OMGSH! It has been so long… too long! I sincerely apologize for my delay in putting up this chapter, but things have been so hectic! My room (where I write), was taken over by a guest for a week, denying me access to my good ol' computer… I have a boyfriend now… (hahaha), and I've recently started college which always drains out a lot of my energy every time I come home (the commute takes a really big toll on me), but here it is… finally. I hope you guys have not deserted me… or lost hope. I'm still writing, I'm still active… but it'll just take a tad bit longer (a bit may be an understatement here… --")

I hope you guys feel that the wait is worth it.

Read and enjoy!

STAND STILL, LOOK PRETTY
Chapter 5
Jess Mariano (Stay Away)

Dear Rory,

My, my, it has been a while hasn't it? How long ago does it seem to you, that we were at Luke's together, or that we were arguing about the countless classics that we used to read? Even the last time that you had come to see me feels like a lifetime ago…

I miss it.

I'm not sure whether this letter will be warmly received by you, but I assure you, it is warmly written by me. I had just seen you on TV Rory, and you sure know how to scare the hell out of someone. But even though I was frightened out of my wits, the feeling of pride that I felt overwhelmed my deepest and I really mean deepest concern for you. To see you, reporting to ignorant fools like myself, the truth just as it is, made me feel so proud that I had been a friend, that I had been a part of Rory Gilmore's life.

It's good to see you where you rightfully belong. I'm concerned, yes, but who am I to say what's too dangerous for you? Seeing you there, feels right; you can do anything… anything Rory.

Where ever you are, I hope that you will take the time to reply this letter. I tried sending you an email once, but all I got was some pathetic thank you respond that I strongly urge you to change. We, mere mortals, feel cheated with that automatic response. I don't know whether you were the one who originally set what that email would say, but whatever the case is, you really need to change it. All in all, I realized that the email address that I had gotten from your site is not your personal one. That's why I resorted to writing you a hand-written letter, it's more personal isn't it? It feels it.

Don't misunderstand my purpose of writing you this personal letter. I like to think that after all that had happened between us, that we're still friends. I understand you, you understand me. All the facts point to the fact that we should be best friends.

Relax, I'm kidding, that's not what I expect or want. It would be nice, sure, but being just friends first seems like the perfect first step.

You're the first person who had ever got me Rory. And who knows, I might be the first for you too, with the exception of your mother of course.

I just want to start what died when we died those years ago; our friendship.

Which raises the question of when were we ever really friends? Okay, I'm beginning to confuse myself, so I'm going to end it here.

Let's be friends, real friends Rory; you know, the one who writes and talks to each other? The one who criticizes the other for their own good? You know that we'd be good at it.

You and I, we were made for that.

Sincerely,
Jess M.

To Rory, the letter that Jess had written her differed tremendously to the book that he had written. In one, he had asked her for the beginning of what she knew would be an amazing friendship, but in the other, he had ruthlessly described her as nothing, ignorant to the fact that she had changed for the worse.

To say that she was angry was the biggest understatement in the world. Rory was not mad, she was enraged.

She didn't know how she came to be sitting in a book/café somewhere in Philadelphia. She had his Memoirs of Dodger on the table before her, a new copy that she had purchased a couple of hours ago, and had been staring at the front cover while drinking countless cups of coffee for the better part of the afternoon.

She couldn't bear to open the book; his words were sharp, his pen a weapon. She had known that Jess could do great things if he only puts his mind to it, but she didn't know that despite being his muse, she was also his target, destined to be used so unjustly by him.

Rory knew exactly who Jess Mariano was but this book that she had lying in front of her, begged to differ.

Leaving Dean behind was hard, but not as hard as she thought it would be. She had made her peace with him, had told him all that she could say and offer, and it was all up to him now to make do with what he had.

He would always mean something to her, she had made sure that he knew that, but to be what they had been back when they were sixteen was impossible. Deep down she had known it, and now he knew too.

