I'm sorry I kept you guys waiting so long, but life happened. And I kept deleting what I wrote because I din't like it. But as usual, I found my fellow Zennies extremely inspiring and tonight, after a very nice, natural high I managed to finish. It's not your usual Christmas chapter, but I hope you see the progress. Now get in everybody and enjoy the ride-just remember to keep your arms and legs inside at all times and exit to the right after leaving a review on the way. That would be an awesome present for Christmas :D

Enough for today, I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa or whatever you might celebrate, since this is probably the last Chapter before the holidays

I'm gonna crawl

If she would come back, Only stay with me

Every little bit of my love, etc., I give to you girl

I don't have to go by plane
I ain't gotta go by car
I don't care just where my darling is
People I just don't care how far
I'm gonna crawl

"I know what came next. Let me put my two cents in, here. Because I'm pretty sure that you have no idea that he talked to us all about that."

"No, I don't know about that. Why? All I know is you called me a few days later to tell me you were pregnant."

And Jackie would never tell Donna how she got drunk and stoned and cried and threw up all night because the girl who she had thought of as her best friend had everything she ever wanted. A man that loved her more than his own life and now her own family. All Jackie had was her job and a friend.

But Nina had been out that night so Jackie didn't have anybody with her. And the person she always wanted by her side when she was down seemed forever lost at that time.

"Well, Hyde talked to all of us on Christmas and basically... He made us realize that he wasn't the only one at fault. In some cases, like mine, he did it with very colorful words. He yelled at me for about half an hour before he just walked out on me. Took a while for his words to get through to me, but at least he got me thinking about it. I was so caught up in my little world where I was always right... We all didn't notice how we let you down. And believe me, to this day we all regret it."

Not knowing what to say, Jackie got up and stretched.

"I'm going to get the record now. I'm sure I know where it is."

She was positive. It was in the room she hadn't set foot in since the day before... The day before he left her. It was his office, or more a large room cluttered with memorabilia in the attic. It was, in fact, the attic. He couls have had a room in the basement but had opted for the opposite instead, saying he had spent too much time of his life in basements and that it was time for something different. She also knew that the record would probably tie in with the upcoming part of the story, so she had to get it anyway.

Seeing the place he had spent so many hours just brooding and thinking about the past made her cringe. Dust was piling on his records, his books, some of the pictures on the wall were barely visible. She touched the first one in a long line with a tiny smile, it was their prom picture. One from the Veteran's Day they had shared their first kiss at, she still felt butterflies just thinking about it.

From the corner of her eyes she saw something move and spun around to face it, but she saw nothing but the huge desk sitting in the middle of the attic, buried under papers and records. And on top of it lay the record she had been looking for, as if it had been placed there on purpose. It wasn't even dusty.

Downstairs she smiled at Donna and her son, who had waited for her to come back in silence. She waved the record and sat back on the couch where she picked up telling her story again.

"So, that night when he left, I ate a whole box of ice cream plus a bag of chips and while I curled up on my bed feeling sick I cried and cursed him because I thought I was rid of him and my feelings for him for good, but of course that wasn't the case. Over the next weeks we saw each other at least every other day. We went out for lunch sometimes, or for dinner. Once I visited him in his new apartment but didn't stay very long. And all was well, until..."

December 18th, 1981

New York City

Hell's Kitchen

Jackie's and Nina's Apartment

"I went and got us tickets today."

Jackie looked up from painting her toe nails and arched her eyebrows, willing him to go on. He sighed. There was no point in avoiding the issue any further, they didn't even have a week left until Christmas.

"For a late afternoon flight to Wisconsin on the 24th. Remember, it's Christmas."

"No way. I'm staying here."

"Kitty will cry for the next three months if you don't come. And Red would be upset, too. We all would..."

The last sentence was barely audible but she had heard it nonetheless. And even though she didn't want it, she could feel a slight flutter in her stomach. He had been like that ever since their first evening together in New York. Barely visible for anyone who didn't know him as well as she did, but he was making an effort. And she hadn't made up her mind yet if she liked it or not. After all, taht was what she had always wanted-just too late.

"I don't even know how I am supposed to do this. I mean, we will have the Christmas special on the 24th..."

"We have plenty of time to get to the airport right after it, the flight is scheduled two hours after. And you don't work for a full week after that. Up next is the New Years party and don't try to tell me anything else, I asked."

Jackie knew very well that he had probably gotten that information from Nina. Even though she was still relatively cold to him Jackie knew that her new friend understood them way better than anyone back home. Again she asked herself if things would have gone different if they had had at least one friend that supported them, that understood their relationship and saw it how it was.

"Okay, fine. But I will not enjoy myself. I'm going to buy sunglasses, sit around mocking everybody and get drunk. No. Positively shit-faced."

