every consecutive year since you were thirteen doesn't help," Izari called from the bathroom.

"It's also the first time my Lee-chan has been able to surprise me!" Jou squealed excitedly as Lee sat down on the floor next to her. She gave him a hug. "I love you, Lee-chan!"

"I love you too, Jou-chan!" Lee exclaimed, crying jubilantly.

Gaara thanked whatever lucky stars he had that Jou wasn't crying too. He was already resisting the urge to bolt; something about a grown man indulging in frequent tears creeped him out. Temari was similarly unsettled.

Ding Dong!

Kankurou's here already? Temari thought. It's not even ten thirty.

The doorbell rang a second time and no one moved; Lee and Jou were still embracing, Kotori and Komiko were still cooing over them, and Mika was still sulking. It rang a third time (Temari gritted her teeth; Kankurou wasn't five years old anymore but she feared any minute he'd simply tap the button over and over until someone answered) and a forth.

"Can't anyone get the goddamned door?" Izari demanded, leaving the bathroom and stalking over to the front door. She threw it open gustily, piercing gray-violet eyes fixed on the intruder.

"Can I help you?"

Kankurou looked up from where his sandal had been fraying Jou's green welcome mat. Dark green eyes lazily resting on the middle of her chest where, in red, cursive letters, it read "I'm easy."

"Well, now that you mention it…"

"Smart aleck, you're letting a draft in here," Izari said bluntly, hands on her hips. "Get your fat ass in the house within the next ten seconds or I'm slamming this door in your face, that is unless your wide hips prevent the door from closing."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you heard me, unless that cat-hat of yours is blocking your hearing."

"You're a bitch."

"Better to be a bitch than a doormat, especially the one you're standing on currently, and you now have three seconds to get in here or your ass is on the curb."

"Bitch," Kankurou grumbled, stepping inside.

"You've already used that one, try again," Izari told him. Leaving him standing at the door, she walked to the living room, plopping down next to Lee. One of her long legs knocked against his, practically sending him running across the floor.

"Lee, if I wanted to hit on you I'd be a little more direct," Izari said tiredly. "Get your ass back here before you offend my delicate ego."

"Nothing about her is delicate," Mika muttered archly, elbowed by Komiko who looked at Jou nervously.

"Kankurou, thanks for coming," Lee said brightly. "I thought you weren't able to make it."

Getting over his initial confusion (the hell was up with the blonde chick?) Kankurou resisted the strong urge to peek into the kitchen on the way to the living room, not knowing the mess that awaited him inside. He didn't think his brother and sister would like it terribly much if he asked for food before he made up the story about how they needed Lee for a bogus assignment.

"I hate to interrupt your little surprise party, but Gaara, Temari, Lee and I have just been assigned a new mission," Kankurou lied smoothly. "Sorry, man."

"Jou-chan, I'm—"

"Lee, it's alright," Jou shushed him. Her disappointment was obvious but she smiled at him. "I know. It's not the first time, Lee, and it's not the last."

Lee smiled at her. This time the hug was free of histrionics; even Izari would not have dared to tease. In fact she looked quite somber. She knew what was going on but didn't look terribly pleased that it was going to force Lee and his sister apart, even for a few hours.

"C'mon, let's go," Kankurou said rather sensitively. "That crazy old lady you have running this place is going to have my head if you're late."

"She's not a crazy old lady!" Mika said indignantly.

"Right," It was Izari who surprisingly came to his defense, though probably not for the sake of defending him. "First, she's a lady, if only in the loosest way the term implies, second, she's at least fifty, and that's old in my book, and three, she's nuts, pure and simple. How many other Hokages carry alcoholic beverages through the hospital, gamble until flat broke, or sleep on the job in the middle of the afternoon?"

Mika glared at Izari. "You don't have to be so snippy."

"You're right, I don't," Izari said, smiling sweetly.

"Goodbye, Lee," Jou said loudly, partially to interrupt the growing tension between her two friends. Both girls looked up. Jou gave Lee a smile. "I'll see you when I see you."

"Right!" Lee saluted her. "I'll hurry back! Not that I won't do my best, but I will do it as fast as humanly possible, even if I have to open up a—"

"No gates," Jou said firmly. "Not unless you're in trouble."

"I promise!" Lee exclaimed, out the door in a flash.

Kankurou blinked. "He'd better not have gotten too far ahead. I don't want to have to actually find him or anything."

"He's probably well on his way to Tsunade-sama's by now," Temari sighed. "Sorry about your party, Jou-san."

"It's alright," Jou concurred graciously. "Thank you for coming, even if you couldn't stay."

Gaara nodded wordlessly to her as he followed Kankurou and Temari out of the door.

Where the hell is Lee?

-O-

"That son of a bitch can't tell time," Izari muttered, not bothering to hide the scowl on her face as she recalled the experience of opening the door to find that grinning jackass. He could have at least given Jou and Lee a little bit of time together, even if they'd be reunited later.

"Is something wrong, Izari?"

"Never mind," Izari said, shaking her head. "I know you're really bummed about Lee, but why not just head down to the teahouse anyway? We already have our room reserved."

"But the people down there want to be with Lee, not me," Jou reminded her.

