Dislclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.
A/N-Sorry this took so long to update, the lack of a computer kind of helped that. Now though I have the computer back, all fixed. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and to Meg for proofreading this.
Seth didn't want to believe it. He tried telling himself it was all a dream. He just needed to wake up.
Despite all the pinching that he did to his arm he didn't wake up. He had to face the reality.
Summer was dead.
He sank down to the floor. It finally really hit him. Summer was not coming back to him.
She was no longer going to be there when he first woke up in the mornings. She was no longer going to be there for their kids. She was no longer going to be the last thing he saw before he shut his eyes at night.
She was no longer alive.
He had to get out of the hospital. He couldn't be in the same place anymore. He walked out of the hospital and never wanted to go back.
Ryan couldn't help it. He cried. He let the tears fall from his eyes.
He thought back to when they had first met. Everything was so different. Marissa was alive. Summer was alive and still didn't even know Seth's name. Seth was friendless and even Ryan was different. It all felt like it was a whole different life.
He wanted to go back the that day, those times. He wanted them all to just be together again. He wished everything could go back. He would give anything to have Summer and Marissa alive with them again.
He hated that he knew none of it was ever going to happen.
Taylor didn't know what to do. She had no clue what was going on at the hospital. Non one had called her with any news. Without a call, she was just going to assume that it was good news.
Until she received a call, she needed something to preoccupy her. There was no one awake in the house and it was completely silent. This was the one time she wished that her son Micah was awake and crying. This was the one time he was actually going to sleep.
Finally she decided that she would clean the house. She attacked this task furiously, allowing her mind to just think of cleaning and nothing else. She didn't want to think of anything else. She started in the living room, cleaning every little nook and cranny she could possibly get to. It took an hour and still there was no news, so into the kitchen she went.
After she started to scrub the floor, she heard the front door open and close quietly. She paused, waiting. Ryan came into the kitchen, his eyes red and puffy. A look at his eyes told Taylor all she needed to know and yet she waited for him to say it out loud. She needed to hear it. She wanted him to not say what she was thinking.
"Wh-what happened?" she stuttered.
"She didn't make it Taylor," he replied quietly.
For a moment neither of them moved. Taylor finally did so but instead of going to Ryan, she resumed her scrubbing of the floor. She was doing it with such vigor, almost like she wanted the floor to disappear. It took Ryan a minute to realize that her tears were mixing into the water. He walked over to her side and kneeled next to her.
"I-I have to finish this." Her body was shaking with sobs as she said this. "Especially now that you walked on it."
Ryan gently took the sponge out of her hands and wrapped his arms around her. He just held her and let her cry.
Seth stood outside for an hour, unable to go inside, despite the chilly night. He couldn't bring himself to go inside.
Tonight they were going to have a movie night, like they did every week. It was Summer's turn to pick the movie and Seth knew it was going to be Little Women again. She picked that practically every time it was her turn lately, after rediscovering her favorite childhood movie on television. None of them ever complained about it though.
Seth didn't want to be inside, knowing that they weren't all together, watching their movie. He didn't want to be alone but he really didn't want to be with anyone. All he wanted was for Summer to be alive.
Ryan and Taylor sat in their living room, taking in the silence. They were both absorbed in thought, not really noticing each other.
They were both pulled out of their thoughts when there was a loud and furious knock on the door. Ryan opened it to reveal Seth, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking tired and worn, and like he had just aged immensely. He almost looked like a different person.
"Seth what are you doing here? Didn't I drop you off at your house?" Ryan was confused as to how he was able to get here, considering he was the one who had Seth's car at the moment.
"I walked."
"You should have called. We would have come and picked you up," Taylor said gently.
"No, I needed the time. I had to figure out what I'm going to tell James and Cooper," Seth replied, running his hands through his hair. That was the last thing he wanted to do but he knew he had to.
"Why don't you wait until morning when they wake up?"
Seth shook his head. "I can't do that to them. I have to tell them now."
Ryan and Taylor didn't say anything more to him. Seth didn't move from the spot he had taken on the couch.
"Do you want me to go and wake them up?" Taylor offered, realizing how hard this was going to be for everyone, especially James and Cooper. Maybe there was something she could do to ease their pain, to possibly shield them from the hurt they were about to experience. They were still so young.
"Just a few more minutes. I want them to have just a few more minutes with the thought that she's alive."
The few minutes turned into an hour. Despite Seth knowing that he had to tell them, he just couldn't bring himself to them. When he was finally ready to go to James and Cooper, he heard footsteps approaching them.
The three pairs of tired eyes turned to look at James who had entered the room. He seemed somewhat surprised to see his dad sitting there.
"Dad?" his voice was timid. He locked eyes with Seth and he knew. He knew his mother was dead. He was just waiting for his father to tell him that she was okay.
