Disclaimer: Anything you recognize I don't own.
A/N-First, in case anyone missed it, I did change my pen name from QuEEnSeRb716 to Faulty Cameras. I'm also sorry that this chapter took so long to update, but here it is and I think it might be the longest chapter yet. It is also the second last chapter. I'm going to try to have the last chapter up sometime soon, hopefully within the next week. Anyways...thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter and thanks to Meg for her awesome editing skills.
He pulled out the black pants.
The clean, neatly pressed white shirt.
The impeccable looking suit jacket.
The tie that she had loved.
He looked at the suit in front of him. The suit that he had worn only once, at the Nana's funeral a year before. He had vowed he was never going to wear it again and had tried more than once to give it away. Summer always stopped him, saying that he may need it again.
He wished more than anything that she had been wrong.
He slowly pulled the suit on. He was moving in slow motion it seemed. Not that he had been doing much more than sitting in his-their-bedroom, wallowing in bottles of alcohol. He had not seen the sunlight in three days.
He was entirely okay with that. He didn't want to do anything at that moment or ever again really.
He looked up at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, due to the fact that he had barely slept. His normally clean-shaven face had stubble growing.
Summer had hated that. She had always made him shave, telling him she wouldn't kiss him until it was gone. She had been serious too.
He didn't have to worry about that anymore.
He looked once more at the suit he was wearing and thought about the place that he was going to be wearing it at. He couldn't go. He couldn't go to her funeral. It wasn't right. He shouldn't be going to her funeral, not now. He should be going when they were older, way older. Maybe if he didn't go, then she wouldn't really be gone.
Loosening the tie, he grabbed the half empty bottle and went back into his bedroom.
Ryan had told him that it was bad. Sandy didn't want to believe him though. He knew that his son was not in good shape at all-none of them were.
He knew it was worse than he had thought when Seth did not show up for the funeral. He knew it was even worse when Taylor told him that his granddaughter was still in the hospital and her living parent had yet to go and see her, wanting nothing to do with her.
When he entered his son's house though, he realized that it was even more horrible.
The house that Summer had kept so well was a mess on the inside. The kitchen was in disarray, wrappers, bottles, and food everywhere. The living room was a complete mess, nicely hung pictures taken down, the frames broken on the ground. It was not what Sandy had expected to see. Sure, he knew that Seth was in a bad place right now, Ryan had well informed him that he had not left the house in several days, but he couldn't believe it was this bad.
He continued up the stairs to the bedroom, where he figured Seth was, and was slightly worried for what he was about to find. He opened the door slowly to see the lights off and the shades pulled down as to let no light in, the only light coming from the TV, that had the volume up all the way. Seth was sitting on the bed, a bottle of vodka in one hand, a bottle of pills in the other.
"Seth! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
When he looked up at his father, Sandy saw his teenaged son again, looking how he did when he would come home from school. He was vulnerable, frightened, hurt, sad. This time though it was not because of the kids being cruel to him. It was because he lost his love.
"Dad, what are you doing here?" Seth blinked a few times at the sudden light that was entering the dark room.
"Apparently I'm saving your life," Sandy couldn't help but feel his blood boil at what his son was contemplating. He loved Seth and he knew that he was hurting more than anyone could imagine but this was not the way. Ryan had been right, he was in bad condition. Sandy needed to bring him back. He wasn't sure if anyone else was going to be able to do so. "Do you understand what you were about to do? Were you seriously thinking of killing yourself? Of leaving James, Cooper, and your daughter alone, with no one?"
"You don't understand." Seth swung the bottle back in forth in his hand, trying to distract himself. He wanted his dad to leave. He didn't want him here.
"Like hell I don't. Summer wasn't just important to you. You aren't the only one who is completely devastated by her death. What about Taylor, her best friend? What about her father? What about her kids, your kids? You were thinking of hurting all of these people even more than they already are. You were going to take your life away, leaving your kids with no one. As if losing their mother wasn't enough."
"Dad. It hurts. So much. I feel like nothing is ever going to be right again. As if I have nothing. As if I am nothing."