"Then we can go down and tell them," Izari pointed out. "Now get your ass in gear. I want to party."

"No—"

"Yes, I remember; no picking up guys, no getting completely smashed, no getting arrested."

"Actually, I was just going to ask that you not start a fight."

Izari blinked, then sighed. "I'll do my best, but no promises."

Jou smiled crookedly. "Fair enough. But remember what happened before…you lost a dance competition and you got really mad."

Izari laughed. "Like I'm going to see that scrawny Jounin at the party."

-O-

Shikamaru, being the realist that he was, knew that he was unable to refute that which could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. The presence of a higher power in the universe or whether or not his mother and father had ever really gotten along were questions he couldn't answer, if only because the information was either beyond is comprehension or inaccessible entirely.

However, Shikamaru couldn't deny that was completely, totally, utterly smashed. He was actually quite aware of what he was doing in the faint recesses of his mind that weren't a haze-filled marshland of useless brain cells. His body was simply acting on its own, content to let his mind know everything and control nothing.

"Shikamaru!" Tenten shrieked, giggling as she pulled his fingertips from the hem of her pants for the third time. "That tickles."

"You also said that about my stubble," Shikamaru countered in a sultry voice, rubbing his chin against her neck.

"We are all over each other and I can't bring myself to care," Tenten smiled.

"I'm considering you my one-woman stag party before I commit myself to Ino," Shikamaru said solemnly before chuckling. "No sex though…I can't be having sex with you. Can't kiss you either…but I can paw you. You see, sex and kisses are so terribly intimate…whereas blatantly sexual touching outside a romantic relationship is so much more fitting for a single man like me."

Tenten sighed. "Shikamaru, it's sad, but I think that's actually one of the only times you've ever deemed it necessary to sound not only like a chauvinist pig, but a sex-deprived chauvinist pig."

Shikamaru smiled. "But that's why we're drunk. Because I say whatever I'm thinking and I just don't care. I'm going to kick myself tomorrow if I remember any of this."

Tenten laughed dryly. "We know we aren't going to kiss each other or sleep together. We know that neither of those scenarios is going to happen tonight…I mean, what would else could there possibly be to remember?"

-O-

Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou were currently scouring the streets of Konoha, wondering exactly where in the hell the villages own Beautiful Green Beast had run off to. It didn't help that Konoha was the largest hidden village, or that Rock Lee was one of the fastest ninjas they'd ever met…or that on the rare occasion they actually looked for him he was never around, just like at the current moment.

"Lee's such an idiot," Kankurou muttered. "I mean, he just had to go running around in the middle of the night…Damn it. Not to mention that bitch who answered the door…I mean, what the hell was her problem? I bet she's having her period."

"You know, you were a lot nicer when you and Tenten were still together…almost sweet," Temari remarked after a moment.

"Girls like all that romantic stuff," Kankurou said cheekily, not sparing her a glance. "I'm not Mr. Nice Guy."

"But it had to come from somewhere," Temari muttered. "You're not Mr. Heartless either. She just brought out the softer side, I guess…but what happened? You broke up with her and now…?"

"He didn't see a reason to be nice anymore," Gaara said tonelessly, giving his sister a bland look.

"Yeah, but he's a lot crankier now," Temari noted. "I mean, I understand not mentioning the fact you think about sex ALL the time, but really…you're so much bitchier than before."

"It's freaking freezing out here, I'm allowed to be as bitchy as I want!" Kankurou complained.

"It's nearly December, idiot," Temari mumbled. She sighed. "I'm still not seeing Lee."

"If I freeze my ass of because of him—"

"—You'll be five pounds lighter," Temari finished.

"Shut up," Kankurou snapped.

"Don't tell me to shut up; I'm your older sister!" Temari growled.

"Shut up," Gaara commanded, succeeding in silencing both his brother and sister. "We need to find Lee so we can guide him towards the teahouse."

"Where is he?" Kankurou grunted, looking around the dimly-lit streets.

"There he is," Temari muttered, pointing to where he was jogging in place a few blocks away.

"Idiot," Kankurou grumbled. "Oi, what are you doing Lee?"

"Way to wake up half the town, moron," Temari remarked.

"I'm just waiting for you guys to catch up so we can all go to Tsunade-sama together," Lee explained, just as loudly. Temari shook her head.

"Our instructions are to meet clients at a local teahouse," Kankurou told him, hoping that in his aggravation his lie sounded more convincing. "We've lost a lot of time tracking you down. The goddamned teahouse is on the other side of town."

Lee blinked. "Oops." Sheepish look soon erased, he turned abruptly. "Let's go to the teahouse then!"

Temari's shoulders fell as Lee went sprinting away.

"Lee, it's the OTHER teahouse!"

"Heh, heh, right…"

-O-

Neji wasn't sure why exactly he'd invited Sakura to go to Lee's party. It could have been that he always respected her intelligence. It could have been that she was quite pretty. It could have been that she mentioned that she didn't have anyone to go with (not that it was the sort of party that demanded it, but a date was always nice). It could have been that he was still annoyed with Tenten for cavorting around with Kankurou.