Once Rory was back on the road, she had set her mind to go to California… to Logan. After all, he had practically begged her to come. But Philadelphia kept on pulling her, and the many bookstores that she had passed, all with displays of Jess's hit, were insensitively tugging her to Philly.

And so, there she was. She came, she was there. But she didn't know what the hell she was supposed to do next.

Draining what Rory thought was her fifth cup of coffee, she knew that she was not up to facing him just yet. She could not, not with all this rage fuming within her. She had to meet him calmly, collected, not ready to burst with anger and pain at any given second. But judging from her present condition, she did not know how long it would be before her fury would simmer down.

She had to decide quickly on what to do. Logan was desperate and was waiting for her, waiting for her answer. But yet, she was here, in Philadelphia, wasting time in pondering whether she should meet Jess or whether she should leave without giving him a chance to justify his actions.

She touched his book softly, trying with all her might to understand the mind that she used to know so well, but failed to reach a conclusion.

She was ashamed to have to finally admit, that maybe she didn't know Jess Mariano as well as she thought she did.

It was a discomforting thought.

Standing up to get, yet again, another refill, Rory failed to see the man who had entered the cozy coffee shop. As she went to the counter to be assisted, he made his way to the corner of the charming coffee place and sat down on the snug emerald sofa where he was immediately engaged in a conversation by the woman sitting across from him. He was oblivious to her presence and she, to him and without giving them a glance, Rory made her way back to her chair by the window where she sat down once more, immersed in her own thoughts.

For a quarter of an hour, they all did just that. Rory, sitting, staring, with her back to them, pondering… and he, occupied and engaged in the lively discussion with the blonde-haired woman across from him, did not notice the solitary figure of the woman that he had once knew so well, sitting by the window.

Finally, as he ordered himself a cup of coffee from the waitress who was cleaning a table near him, Rory dared to open the book… the end part of the book.

She read the last paragraph; it was a song that she recognized.

I don't want to hurt you,
I don't want to make you sway.
Like I know I've done before,
I will not do it anymore.

That's it. And she closed it again abruptly. Was this some sick apology that he wrote at the end to make all the stuff that he had written, okay? Did he know that his words would surely hurt her, that it would make her sway? And did he think that the chorus of a song by The Perishers would suffice to make her feel better? He knew that it would hurt her beyond belief, but he wrote it anyway, thinking that the end would be enough for her to understand, for her to forgive.

Oh Jess Mariano was more twisted than she had initially thought.

"No, this is decaf."

As his voice reached her ears, Rory, without thinking, turned in her seat to look at the source of the sound.

And there he was.

Handsome in his casual suit, he sat, slouching elegantly on the sofa with one leg perched on top of the other, breathtaking in every way. His hair was short, his face was fresh and his eyes were dark pools of mystery. He gave his round cup of coffee back to the waitress and smiled at the woman in front of him.

Rory wanted to turn away, but she could not; not back then, not now, not ever.

Oh after everything, she still loved him.

Taken aback by the intensity of her own feelings, Rory did not take notice of the group of people sitting nearby, pointing at her and talking excitedly amongst themselves.

Unaware, a girl of about sixteen, made her way to Rory's table, gripping hard on the brown-coloured tissue in her hands.

"Urm, Miss Gilmore?"

Caught by surprise, Rory jumped, bumping her coffee table, causing her coffee cup to fall, unbalanced by the unexpected force. The mug rolled off the table, spilling its brown content on the table and on the floor, breaking with a loud sound as it met the ground.

"Oh! I am so sorry Miss Gilmore!" said the now pale-faced girl, kneeling down to clean up the mess, as Rory, not daring to look back, joined the girl in picking up the broken pieces.

The waitress on duty came to help, but Rory did not stop picking them up.

"It's okay," Rory said to the girl while her face was turning red. "Really, it is, mind the glass now, here, I'll do it. Careful…you might hurt yourself."

