Disclaimer: I own nothing of SVU. Nor do I own the song [Michelle Branch – Here With Me. (I edited the song a bit because the chorus repeats itself a couple times)

Here's the deal, the first 2 chapters were kind of an introduction to Olivia and Alex and how their lives have been since Alex went away.

The next 2 chapters will have songs in them, and it'll be like a mini song fic but it goes with everything that I already wrote and will be writing... kind of like a diary for them… I promise chapter 5 will start the actual monologue and storyline.

OMG and you guys are the best. I love love love your reviews. I didn't expect to get 1, let alone 6! You guys are truly awesome! Honestly guys, if you have suggestions, do let me know, I love new ideas and everything. And feel free to get ahold of me if you get confused or anything. I try my hardest to make it very understandable and no questions asked thing.

So enjoy!

(italicized words are the songs)

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Olivia POV

I love my morning jogs. They truly help me clear my head and help me just lose myself and take myself away from the harsh world that I live in. I work 24/7 and I hardly ever have time to myself to just think about my life, and to just relish the fact that I've made my life so much better then I would've ever thought. I'm sure if my mother was still alive she'd shun me completely. She'd probably think that me being a sex crimes detective just meant that I enjoyed seeing the graphic images and I loved being in the spotlight. I wish I could've proved her wrong. I am proving her wrong. I want nothing but to help the victims of those horrifying events….

….But as I switch the songs on my Ipod, I come across a song that completely changes my train of thought. The song makes me wonder off and think of what my life would be now if Alex was still here… All the thoughts in my head just keep coming up and it really breaks me down… I don't know why I'm so weak when it comes to thinking about her… I continue my run but my mind is still spinning with the thoughts….

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror

I guess that I was blind

Now my reflection's getting clearer

Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

I never really saw my true character as much as I did when I was with you. We became so close so quickly, and it boggled my mind that I could ever get someone close to you. Everyone thought you were a stone wall and you had to heart because of how tough you were. But I saw through that completely… I saw through the façade that you put up, I saw through your toughness, and I definitely saw that you were in need of someone to talk to, someone you could call a good friend. You made me realize who I really was. I wasn't a drunken mess like my mother, and I definitely wasn't an abusive asshole like my father. When I think of you, I get happy. When I think about you, my mind wonders off to years from now when we're happy… but right now… I'm everything but happy.

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day

You're such a part of me

But I just pulled away

Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know

I wish I said the words I never showed

There were so many clues and hints that you gave me, but I was so blind and naïve to think that anything would ever become of us. I think that in my mind, I didn't even know I harvested such feelings for a woman, and let alone the woman that everyone thought didn't own a heart. Sure I know you went on dates, but the next day after your dates, you always seemed like you built up another wall and became harder to get to. You got further and further away and it broke my heart. But at the same time, I was at fault also. I never showed my feelings, and when I was about to, I just pulled away completely. When you left, things were never the same….

I know you had to go away

I died just a little, and I feel it now

You're the one I need

I believe that I would cry just a little

Just to have you back now

Here with me

Here with me

I wish you didn't have to go away. Every night after you got shot and taken away, I cried myself to sleep. When you got shot, I could've sworn I died right there… When Elliot called over to you and noticed you were o the ground, I didn't know what to do. I tried to stop the bleeding and I tried everything… but it wasn't enough. You were still going to be taken away from us… from me… I always needed you Alex, always. I would honestly do anything to get you to come back here, and even if I never had the balls to confront you about my feelings, we both know they're there. We both knew damn well what was going on between us. But I also know both of us were scared. You didn't want to start any unneeded publicity because of your status as the ADA, and I was afraid of what everyone would think. I mean, the boys always joked around about it with me because I never had any luck with guys, but they knew something was up. Elliot is an extremely smart guy, and he knows me pretty damn well. He knew my struggles with getting guys to understand that my job came before anything and that I can be called at the worst of hours, and I'd have to go. But I don't think Elliot ever realized how much you meant to me. I don't think anybody did. Even myself…