Content that she had given in but not without challenging him she got up to get something to drink from the kitchen. Without asking him she brought a can of beer and Hyde opened it, still smiling.

Those were the moments that made him go on.

There was still hope after all.

December 24th,

New York City

Queens

LaGuardia Airport

Hyde looked around nervously for what seemed to Jackie the millionth time in the last ten minutes. They were waiting for their boarding call in a quiet corner after they had managed to get through the whole process without him picking a fight with the guy trying to search him, even though it had been a close call. He had been about to snap the whole day and it wasn't so much returning home with the woman he loved who was still rightfully pissed-it was more the prospect of flying.

Jackie knew he hated it but was wise enough not to say anything. He had never mentioned it to anyone, but for him being in a situation where somebody else had complete control over his life and all he could do was sit there, read a newspaper and have some peanuts... He would rather walk home.

Even though their bodies were not touching in any place and he was sitting two seats to her right she felt him tense up more and more, fighting the urge to pace like a caged animal. Lookig up from the latest issue of Cosmo Jackie spotted a bar wedged between a duty free and a gift shop.

"I don't know about you Steven, but I need a drink."

She got up, slung her handbag over her shoulder and grabbed her coat before looking over her shoulder at her stunned ex. She watched a few seconds how he processed what she had said and when she was positive he had reached a conclusion she smiled and started walking.

"What are you waiting for, usually you are the first at the bar."

A few hours later

Point Place, Wisconsin

Hyde had rented a car at the airport and they had spent almost an hour in complete silence. When they reached Point Place though, Jackie got nervous. Chewing on her lower lip she twisted her fingers and tapped her foot all at once, all without realizing it. She was staring blankly out of her window at the town she once called home. She checked her makeup again when she noticed they had almost reached their destination, the Forman's. She would be staying in Laurie's old room and Hyde still had his apartment here. She didn't feel like sleeping under one roof with him at all and was glad she didn't have to stay in a motel all by herself.

The car suddenly stopped and the same second the kitchen door flew open and something rushed by to the drivers door. Kitty attacked Hyde with one of her feared extra tight hugs all of her children had to deal with after being away-Eric had to endure those for a month after he came back from Africa.

"Oh Steven, look at you, you are so thin! Don't you get anything decent to eat in New York? You poor boy, come inside, dinner is already waiting."

She pushed him inside when she remembered that there was somebody else still outside. Quickly covering her mistake she hugged Jackie, too.

"Well, if it isn't our big TV star. You look so wonderful sweetie! Red and I watch you every chance we get-even though he doesn't like the music you play one bit. Oh, we're so proud of you! Now come on, the turkey doesn't stay moist forever!"

Taking a deep breath Jackie walked inside the kitchen and instantly felt like she had never left. The tightness of her heart, her twisting stomach and the lingering feeling of dread. Yes, she was home.

She could hear laughter from the living room and tried to brace herself for what would await her. She suddenly didn't feel like seeing any one of them at all. That was when the door opened and Red walked in.

"There you are. I was wondering if Steven had left you at the airport. You two need to pull your heads out of your..."

"Now Red, remember what we said about leaving that kind of talk out of our Christmas dinner?"

"Kitty, if you invite all the stray kids back into my house just after we got rid of them you can't expect me to smile and have a nice Christmas. Girl, did you know that we're going to be grandparents? Twice?"

Jackie was about to nod when she realized what he had just said. Kitty laughed nervously and walked by them carrying a huge turkey over to the counter.

"Laurie came home yesterday. She is eight months pregnant and doesn't tell us who the father is."

"That's probably because she doesn't know."

Hyde appered from the living room with a content smirk on his face, closely followed by Eric. Kitty and Red both looked like they were about to say something when Jackie cut in.

"Then I guess I better call the motels to see if I can get a room."

Irritated Kitty turned to face her and gave her one of her sweetest I-am-not-angry-but-better-watch-it smiles.

"Of course not, Jackie. Eric and Donna are staying in his room, but you can sleep in Steven's old room in the basement. It is all set up. There's no problem at all."

Jackie's face fell. There was no way she was sleeping down there again. Not after all of this, not after he had shared that room with...

"Jackie, you can sleep over at my apartment if you want to."

And there was no way on earth she would sleep in his apartment. Alone. With him.

"I don't mind spending a few more nights in the basement."

After Dinner

The Forman's living room

They had gotten through dinner without awkaward silences, yelling, burns or Kelso getting hurt, so Jackie inwardly voted this the best Christmas ever, purposefully leaving out the ones she just didn't want to think about. They didn't count. They had been in another life.