"I really appreciate you coming here with me," Sakura thanked him kindly. She looked down at the tops of her pink shoes thoughtfully. "I thought you were going to go with Tenten, but Shikamaru mentioned they were going together."

"Shikamaru?" Neji was taken a bit by surprise but it only came out as a bored inquiry. "Why is she going with Shikamaru?"

"Well, they do live together," Sakura pointed out blithely. Neji mentally grit his teeth on that one. "It's just convenient, I guess. Besides, they are good friends, right?"

Good friends who act like a lot more than friends, Neji thought darkly. He was thankful that not every man in Konoha was chasing after her, but he got the impression that whenever he wasn't around they were much more inclined to do so.

"Oh look, they're here already," Sakura commented, pointing to where they sat at the bar, laughing and carrying on, obviously borderline drunk. Shikamaru nearly fell of his stool, stopped only by Tenten's arms wrapping around his waist. Leaning back against her, he whispered something in her ear, causing her to blush. He playfully nipped her earlobe, causing a surprised yelp.

What the hell are they doing? Inner Sakura demanded. Get a room…and invite me over!

"It looks like we weren't the only ones to arrive a bit early," Sakura said shyly.

"Why does he always have girls all over him?" Neji asked tonelessly.

He's HOT, that's why! I've never seen him drunk like this before…he's actually sexy! And the way he's moving…is he swaggering?

"I don't know; he's not even that attractive," Sakura told Neji. "He's skinny, rude, and totally boring. I don't know why Ino's so hooked on him…I mean, it's Shikamaru!"

-O-

Oh, shit.

Tenten had always stood by the saying "lightning never strikes the same place twice." Unfortunately, life had decided to prove her wrong. Not only was she once again drunk with Shikamaru, the same client they had met in the very same situation was walking towards them.

"Ooh look, it's the Naras!"

Naras!

Sakura felt her jaw hit the floor. Naras…as in the Nara couple?...as in the Nara married couple?

"Yomagata Keiko-san!" Tenten said sweetly, hoping she didn't look half as superficial as she felt. The woman was unbearable.

"How are you two lovebirds doing?" the woman asked sweetly.

"Hot," Shikamaru said, grinning widely. Tenten winced as her ass was groped. He was completely toasted; he was dead serious as he spoke. He wasn't even trying to mess with the other woman like Tenten had been intending to do. He was laying on the sexuality.

"Oh, I see," Keiko grinned. "Are you two still trying to have a baby?"

Oh, what the hell… "Every night," Tenten said, laughing.

"Multiple times," Shikamaru nodded smugly, arm wrapping around her waist.

Tenten giggled. "Animal," she chided, giggling some more.

"You know you like it," Shikamaru smirked. He bent down and nuzzled her neck, causing her to giggle some more.

"I do," Tenten cooed, winking at him.

"You two are so passionate; what's your secret?" Keiko asked enthusiastically.

"Lots of sex," Shikamaru told her unabashedly. "I mean real kinky stuff. My clan specializes in shadow jutsus and I can tell you that…"

Tenten was really embarrassed but she was also up for having some fun. Besides, they had more than half an hour until Lee was supposed to show up, more than enough time to wrap things up and make her way to the room Jou had reserved for the party.

"He does have some great moves," Tenten said serenely. "Great rhythm, too…you should see him dance."

"I do recall that he did quite well the last time I saw him," Keiko said seriously. "You young people…you're always doing something bold and daring. What was it again…oh yes, the "Best Ass" Dance Competition category."

Tenten buried her face in Shikamaru's shoulder as she laughed. He still had a cheesy trophy back at the apartment, its shiny, gold foil-plated cheeks glinting in the bright light.

"I won first place," Shikamaru said, smiling widely. "And Tenten-koishii here helped snag us "Hottest Couple" award. I wonder if they're having any competitions tonight…"

"Holy shit."

Neji turned sharply to face the normally demure Sakura.

"Shikamaru is amazing!" Sakura looked impressed. "Ino never told me these details! They say all Nara men, under the right circumstances, can be absolutely irresistible but wow! Those tequila rumors were right!"

Tenten left out the Hottest Couple part, Neji thought sourly, watching as Shikamaru and Tenten ended their conversation with the woman. After she left the establishment, they slapped high fives.

"You were good," Shikamaru complimented.

"You were too," Tenten told him.

"You're good right now," Shikamaru drawled, his hands tightening at her waist. "And I'll be really good too."

Tenten laughed. "You're really touchy-feely when you're drunk."

"But you're really hot when I'm drunk."

"Shikamaru, that's not much of a compliment," Tenten snapped.

"You're hot all the time," Shikamaru offered. "I just conveniently block it out. Living with anyone desensitizes them until a little friend called tequila comes along…"

"You are going to want to kick yourself in the morning," Tenten told him.

"Assuming I remember any of this, perhaps," he conceded. Her grinned lazily, hands reaching for her again. "But I won't, so it doesn't matter."

"It does matter."

Neji had appeared behind Shikamaru, who wisely stepped away from Tenten.

"Tenten, what are you doing?" Neji hissed. "Don't you have any self respect?"

"I do, but I forgot about it when I found out you were coming here with Sakura," Tenten said breezily, but her words were clipped. "I just want to have a little bit of fun…"

"With him?" Neji demanded.