The waitress was making a fuss about her helping, but Rory didn't care. She continued to place the glass on the dustpan that the waitress had brought out and was surprised when a strong, warm hand held her right hand in mid air.

She didn't need to turn to know whose hand it was. Not looking back, she stood up, gently guided and supported by his hand. He kneeled down in her place and quietly began to clean the broken shards of glass by himself.

"Miss Gilmore?"

Looking up, Rory saw the girl who had surprised her in the first place. Lips trembling, her eyes were wide as she stared at her in a mixture of wonderment and embarrassment, scared and yet, awed. She was holding another tissue and she edged it closer to Rory.

"May… may I?"

Understanding what the girl wanted, Rory smiled kindly at her, and took a pen out of her pocket. She wrote a little message for the girl, and signed the end of it with her signature.

"Take it easy," Rory said gently as she handed back the tissue.

Full of gratitude, the girl said thanks to Rory and returned to her table, turning every few seconds to look back at her.

It was only when he had stood up that Rory realized that the mess had been cleared away. She took the time he took to say something to the blonde woman who had stood up when she saw him kneeling down to help Rory, to quickly put her, or rather, his book into her handbag.

When he turned to her again, her handbag along with the novel, was hanging from her shoulder.

"Hey stranger," he said to her. "What are you doing here? Did you come to-,"

"Work," Rory said abruptly. Seeing the unsure look on his face, she added, "I'm here for work."

His face fell. "Right, of course you are."

They stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"Do you have time to catch up with an old friend?" Jess asked softly.

Her refusal was on the tip of her tongue, but the answer that came out of her lips was the total opposite.

"I think I can fit you in," she said to him.

Nodding, he asked whether she was up for walking a few blocks to his apartment. She was. Rory waited outside while Jess said his goodbye to the woman inside and soon joined her and together, they made their way to his home.

There were feeble attempts on both parts to start a conversation, but they failed miserably. She on one hand was overwhelmed by her old feelings which had resurfaced and by the anger that she was at hard, keeping in check. And he on the other hand was discouraged by the coldness with which she addressed him.

It started to rain. Grabbing her hand, Jess pulled her to a run as they made a turn and in a matter of minutes, they found themselves drenched, in Jess's spacious apartment.

He disappeared into a room, while Rory was left idle to her own musings as she took his apartment in. It was neat. His CDs were packed neatly too, and Rory saw a copy of Snow Patrol's album on top of his TV cabinet. But as Rory poked her head into the study where Jess must spend all his time writing in, Rory realized that old habits die hard. It was organized in a disorganized chaos. To any other person, it might seem like a horrible mess, but to her, this was not so. She had no difficulty in discerning how things were placed, and was not baffled with the question of how Jess could possibly do his work in such a climate. She knew.

"Here," she heard him say behind her.

Turning, Rory was just in time to catch a red towel from him while he was drying his hair with another.

Murmuring her thanks, Rory walked out of the study, past him, drying herself as she made her way back to neat part of his apartment.

Rory dropped her handbag on the carpeted floor, saw part of the novel sticking out from it, and felt her full anger returning to her.

"Would you like a drink, Rory?" He asked.

She didn't answer him.

"Rory?"

"I lied, OK?" Rory blurted out, turning to face him.

"Lied about what?" Jess asked, confused.

"I didn't come here for work! I came here for you!"

Not knowing whether to smile or not, Jess edged closer to Rory and stopped when he saw her take a step back.

"Did I offend you, in anyway?"

Rory laughed shrilly.

"Did you offend me?? Did you… did you…?" She laughed sarcastically. "You have the nerve!"

Feeling irritated, Jess scowled. He had no idea what she was talking about, and he felt annoyed by her actions which was not expected and definitely uncalled for.

"Get it out, will you?" Jess snapped.

Rory leaned down to take the book out of her bag and shook it in front of him.

"Explain this Jess! Explain it!!"

He recognized the book, but did not fully understand what she wanted from him. He stared at her, uncomprehending.

