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Disclaimer: I do not own Prêtear.

Enjoy!

Quit Playing Games

Tears kept running down my cheeks as I kept contemplating on what happened nearly ten minutes ago. How could I be so stupid! Why did I just blurt it out like that? What did they think of me now?

One thing seemed for certain to me though. They'll probably hate me or at the least be freaked out every time they see me and won't talk to me again. I never really asked their thoughts on this particular subject. I didn't know weather or not they were homophobic so I never said anything with the fear of suspicion.

Not that I acted suspiciously, but Shin could always guess the signs. He was like a psychic. He knew when someone was in love, or in pain, when they were happy or sad, no matter how hard they tried to cover it up.

Although Hajime might not be psychic or anything, he's a good friend, so he learned to read the signs rather than feel them. Of course they didn't need to do lot of sign reading when I was standing back there in front of the mirror so frustrated with myself. I usually don't tend to let my guard down like that, but I didn't know that they'll come in so inconspicuously. Geez, did those two know the definition of the word "knocking"?

It's all my fault though, I was the one who told them, I was the one who lost focus. It just doesn't feel right. I'm sitting here thinking about how I should have kept it a secret, and yet they needed to know. I am not at the least embarrassed by it or anything, it's just that the Leafe Knights are my home, and I didn't want anything to change among us, I wanted it to stay the same.

The fear of them not understanding or the absence of their acceptance had gotten to me so much that I couldn't even think of telling them. And Goh. Especially Goh. I could now imagine his face filled with horror when I explain it to him. He'll probably turn purple in disgust that a little kid like me is in love with the same sex. And furthermore, if I tell him that I love him he'll most likely get a heart attack.

I look around the crystal garden. It's so beautiful. The way the warm rays of golden sun fall upon the artificial glass warms up my sad heart a bit. Even though the red colored flowers are all made of glass, it is still breathtaking to look at them. Speaking of golden sun by the way, it is moving all too fast over there by that crystal green tree.

When I look closer, I realize that it's indeed not the sun that is radiating such brightness; it is someone's figure moving towards me or rather flowing. Well, there is only one person I know with that hair color, our own Leafe Knight.

As Kei approached me silently, I was thankful inwardly that without realizing it myself I stopped crying and most of my tears were dried up by the sun.

He thankfully wasn't surprised to see me and his face expressions weren't any different from his usual. That means that he doesn't know…yet. Oh! How I wish that it was true! I wish that he would never find out, that Shin and Hajime would keep it to themselves, but I highly doubt it.

Kei sat down beside me on the wooden bench and stared straight ahead. That was also a part of his usual behavior. He never noticed anyone...except Hayate of course! I wish I could ask his about Hayate and himself, but I don't want to.

He was the one who designed this place for Hayate, although he'd never admit it. It was because whenever Hayate touched anything living, like a flower, it would turn to ashes, so Kei wanted to imitate the real flowers by building him a garden of the crystal ones. I'm not in all that sappy stuff about flowers or anything, but that was nice of Kei. That's how they probably started seeing each other anyway. They're such sissies!

Kei is just staring straight ahead, not even paying attention to my presence, which is actually staring to get to me. He probably just doesn't want a stupid, annoying brat talking to him so he doesn't even acknowledge my intense glare.

Since I get irritated very easily I am trying to hold back from punching in his nose. I just want to strangle him! My sadness and despair turns into irritability and angriness just like it did with Shin and Hajime. 'Stop ignoring me you jerk, I'm not just some kid who you can wave off!' I think. My usually pale face is now beat red and I feel the force of the blood pumping in my veins. I clench my fists tightly. Why do I always get treated like this?

"Mannen, I know my face is extremely beautiful, but I don't like people staring at me like this." He says mockingly.

"Stop ignoring me you jerk!" I yell at him through my clenched teeth.

"I though you like being ignored, Mannen." He sighs, still looking forward. "This is exactly why I don't like kids, so confusing." He states without a single emotion.

"Yo, who are you calling a kid!" I only keep up my childishness in front of them, my more mature emotions are hidden up there. But than again, of course, who is he calling a kid? He's so self conscious of himself all the time! Whenever I see those fruity pictures of him in his office, it makes be want barf. I mean, the guy hangs them up all over the place. On his computes, his desktop, his wall, in his frame, he even has a picture of himself on one of his tee-shirt he had custom made. He should really learn to get over himself! The world doesn't revolve around him and his stupid blonde hair! Out all the Leafe Knights he is the most annoying. What does Hayate see in him?