"We're just flirting," Tenten pointed out. "We've determined it won't change anything between us. It's harmless. Neither of us is officially affiliated with anyone, in case, at least not yet."

Neji blinked. "So you and Kankurou aren't going out together anymore?"

"Explain to me how that's any of your business," Tenten said flatly. "You kiss me and don't call me for three weeks…don't pull that 'I had a mission' crap because you've obviously been home long enough to ask out Sakura and I do have an answering machine. It's pretty much understood that if someone doesn't contact you after you've kissed them, they aren't interested in seeing you again, the clincher being them asking out someone else."

Sakura stood nervously by Neji's side. Tenten had a very good point; not that Neji was an expert on relationships, but it was pretty much a common sense-type thing.

"I don't read minds, Neji," Tenten said, giving him a look that was clearly meant to poke fun at his many speeches about the Byakugan being able to read its opponents. "And Shikamaru and I are going to celebrate his last night as a free man" Tenten laughed "by making an ass of himself. So if you'll excuse us, we're going upstairs to wait for Jou-chan and Lee."

Sakura stared in disbelief as Tenten and Shikamaru turned calmly around, the former not flinching when her companion's arm slipped a little lower than her waist.

"Shikamaru is such a pimp," Sakura said, mouth gaping open. "Ino's such a lucky girl!"

"She's not even with him, Tenten is," Neji pointed out.

Sakura laughed darkly. "Then Tenten is a very lucky girl," Sakura said slyly. Rubbing her hands together conspiratorially (this was going to be a great story for Ino) she turned around and smiled serenely. "Come on, Neji, going upstairs is a good idea."

Neji sighed inwardly, knowing that if Tenten was upstairs, it really wasn't going to be a good idea at all.

-O-

"I thought people made reservations so they didn't have to stand in line," Izari observed drolly. It was extremely chilly outside and there was a massive line outside the teahouse.

"I want to get inside and tell everyone what happened," Jou said fretfully, glancing towards the front of the line. A prim and rather stuck up young woman was at the front, checking a guest list at what Izari estimated was the slowest speed she could manage without getting fired.

I want to get inside before we run into Lee, Izari thought darkly. She looked around before stepping out of line.

"Izari-chan!" Jou was surprised as her friend walked sleekly towards the front where the woman had just turned away a couple.

"Excuse me, but we have a reservation," Izari said politely. "We were—"

"I'm busy," the woman said curtly,

"The customer service here is appalling," Izari commented airily. "I just thought I'd tell you, if that means anything to you."

"Not really, because I'm calling the shots, not you," the girl shrugged, rolling her eyes, not even glancing up at Izari.

"If you think that makes you a big deal, you're dead wrong, doll," Izari told her, hands on her hips.

"Why don't you just be a rock star and wait like everyone else," the girl asked sweetly, glancing up at a rather intimidating Izari. Eyes widening, she stepped back when she recognized the musician.

"Honey, I am a rock star, and trust me…we don't wait."

"Um, yeah," the girl said shyly, face turning a bit pink.

"Oh, and would you be a darling and call over your manager? I think we should have a heart to heart about the direction of your current employment. The whole point of a reservation is so you don't have to wait…didn't they teach you that where you get your nails done?"

The girl sputtered, not quite sure what to say.

"Oh, I'll keep my mouth shut if you direct some people upstairs for me when they get here," Izari said, personality changing completely. "One of them is going to be wearing a green jumpsuit…that should be enough info. He and the three people he's with need to be let in no more than five minutes before midnight. I do trust you'll get the room right when you do. Thank you, doll face."

Izari smiled at her widely before she motioned for Jou and her friends to come inside.

"Night, night!"

-O-

Lee and the Sand siblings were standing outside the teahouse, which apparently had a line extending for nearly fifty people.

"This is taking forever," Kankurou grumbled.

"What time are we supposed to meet the client?" Lee asked anxiously. It was the first time he'd spoken up, which was odd. Usually he'd be chatting nonstop, but he seemed preoccupied.

He probably feels bad about his sister, Temari thought.

"Oh!" the woman at the door spotted them and called them up. "Please, hurry right this way!"

Kankurou raised an eyebrow. "That was a lot quicker than I thought," he muttered as the rather nervous looking woman ushered them in, someone else replacing her at the front door. He whistled appreciatively when he stepped inside.

"I didn't know they had places like this in Konoha," he said truthfully. "This is pretty ritzy."

"Yeah," Temari glanced around, trying to look unimpressed. Reserving a room here must have cost a fortune. More than any ninja made, anyway. How much money does that girl make?

"Here, right this way," the girl said skittishly, glancing at Lee like he was going to bite her head off. Completely oblivious to the woman's discomfort, Lee was asking Kankurou more details about the mission until he almost turned around and snapped at him.

"You'll see when we get there," he said gruffly. "Just follow us."

Lee obediently followed, a bit of his gusto coming back. Lee took a deep breath as they reached the door the girl had indicated. Glancing after her oddly as she practically ran away, he cleared his mind as his hand closed on the shouji door. He slid it open slowly.

-O-

"SURPRISE!"