She was standing by the stairs, honoring another Christmas tradition, the one of getting drunk because you can't stand it anymore. Her drink of choice tonight was the special eggnogg Kitty had whipped out after dinner as a "dessert for the grownups". It was hard for their surrogate mother to accept, but there were no more children around. Jackie sighed. Time for the next generation to fill the house, but her goddaughter was with Brooke at her parent's house, so Kelso had come here. Jackie still hoped for the two of them to work things out, and it didn't look too bad. They had made plans to move in together so they could spend every free minute with Betsy.

"Christmas blues?"

She had felt him standing next to her long before he had spoken up. She always knew where he was without looking and it unnerved her. Looking down at her spiked eggnogg she sighed again.

"Thanks for letting me sleep over at your place... But I can really get a room somewhere..."

"Jackie, you hate being in a motel full of strangers all by yourself. And you would rather spend a week without lipgloss then sleep in my old room. It's okay, really."

"Thank you."

"I just said, it's okay..."

"No, not for that. For understanding."

They shared a small smile and Jackie relaxed a bit when she saw from the corner of her eyes how Kitty came rushing towards them, hands on her hips.

"Okay you two, I have been holding back for ten minutes now, but I don't care. It is Christmas and no matter what is it with the two of you, you are standing under a mistletoe. So just kiss and let me have my nice party!"

With that she rushed back to the couch where Laurie was wolfing down a plate of cookies all by herself, watched by a disgusted Donna who kept touching her yet invisible belly. Tightening her grip around her drink she turned around to face Hyde, who watched the woman he had thought of as his mother since he was sixteen stomp back to the couch and chuckled.

"I guess we better do what she says. You know how she gets when she's drunk and angry..."

Feeling the rush of too much alcohol making her dizzy she closed her eyes and waited for him to come closer. She felt his breath on her face and his body dangerously close to hers, radiating heat. His lips gently brushed her cheeks and she opened her eyes, completely surprised that he didn't take advantage of the situation. What she saw was nothing but a genuine smile and as he wished her "Merry Christmas" and walked over to watch Kelso who tried to solve the Rubiks Cube he had given him.

Later That Night

The night had turned out okay for everyone. Jackie had avoided talking too much to anyone and to Hyde's astonishment nobody seemed to notice. As if the Jackie thad made it hard for anyone to get a word in had never existed. Nobody even seemed to notice her when she announced she was going to leave. The only reaction came when he got up, too.

Donna was giving him her harsh look again, the one that seemed stuck on her face ever since... He couldn't even remember seeing her any other way. Angry or completely blank, there was nothing else these days.

"And where are you going?"

"I'm driving her."

He answered with the angriest look he could come up with and followed Jackie to the kitchen. She could sense his tension and anger but didn't really understand what was going on. She had no idea about his short talk with Nina and that he had prepared a nice speech he would give Donna later. She just knew she was tired and didn't want to pretend to like it here anymore. The others had exchanged presents, leaving her out except for the Forman's, Kitty had made her a nice purple sweater. She wanted to sleep, nothing else.

"I'm just going to check the apartment to see if everything is alright, then I'll be gone. I promise."

She didn't know if she suddenly believed him or if it was just because it was her tired mind giving up, but she just got into the car and closed her eyes, glad for it to be finally over.

Twenty Minutes later

The Basement

Hyde slowly walked in, sunglasses back in place, his face blank. Only someone who cared to look closer would notice the firm set of his jaw, his clenched teeth and the lips that were pressed together so firmly that all blood had drained from them. Eric was one who cared and he spoke up, gently, as Hyde sat down next to him in his usual chair.

"What is with you, man? You seem pissed. And I don't mean the usual pissed. When you came here you looked pretty content, now... You haven't killed somebody, have you?...Oh my god, you are going to kill somebody."

"Forman, this isn't about you. But if you want to stay, don't say I haven't warned you."

Leaning back in his chair he took a good look at the remains of the group, sans Fez and Jackie, and casually folded his arms across his chest. Eric, having seen that move many times just before a huge burn or somebody getting punched, cringed.

"So, DONNA. How's it going?"

Donna looked at the others, not knowing what was going on. But Kelso just shrugged and Eric shook his head. He decided to stay out of this, it was obviously about something that happened while he wasn't there and he had no idea where this was headed. All he knew for sure was that he didn't want to get stuck in the middle between his best friend and his girlfriend.

"Why, I'm pregnant, Hyde. What's going on with you?"

"Oh, nothing. You know, I'm just a little confused, that's all."

"Why are you confused?"

Kelso dodged behind the couch and tapped Eric on the shoulder, but he just waved him off. He wanted to see what was going on, it looked like Hyde was going to lead Donna to something.

"I'm just wondering why you wouldn't give your best friend a present for Christmas. Or while we're at it, why you didn't talk to her at all."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about JACKIE, Donna."