When this reassurance did not come, he broke down in tears. He walked over to his father and settled into his lap, something he had not done in years. Seth held his son in his arms, tears coming out of his eyes too.
"It's my fault," James sobbed.
Seth looked at his son's tear stained face. "What are you talking about?"
"The car crashed 'cause of me. I-I asked Mom to change the radio and she wasn't look'ng and then the truck crashed into us. She wasn't paying attention. It's all my fault!"
Seth couldn't respond to him. He knew it wasn't James's fault at all but just hearing him say this was tearing Seth apart. He couldn't handle being there anymore. He needed to get out.
Luckily Taylor realized that Seth wanted to get out and pulled James over to her. Wordlessly, Seth got up and left the house. James looked at his aunt, a fresh batch of tears coming out of his eyes.
"He's mad. I killed Mom!"
"James, you did not. Don't even think that. It wasn't your fault. The truck hit you guys when he ran a red light. No one blames you."
"Dad does," James said quietly.
"No he doesn't."
"Then why did he leave?"
Taylor paused, unable to answer this right away. "He..."
"It's just really hard on him kiddo," Ryan stepped in.
James nodded, though he didn't understand completely about his dad. In the back of his mind, he was convinced that his dad blamed him for his mom's death.
"C'mon, let's get you back to bed," Taylor said. "We'll talk more in the morning when your dad comes back."
James followed Taylor up to the guest room. She tucked him back into his bed, then left the room, finding Ryan standing there.
"Should we tell Cooper?" he asked, gesturing towards the door that held their son Micah's room, where Cooper was sleeping for the night.
Taylor thought for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow. I think telling Cooper is going to be harder. A lot harder. And maybe Seth wants to tell him himself."
Ryan nodded in agreement. Taylor leaned against him, just letting herself rest against him.
"I just want this terrible day to be over."
The morning came and Seth didn't. Ryan and Taylor weren't sure what to do about Cooper. Finally, they decided that they had no choice but to tell him.
"Are you sure we should tell him?" Ryan asked quietly as they approached the door.
"Yea. He's going to ask questions. We have to tell him," Taylor replied. She opened the door quietly as she didn't want to wake Cooper up just yet. Much to her surprise, he was already up, next to Micah's crib, looking through the bars.
"Hey Coop," she said, walking over to him.
"Shh, you gots to be quiet," he replied, "'else he'll wake up. Mommy told me that I gots to use my indoor voice."
"Yea you do," Taylor said. Her heart was breaking at the actions of Cooper. How was she supposed to tell him that his mom was dead?
"Mommy said we're gonna get one too. Her and Daddy want a girl, but I think girls are yucky. 'Cept for you and Mommy."
"We have to talk about your Mommy, Cooper," Taylor said, leading him to the bed.
"Is she home? She missed last night. It was movie night. Is she home for it?"
Taylor blinked her eyes to hold back the tears. This was going to be the hardest thing she was ever going to have to do. How was she supposed to tell this to a five year old who didn't really understand the concept of death?
"Is she Aunt Taylor?" he asked again, his brown eyes wide and eager.
"No Cooper. Your mom's gone away."
Cooper frowned. "Why didn't she take me?"
"She couldn't."
"When is she coming back?"
Taylor bit her lip."She's not going to come back. I'm sorry honey. She was so hurt yesterday, she had to go away."
"Can't they make her better? They're suppose to fix hurted people."
Taylor took a deep breath. "They couldn't fix her. She wanted you to know how much she loved you before she went away. She gave you a new baby sister before she left."
"No! I don't want a sister! I want my mommy! Get rid of my sister and bring Mommy back!" Cooper screamed.
Taylor tried to move towards him, tried to comfort him. He kicked her away, not wanting her near him.
"I want my mommy! Bring her back! Bring her back!"
Taylor finally got him to let her near him and held him in her arms. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be all right, but couldn't bring herself to tell him lies. For now, all she could do was comfort him and hope it was enough.
Seth sat in a dark corner in the nearly empty bar. He had been sitting there for hours, since he had left Ryan and Taylor's. he had stumbled upon this bar on his walk and had somehow found himself in the corner.
At that moment he wasn't drinking anything. He didn't drink much anymore and if he did, it was usually at a party. Ever since James was born the time he had spent drinking was less and less. Summer had especially not wanted him to drink too much anyways, always worrying about him ending up being an alcoholic, considering his mom. That and the more recent fact that she had been pregnant and had told him he couldn't drink while she couldn't.
He stared at the bottle in front of him. Summer wasn't there to tell him not to drink, wasn't there to tell him how much to drink, she wasn't there at all.
He poured some into the glass in front of him. He didn't care anymore. At that moment, he didn't care that he had left his two kids at Ryan and Taylor's, that he had a newborn baby clinging to life at the hospital, that he had so many calls to make. Summer was gone.
As he lifted the glass to his lips, he realized he just didn't care at all.