My Security
Yes, I will go. I would rather grieve over your absence than over you. Antonio PortinoChapter 17
Weeks later, Nathan and Haley's relationship were going strong. They spent lots of time together, making out, talking, hanging with friends or working. Deep down, both of them wanted their relationship to last forever.
When Nathan came into the guest house after some volunteer work was over on Saturday, Haley raced down the hall to greet him. He picked up his tiny girlfriend and twirled her around, laughing heartily. She watched him with loving eyes. Seeing him so enthusiastic made her feel all warm and toasty inside. He was wonderful and sexy!
"What's going on with my hot girl?"
He stuck his hand and her back pocket and she lost her smile. She twisted, trying to get away before he could remove the folded paper from it's hiding place.
"Stop, your tickling me." She jerk again attempting to slip away.
"What is that? " He wondered, getting a sinking feeling her attempt to get free had nothing to do with being ticklish.
"It's nothing. Just.." She fought as his fingers clawed the sheet and brought it out of her jeans. "It's not important." She tried to snatch it from his clutches, but he raised it high over his head and backed away.
"Then why don't you want me to see it." He frowned unfolding the letter.
Haley chewed on her finger and running her hands through her shiny mane. If she had gone through the mail a few minutes earlier he would have never found out about it. She watched his expression as he read it carefully but she couldn't get a feel for his reaction.
The information jumbled his emotions. All he could image was Lucas Sawyer laughing at him Damn, he was going to win after all. He reprimanded himself, he knew Haley was going away eventually. It was never a secret, but having it in the palm of his hand made it too real. He wasn't sure what to say as she impatiently waited for a response.
"They moved the date again? They want you at Princeton at the first of March for some program for high achievers?" He needed to clarify and she shook her head in agreement. "Wow, I'm happy for you. It's great, Hales." He forced an earth shattering kiss, trying to hide the uncertainty and sadness he felt over her good fortune. He didn't want to feel this way. He just did. When the came up for air, she held him close.
"I'm not going." She informed him plainly. "Not until you're out of school and we can leave together.
"We?" He heaved. "I can't go with you. You know that, Hales." He strolled into her bedroom, taking a seat on the beautifully furnished mattress.
She followed, sitting on his lap. Her round chocolate eyes pleading with him. "You didn't think I was planning on leaving you here? I know you won't be going to the same school, but I'm sure there's a community college or you can try out for the Nets. We can live together off campus. I won't be easy at first, we'll just have to learn how to manager our time so we can spend time together, but I'll make it happen. I can't be without you."
Her heart was pounding with feelings. No matter how unrealistic, she always considered him part of her future.
Her tiny fingers brushed over his firm chin." Why are you so quiet? Don't you want to go with me?"
"Of course I do, but I can't." He looked away.
"What?" She pulled at him, trying to make eye contact to no avail. "Why? We've been over this!"
Now was not the time to give into his love for her, she could sway him so easily. It would only complicate things if he went with her. Haley was bright, a genius. She was naturally beautiful, funny and charming. Sooner or later a guy just a incredible would steal her away or some rich slime ball like Lucas. Nathan was convinced she would grow tired of him, out of him. He wouldn't fit into her world anymore. He nudged her off his lap and started pacing.
"It won't work, Haley. I won't make you happy."
She rose and walked over to him, grasping one of his large hands between her small palms. She brought his finger tips to her mouth and kissed them. "Trust me, Nathan. I love with all my soul."
He let go and moved in front of the dresser. Depression was setting in for Nathan. He couldn't get ahead, nothing good in his life lasted long. Why should this be any different?
"No! I won't get my hopes up. If you end up leaving me, you'll break me, Haley." He argued. "As a matter of a fact, let's just call it quits now. It will save us both a lot of agony." He finished abruptly.
Haley felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She marched over to the stubborn boy and turned him to face her. Her own visage was filled with desperation and her words laced with pain." Sweetheart, don't do this. You're all I have. I need you, Nate."
He side stepped her, stopping a few feet away. "I'm sorry, Haley. It's a nice dream. It really is, but I won't be a burden. You have worked so hard for this. You'll do great by yourself." He gave him a small smile trying to prove to her this is what he wanted, what was right.