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart

And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true

But I was scared and left it all behind

When you were in the van about to be taken away that night, my heart was pounding so badly. I knew that if I didn't tell you everything then and there, I'd be regretting it. And let me tell you, I am regretting not saying anything so so much… I was terrified. I was completely terrified that If I told you, you would just ignore it and tell me that was the end of everything. But I knew you wouldn't because IKNEW you had those same feelings for me. I left it all behind… and I know that doesn't make sense because Alex was the one who left, but if I had protected her, I wouldn't be in the mess that I am right now. I knew if we started anything romantic of any sort, it would be so pure and strong. I never felt the butterflies in my stomach for anyone I ever dated. But seeing you walk into the precinct, I got those instant butterflies and it made me happy. At first I was confused because how could I ever fall so hard for a woman? My main concern was how to tell you, and let alone, admit it. The boys didn't know I had a thing for girls, and I'm scared of what they'd say and how they'd react… But you… I honestly think you would've been worth it…

And I'm asking

And I'm wanting you to come back to me

Please?

I know it's a long shot, but every night I've wished for you to call, to show up on my doorstep, just something to make my pain and heartache go away. I know nothing was ever set in stone between us, but I beg and plead every night for you to come back to me. Not the precinct, not Cragen, not the courtroom, but to me. After you come to me you can do all that stuff. But I truly believe in my heart and soul that you would come back to me. Even if you first come to me to visit and say hi as a friend, it'something. I just need the thought of knowing that you would even think about me, let alone love me.

I never will forget that look upon your face

How you turned away and left without a trace

But I understand that you did what you had to do

And I thank you

When the van took off that night, I knew that I was losing something special and important to me. When I saw you turn around once more, I saw you whisper 'I'm sorry' and you have nothing to be sorry for. I understand completely why you had to go, but it still breaks my heart. That look that you gave me has been etched in my mind forever; because that was the last time I'd ever see you again. But then I learned you were put into the Witness Protection Program, and that gave me some hope. I knew it'd be impossible to track you down, so I didn't even bother. I knew that when everything was settled, and when you were ready to come back, you would. I hoped and prayed everyday that you would come back. I thought every time my phone rang, I had a knock on the door, or a written letter sent to me was you. My hopes were way too high, and I kicked myself in the ass for it. I continuously kick myself in the ass for it, because everyday I lose a little bit more hope of you ever coming back… It's been a long time, and anyone who's ever meant something to me, has left me forever...

I know you had to go away

I died just a little, and I feel it now

You're the one I need

I believe that I would cry just a little

Just to have you back now

Here with me

Here with me

I need you Alex. I need you so much… but I'm beginning to lose hope. From once being about 100 percent sure you were coming back, I'm not only about 15 percent sure. I've tried dating, but nothing. Every person I go on a date with, I imagine it's you and I just can't do it. I end up apologizing and leaving the moment you enter me mind. You're killing me Alex… I just wish you'd come back and I'd wish you just do something to show me that I shouldn't lose hope… I honestly don't know what to think anymore. Should I just move on and be with someone who I will never love? Or should I be alone for the rest of my life? I want to be with you Alex, but I know it would take a miracle for that to happen…

As I finish my run, I'm in tears. All those thoughts that go through my mind constantly kill me. I really don't know what to do anymore. I've waited for her for so long, and I wonder that if she hasn't come back yet, why now? Why would I think she'd ever come back? I need some type of sign, clue, or just something… anything… I'm starting to believe that I lost that one true love that everyone looks for in life. And I know that I will never be able to fulfill it by how m life is turning out to be…

Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. Maybe I'm just meant to let my job rule my entire life, and not let me be truly happy.

Maybe this is a sign that I was never meant to be happy…
Maybe I'm just that unlucky..

I need you back now, here with me...