"You could not be more off. You have your kids, two of who are looking for you, wondering where their father is. You are their father. The only thing they have right now. You were thinking of no one else. What about your mother? Your sister? Me? Were you thinking about anyone else?" Sandy sat down on the bed. "Look, son, I know and I understand that you're hurting. I know you're in pain, that the world is dark to you. Right now, though, the drinking isn't helping you. It isn't helping any of us. It's hurting. You need to stick with your kids, with your friends, with your family."
Seth looked at his dad. He knew he was right. He knew he should leave the room, but it was so hard.
"Dad, I just don't know if I can. If I can go on without her next to me, without her help."
Sandy put his hand on his son's shoulder. "I know. We're going to be in here to help you. I know that it won't be the same but we need to try. You need to keep on living. It's what Summer would have wanted."
Seth didn't immediately agree. He wouldn't agree with this statement for several more years. He knew though, that his dad was right. He knew that he had to live for his kids. That's what Summer wanted. She didn't want them to have to stay at their family's homes as their own father was incapable. They needed him.
Seth didn't say anything but Sandy knew what he was thinking. He took the bottles out of his hands. "Tell you what. Go and hop in the shower. I'll clean up a bit and make some coffee. Then there's some places you need to go."
Seth had been reluctant to leave the house at first. Sandy almost had to push him out. Finally they got to the car and started to drive. They went to Ryan and Taylor's house first. He admitted that this was a good idea. He needed to talk to James. And Cooper. And Ryan. And Taylor. Basically everyone who was in the house at the moment.
Sandy opened the door up, Seth half hiding behind him. He wasn't exactly sure that he wanted to see them all right away.
He went inside the brightly lit room, where everyone was, almost like they knew that he was coming over. He wouldn't doubt that Sandy probably made a call to them to announce that he was coming over.
Ryan and Taylor were sitting on the large chair, Micah in Ryan's arms, Cooper sitting at Taylor's feet, playing with some action figures. James was sitting quietly on the couch, reading a book, Kirsten sitting next to him with 14 year old Sophie next to her. They all looked up when Seth came into the room but no one moved.
"Hey," Seth gave a small wave to everyone, then shoved his hands into his pants pocket. He felt awkward. He knew he shouldn't but he did.
Kirsten was the first one to come over to him. She enveloped him in a large hug. Seth might have been 33 years old and he may have denied hugging his mom as a teenager, but it made him feel safe for a moment.
In turn everyone came over to him and hugged him. Well except for Ryan, he gave him a manly pat on the back. Sophie clung to him the longest and when she finally pulled away, his shirt had a large wet stain on it from where her tears hit it. He didn't think about her in this whole ordeal. She had adored Summer, she had been like an older sister to Sophie. Taylor was like that too, but Summer was the older sister who gave the boy and makeup advice. He hadn't thought about her, something he was now regretting.
Finally he noticed that James and Cooper had not come over to him. He didn't really blame them either, he had been a rather absentee father in the past week. The two brothers were now next to one another, just staring at their father.
Seth walked over to his sons and kneeled down in front of them. "Hey guys."
He had wanted to say more but Cooper jumped into his father's arms. James hung back for a few minutes, no doubt thinking of what he had told Seth the week before, but soon he joined in on the hug. It was a rather emotional moment for the three and everyone else in the room.
Seth realized that he had to talk to the two of them. He pulled them away from his body. "I need to talk to you two."
"We'll just go into the kitchen. I need to check on dinner anyways," Taylor said. "And I could use all of your help."
The group followed her into the kitchen, leaving Seth alone with James and Cooper. He took a deep breath before starting to talk.
"Okay, I know that I've been gone for the past week. What happened with your mom was really hard for me. It still is really hard for me. And I feel bad that I haven't been there with you two because I know that you've needed me. I'm here now though, so don't worry. We're a family now, you two, your new sister, and me. We have to work together. Okay?"
Suddenly and unexpectedly, Cooper burst into tears. Seth was completely taken aback by this outburst of sobs.
"Cooper what's wrong?"
"I-I thought you were gone! Like Mommy! Aunt Taylor told me that Mommy left and wasn't coming back and then you were go-gone."