However, all Haley could feel was her world crumbling down around her. Nothing mattered without Nathan to share it with, not moving away, going to Princeton, or succeeding in life. He gave her the motivation to reach for her goals.
"You're going to knock em dead." The boy stood at the door now." I'll be rooting for you, Hales." He sprinted out of the guest house and across the lawn to the main house. Mr. James eyed him as he zipped through the kitchen. Maybe he should stay out of this one.
Haley looked at her watch, 6:35 pm. Nathan had been gone for three hours before she started searching for the reckless lad. She feared he was serious about being apart and had runaway again. She dying to show him she wanted to be with him for the long haul and they could and would be together. She knew it wouldn't be easy. The troubled guy was headstrong, but worth it.
She strutted toward the lighted basketball courts of the park in Tim's estate. Her school mates were everywhere. The music thumped loudly while some of them danced or bopped their head to the hip hop beat blasting from outdoor speakers. Others were sucking face, play basketball, or drinking among other things. She saw Kelly eye her as she passed the tennis courts and headed for the playground on the Spring like winter evening.
Tim and Nathan were sitting in swings, laughing loudly and drinking beer. They were slightly intoxicated when Haley caught Tim's eye. He had to admit, she looked too damn fine in her low waist jeans and fitted sage sweater.
"If it isn't Mrs. Ivy League?" He twirled his finger slightly above his head in a whoopty-do fashion.
She cut her eyes at him. He didn't care for her, but she borderline hated him. Haley saw him as the type that would stab his own father in the if it gave him for fame, more money, or a chick he wanted.
Nathan raised his head, remembered they had a movie date with her friends. He had assumed she canceled when he broke up with her earlier. Why couldn't she understand that he had to push him away? It was going to crush him when she left. "He shouldn't have gotten so close to her in the first place." He scolded himself. "You know better than to let your guard down, Nathan."
"So you're following me now?" He said icily.
"How could I? You left hours ago." She bounced right back, walking over to him. She tried to take the beer bottle out his hand, but he jerked away and snapped, hating to be so mean to her.
"Leave me alone! Shouldn't you be studying or practicing chess? Something Princeton like?" He picked hatefully.
"Nathan, don't put up one of your damn walls." Haley gave a direct hit.
"We have something great. Why are you fighting us?"
"More like had. It's over. Don't you see how difficult things would be when you left?" He coerce because his bad boy approach needed tweaking.
"You see how I was when we weren't living together and your were just a few minutes away. I was a mess, Haley!"
"You will be coming with me. Get that through that thick skull of yours? I'm not going without you."
"And next year, I'll be back here alone! Go ahead and move on, Haley!" He waved her away.
Tim was enjoying there spat, it looked like the friend hogging girl was going to start bawling any minute now. She sat at the foot of the slide, shaking. Her face was in her hands. Nathan attempted to ignore her, swinging high into the air to avoid going over to her. Then, he felt someone halt the swing. How Haley ended up in front of him was sheer puzzling.
"Nathan, you love me too. How could you not be with me?." She implored.
his eyes shut tightly. She was so perfect for him. It physically hurt for him to have to reject her when all he wanted to do was run to her, kiss her, whisper "I'm sorry, Babe" and hold her all night.
"We're teenagers! I hope you didn't think it was real love. We would last until next Fall, anyway…………Sure, you outlasted all the others, but I'm sure I would get tired of you sooner or later." The cocky young man spat nastily.
Tim snorted loudly, relishing in their pain. "He's right. There are plenty of girls hotter than you he needs to be doing, easy bitches that know how to have a lot more fun than you, Loserho! You know what I'm saying? You have been holding my partner back!"
Haley scowled at the asshole." Who the hell asked you, Tim?! You don't give a shit about him! Get some business of your own!" Haley slammed back with a menacing tone that him up.
Nathan was surprised by her actions and proud she stood up for him. She was the first person to ever shut Tim up besides him. He marched off angrily. Nate was actually glad he was gone. He was aware of what kind of friend Tim really was, but cutting ties with Haley was more important right now.
