Chapter 22 – In which Piccolo and Cat reveal their true purpose
"Okay, so right now, I need to find out how to get back to another reality. And how to get another person over as well. And then get Artemis to believe all this. And then, somehow, I'm going to make everything the way it was meant to go." Ivy tried taking deep, calming breaths, only to find that it wasn't working.
"Reviving your mother might be a good idea as well." Duke Kestrel said none too subtly, "Also, you may want to think about…"
However, what the Duke was going to say will be lost to us forever, as Ivy chose this time to fall into a dead faint. Artemis walked up to the girl, and tapped her politely. After concluding that she was out cold, and had no chance of waking up anytime soon, he turned to his guardian and commented,
"I think that we have just done what the Book has deemed impossible. We have just overloaded the Chosen One of Water's 'things-to-do' list."
Artemis Fowl, heir to the Fowl fortune, and criminal mastermind, although some people were of the opinion that he should put more effort into growing a beard instead, was about to bang his head on the cave walls for inspiration. They were getting nowhere, especially since he was still distrustful of this story. So what if Kestrel was able to do many things? It didn't mean that she was a supernatural being, it just meant she was a Jack-'o'-all-trades! And he needed fresh air sometime or other, because the pressure was starting to make him think in exclamation marks!
"Holly, even if Ivy had these powers through a third party, and not through inheritance, then how do you propose to find her? As far as I am aware of, Foaly has shut down whatever reality holiday maker there was, and Spiro is in no shape to even get out of the hospital bed yet, let alone do anything else."
Holly smirked, and turned around smartly on her heels, saluting Trouble, "Commander, sir! Permission to take a vehicle to the surface, sir!"
"Permission granted, Holly, but seriously, you're not employed by the LEP anymore, you do know that, right?"
"Of course, but it doesn't hurt to be nice and make you give me the keys, does it?" Replied Holly glibly, smirking her own version of Artemis Fowl's infamous smirk. The fact that a diminutive elf was smirking amplified the effects, and immediately, all the occupants in the room backed away slightly.
"Okay, I did not teach her to do that in the Academy. How have you corrupted her, Fowl?" Yelled Vinyaya, proving that she had just as much talent for histrionics as Root. Everyone winced; all wondering whether or not having a loud voice was compulsory in becoming a leading officer, or whether it was just that Vinyaya and Root came from that era.
Artemis sighed, wondering how he managed to get himself into such a mess. Answering his own question, he muttered, "Probably with very little effort, considering the company I'm in."
Foaly stared at the Mud Adolescent with open suspicion, and asked, "You do know that talking to yourself is the human's first sign of madness."
"What's the People's first sign of madness?"
"Walking into troll territory with a barbecued stinkworm curry in your pocket."
"Sorry I asked."
Ireland
Artemis was even sorrier, however, when he made the decision to go and pick up the bodyguards. Butler was livid that his charge had, once again, managed to risk his life. Although, if Butler was livid, then the word strong enough to describe Nubi was either censored, or hadn't been invented yet.
"Let me get this straight, Fowl. You know about Spiro." Artemis nodded, sheltering behind Butler whilst Nubi was trying to reach him in order to strangle him, "And you knew that he had the resources to get to Ivy. And you knew that Melissa was in the same city. And you have the highest IQ in all of Europe. WHAT KIND OF GENIUS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
Artemis winced, wishing that he still had no conscience, and nodded an affirmative. His vocal chords had shorted out, and a new emotion was choking him so much that he could hardly put a name to it. Although, from his father's vivid descriptions of this emotion, he knew in his heart what it was.
For a rare moment in his life, Artemis was feeling shame.
"Look, Holly thinks she knows…"
"Think I know? I know I know!" Interrupted the tiny elf, her crew cut spiking up now that her helmet had been removed. She ignored the sharp look she received from Artemis, and carried on, "There's a place here on Earth where we found Melissa and Ivy, although she wasn't actually born yet, and there's a breach there. We couldn't do anything to shut it down, so we had to appoint a few people to guard over it. You know, just to prevent anyone falling into that breach and ending up in another world."
Butler frowned, his brow furrowing, the faint wrinkles showing up again. "This means that we've got another adventure on our hands, doesn't it?"
Artemis was startled. Did Butler, the ever-infallible bodyguard, just get a glint in his eyes that signified enjoyment?
"Butler, I never knew that you enjoyed these 'adventures' as you call them." He smirked, thinking that payback was in order, "I thought that you were over the wildcard side of your nature."
To which the faithful manservant had nothing to say but a blush.
When Ivy came to, she was surrounded by light that she swore was unnatural, even by electronic standards. She winced as she forced her eyes open to see what was going on.
Of course, what she didn't know (but what you're about to) was that she wasn't really awake. However, it was only during this time when the Elements were able to access her without her actually consciously summoning them. Plus, it was the only way of getting a private conversation.
Ivy Kestrel, now that thou knowest what thou must do, thou must fulfil it. Dost thou understand?
"No, in fact, I don't understand. Not fully, at any rate. Please, explain this to me fully."
She received a look that obviously said, 'Do not try to mess with us'. She ignored it, and pressed on, determined to get her way.