Cooper continued sobbing and Seth grabbed his son. He had never felt worse than he did in this moment. He couldn't believe that he had lead his son to thinking that. God, he felt terrible for evening instilling these thoughts him.
"Coop, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I promise you that I will not leave you again."
"Pi-pinky promise?"Cooper sniffled.
"Pinky promise," Seth agreed, holding out his pinky.
Seth then looked at James, who had his head hanging down. He knew that he was thinking about him being blamed for his mother's death. Seth had not really let him know that he didn't blame him the week before. He, if he remembered correctly, considering things were a bit hazy, had just left the house. He was sure Ryan and Taylor had tried to explain it, but knowing James, it probably didn't make a difference.
"James, I'm sorry about last week. I didn't blame you then and I don't blame you now. It was stupid of me to leave you. It just became too much for me, everything. That whole day was terrible. I know it was not your fault. At all. So if I ever made you doubt that I think that, stop thinking that."
James nodded his head in agreement. He knew that his father meant this. He had basically been told the same thing from Ryan and Taylor, but hearing it from his father meant so much more.
Taylor came into the room. "If you want to eat, dinner is ready."
Seth nodded his head, realizing for the first time that he was hungry. Eating little the past week had finally caught up with him. "Let's go eat."
He knew that there was another place he needed to go. For the moment, it could wait until after dinner. He wanted to be with his family for a little while. He had missed the comfort and safety of being with them. Despite the fact that he was still feeling an emptiness of not having Summer, it dulled just a little by being with them. For now at least. He knew later it would be back full force but for the short amount of time, he would let it be dulled.
Dinner had been a quiet affair but it was nice and relaxing. Seth then realized that he needed to go to another place. To the hospital. The last place he really wanted to be at but they needed to go there.
Everyone decided to go with him and Sandy. Into Sandy's car, they piled Sophie, Kirsten, Seth, and Cooper. Ryan, Taylor, James, and baby Micah went in their car.
The car ride for Seth was silent. The music was playing softly in the background and Kirsten said something once or twice, but mostly it was silent. They realized that this was going to be a difficult trip for him. He was going back to the last place that his wife had been alive.
On the upside, he was going to see his week old baby daughter. When he thought that this was the first time he was going to see her, he hated himself.
He pushed this thought from his mind as Sandy pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Seth followed everyone inside, looking down at the floor. All the way, he followed everyone by doing this. He didn't want to see anyone or anything familiar.
"Seth," Taylor stopped him. He hadn't realized that he was now just following Taylor, that everyone else had disappeared from sight.
"Where did everyone go?" he questioned, confused at this sudden development.
"They all went off around the hospital. I sent them. I don't know, I thought this might be something that you just wanted to do alone? I can go find them if you want."
"No. That's fine," he paused. "Are you going to come with me?"
Taylor nodded. "If that's what you want."
Seth agreed to this. They started to walk again, this time Taylor filling the empty silence.
"I hope you don't mind but I've been coming by everyday before work to see her. I thought that if you," she stopped, as if though she had to choose her next words carefully, "couldn't come see her, then someone should. I explained everything to the nurses there, who are taking care of her. They're a really nice bunch."
Seth just nodded. He was thankful for Taylor at that moment. He was glad that she had gone to see his daughter, at least someone was doing that.
They found themselves at the maternity ward. Taylor lead him over to see through the glass, to see his daughter. He was waiting for Taylor to say something, to point her out among the small newborns, when he looked over at her she was frowning.
"What's wrong?" Seth asked, immediately sensing something bad.
"She-she's not here. Where did she go? I was just here this morning and she was right there, right over there," Taylor stated.
Seth felt his heart starting to pound harder. No. This couldn't be happening. Where was she? Was she okay? She had to be, he could not handle something like this happening. Not again. He couldn't go through this again.
A nurse came out to them. "Taylor?"
"Hey, Melinda, where is she?" she couldn't help it when her voice cracked. She was nervous and she could tell that Seth had almost stopped breathing and that he was visibly next to her.
Melinda smiled. "We moved her after you left. She's doing great."
