A/N: Well, I don't have a whole lot to say except that this song (after being requested so often by piratesswriter) will be "Tango: Maureen" from Rent. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Rent.

Harry Potter: A Hot New Musical!

The Tango: Lav-Lav

Phantom Commentary: Ah… the tango. Such a passionate, wild, romantic dance. In my humble opinion, every musical ought to have at least one in its show! Alas, I was not able to have one. It seemed that a tango just wasn't fit for a Harry Potter musical although one was in the original script. So, here it is, a wonderful and exclusive presentation of The Tango: Lav-Lav

-Black out-

-Lights up-

Parvati was sitting alone in the Room of Requirement, thinking. She knew that Lavender had a new boyfriend and normally that wouldn't be such a problem if the current boy toy wasn't Ron Weasley. Not that Weasley was a bad boy or anything… he just weirded her out is all. After that whole Divination experience something about him just made her instantly shy away.

Plus, the fact that Ron was way too nice for someone like Lavender worried Parvati a little.

But in the middle of her ponderings, the Room of Requirement door opened on the stage, revealing a shocking head of red hair. Ron walked in, seemingly oblivious to anyone else being in the room but started when he saw Parvati sitting there, staring at him.

"Um… hey Parvati," he said awkwardly and waved a little. Parvati smiled in response.

"Hey," she muttered and looked away.

"So… how are you?" Ron asked and went about pretending he was looking for something. The truth was, he had forgotten all about whatever it was he was meant to get.

"I'm alright," Parvati replied, adding a little snap to her voice. He was already irritating her. Ron just nodded and gave up his search. He opted for just standing awkwardly in the doorway. They glanced at each other and looked away again.

The orchestra man in the orchestra pit took this as his cue and the band struck up a bright tango tune that left the audience bobbing their heads.

"This is weird," Ron mumbled, looking at the door fondly.

"It's weird," Parvati agreed and tried to avoid really looking at Ron.

"Very weird," Ron began, already finding himself running out of topics to talk about.

"Bloody weird," Parvati moaned. At this moment Ron remembered why he was even IN the Room of Requirement and allowed a growl to enter his voice.

"I'm so mad that I don't know what to do!" he declared loudly. When Parvati looked at him questioningly Ron blushed and went on to explain. "Looking for small headphones," he began his list, counting off his fingers. Well at least now he remembered what he was looking for. "Freezing down to my bones," he continued and motioned to the fact that he had no coat. Lavender had taken it, declaring she was far too cold. "And to top it all off I'm with you!" Ron looked apologetic at this last remark but found that Parvati didn't look angry.

"Feel like going insane?" she asked in her high soprano and gave Ron a small smile. "Got a fire in your brain and you feel like drinking gasoline?" Ron gave her a dumbstruck look and took a few small steps towards where Parvati was sitting.

"As a matter of fact…" Ron stammered, feeling a little ashamed to be admitting this to his girlfriend's best friend. Parvati just rolled her eyes and shook her head, standing up from the box she was on and crossed over to where Ron was standing.

"Honey, I know this act," she assured. "It's called 'The Tango: Lav-Lav'." Ron blushed at the use of his pet name for Lavender but suddenly Parvati's little body erupted into a passionate bellow. "The Tango: Lav-Lav! It's a dark dizzy merry-go-round," she promised with a somewhat sadistic smile and a wink. "As she keeps you dangling…" Lavender paused and Ron took advantage of the situation.

"You're wrong," he insisted, realizing that Parvati was comparing him to other boyfriends.

"Your heart she is mangling!" Lavender finished and clutched at her own chest as if her heart were being ripped out. Ron backed away in horror and began to leave the Room of Requirement.

"It's different with me!" Ron cried and was nearly reaching for the handle before Lavender stopped him. She leaned forward and grabbed his shoulder, suddenly serious and concern laced her words.

"And you toss and you turn 'cause her cold eyes can burn. Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound!" Parvati smiled in understanding when she felt Ron tense under her hand and wasn't at all surprised when he wheeled around to face her again. What surprised her was that he had gone pale and that his freckles now stood out against his face dramatically.

"I think I know what you mean," Ron whispered and took a step in towards Parvati.

"The Tango: Lav-Lav," they harmonized before Parvati let go of Ron's shoulder and stepped back.

"Has she ever pouted her lips and called you…" Parvati paused, knowing that Ron was eating in every word she said, "Pookie?" Ron scowled and shook his head, backing up again towards the door.

"Never," he promised. Parvati frowned but instantly had something else that she just KNEW would be right.

"Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?" she asked, eyes taking in Ron's expression. It was flushed again as he nodded.

"This is spooky." Parvati nodded her head, no longer feeling like teasing poor Ron. "Do they swoon when she walks through the door?' Ron asked, thinking of Lavender's previous boyfriends.

"Every time," Parvati instantly replied, "So be cautious." Ron had unconsciously taken a step towards Parvati again as his mind wandered.

"Did she moon over other boys?" Ron questioned, dreading the answer.