"Look, all I know right now is a rather garbled version. I know that you didn't want Artemis coming into power. Then your so-called 'Chosen Ones' were all blasted into non-existence by this 'Balance' that keeps on coming up. Then you decide that you want Artemis re-assembled, so to speak. Why didn't you just transport Artemis back and re-combine him?"
She winced at the neologisms used in her ramble. Oh, the humiliation if this speech ever got into the hands of one Artemis Fowl…
There were, and still are, rules that even we must abide by.
"If you did it once, why couldn't you do it again? And must you speak in that archaic tone of voice?"
It was the unnatural light, Lightning, that spoke this time.
Point taken, Kestrel. Alright, you want the plain truth? You've got the plain truth. To speak quite candidly…
Here, all of the elements seemed reluctant to reveal anything. It was as if this were another delaying tactic, something to keep her from knowing the truth…
"Look, if you're too embarrassed to say it, fine. Just bear in mind that I won't be taking the blame when I go back without Fowl's other half…" If I go back at all…she thought with a momentary sense of panic, which was quickly squashed.
No, you are right, Ivy. You've got to know this to understand. The reason why we didn't simply solve this ourselves was because we cannot make humans, or fairies, travel through the realities. Ourselves, and only ourselves, it is plausible. However…
"I see." Ivy frowned, finishing the imaginary join the dots game, forming the entire picture, "So the only reason you could get half of Artemis over to the other side was because Artemis's powers enable him to take himself and other humans across to other realities. And the reason why humans and fairies cannot do so with you… is because they are no longer properly part of you?"
A slight nod. It was good enough, as far as Ivy was concerned.
"Okay, so all I've got to do is get you to help me across, whilst in contact with Artemis. Simple enough, right?"
Not really. There is a slight complication.
"What's that? Why are you looking awkward? I'm not going to like this, am I?"
Foaly the centaur found the vortex quite by accident, and tried to harness it. I'm sure you've heard of the story. Unfortunately, the LEP also heard of it, and the gnome that you know as Ark Sool commissioned it as the way of disposing criminals.
"And… what's the problem?"
As you humans may know it, (here, Ivy could have sworn that Lightning looked sheepish, if that were even possible for it) there is a pipe blockage. There are several fairies stuck there, and you need to either get them through, or eject them.
"So? Just tell me how, and that problem is done and dusted. Another human phrase for you to study."
Not as simple as that, I'm afraid. Sool is in that tube, and he's very, very angry.
"Angry? That's the best word you can use to describe him right now? And Sool is in there? Didn't you just tell me it was him who had everyone who was found to break the fairy law thrown in?"
A slight inclination of the head. Wow, talk about poetic justice…
Artemis Fowl had lost count how many times he had lost the plot during the last 24 hours. In fact, he didn't even want to be conscious anymore, just to avoid further humiliation. Woe to the person who told this to one called Ivy Kestrel.
He was back in Chicago, and he was back to the gang base. And, unfortunately, back in front of Cat. She was giving him the evils, and it was quite evident that, in her mind, it was all his fault that one of her best friends had been sucked into another dimension.
Holly, tactfully, was careful to keep the two separate. Inserting herself between the fuming teenage girl and the terrified teenage boy, she looked into Piccolo's vague eyes and said,
"The Mud Boy knows about the People, and he knows about Ivy. It's safe to talk about It in front of him."
The way that Holly had pronounced 'It' gave the impression of 'It' with a capital 'I'. Artemis's curiosity immediately got the better of him, and he gave in. Willingly.
"What is this that you are referring to as 'It'?"
Glares were sent his way, and suddenly he decided that it was probably better for his health that he kept away from these dangerous questions.
"So you need us to pilot?" Asked Piccolo, his voice dry, and crackling like the autumn leaves.
"Yeah, that would be wonderful… I still don't get a lot of the technology that you fitted into the ships. They're so…"
"…far behind that you don't know how to handle them." Chanted Piccolo and Cat, their eyes rolling.
Artemis, however, was not in the mood for this. "You're making me get into the same craft as her?" He gestured at Cat. A gentleman never points. "Are you made, Holly? You saw how she was looking at me! Unless she stays here, I'm not going."
"And unless both of us go, we'll never make it out of there alive." Cat mocked, her voice verging onto a sneer, "Fowl, that ship that we'll be flying needs several people to fly it. You can help Holly with the simple work, but unless you come with us, there is no way that we can rescue your girlfriend from the other reality."
Artemis scowled, and leaned back in his chair. "Fine, I'll come, but he first sign that you try to kill me and I'll get Butler here…"
"No. The big man has to stay here. He's too heavy for this kind of flying." Holly informed Artemis, regret plastered all over her face. "Someone has to do the maintenance."
Artemis ran out of excuses, for once in his life. His brain, obviously being affected by the effects of hormones, refused to work anymore. "Fine. I'll come. As soon as you tell me who they are."
"Oh, Cat and Piccolo? They're the ones I mentioned earlier, the people who guard the rift? Yeah, they're them."
Artemis could do nothing but stare in horror.
A/N: Wow! Record! Two updates in one day!
Anyway, my freedom is at an end! School is looming on the horizon, and so are GCSEs...
Read and review, people!