Lee was practically bowled over by the power of everyone's voice. He was practically shoved into Gaara by his sister's enthusiastic hug. Naruto's clap on the back was enough to dislocate a normal man's shoulder. Sakura swooped in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, turning his cheeks flaming red.

Lee blinked; he'd gone from feeling fairly down to feeling absolute elation. He was going to celebrate his youth with his friends and family!

"I'm so glad to be commemorating the anniversary of my dear student's birth!" Maito Gai's voice was so loud Temari thought she'd punch him in the mouth. The tears streaming down his face made all three Sand siblings take an unconscious step backwards. Kankurou was almost taken out as Gai pulled a package out from behind his back with a flourish.

"My beloved student, I wish so desperately to be a part of your grand celebration of your youth, but I tragically have been assigned a mission and won't be able to stay!"

Temari was thanking her lucky stars before he had even said the last few words. So were her eardrums. She tried not the wince as she took in the green wrapping paper, green ribbon, and green birthday card.

Lee gaped, eyes watering freely, tenderly holding the package to his chest. "Do you want me to open it now?"

"Yes, Lee," Gai nodded, pride swelling in his chest. Temari knew the two were genuinely very close; why did they need to act so over-the-top?

Lee carefully unwrapped the gift (what, doesn't he want to tear the green paper? Kankurou thought dismally), exposing a pair of leg weights. Instead of "guts" they now read "youth" in dark, bold characters down the side.

"They're perfect!" Lee exclaimed, eyes brimming with tears.

"I made them just for you!" Gai told him.

I'd be a little alarmed if they were something you could just go out and buy somewhere, Gaara thought warily. But even more unsettling is the fact that busy-body instructors can sit around and make them; are there directions floating around somewhere?

"I'm going to try them on!" Lee said excitedly, sitting down on a floor cushion. Slinging off a weight and handing it to Kankurou, the latter tried very hard not the let the thing drop right through his grasp, right through the floor he stood on, and right through the skull of the poor sucker that might be standing below him on the bottom floor of the building. He let out a sigh or relief when Gaara's sand plucked the weight from his hands as if it didn't weigh a pound.

"Thanks," he told his brother as the redhead's sand accepted the second weight from Lee. The shiny-haired nin was strapping on the new weights, standing up and giving a few test kicks. Judging by the still-apparent ease at which Lee could move, Kankurou was grateful that he wasn't going to be fighting him any time soon.

Tenten was able to con me into going for a run with her, he thought darkly, recalling his scowl when a rather energetic brunette showed up at his doorstep at six in the morning. But she couldn't pay me to fight fuzzy-eyebrows over here…

Kankurou frowned. He was in bad mood, sure, but for some reason Lee was really pissing him off tonight. Generally finding the bowl cut haired ninja mildly annoying yet fairly easy to ignore, he was now forced to spend an entire night devoted solely to him and it wasn't sitting well. Especially since he was so goddamned cheerful…

"Could you look any unhappier?" Temari whispered fiercely, nudging him sharply with her elbow.

"Wait a few minutes and you'll see," he said darkly. His eyes shifted to where Shikamaru and Tenten were carrying on. Following his gaze, his sister sighed.

"What the hell are they doing?" she asked finally.

"Pissing me off," Kankurou muttered. His sister didn't look terribly happy either. His sister wasn't one to sulk so she walked to the other side of the room and took a seat on a floor cushion close to Lee.

"I hope you realize that you look absolutely murderous," a voice said sweetly. It was the blonde who'd answered the door earlier, intensifying the downward direction this night was slowly heading.

"What do you want?" Kankurou asked in a way that very clearly told her he did not want to know.

"You're starting to make Jou a little nervous with all that glaring. Poor little girl worries to death about everything, you know. I don't think Lee's done anything to deserve it, so what's the real reason you look so pissed off?"

"It's none of your business, butt out," Kankurou snapped.

Izari laughed merrily, setting off warning bells in his head. "It is my business," Izari corrected. "You see, Jou is my best friend and Jou, being the sweetheart that she is, won't call you on any bad behavior tonight because she doesn't want to cause a scene. I, however, have no problem in doing so, and I'd like nothing better than to kick someone's ass tonight."

Kankurou snorted. "You, beat me up?"

"I'd settle for verbal emasculation," Izari shrugged. "But I don't care how mad you are. If I'm not allowed to start a fight, neither are you."

"You're not my mother," Kankurou countered. "Just get the hell out of here. I'm not in a good mood."

"I know. The world isn't all that great for everybody all the time, but you can't just go acting however you want."

"You're one to be getting all preachy on me," Kankurou spat.

"But just think about it this way; would your little ex-girlfriend Tenten over there want you to start a fight with that spiky-haired idiot? I don't think so. And she'd be equally upset if that white-eyed guy who's staring at her hard enough to burn holes through her did the same thing. He looks even more pissed off than you do, though I've determined that he pretty much lives in a constant state of anger."

"Well aren't you just the queen of observation today," Kankurou deadpanned. "Piss off."

Izari smiled at him brightly, a grin so creepily fake and sincere at the same time that it made his skin crawl. "Sure, just remember what I said," she reminded him, poking him in the chest with a purple-lacquered nail. "No fighting."