"Aren't you all high and mighty? What gives you the right to yell at him?" He continue to wage war with his true heart, fighting with the girl of his dreams again.
"I would yell at you if I thought it would make a difference." She smarted and fought off a smile and the urge to grip her by the waist and bring onto his lap. "I can't believe you let him disrespect me! I thought you were pass your prick stage!"
He dropped his head in shame, she was right. I didn't help that he loved it when she was sassy. but he had to stick to the plan. He marched over to a large oak tree and sat on the steps that led to the huge tree house. She was right behind, stopping in front of him to look him straight in the eye. They passionately bantered back and forth for some time, both almost stopping to kiss, touch or ogle the other one several times. Their magnetism was practically unbearable. Nathan didn't know she had so much fight in her. Her demeanor was usually calm and polite. She was lashing out just as harshly as he was, frustrated and desperate. Finally, he had to end it.
"Would you leave? You're killing my buzz!" He took several gulps from the Corona."And wasting both our time."
"Too bad, it's not like you were doing anything more constructive!" She placed her hands on her hips defiantly. "I'm not leaving until you can honestly say you don't want to be with me."
He sat there fuming, his phenomenal blue eyes flashing her dirty looks. He took another sip from the beer bottle, burping and swaying and Haley's eyes filled with rage. She hated seeing him drunk, fearing one day he would turn into the cruel beast his aunt had become. She snatched the bottle and hurled it toward the nearest garbage can. Next, she tried to lift him up by his elbow. He ripped it from her grasp.
"Stop! You're not my mom! You're not anything to me anymore!" He said hurtfully while pacing back and forth. His words pierced her core, but she gave as good as she got, reacting with the same harsh persona.
"You're mom would hate to see you ruin your life! It's a good thing she's ..."
Everything went mute as he tried to wrap his mind around what she had just said and she twinge at the cruelty that had just fell from her lips.
"I know you didn't say my parents being killed was a good thing? You're not that evil of a bitch!" Nathan threw at her.
Haley's mouth kept opening, but nothing was coming out. She hated letting her temper get the better of her, especially with Nathan.
He had his back to her, warding off tears.
She reached his shoulder, but he dashed over to large oak looking at her with pure hatred.
"I didn't mean it like that! I swear, Nathan. I'm sorry. God knows I'm sorry. I lo..."
"Save it! Bye, Haley! I don't even want you as a friend anymore! The sooner you leave for Princeton, the better!" He wiped away his sniffles and ran to catch up with the large group headed for the main house.
Kelly joined Nathan, viewing Haley as the distance grew. She cozied up to the popular guy, putting her arm around his middle and handed Nathan another beer. All Haley could do was stand there numbly and watch the flirty pair leave. Her cell phone continued to ring. It was Luke...
Haley arrived at the mall to meet her friends for the movie since Luke called her cell ever five minutes for the last half hour. If she would have answer, he certainly would have regretted it. She knew there would be questions, but it was better than spending the evening alone at the beach house or hanging out with Mr. James. She really enjoyed getting to know him, but he was to perceptive. He would know she and Nathan broke up and she didn't feel like getting into that with him right now.
Marvin and Andre spotted Haley first.
"Bout time you got here!" Luke zoned in on her and was please to see she was unaccompanied.
She moped to table and slumped down in a chair, greeting everyone.
"Hey guys, Porsche, Cedes." She met sweetly.
They all answered back before Mouth, Mercedes and Porsche innocently questioned Nathan's whereabouts. They had grown fond of him.
"Where's you're man?" Porsche teased.
She looked away from the group and put her head down. "He won't be joining us tonight. He's at Tim's."
"He ditched us for that retard? Not surprising!" Luke threw at his friend, hoping to add more friction to Haley and Nathan's argument.
"It was me he didn't want be around, Luke! Alright, and maybe you. ... We had a huge fight! He broke up with me! Are you happy now?" She growled and he backed off, realizing he wasn't getting anywhere.
Skills and Mouth ran around to the other side of the table to comfort their best girl friend. They were sure she and Nathan were good, knowing she was total in love with the boy.
"Don't worry about it. Tell us what you fought about?" Mercedes wanted to analyze the situation.
