Yes! I am not dead! Half term has allowed me to try and type up one (sorry this is a bit rushed... I was trying to do my Chem at the same time sheepish grin)

Anyway, hope you appreciate this chapter!

Disclaimer: You know what this is going to say - anything you recognise is not mine. It's Colfer's. Like my friends say: Deal.

Chapter 21 – In which we all find out about some very meddlesome upper powers

Ivy was shocked at two things. The first and foremost was that she was actually shocked. The second was the story that was being unravelled in front of her. All of the knots in her life, in Artemis's life… they were becoming unfurled for the first time.

"The Balance was changing in the direction of the Dark once again, and it became a necessity for stronger, better Chosen Ones of the Elements, and a stronger Keeper of the Balance for the realities."

"You just told me that the titles were handed down from generation to generation, and now it comes as a necessity? Make up your mind, Fowl." Ivy snapped, still grumpy of her own surprise.

"No need to be so snappish, Kestrel. There's a first time for everything, even a Chosen One of Water being surprised at something." Here, the pale boy smirked, sparking more anger within Ivy – the nerve of some people, especially when one was feeling especially annoyed!

"The fact was, Kestrel, that the line was dwindling. The elements aren't above corruption, just like humans, seeing as they've interwoven themselves so deeply amongst us. They were so obsessed with keeping the lines pure that the powers were starting to dwindle."

"Explain something, Fowl." Frowned Ivy, puzzling over what the alternate Artemis had just said to her, "If the bloodline was so pure, why weren't the powers becoming stronger?"

Artemis sighed, seeing that a straightforward story just wasn't going to succeed in gaining this strange girl's trust. "What would it take to convince you that what I am talking about is correct?"

Blue met green in the tranquillity of the darkness, two burning flames trying to outshine the other. Neither would break before the other, but in this situation, someone had to bend…

"Children, please, must you have a battle of the wills now of all times?" Asked a world-weary voice. Ivy jumped, but Fowl just smiled indulgently, "I'd prefer if I could have my wife back sometime or another in the near future, and it would be nice to know my daughter a little better than I do right now."

Ivy coloured slightly, suddenly glad of the dim lighting. She hadn't blushed in over two years now, and yet there was something in this reality that was making her feel giddy. She should have suspected something right away, but the pressure in the room…

"Why is it so pressurised in here?" She asked, not caring whether or not she was being rather rude, "I feel as if my head is being squashed like an overripe tomato."

"Charming imagery, Kestrel." Smirked Fowl, although his eyes seemed as it he was simply indulging a spoilt child, "I hope that you will grace us with more of those glorious images later on."

And, although every fibre of her being screamed against such a childish act, she stuck her tongue out at the offending adolescent. And then, the unthinkable happened.

Artemis Fowl, or at least, his alternative, broke from a smirk into a full-blown grin. For a moment, Ivy was curious as to how he was able to arrange his facial features in such a way, when Duke Kestrel, who admittedly was her father, scolded Fowl.

"Artemis, I thought we were under the agreement that we would break this to her gently. I doubt that the other side of you would have grinned as you are right now. You've given away half of the plot already."

The world-weary voice rendered Ivy's heart so violently that she had to remind herself that it was ridiculous for her to be worried about him. After all, he was a fairy, and he was probably going to outlive even her, despite their difference in age.

"And please, Ivy, if you're going to insult me in your thoughts, try to keep them down? They are quite deafening, you know."

Ivy did a double take. So this was why her mother was so worried about her powers… it didn't come from either of her parents, it came from somewhere else.

"Well done, Ivy. My powers lie more in the direction of the picking up of thoughts rather than any of the traditional powers. Indeed, it should also be in you, seeing as this sharing of minds seems to be a family trait."

"I suppose so…" Frowned Ivy. It was true, after all. As long as the person in question was thick enough, she could usually take one look at them and absorb the information that they lay out like chalk on a blank slate.

Although, she had always thrown this talent under the category of 'you can do it. Deal.' And never really bothered to find out much about it. Of course, this wasn't exactly what she would usually do.

"Of course, your mother never did like that small antic of mine." Duke Kestrel's emerald eyes started to cloud over as he relived a memory, "I remember once she was upset that the entire household had not noticed her for an entire thirty minutes, apart from me, and then I told her it was because they were throwing a surprise birthday party for her."

"Wouldn't that sort of ruin the surprise, though?" Ivy inquired, curious as to the nature of the conclusion.

"Oh, of course not. She immediately screamed half the castle down, brought everyone running and fussing over her, and the birthday party was completely forgotten." He thought for a moment, "I got grounded as well."

Evidently, the alternate Artemis had not heard of this story either.

"Okay."

Here, the conversation halted. There wasn't much to say, not after so many years of not knowing each other. However, after about a minute, and some serious thinking, Ivy's green eyes met Artemis's blue ones.

"Tell me everything."

"Chosen Ones? Why does this sound more archaic than anything else?" Frowned Artemis, "And what does it mean by the 'Gifts of the Elements'?"

"So… you haven't noticed anything different about your girlfriend?" Asked Foaly, trying his hardest to get the adolescent to admit that his observation skills were starting to wane.