Seth let out his breath. She was okay. God. He never wanted that to happen to him again. He could tell that Taylor was feeling the same way as she breathed a large sigh of relief. They exchanged a tight smile as they followed Melinda to the a separate room close to the other. There were a lot of babies in there, obviously, though it was different than how Seth remembered with James and Cooper. All of this babies were small, some of them hooked up to machines. Nervous parents were crowded around the glass, many in tears. He just couldn't decide if this was a good room for his daughter to be in or not. Sure, the nurse, Melinda, told them that she was okay, but what if she had noticed their apprehension and had just lied to them? Could nurses lie like that to them.
"Is she all right?" Seth blurted out.
"Yes, she is. She's doing great, better than a lot of the other babies here. We just had a bit of a baby boom and had to move her back here for the day. She'll be back in the other room soon." She focused her gaze on Seth for a minute.
"Oh, Melinda. This is Seth Cohen, her father."
Melinda smiled, but he noticed the sympathy in the smile. "Ah. Well, your daughter, who we've just been referring to as Cohen, is beautiful. One of the prettiest babies we have here."
Seth felt a sharp pain in his chest. They were calling her Cohen. He knew that it was a logical thing to be called, considering she was nameless and 'baby' and 'she' really didn't cut it, but it still hurt to hear that being said as a name and it not being from Summer. Especially considering he knew that he was not going to be called that again. He realized that Melinda was talking to him. He just caught the tail end of what she was saying though. "...Do you want to go hold her?"
Seth nodded his head. He had waited long enough, for him to go and see her. Now he was anxious to get inside, to see her up close for the first time. Taylor followed behind him as he followed Melinda into the room. She lead him over to where his daughter was laying. She was tiny, smaller than James and Cooper, smaller than any baby he had ever seen. She was awake, her eyes wide and alert at what was going on around her.
He was officially in love.
She really was the most beautiful baby. She was all Summer. That much he could tell right away. He thought that this might have hurt him. It was the opposite. He found himself being thankful for this. A part of Summer was able to live on.
Melinda lifted her up, placing her gently in Seth's arms. She stared up at her father, her eyes still wide, taking in the new person it seemed. He stared right back at his beautiful daughter.
They just stayed like this for a few minutes. Taylor and Melinda watched for a few minutes, before they decided that they had a good reason to interrupt the father-daughter bonding moment.
"Seth," Taylor placed her hand on his shoulder.
Melinda jumped in. "We were wondering if you have a name picked out for her, unless you really want to continue calling her Cohen."
"No," Seth said sharply.
He had to admit, he hadn't really thought about a name. Sure, he and Summer had talked about it, but they thought they still had almost two months to think about this. They touched on it and Summer had a list, but Seth really didn't know. He had left the naming up to Summer or more she had left it up to herself. After Seth had suggested naming James after an action hero, she had taken it upon herself to name him and Cooper. He was asked his input a few times but nothing was ever considered of what he said. There had been a few nights when they had really discussed it. He tried to think of them.
He did remember one night, Summer saying something about a name she really liked. What was the name? It was something that she had loved and had put into the 'definitely a possibility' list. He just wished he would have paid more attention to that list instead of the 'no way' list. Those names did amuse him more though.
The name came to him after a few minutes of thinking. Grace. That was the name she had loved. He looked down at his daughter and knew Grace was a good idea. But┘there was something missing. There was something more.
"Seth?" Taylor interrupted his thoughts. "I hate to ask, but was there anything that Summer wanted?"
Summer. That was it. He looked over at Taylor, a smile lighting up his face. He had the best idea. It was a way for him to remember Summer, for her to never be forgotten.
"Summer Grace Cohen. That's what I want to name her. It's the perfect name for her."
Taylor gave him a sad smile. "I think that's the perfect name."
Seth looked down at his daughter, Summer's daughter, their daughter. Summer was never going to be forgotten by his daughter. He wouldn't let her and her name wouldn't. He was going to be sure to tell her stories about the woman she had received her name from, the woman that was her mother. He would tell her stories forever, always telling her of their last goodbye. He would never forgot.