"More than mooned," Parvati drawled, shuddering a little bit at her friend's excursions.

"I'm getting nauseous," Ron groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

There came a brief pause in which Ron hunched over, grabbing his knees and Parvati wondered about whether or not she should go fetch a bucket. Then, suddenly, Ron snapped back up and raised his eyebrows coolly at Parvati, which made her nervous. He extended his hand to her as the dramatic pause lasted even longer and waited for a response from her. Parvati seemed to know what he wanted and bit her lip as she mentally calculated the odds of someone walking in and seeing them.

The audience chuckled as she looked over her shoulder and peeked over Ron's tall frame.

And then she took his hand and they began to tango across the stage gracefully.

"I want a beautiful dress," Lavender thought to herself as the tango beat began to pick up again. Of course, the Room of Requirement replaced her old clothes with a new sparkling red dress. Ron raised his eyebrows and thought himself up some flashy dancing robes that were sleek and black before noticing something odd.

"Where'd you learn to tango?" Ron asked, taking note of Parvati's fluid movements and expert techniques. She shrugged in an offhanded way though a smirk was on her face.

"With the Minister's oldest son in the office next to his dad's," Parvati said proudly. "And you?" she asked sarcastically, noticing Ron's hesitant movement and crude technique.

"With my little sister, Ginny, in my mum's kitchen as a punishment for not degnoming the garden," Ron blushed and averted her eyes. Parvati sniffed as if she had expected nothing less and suddenly switched the tables, forcing Ron to follow as she led. "This is hard to do backwards!" Parvati snorted and rolled her eyes.

"You should try it in heels!" she snapped and motioned down towards her high red shoes with a wince. Ron frowned a little and decided to get back on track.

"She cheated?" he asked frantically, eyes imploring. Parvati sighed and nodded.

"She cheated," she confirmed.

"Lav-Lav cheated!" Ron repeated though he was a little outraged this time.

"Bloody cheated!" Parvati replied vehmenently.

"I'm defeated! I should give up right now!" Ron declared and broke away from the tango in despair, headed towards the door.

"Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might!" Parvati called after him and started to follow. She was surprised when Ron turned to face her.

"I'd fall for her still anyhow," Ron cried painfully and allowed Parvati to take him up in the tango again.

"When you're dancing her dance you don't stand a chance," they sang together as Ron prepared to dip Parvati. "Her grip of romance makes you fall!" Ron snapped Parvati back up into a standing position and they stared at each other for a moment.

"So you think 'Might as well!'" Parvati shrugged in a demonstration of the thoughts of all who dated Lavender before.

"Dance a tango to hell!" Ron continued and Parvati nodded approvingly. In an instant they were dancing again around the stage (with Lavender mostly leading again).

"At least I'll have tangoed at all!" they finished together and paused in dramatic poses before continuing with their sick little dance.

"The Tango: Lav-Lav! Gotta dance 'till your diva is through!" they sang in unison, harmonizing the whole way. "You pretend to believe her but in the end you can't leave her!" Ron made a face but spun Parvati away from him and then back in with a snap, looking down at her. "But in the end it will come… still you have to play dumb 'till you're glum and you bum and turn blue!" Parvati sniffed and broke the dance, turning to look at Ron with a sad expression.

"Why do we love when she's mean?" Ron wondered aloud and averted his eyes to the floor.

"And she can be so obscene," Parvati added, causing Ron to grunt in acknowledgement.

"My Lav-Lav," Ron whimpered, feeling a genuine sadness grow in his heart. Parvati tilted his head up to look at her and gave him an encouraging smile.

"The tango…" they sang together again, locking eyes as the music crescendoed. "Lav-Lav!" And just as abruptly as the song began it was over, leaving both of them sad and discouraged.

Just then, the Room of Requirement burst open again and revealed a glowing Lavender Brown. Who else?

"Won-Won!" she squealed and ran over to throw her arms around Ron's neck. "I was so worried when you took so long to get back!"

"Oh… sorry," Ron apologized, hoping Lavender couldn't see his face. "I was having trouble finding the thing you wanted. Parvati came and helped."

"Aww," Lavender cooed and broke away from Ron to smile at her friend. "Thanks for helping my pookie!" Ron froze and turned to look at Parvati in time to see her mouth the word 'pookie' over at him with a smirk. He scowled and turned back to Lavender.

"Let's go back," Ron suggested and shot Parvati another glare.

"Okay!" Lavender chirped and allowed Ron to guide her firmly from the Room of Requirement. Parvati just rolled her eyes and followed them and wondered how long this one would last.

-Black out-

Phantom Commentary: The only BIG problem the actors had with this was that Parvati didn't like having to say "bloody" twice. She was worried about the younger audience and in the end I had to agree. There were children after all and children were money. So I had to ditch the tango and ended up having to cut Parvati out of the picture completely.

That's what you get when you're a small role and you pick on the writer of the play.

A/N: (dies) I had too much fun writing this! So, please review!