"Well, of course Ivy has some special capabilities, that I shall concede to, but she has, in fact, explained it all to me. From where she comes from, the powers have been concentrated into one being, and she is just…"

Here, the abrupt poking at his stomach interrupted him. Glancing down, he gave Holly his attention. "Yes, Holly? What is it? And calling my name would have helped, without the poking, thank you."

A cheeky grin flashed from the female elf's face, "The poking is a bonus, not a necessity, Fowl. And besides, since when did you ever see any of the People managing to shoot fireballs out of their hands when they're really angry?"

Artemis froze mid-sentence as the full extent of those words hit him. Then he realised that he had just cut off one of his own sentences, and immediately snapped his mouth shut again. Artemis Fowl did not leave sentences unfinished like an average child!

"Indeed, I have not seen this power demonstrated, and nor have I heard of these powers from your Book." Replied Artemis, trying to sew together the tatters of his dignity, ignoring the centaur's sniggering and whinny.

"Exactly, Fowl. She has those powers because the elements deemed her suitable to have them. And the 'Gifts' are just that. Gifts."

Artemis gave her a flat, unfriendly stare, "Details, Holly, I like details. What kind of gifts is the Book talking about?"

"What else is special about Ivy, Artemis? You know, the more obvious defect?" Asked Holly, rolling her eyes at how this genius could figure out how to cheat the time stop, and how to escape the mind-wipe, but could not figure out this simple puzzle instantly.

"Ivy has no defects, as far as I can make out…" Artemis frowned, trying to think of anything unusual about Kestrel.

Holly glanced at Trouble, her hazel eyes beseeching help. Trouble smiled, shrugged, and pulled back his fist. Before anyone had the time to react, he had brought it to the human's nose.

"Ow!" Commented Artemis, rather loudly and with much complaint. Blood started to trickle away from his nose. "What was that for?"

"For being young and in love. Oh, and did I mention for starting to daydream in the middle of proceedings?" The problem with fairies, and especially fairies from the Kelp family, was that they couldn't recognise a warning even if it walked in front of them with a Softnose laser gun and started to shoot them.

"It was a warning, my dear Major… ah, excuse my slip of tongue, Commander Kelp. I was rather expecting an apology than anything else. Anyway, I was not daydreaming; I was trying to remember if Ivy ever showed any signs of having any defections."

Root gave him a frank look that spoke volumes. "Fowl, if you're thinking about Kestrel as a perfect person, then you have A) hit the target and B) just contradicted yourself. Thinking that a girl is perfect is the same as daydreaming about her."

"Since when did you decide that?" Asked Artemis, chagrined at not spotting that simple mistake. "And in what way have I hit the target?"

"Artemis, listen to me. How many people do you know can do the things that Ivy can? As in, all rolled into one package?"

The young Fowl heir froze, and stood to contemplate this, his eyes flashing slightly. He blinked. And he blinked again. It was starting to piece together.

"So Ivy has the ability to absorb talents, from all around, and put it into her body?" Fowl frowned again, doing some biological analysis in his head, "That's not humanly possible, though."

"Why did you assume that Ivy was human in the first place, Fowl?" Asked Holly. Her hazel eyes were blazing, and Artemis was sure that if looks could kill, then he would be dead. "Fairies have a much more space in their heads than humans. We use about seventy percent of our brain power, and so we have much more space to store things."

For about the fifth time in his life, the young Fowl heir was struck speechless, and could do nothing about it. He really did have to work on that database of witty remarks for all occasions, just to avoid any more embarrassing moments like this.

"Alright then, Kestrel, listen carefully because I'm not going to be repeating myself for you. The bloodlines were starting to weaken because the power from some bloodlines was beginning to cancel out the powers from others. It was getting to the stage where they could hardly conjure a slight breeze, never mind a hurricane!

Anyway, after a while, the Balance also started being affected. And that called for another Keeper of the Balance, which would be me. A Keeper must make the decisions of how a destiny turns out, and how a story ends, happy or not. There are always good reasons for sad endings, and good reasons for good endings as well. Of course, having this kind of control over destinies is not something you hand over to a simpleton, so the Balance concluded that I was going to have to have some kind of intellectual advantage over others.

The elements knew that I was coming once again, and they didn't like the fact that I was going to be born with unfair advantages – my powers and my brainpower, you understand. So they managed to do something to me. However, as soon as they did this, their Chosen Ones were immediately obliterated, and they realised that they should have thought this through more carefully. The Balance does not like meddling, and the Balance had just about had enough of the element's meddling. Unfortunately, there was no way of tracking me down."

"Okay, Artemis Fowl, just tell me what he managed to do. I can tell that you're just desperate for me to ask 'What happened?'" Grunted Ivy, not very happy with this Artemis's melodramatic flair – it disturbed her, no matter how much she would have preferred not to be.

"They managed to split me in two. One side with the powers of the Keeper, and the other with the cleverness to manipulate an entire reality."

Ivy's jaw dropped. You could almost hear the bone as it contacted the floor, and her green eyes were wider than they had ever been before. So that would mean…

"Yes, my dear Kestrel." The blue eyes bore into her, piercing into her soul, "That's why I need to go with you. Unless I combine once again into my whole self, I cannot gain my rightful powers, and nor are the realities safe from my decisions. I have to go with you."

A/N: And there you have it! Another chapter done, and proof that this thing is no longer on hiatus, thank goodness.

Anyway, review! Press the purple button (tries her hardest to stare at readers with the mesmer)