"Maybe we can help you smooth things over." Porsche helped.
"I don't know." Haley hesitated. " I should just go." She lifted up only to be tugged back down.
"What can it hurt? It's obvious you're not going to have any fun with out him." Porsche said truthfully.
"Yeah, I love my Skills but sometimes it's nice to have some girls to talk too, Hales." Mercedes insisted.
Porsche kissed mouth quickly before turning back to the conversation. "Yeah, as smart and cute as they are, this relationship thing is still new to them."
"We're standing right here, women!" Skills warned the girls, who cast off his antics." Now spill, Haley!"
" Chill, I'm going to tell you." Haley sighed." Well first of all, I got another letter from Princeton today, they want me there in March for that high achievers crap."
Everyone congratulated her, clapping and hugging Haley.
" I got one too. We'll be going together!" Luke glowed practically floating out of his chair.
Andre and Marvin glanced at each other and their dates. How many times did they have to explain that Haley wasn't into him? Lucas just couldn't let it go!
Haley shrugged. " It could be cool, but I'm still going to wait until next fall or not go at all."
She had the whole tables attention now.
"Haleybop has gone crazy." Skills shook his head.
"Why would you even think about doing that? You have more than enough credits to graduate this month." Mouth tried to understand." and Skills and I will be heading for Columbia in the summer. You can take the train to New York and hang out with us." He and the chocolate boy bumped fist.
" Plus, we'll see each other all the time. We can even be room mates if you want." Luke grinned suggestively, taking her hand in his and stroking it gently. The girl cringed and retracted her fingers.
"You guys are great, and I hope we are still able to be close. I really want that, but Princeton is the reason Nate and I broke up.
"I get it. He didn't want to get into a serious relationship with you going off to school next year." Porsche proclaimed, tossing her dark brown mane over her shoulder. She could pass for Brooke's little sister.
"Kinda, sorta, but not exactly." The shorter girl left them perplexed.
"He's trying to hold you back? I know you're not going let him keep you from you dreams!" Luke fussed angrily.
"He's part of my dream, Lucas! Besides, he isn't trying to stop me from going." She swallowed sadly.
"You've lost me here buddy." Mouth urged her on.
" The truth, he broke up with me cause I want him to go to New Jersey with me. I planned on living off campus, our own little place." She smiled, daydreaming. The girls snuggled up against his buddies, feeling romantic after hearing how desperately she was in love with Nathan. However, Luke was livid and jealous of the young Scott.
"You're taking him with you?! Like a married couple? He's not your husband1... Are you crazy? He doesn't deserve you!"
Her nostril's flared and she scrunch her face up at her buddy. Mouth and Skills feared for their lives when she got so riled up.
"I'm glad he was smart enough to recognize a disaster in the making. he's right you know." The toe head boy keep droning on and on.
The other girls rolled their eyes.
"This would be the one time you agree with Nathan, Luke!" Mercedes snarl at manipulative guy, she would be so glad when Skills ditched that snobby butt floss.
"Why do you guys hang out with this ass?" Porsche turned her nose up and away from the Sawyer boy.
"Well, If you and Nathan know so much, explain it to me Luke!" Haley dared.
Luke patted her hand and spoke in a condescending manner. "I guess he feels like he isn't good enough for you. You're so much smarter than him. I was bound to happen."
" Lucas Sawyer! Nathan is smart as hell and has plenty of common sense. More than me."
He patted his shoulder now, pitying her like she a lost cause. "Hales, it's not like he would be attending Princeton too. laughed under hi breath. ...They don't given scholarships in what he's good at... Listen, you'll be a Freshman taking a full load. It's going to be a big transition. You'll barely have time to breathe, let alone give "Mr. Popular" the attention he needs...Give it a year or two. If you still feel the same, which I doubt, send for him."
The defeated female stared at her male pal. He didn't have a clue how wise Nate was. Skills and Mouth somewhat agreed with Lucas, telling her not to miss out on this chance, that maybe it would ruin her promising future What the hell?
No one talked until after they hoofed over to the theater and got in line with the movie starting soon.