His careless face disturbs me even more. Does he like not have any emotions whatsoever? I think he even fake cried when Himino was nearly dead after our last battle. At least I didn't pretend to cry, so I didn't cry at all.

He unexpectedly takes out his laptop and starts up a program. It is one of those writing programs for his job, but that is not important right now. What is more important rather, is that by doing that he silently tells me that he so doesn't care about me, that even his computer is more entertaining than my 'mindless chatter' as he calls it.

"You are so cold! Maybe you are the real Knight of Ice! I don't even understand why Hayate likes you." I tell him impulsively, waiting just for a slight moment to see his completely shocked face before stomping away and leaving.

I couldn't help but laugh to myself at the memory of his face. It was price less! I have never seen him so surprised. In fact, I have never seen him surprised before. That was the third person today that was left completely shocked after a conversation with me. I now remember what happened with Shin and Hajime and the smile quickly vanishes from my face. I sigh. Well, it was nice to forget about my problems even if it was just for a little while.

Love turned me into such a crybaby. It messed up my personality too. I'm always sad and irritated, and I became extremely self conscious of my looks. The strangest thing though, is that I want to hold on to this strong feeling I have. I want to hold on to my first and only love. Right now it feels like he's the only on I'll ever love. I don't know why, it just does.

I'm getting hungry, so I decide to get me something to eat. No wonder, I haven't eaten for days. I am now even skinnier than before. I wonder through the house and toward the kitchen all the time thinking about our current place of residence. You might find this rather odd, but we're living in Himeno's house, or rather in the house of the lady who her father is married to. I don't know why, and I don't know how. All I know is that all the Leafe Knights are now residing together under the same roof of this humongous estate.

It all began when Himeno and Hayate started dating and Himeno told him and us to move in. We all soft of hesitated at first, but then one by one weirdly moved in and lived here ever since. Even after they broke up, and Himeno left for England, we still kept living here, not being kicked out. Her father said that it would be lonely in this spacious house to live here all by themselves again, so they told us that it's okay to stay and keep them company.

I know that stuck up girl Mayune certainly didn't mind considering that she goes after the first guy she sees. I'm still surprised how she's now into that servant of theirs, Mr. Tanaka.

I snicker with the realization of my little cruel thoughts. I'm not a mean person, no, but I'm still mad at her for dragging me to her room and waiting until she showers while she wooed me with her snobbish speech if how great she is. Geez, she is the other person who can never get over herself. She and Kei should talk sometime, they have so much in common.

Of course I don't have any complains about living in this enormous house. I'm actually quite glad. Especially right now, considering the problems I have. I have to formulate a plan of how to hide from Shin and Hajime, since I'm still not ready to face them and don't think I want to.

I'm close to the kitchen now. I know that they'll never think of finding me there. I don't know why, but ever since I told them that I don't like the kitchen, they began to think that I really hate it there. Geez, I didn't mean that I don't like the kitchen itself, I just don't like its medieval design. Every time you walk in there, it seems that a caveman or a knight on a horse is doing to pop out right at you any minute.

I like the food though. They always keep the best stuff in their fridge. Good, expensive, high quality food. Who wouldn't want to live like that?

I smile to myself as I walk into the medieval kitchen, especially glad that no one's there. Good, I think, I can enjoy the meal all by myself without any disturbances. That's another great thing about this house. No one can find you unless you call on the intercom, and, well, if the intercom breaks…we'll just cross that bridge when we get there.

I lean over and open the big platinum fridge and look inside. As I had said earlier, it had all kinds off good stuff. Leftover chocolate crème cake, pralines and cream ice cream cake, strawberries and chocolate dip, some "Marquis" imported salami, cold calamari, rice cakes, meat rolls, blueberry shortcakes, Norimaki sushi, Apple Marmalade Pudding, Noka Chocolate…and by that time I way drooling from all that great food. And those, mind me are just some minor snacks. The real food is served for dinner. That's when all the oysters and steaks come in.

I take some meat rolls and apiece of the marmalade pudding, and go sit the kitchen counter. I haven't been here for so long that it seems I have forgotten just how extremely rich these people are. Strangely, they put all their money into this old age kitchen. What a waste!