Kankurou glared at her, his mood souring by the minute. "What are you going to do if I start one?"

Izari blinked, her bewildered expression followed by a laugh. It sent a chill down his spine; it sure wasn't a happy laugh. Definitely tinged with the promise of pain, the chuckles were still evident in her voice when she spoke.

"Do not mess with me," she said cheerfully, patting the top of his hood. "Bye, bye."

After a cute little wave, she left him and returned to Jou's side, where Lee was opening up an orange-colored gift from Naruto. Lee fell backwards and Izari caught him with one arm and the gift before it landed on his head with the other.

"Another Come Come Paradise boxset?" Izari asked critically. "How cliché." She scanned the cover. "Wait…are these new chapters? How come I've never seen these before?"

"Yeah, my teacher writes them," Naruto said proudly.

Izari gasped, dropping Lee suddenly with a loud thump. "He does?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my god, your teacher is JIRAIYA! I have to meet him," Izari said urgently.

Naruto gave her an appraising look up and down before shaking his head. "I don't know if that's really a good idea. He might use you as inspiration for his newest book."

Far from looking upset at this, Izari appeared quite star-struck. "Really? That would be absolutely brilliant!"

Temari glanced sideways at the blonde, who was discussing details of a meeting with the white-haired pervert with Naruto. She was obviously thrilled at the prospect.

What a weird woman, she thought, frowning. She looked up to see her brother's reaction—after all, the two had just been talking a moment ago—but Kankurou was looking over at Tenten again.

God, I hope that he doesn't do something stupid tonight, Temari thought. He's been getting worse and worse since they broke up. I mean, sometimes he's okay, but others…I know he's not over it yet. I've got a bad feeling about tonight…

-O-

"Tenten, Neji looks PISSED."

"Hm?" Tenten glanced up, turning up her nose at Neji's glare. "He always looks pissed."

"No, he always looks emotionless," Shikamaru managed to correct through his slightly drunken haze. "Pissed falls under the category of 'bad for Shikamaru' if you get my drift. We need to get out of here, at least until he cools down."

"Lee's just about to open my gift, just wait a minute," Tenten told him, elbowing him.

Shikamaru elbowed back.

"Ow."

"Oww."

"OW."

"Shut up, both of you," Kankurou snapped. Lee turned around, eyes wide.

"It's nothing, just go back to opening up your presents," Kankurou reassured him at Izari's warning look. He really didn't know what she was capable of; something told him he didn't want to find out. Even if she couldn't unscrew the cap off a peanut butter jar he knew that something as small as an argument would do wonders to further degrade his already shot anger management skills.

"TENTEN, THANK YOU!" Lee stood up suddenly, manly tears in his eyes. He clutched the photo display to his chest, the brushed silver frame containing pictures of Team Gai throughout the years. The last picture had been taken over a year and a half ago.

"You're welcome, Lee," Tenten smiled at him, eyes widening when she found herself being crushed in a hug. "…Lee…could you perhaps, ease up a bit?"

"Oops, sorry," Lee said sheepishly, back at his sister's side in an instant. He went back to opening his presents, and as Shikamaru hadn't gotten him anything (and really wasn't at a point in his life where he cared) he and Tenten snuck out and went downstairs where the deejay was coincidentally spinning a Green Dragons remix.

Sakura had since moved to sit with Temari, as her "date" was not being very receptive towards her (or anyone) in general. Neji and Kankurou glanced back at Lee, glanced back at the open shouji door, then back towards Lee. Halfway there, their eyes met and narrowed. Black irises hit white irises intensely. Both men were almost out the door before being stopped by Naruto.

"Where are you guys going?" he chirruped.

It figures he didn't see them go, Neji thought darkly.

"Out of my way, Uzumaki," Kankurou growled.

"But you didn't eat any of the great food! She really went all out!"

Kankurou scowled as a plate full of something slimy and pink was shoved into his face.

"What the hell is that?"

"Shrimp," Naruto said.

Kankurou smirked mentally, remembering back when he first met Naruto how he'd likened him to a shrimp, not really knowing what the small animal looked like, per se. He'd seen pictures of them in books, but they'd been…alive. They weren't all…squishy.

"I know you don't have seafood in Suna, so you'd better eat up," Naruto prattled on. "You too, Neji."

"I eat seafood every day," he answered tonelessly. Sorely tempted to use Byakugan to see exactly what Tenten was up to, he wished that Naruto would get out of the damned way.

"But this is FREE." Naruto reiterated, looking at Neji as if his eyes had suddenly turned green.

Neji was torn between shoving his way past Naruto and simply submitting so he could leave sooner. He didn't even like shrimp that much but he picked one up off the tray before sidestepping Naruto smoothly. Kankurou moved forward, stopped by the tray of shrimp. Sighing, rolling his eyes, and cracking his jaw, he grabbed one too, plucking it in his mouth as he pushed Naruto out of his way.

"Man, what do you think is wrong with those two?" Naruto asked, blue eyes squinting after them in a scowl.

"They're idiot men," Izari offered as if that explained everything.

Naruto looked at her, puzzled.

"I'll tell you what…neither of them would be so dense if they had a normal childhood," Izari said, shrugging. She glanced over at Lee and Jou, who were laughing and looking over Lee's gifts together.

