Chapter 5:

Emmett's POV

"Jasper. How the hell did you get Alice to go out with you? It's an impossibility! It's just plain wrong! You two are from completely different worlds! You can't even flirt! It's just not fair!" I ranted totally confused. My mind was completely frozen over with shock. I just couldn't even begin to grasp how Jasper had done it.

" She's popular too bro!" I continued "and you're...you're...NOT!" I watched as his face contorted in confusion and rage at what I had said. It looked as if Jasper was just about to say his come-back to me when Edward cut in before Jasper could say anything.

"Just give it up Emmett! Just because you can't get a date with Rosalie doesn't mean you have to cuss out Jasper when he gets a girl! Shut your mouth before I shut it for you!" Edward said in his most I-Am-more-strongerer-than-thee voice. Even though he tried to sound tough I could tell that he would have a hard time carrying out that threat but I dropped it anyway. You just didn't disobey Edward unless you wanted to die a slow and very painful social death.

." Sorry Ed. I'm just frustrated okay! How on Earth does Jazzy-pooh get a date before me! It's just not right!" I say to Edward in response to his "threat". I turned back to Jasper just in time to see his normally calm face change into a mask of total and utter fear and disgust.

"MY. NAME. IS. NOT. JAZZY-POOH , EMMIE-BEAR-CUDDLE-MUFFIN!" Jasper yelled in my face while recovering from his terrible Lauren flashback. I flinched as I recognized the nickname that Jessica had given me when we went out.

"At least I don't stutter like a retard when I talk to a girl! 'Wwwww-ould yyy-ou llike tto have ddinner with me ttonight?'" I mocked him in response to his last comment. His face flared into rage as soon as he heard what I had said to him.

"I do not stutter you stupid ass! I was cold and my teeth were chattering!" Jasper stated angrily.

"That is possibly the lamest excuse I have ever heard in my entire existence! IT WAS SEVENTY-FREAKIN- DEGREES OUTSIDE YOU MORON!" I yelled in his face. He was such a bad liar. I knew this fight was going to end very weirdly, I could just feel it.

"I have a naturally cold body temperature!" Jasper said, pitifully trying to defend himself.

" Uh-huh. Sure. I soooo believe you. Heavy on the sarcasm." I mocked him again. I was stating the obvious just incase his tiny not-able-to-lie-brain didn't get it.

"Emmett, I can obviously spot the sarcasm dripping from every word you've said! You don't have to tell me 'Heavy on the sarcasm' every freaking time! It makes you sound like a dork!" He mocked me trying to get the attention away from him and onto me.

"No it doesn't! Your just extremely jealous of my awesomely-awesome comeback skillz!" I knew we were going on like two-year-olds, but I WAS GOING TO WIN THIS ARGUEMENT!

"Is today just National-Let's-All-Go-Piss-Off-Jasper-Day or something? 'Cause this is ridiculous!" He said starting to catch on.Damn. He caught on to my plan to make it a national holiday. It was just SO much fun to make fun of Jasper.

"Yep, Jasper! The whole world is out to get you! Everyone hates you! Are you happy NOW! HEAVY ON THE SARCASM!!" I yelled. I was starting to realize that we were starting to draw a whole lot of attention to ourselves by fighting in the middle of a food court.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed clearly exasperated with me and my actions. Then he did something that I thought nobody would ever dare to do in there entire life. He SLAPPED me. He BITCH-SLAPPED ME! I stopped short. I must have looked like a dear caught In the head-lights.

"Did you...did you just slap me?" I asked still totally flabbergasted.

"Yep." He said, his lips popping the P. " I think I did."

"Oh. O...kay?" I was still completely out of it.

When Jasper started to laugh at me I finally realized the someone...he being that someone... slapped me.

"You just slapped me!" I accused, still completely flabbergasted.

"Yep. Uh-huh. That was me!" He said proudly. "Wat cha' gonna do 'bout it?"

"I have no idea." I said. "But, you're gonna get it, Jasper you're gonna get it!" I purposely made my voice change from simply astounded to threatening. He stopped his laughing and we both engaged in a glaring match.

This was just too much for both of us and we instantly began howling in laughter! Then Jasper stopped short and a look of confusion swept across his face. I looked around to and realized that Edward was missing. I looked back at Jasper. I shrugged and thought. Where the hell was Edward?