Disclaimer: Not mine. Oh well.

I put this up quickly so that everyone would get the story from both characters.

Italicized words are flashbacks. Enjoy!

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My name? What is my name? I used to have a life as a very powerful woman. Now my life is me sitting behind a desk taking calls and listening to my superiors bitch and complain. That's not me.

My old life and friends know me as Alexandra Cabot, but others in this new life, know me a Stephanie Thompson. Nobody knows who I truly am in Wisconsin… I belong in Manhattan SVU. But I must admit, it's nice to take a break from all the chaos of catching perps and going after criminals. But now, its been 5 years, and I dearly miss it. I know that Velez and is gang were all murdered during a drug bust, but I'm still scared to go back.

I cant just go back. It doesn't work that way, not at all.

How can I go back to a place that deals with rape, molestation, and abuse when I was raped 2 years ago?

How could I possibly face Munch, Elliot, Fin, Cragen, and… and Olivia… I don't know how I can bare all of that. I've thought over and over about it almost every night. I think about the fact that they probably forgot all about me, and plus I've heard and read that their ADA is rather good. I don't know how to muster up the courage to go back and show my face to all of them.

I've aged a lot… Let me tell you that getting raped really sets your life back. I still remember that night like the back of my hand. I was at a bar with one of my coworkers and everyone was getting ready to leave and one of my friends asked if I needed a ride and I said no..

"Are you sure you don't need a ride Steph? We don't live that from from each other." Jason only lived 2 blocks away from my apartment. He held my hand to get my attention and was being so sincere.

"I'll be alright Jay, it's not that far from here, what's the worst that could happen? If my purse gets stolen it's no big deal… I'll be perfectly fine." I hoped he would let me be so I placed my hand on his shoulder giving him a nudge to leave. He nodded and walked out of the bar.

I realized how much liquor was in my system so I started walking to the bathroom, but I was grabbed and pulled into a storage closet. I couldn't see anything and I was panicking but I couldn't scream. Whoever this person was had taped my mouth shut and made sure I couldn't see them. I could feel the room get colder so I figured that a window was open. Boy was a right once I feel my back slam across the concrete. He continued to drag me for about 15 minutes until I hear him opening up a garage, or what it seems to be. I'm thrown against some bags and piles of random lawn equipment. The man put a towel over my head and tied it around my neck so I couldn't see anything that was happening.

I tried to scream, I damn well tried my hardest, but nothing would come out. I felt my life shatter before me as he began undressing me and touching me everywhere. I'm crying my eyes out and that makes him take full advantage of me. I feel something different as he begins raping me, something smooth. The bastard was smart enough to wear a god damn condom. That makes me quiver because I realize this was a planned attack on me. When he was all done, he muttered a few sentences, "My beautiful Alex… too bad you will never know me, and no one will ever know what truly happened to miss Alex Cabot… I mean Stephanie Thompson. I'll never forget you sweetie…" and I heard him run off. I laid there in tears hoping someone would find me, but no one did. I ended up passing out and I woke up and I was in a hospital…"

I'm sure it could've been worse, but as a woman, being raped changes a girl on so many levels. I can't even be alone in a room with a guy longer then 5 minutes without having a panic attack. It bothers me though.. when people say, "When you're raped, you begin to fear men, so you turn to females, and eventfully either fall in love with them, or trust them more than life itself. .." And that couldn't be anymore true for me. I used to date men all of the time, I loved men… I loved how strong they were, and how I felt safe around them. Now I can't stand looking at them.

After being raped, I tried being with woman, but it wasn't the same for me. Trust me, the sex meant more for me then it ever did with a guy, but something was missing. Was I already in love with a woman in my past life? Did I fall for a woman before I even knew I was gay? Was I destined to be gay? I try to think back to all the females I used to know and no one popped into my head. Who could I possibly have feelings for. And then I remembered…

Detective Olivia Benson.

The thought of her makes my heart flutter and my chest tighten. Why did I never see it before? I know my job was the most important thing to me back then, but what would happen if I came out saying I'm gay? Would I lose my job? Would nothing change? How would the guys feel about it all? I'm sure they noticed how Olivia and I acted. She was a good friend to me, she helped me open up to her and allow her to actually help me. I never left anyone help me. I was practically a stone wall back then.

But then she offered me coffee and to get out. That changed everything. I realized someone actually cared about me more than just being their superior, but more as a friend. How could I not see it then? Was I naïve? Was she gay? I don't know… I know she never had the best luck with guys but I never heard of her being with any women, so what was I jumping onto? A thought? I had no solid proof that she was gay, and even if she was, would she even have feelings for me? She was always so friendly with me and always helped, unlike Elliot, she was warm hearted. Am I getting my hopes up?

I don't even know if I'll ever return there… I have everything that's needed right here in Wisconsin… But I don't have love. I don't have my real life, and I most certainly do not have my self. I need to go back soon though.

I remember the look in her eyes when I left. I've never seen more emotion in that woman's eyes than I did that night. I know she saw me cry… I know she knows I saw her tear up. It's not registering in my mind what was exactly going on…

I was losing one of the greatest friends I've ever had…

And potentially losing the greatest lover…