"I don't know how normal it is for a ninja to have a family growing up, at least one that acts like that," Temari said, pointing to the siblings who were completely oblivious to what was going on around them.

"Then I guess they're just fortunate," Izari said with a small smile. "Anyway, your brother's not going to pull some asshole move down there, is he?"

Temari frowned, not liking a stranger implying her brother couldn't control himself…even though she really had a good point. Still, familial pride won over.

"Of course not; Kankurou isn't going to do anything stupid."

-O-

"You've been practicing," Tenten accused Shikamaru halfway through their second song. "When I caught you hopping around the other day it wasn't because you banged your knee on the coffee table."

"You can't prove that," Shikamaru said with a lazy grin. "And if you're going to complain, I'll just leave."

"Not as drunk as you are and I am, you won't," Tenten countered. "We're both way too comfortably smashed to leave…just like your hands are way too comfortable on my waist to leave."

"That's true," Shikamaru admitted. As the song changed, he visibly perked up. "I love this song."

Tenten laughed. "Wow, you really are drunk."

"Seriously, though, Ino made me watch the video for this one over and over," Shikamaru said solemnly. "I know every single step."

"You're kidding," Tenten laughed. "This was a hit when we were like, fourteen. You still remember it all?"

"I'm a genius, remember?" Shikamaru reminded her, staring pointedly to where his feet were perfectly executing the dance moves.

"I am not getting out-danced by you again," Tenten said. "Besides, that Izari girl is here tonight. She's going to get pissed if you draw too much attention to yourself. She's quite competitive and she's quite good. It was pure nerve, last time. Nerve, and luck. You're not going to win again."

"I'll win again, and we'll snag another trophy and we'll show that girl who's really got the better ass," Shikamaru said seriously.

Tenten laughed. "I hope I remember all of this tomorrow. Better yet, I hope you remember this tomorrow."

"Then let's make it something worth remembering," Shikamaru said with a shrug, hands slipping down to her hips. "I figure when Ino and I start up tomorrow it'll be with a bang."

"Yeah, her banging your head against a table when she finds out how we're acting," Tenten said, her hips grinding against his.

"Eh, she'd find a reason to anyway," Shikamaru said. "But she'll always nurse me back to health afterwards."

"Look, there's Izari, she's coming down here to dance," Tenten said, watching the leggy blonde descend the stairs. "Shikamaru, you're going to get beaten into the ground."

"Not if you're my partner," he said.

"Yeah, but I don't want to draw TOO much attention to ourselves," Tenten said, glancing around. "I just remembered how Kankurou looked…I don't think he's happy with me."

"You didn't seem upset that Neji didn't look very pleased."

"He's an ass, I don't care if he's angry," Tenten snapped.

"That's probably not the best attitude to be having, at least when it comes to my welfare," Shikamaru pointed out. "Oh well, if we move towards the center…shit, he can see through walls, I doubt moving up front will make it any harder for him to see us carry on…My ass is toast anyway. I say at this point, let's screw it."

Tenten smiled. I know I'm not acting like myself and Shikamaru definitely isn't acting like himself, but I just want a reaction, damn it. He really, really hurt my feelings when I found out he was going with Sakura…UGH. He doesn't have any right to get mad at me if I just want to mess around. I'm not doing anything that bad. Shikamaru and I aren't even attached right now!

Tenten grabbed Shikamaru's wrist and pulled him towards the middle of the dance floor. She put it down that coincidence, not fate, had made the deejay put on "I've Thrown My Caution to the Wind," yet another Green Dragon classic from their early career. Izari occasionally put out a dance hit, but most of their work had begun to mellow.

Izari watched the two of them, eyes thoughtful. I'm going to need a partner for this one…

"Lee, come here, please," she said quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Will you dance with me?" Izari asked.

Temari snorted. Lee…dance like that? There's no way she can get him to…

"Unless you don't think you can do it…" Izari trailed off innocently. "I understand. It's really difficult, so maybe I'll just—"

Izari smiled triumphantly at Temari (whose doubt had been fairly obvious) as Lee practically carried her towards the dance floor.

Well…I never have seen him turn down a challenge, Temari tried to rationalize. She watched Izari teach Lee how to dance to the song; she was actually quite good and very patient. She wasn't trying to make him uncomfortable or inadequate and seemed to work with his enthusiasm. The steps weren't hard and Lee caught on fairly quickly. He wasn't as naturally skilled as Shikamaru seemed to be, she noticed with a frown, but he wasn't bad by any stretch.

Temari felt a twist when she thought of Shikamaru, but knew it wasn't the end of the world. While it didn't make it any easier to see him like this, she was more worried about her brother than herself. At least she knew she could keep it together, whereas Kankurou and Neji were standing at the far wall of the teahouse, about ten feet apart and feeding off of each others' animosity towards Shikamaru, Tenten, and each other.

"I hope he doesn't do anything stupid," Jou said beside her. "He's already hurt her very badly and if he pulls something tonight it's just going to push them back."

"Hm?" Temari raised her eyebrow at the shorter girl. She was standing there, in the middle of the teahouse, holding a small plate with shrimp.