"I appreciate your help guys and what you're saying seems feasible, except for one thing. I love about Nathan Scott! I always have."
Two of the boys smiled, they knew what she meant and the girls were in awe of her love for him. On the other hand, Luke went white and his heart plummeted to his stomach after hearing her confession. He was in denial, reaching for any explanation for what he considered her temporary insanity.
"This is a high school crush, Hales. Nathan won't mean anything once it's over. When March comes you'll go to college and start building a career. Sooner or later you'll find the man you're going to make your marry, not Nathan!" He secretly anticipated it was be him, positive that Haley was really in love with him.
If she stayed, the spent girl could see Luke was going to hammer his point across to her all night or try to maul her in the dark theater. She decided to pass on the movie.
"I'm going to take a rain check. I want to be home when Nathan gets there, just to make sure he's okay. It's been a rough day for both of us."
Luke opened his mouth, but Haley cut him off. "No matter what he and I are going through, I'm there for him. Nothing or no one is going to change my heart and mind. I can't meet the guy of my dreams at Princeton, Luke... I'm already in love with him."
After she left, L. Sawyer canceled too, claiming he didn't want to be a fifth wheel, yet it was no problem being a seventh if Nate would have shown up with Haley. He walked out into the food court and made a call.
"Peyton, is Nathan Scott still at that loser party?
"Yeah, why? Trying to sink your teeth into his girl again?"
"She's not his! Just keep him there, alright!" He yelled and hung up.
Peyton just laughed, finding her brother pathetic.
At Tim's, Nate sat in the sunroom relaxing and avoiding Kelly's wandering hands. He loved the place, it was serene, full of pretty scents and beautiful scenery. His mom created a room like that in their Italian estate. It was inviting and the chairs were cushiony. He sat an unopened beer on the telephone table and laid back in the extra large Papa San chair. He closed his blood shot eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn't get his mind off Haley to save his life. Their big breakup was eating away at him. He valued her opinion so much and enjoyed just being near her. He imagined her lying beside him in the wicker chair, her dainty face looking down at him with heavenly chestnut eyes and kissing him passionately.
"Well, well, looks who's sober." Lucas interrupted his fantasies.
Nate didn't even open his eyes, while the blond strolled around the room tearing leaves or petals from the flowers.
"and look who's still annoying as hell!" He countered dryly. " If you're here to gloat cause you MIGHT have a shot a Haley now, I'm not in the mood."
"Actually, I'm here to apologize. I was wrong about you." Luke said sincerely.
"As if your opinion of me ever mattered." He stated casually and stretched out in the chair.
Luke cut a carnation with his pocket knife and twirled it between two fingers. "You're smarted than I give you credit for, realizing ALL by yourself that Haley was out of your league. I glad you're aware she would outgrow you if you moved to Princeton . Eventually she would run off with some guy that's future isn't as a bagger in the local Food Town."
"Thanks for the speech. I'll call you if I try out for the debate team...oops!...You're too dumb for that, Nathan!" He mocked and sat up with his chest poked out silently counting to ten to ease his rage.
Luke was pushing him over the edge. He was trying not to let him get the best of him. Nathan knew he wasn't a genius, but he was far from stupid. He wasn't going to let a insecure, obnoxious little chump make him feel otherwise. Haley never treated him that way. Could she possible think he was an idiot, too?
"Maybe you do care about her, turning her down was in her best interest."
"Doesn't mean I wanted to...I don't want to talk about this...especially with you!" The raven haired kid had to hold herself down on the seat.
His harasser put on his jacket and started to zip it, taunting him once more. "Sensitive, aren't we? ...Alright, I'll go...and you don't have to worry about her. I'll take good care of her, keep my eyes on her, hands too...She'll forget about you in no time."
Nathan got up and grabbed Luke by the throat, dragging him through the house, before backing him up to the front door and pushing hard. He landed on his stomach, sprawled across the lawn with his butt in the air gasping for oxygen.
Nate brushed his hands off as a content smirk graced his handsome features. Back inside, he strolled through the lightly filled foyer. Kelly was waiting for him at the bottom of the staircase that lead to several guest bedrooms. She held out her hand and handed him an opened beer with the other...
Pamela