Irritated by his irksome reaction, Rory threw the book at him, which he caught, hard across his chest.

"What the-,"

"She was not that girl anymore, the girl that had named me, the girl that had changed me, and the girl that had saved me. She became everything that she hated. And she didn't even know it," Rory obnoxiously recited. "You wrote to me Jess! Asking to start our friendship again, which I really wanted at the time, but then, I come home to this! To that!"

Rory pointed accusingly at the book in his hands.

Feeling angry himself, Jess yelled back at her.

"I'm sorry, but did you even read the whole thing?? Or did you just read a bit, and thought you knew everything to it? Come on Rory, that's just insane!"

"Why should I read the whole thing?! The first few lines already killed me! I don't need to torture myself by reading the whole damn thing! I thought I knew you Jess, I really thought I did. But clearly, I was mistaken!"

"Damn it, Rory! Read the whole thing!"

"I can't!"

Fighting back the urge to cry Rory grabbed her handbag and was about to leave when Jess, dropping the book onto the floor, grabbed her hand, not roughly, but firmly, pulling her back.

"Don't," he said. "Don't you dare."

"Let me go Jess, let me go now."

"I did not ask you to come here, Rory," Jess said, ignoring what she just had said. "I asked you to just write back. Do you know why I didn't ask you to come here, Rory? Do you?"

When she didn't answer him, he continued on.

"I wasn't ready. I was ready to talk to you again, but I was not ready to see you. I could not face the fact that you will leave again, like I know you would. I don't want to see you, if at the end of it you are going to walk out of the door again. I can't stand by and let history repeat itself.

"You can't keep coming in and out of my life forever Rory. It's not fair to me, and I don't deserve it. I need you to make a choice. I wanted that if you had decided to come, you would have come to stay. If today, you walk out of that door, that'll be it. Once you leave, I expect you to stay away from me for good. I can't keep putting myself through this… and as long as you keep on popping up into my life for a temporary stop, I will never get over it. So today, I'm making a stand. If you stay, I want all of you, if you go away… stay away.

He let her hand go but she didn't move. She cried soundlessly, watching him battling his own silent agony. She could not make that hard of a decision on the spot. He had to understand.

"Right now, I can't."

Rory stepped back towards the door, his face hardening with every step she took.

"I mean it, Rory, if you walk out of that door, then I'm done. I can't keep setting myself up for this; if you leave… leave."

She didn't know what to do. Despite everything, she still loved him and he knew. But she couldn't decide now, not yet.

Crying, Rory shook her head, finding the doorknob with her right hand.

His face hardened with anguish.

She turned the knob. His face was cold.

"Goodbye Rory," he said tonelessly.

She looked up for one last look of him. She met his eyes. She left.

Jess stared at his door; his face was set as if it was carved out of stone. As reality dawned on him… as he felt the full impact of her choice to leave… of her absence, his hard face slipped, replaced by the old visage that had once been his face back when he was a rebel teenager… the image perfection of a lost, lonely and hurting boy who just needed to be understood, accepted… and loved.

He sank down on to the ground, remembering Rory's refusal when he went after her at Yale. Was history bound to repeat itself? Must one or the other always leave?

Jess covered his face with his hands, regretting all the things that he had said to her.

Where the hell did he get the nerve to tell her to stay away?

Separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us. Push your way on to me. Entirely. Stay away from me. Stay away from me now. Unless you're gonna see, unless you're gonna see me out.

No I can't dance, unless it's slow and sad. To a song that's far less obvious. You're using me, do it slowly, make it last until I have to go.

So, there you have it. The Jess chapter. Lol. I'm sorry to say that I don't have a photoshop picture for this one… yet… I don't know. But it's just… everything is so hectic, so I'm just going to concentrate on putting up the chapters instead of the pictures. Deal:). So… review! Let me know that you guys have not deserted me! That way, I'll have a reason to continue on writing.

Love yas!