"I'm hungry," she said, brushing off Temari's look. "Try a shrimp."

Temari started. "Excuse me?"

"Try a shrimp, they're good, I promise," Jou repeated.

Making a face, Temari decided that protesting wasn't worth it and picked up the slimy thing and ate it quickly. The taste was okay, but the texture was appalling.

"You like those?" she asked skeptically.

"Yep. Seafood is my favorite."

"I thought girls like chocolate," Temari said flippantly.

"I'm allergic to most of it," Jou said.

"That sucks," Temari said, clapping a hand over her mouth when she realized how thoughtless it was.

Jou laughed. "Don't worry. I said most, not all. Izari found me a brand that doesn't make me break out in hives."

"I'll bet testing them all out was fun," Temari said dryly.

"Actually, Izari had this complex study she was doing with cross-checking ingredients and everything…I don't know, it went way over my head and Izari likes doing weird science-y things like that. She offered; she wanted to do it, really."

"That's really weird."

"Yeah, well, she's weird, but she's smart," Jou said proudly.

"You two seem very close," Temari commented. "It's kind of odd, seeing as how you're very different."

"Eh, I never thought about it like that," Jou said with a shrug. "Izari is just Izari…that's all. Why complicate it?"

Temari snorted. She's halfway to being a simpleton, just like her brother who I'm pretty sure is already there, she thought. At least she's not a social retard like those two idiot men over there.

-O-

"Are you going to worry over them all night?" Gaara asked Sakura, who was glancing over at Kankurou and Neji warily. "They're grown men."

"They're idiots, though," Sakura muttered.

"Why did you come here with one of them, then?" Gaara asked her.

"I don't know, I just wanted to go with someone and I ran into Neji," Sakura said. "I didn't know it would end up like this."

"It's Neji's fault for going with you, because Tenten would never act this way otherwise," Gaara said.

"Yeah, that's true," Sakura admitted. "Ino's going to have a fit when she hears about this."

"And you're going to be the one who tells her, I'm assuming?" Gaara asked needlessly.

"Of course, this is a hell of a night," Sakura crowed.

"How can you two be friends if you like to make her mad?"

"Eh, she gets over it quickly," Sakura said. "And she likes being mad."

Gaara had to concede that there was no evidence he'd ever seen that would be able to refute this. He didn't know her all that well, but every time he'd seen her she'd been functioning at some degree of pissed off.

"I don't think Ino's going to believe any of this," Sakura said after a moment of watching Shikamaru and Tenten. "It's a wonder one of those two guys just doesn't go up there and punch him."

-O-

It's a wonder I don't go up there and punch him, Kankurou thought irritably, wanting very much to wipe that silly smile of Shikamaru's face. He screws with Temari's feelings and now he puts the moves on my ex? Damn it, I'm going to kick his ass if he does one more thing to piss me off tonight.

I can't believe she's acting like this, Neji seethed. She's acting like a whore.

At the end of the song, he saw Tenten and Shikamaru collapse in a fit of drunken giggles. Shikamaru's head fell against her shoulder and he gave her a quick peck on the throat.

"That son of a bitch," Kankurou growled next to him, starting forward. He stalked past dancing couples until he reached Tenten and Shikamaru. Completely without preface, he punched Shikamaru right in the head. Having a thirty pound disadvantage (and a fairly high blood alcohol content), Nara went down like a sack of bricks.

"Kankurou!" Tenten was livid. She turned on him fiercely. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" he asked indignantly. "Try what's wrong with you!"

"You're acting like an idiot!" Tenten hissed.

"You're acting like a whore!" Kankurou countered hotly. He regretted it instantly, but it wasn't enough to take back what he'd said.

Neji was there in an instant. "Don't call her that."

"You were thinking it too," Kankurou snapped irritably. "I could see it in your creepy white eyes."

"You're acting like a child," Neji told him.

"You're acting like a child," Kankurou repeated, "whose favorite little plaything's been stolen from him. You don't really care about her."

Tenten stepped forward to break the two apart but managed to get nailed right in the eye by Neji's fist. Neji stiffened; she'd gotten in the way but that wasn't what mattered now.

Kankurou stared at Tenten in shock, before glaring at Neji. "You son of a bitch!"

Kankurou threw himself at Neji, conveniently forgetting that Neji had considerable taijutsu skills and he had none. Tenten didn't know if this mattered now; the two weren't fighting pretty. It was a brawl, pure and simple.

"I can't fucking believe it, those two assholes," Izari said, stepping out of the circle that surrounded the two men. She performed a jutsu that Tenten wasn't familiar with which actually struck both Kankurou and Neji with a bolt of what appeared to be electricity. It didn't do any damage but stunned them both long enough for her to grab them and drag them towards the door.

TBC

Author's Notes: Yes, I know it's a cliffhanger, but at least I updated. I encourage everyone to leave a signed review so I can address any questions or comments you have. I want to reiterate that this is a Nejiten AND a Sand sibling fic, so the focus is split. My ideas have recently spiraled out of control and it's going to be a lot longer than I anticipated originally. Nejiten and the Sand siblings will still be featured prominently, don't worry. Please be nice if you decide to review