Hyde was dangerously close to shouting now and Eric could see that his hands that were tucked under his arms were clenched to fists. He was glad that he wasn't at the receiving end of Hyde's anger-and that the person that was was a girl. And pregnant. As much as he doubted Hyde's ability to restrain himself from hitting a girl, he wouldn't do that to a pregnant girl. Or would he?

Eric twitched nervously and tried to shift so that he would be directly between Donna and Hyde.

But Donna pushed him away, an angry glare in her eyes.

"Why do you care about her all of a sudden?"

"I care enough about her to let her know that I am sorry for everything I did to her. I was a complete jackass and I'm the first to admit it. But what about you, man? You were supposed to be her best friend."

"I never said..."

"Come on, Donna, don't. Do you think I'm that stupid? All that time she was good enough for you and all of a sudden you exchange her for a skank from Las Vegas? I KNOW, don't even start! I just said I admitted my fucking mistakes. And I talk to her. I moved to fucking New York for her! I leave my fucking sunglasses at home just to watch her paint her toenails. And what are you doing? You treated her like shit and now you ignore her? Yeah, that's the way to do it. You all treated her like shit. All you ever thought of was your own crappy lives. And you still don't seem to give a shit about her, or she wouldn't sit in my old apartment all by herself."

"Why don't you go, now that you are the one who makes everything right?"

"Because I thought I'll try to set you all straight. But if I don't get through to you what sense does it make for me to even keep trying. I'm out. If it weren't for Red and Kitty you probably wouldn't see me again. So, don't expect me to come for anything concerning you guys. Have a nice life."

With that he got up and slammed the basement door shut behind him. Rubbing his temples he leaned against the ice cold wall for a moment. He could hear them talking inside.

"He didn't mean that, did he?"

"I think so, Donna. He was really, really angry. He talked to me earlier and I was going to call Jackie later, but I guess that's off now. I just have to visit her in New York, then. I wanted to show Betsy the big city, anyway."

"And again I am sitting here, unable to comprehend what's going on. WHAT THE HELL happened to you guys? I was gone for ONE YEAR and you manage to screw everything up?"

With a slight smile he made the mental note to invite Forman over to New York sometime and try and explain everything to him. He pushed himself off the wall and climed the stairs, just to re-enter the house through the kitchen. He needed to talk to his parents and explain, and he needed to make a phonecall. After that, he just needed to see Jackie.

But that was the one and only constant in his life, so it went without saying

An hour later

Hyde's Apartment

He had called her name through the door three times without getting an answer. He had seen that there was light on when he wlaked up to the building, but she probably couldn't hear him. Carefully he opened the door and called her name again. She was sitting on the couch, her back to him, and she was shaking.

"Jackie?"

She jumped and spun around, she had been crying. In her heands she held a picture frame and he knew without looking which picture it was. There weren't many, actually, this was the only one. He just wasn't the right guy for decorating.

It was a heavy silver frame laden with embellishments and she had given it to him with a picture in it a lifetime ago. Kitty had taken it without them knowing-they were sitting in Red's armchair in the living room, Jackie was sitting sideways on his lap and they were looking at each other. The look on his face was one he had never thought he was capable of showing.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm checking in on you... Hey, I know you don't like being here. At least I know that I hate it. They treat you like shit and me like nothing ever happened, that's just wrong. So I say let's leave, I talked to the Forman's, they understand."

"But...we just came here! And...where do we go, then? We can't go back, I promised Nina to let her have the apartment when her boyfriend comes up to visit..."

"California. L.A.. I checked, If we leave now we catch the next flight."

"You already booked it, didn't you?"

He shrugged, but smiled at her. He had called the airport before leaving the Forman's house and had indeed reserved two seats for them. Just in case. Because he knew she had always wanted to go to California, the place her first boyfriend had run off to and made their relationship possible.

"Fine, why not."

She got up and pointed towards her suitcase that still sat untouched in the middle of the room.

November 2007\

Jackie's Living Room

Nervously she looked at the record in her hands. It had been the only item in the room without dust. It had been placed right on top of all the clutter on his desk, but she was sure it hadn't been there when she had entered the room. Carefully she pulled out the record and turned over the cover, looking for a note. There it was, a small piece of paper from his notepad she had given him as a joke. On the top it said "From the desk of Steven Hyde". He had used it mostly to write her raunchy notes he left on his pillow when he went to work-usually instructions what she shoule be wearing when he came home.

"Remember our first trip to L.A.? I will never forget a second of it. That was when I started to feel like a human being again. You made me... You know the answer, Jacks. Go look for it, my Everything."

She had read his message out loud, her throat tightening at the memory of him saying that to her. He had sworn to kill her if she would ever tell anybody and here it was, in writing. He had always found the concept of pet names silly, but he had given her one nonetheless. He had called her my Everything.

"So, what is this all about?"

"I will tell you tomorrow. I'm tired and my throat is getting sore."