I pour myself some grape juice standing on the perfectly polished counter. I put the drinking bowl back on its previous place as I quickly begin to consume the long awaited food.

I am that glad no one came in while I was eating. It seems that it has been a long time since I just sat quietly without thinking anything. Just sitting.

When I ate, I put the plates into the sink and leave the kitchen, deciding to go strolling around the house a few more times. I know that I probably won't be returning back to my room today, or perhaps ever, since that's where Shin and Hajime will be waiting for me to give them some answers, or maybe not. Either way I'm not going back.

As I am about to go with my plan and wonder around the house a bit, I hear laughing coming from outside. I know I have to be careful, if by chance the voices are Shin's and Hajime's, but I highly doubt that they would be laughing after what they heard today.

I go around the back inconspicuously, and move closer to the bush from behind which the giggling was coming from. As I peer trough the thick branches, I witness the most heartbreaking scene that I have ever seen. There he was, the love of my live, Goh, with that new girlfriend of his holding hands and just laughing wholeheartedly without any apparent reason. Just from being together, I thought.

I feel tears of pain rolling up in my eyes and I want to run way, but sensing I was unable to do so, since by feet feel like they were glued to the ground. After a few moments of standing there watching their happiness while feeling my heart shattering into trillions of microscopic pieces, I unexpectedly hear his voice full of surprise.

"Mannen, what are you doing over there?" he shouted loudly, not angrily, just confused. I wished I had stayed inside and followed my plan. Why the hell didn't I? I don't know how he had gotten so close to me, but within a few seconds, he was standing in front of me. I of course, was staring at his shoes. I was not going to look up. How did he spot me so fast, how? Go away you jerk, I thought, stop hurting me like this. Just stop!

I still can't move. As much as I wish that I could just move my feet and sprint to the other side of the galaxy, my stubborn feet just didn't respond to my desperate commands.

"Mannen,' he said sounding a bit annoyed now at which I wasn't surprised at, "what are you doing?" When I didn't move, or respond to him, he did the worst thing in the world at that moment. As I thought that he was about to yell at me tell me to leave, and I could finally get the courage to just run away, he lifted up my chin gently forcing me to look into his chocolate eyes. There instantly vanished the signs of any new built up annoyance, and were replaced only by a deep sense of concern and confusion.

He kneeled down next to me, and his gentle voice said, "Mannen, heeeyyy, Mannen what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

He was so close to me that I could feel his warm breath caressing the soft skin of my face. My eyes were now fixated only on his mouth. How greatly I suppressed the need of kissing him right now. The need was stronger than ever before.

Than, I did the one thing I wanted to do for so long. I let go. I let go of everything, as tilted my face closer to his and kissed him. I kissed him. His mouth fit perfectly against mine in this flawless moment in time, and everything around me seemed to stop. The time froze, even if it was just for a few seconds, I knew that these seconds meant more to me than my whole life. It was a hasty kiss, and yet I could still taste his idyllic mouth, and I wished that I would never have to pull away.

But unfortunately, that was just a mindless whim, and I pulled away only after three seconds, but what seemed like eternity. Not wanting to ruin probably the one and only chance that I would get to do this, I didn't bother to look at his face, sensing that all I'll see would be extreme disarray. Although what I never did see was a spark of hope and ...love?

My feet reacted to me at last, and I found myself bolting out of there as fast as my legs could carry me. When I ran far enough, I realized that I had nowhere to go. Not to my room, not back into the house, I had nowhere else to go.

In the minute of despair, I noticed two small wooden doors that looked like they led somewhere down to the basement. Taking my chances, I opened one door and closed it quickly after getting inside. I hoped no one would find me here. I didn't want to even think of the kiss right now. It brought me into an even more painful state, I should have never kissed him.

It is so dark in the basement, I can't see anything. The darkness is so consuming that I can't even see my own hand. But I don't even care. All I want now was to crawl into a corner and die.

That's exactly what I did. The first part, anyway. I lay silently on the cold cement floor wrapping my hands tightly around my knees, as if protecting myself from hurt.

I couldn't feel my body, my heart, my soul, so I just lay until the darkness to consumed me and I fell into a deep sleep full of disturbing nightmares.

/to be continued…/

Sooo, what did you think of this chapter? A little angsty, I agree, but he does have to go through suffering before he reaches happiness. Anyway, write reviews. The more and faster you write, the faster the updates, and the longer the chapters are.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel

! sampai ketemu lagi !