Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
A/N-This is officially the fastest I have ever updated something. So this is the last chapter of this story. Thanks to everyone who read this and especially to those who reviewed, I really appreciate that. Special thanks to Meg for editing every single chapter for me. Also, I was thinking about possibly doing a kind of companion to this, about Seth's life with his kids without Summer, so look for something like that in the future.
4 years later
Seth stood awkwardly, shoving his hands deep down into his pockets. He was standing in the middle of a group of Newport mothers, catching up on the latest gossip, despite the fact that they had seen each other several hours before.
God he hated Fridays.
The woman always gave him sympathetic glances as he stood by himself waiting for his daughter and nephew to come out of the pre-school. He was really sick and tired of it. He had been picking them up for practically every Friday for the whole year, plus Tuesdays, and Wednesdays every other week.
The mass of screaming children exited the building, running towards their mothers, eager to show off what they did that day. He searched for the two children he was responsible for but didn't see them immediately.
At the tail end of the group was his daughter and nephew, being escorted by the teacher. He sighed. He shouldn't really be too surprised by this, it had happened so many times before. It always had to happen on a day when he picked them up. Never Taylor. She got it easy.
The teacher approached him, the two children next to her, looking down at the ground. "They told me that you are responsible for them."
"What did they do now?" he questioned, giving them a stern look, though he didn't mean anything by. Hell, he would probably end up treating them to ice cream before they went home.
"There were a few problems. I would like you to come into the office to discuss it further, if you don't mind."
Seth sighed. He really didn't have the time. James and Cooper were waiting for him in the car, and he had to go home and get dinner started. Of course, no was not an answer, as the teacher turned and started walking towards the building.
The mischievous two sent Seth a glance back as they followed their teacher inside. He totally agreed with that look, the look of fear. This teacher was pretty scary. She was new to Seth, considering the normal teacher was on maternity leave. He liked her. She never made them come back into the school and talk about what the two had done. And they had done a lot during the year.
Finally they came to the classroom and she lead them to a small office connected to it. He was seriously wondering why they had given a preschool teacher an office, one of the many questions he had about the ridiculously expensive school he was sending his daughter to.
Seth sat down in one of the chairs, the kids on either side of him. The teacher sat in front of him and folded her hands neatly on the desk. She stared directly at Seth, as if he was the one in trouble.
She glanced down at the file on her desk. Apparently it held information on his daughter. He didn't even know that they gave 4 year olds files. School really was way more competitive way sooner nowadays. "Mr. Cohen, just in case you did not know, I am Mrs. Benson, filling in for Mrs. White as she is on maternity leave. This was my first official day with the children and I have to say I was absolutely appalled at the behavior of these two, especially your daughter."
Well, that was really nothing new. They had been getting that since the first week of school. Well, his daughter more than his nephew. He just went along with her crazy schemes most of the time. It was a problem that they realized they were never going to be able to curtail.
"Now I understand that Micah Atwood is your nephew. Is his mother or father coming?"
"No, not today. It's my day to pick them up. Don't worry, I'll relay all the information over to them."
"You don't have to worry about that. He didn't do much. It's Summer I'm more worried about."
"It's Grace."
Seth looked down at his daughter, trying to reprimand her for her attitude but it was impossible. She was just┘Grace.
Mrs. Benson also looked down at her, though her look was stern. "That is one problem. Her attitude is atrocious. I have never met a four year old who talked back as much as her."
"She kept gettin' my name wrong!" Grace exclaimed.
"That is not the matter at hand. The largest issue is the fact that she wreaked havoc on the classroom today."
"Well, see Mrs. Benson, I know that you're new and all but that's just how Grace is. I have tried time and time again to stop her, but well nothing works." Considering she had him wrapped around her finger, nothing was ever going to work. He just couldn't say no to her. He found it physically impossible.
"You obviously have not tried hard enough. Today, she let the class hamster out. It took an hour and a half to find him."
"Ralph wanted to be free!" Grace exclaimed. "And I wanted a pet. I didn't 'pect him to run away."
"Grace," Seth attempted to scold her but it just didn't work. It just came out in a kind of mocking way almost.
"Then, on top of doing that, she lost her recess privilege and still went outside to play with the children."
"I don't know what that means Daddy," Grace whispered quietly to him, giving him a large grin.
"And at lunch, she refused to eat the sandwich that was given to her, since she did not bring her own lunch."
Oops. That was his fault. He knew he had forgotten something that morning. "See, that was my fault. She only eats one kind of sandwich, and that's peanut butter, the crunchy kind."
"We offered her that and she refused to take it."
"It had jelly," Grace said in a singsong voice. "Daddy just said I don't eat that."
Mrs. Benson just stared at the girl, clearly appalled at her behavior. "This is the attitude I am talking about. Summer needs to change her behavior and her attitude and treatment of teachers."
"It's Grace." Both Grace and Seth said this at the same time. They exchanged a small grin.
"I don't understand why you keep telling me that her name is Grace when it clearly says here that it is Summer," Mrs. Benson sighed. "I can see where she gets this all from. Is there any chance I could talk to her mother about this all instead, considering I am getting no where with you?"
Seth felt his heart stop. He figured that Mrs. White would have explained to her about everything. He thought that would be taken care of. Apparently not, he was going to have to do the explaining. "Grace, Micah, do you think you could go wait outside for a minute while I talk with your teacher?"
Grace gave him her puppy dog eyes, what she did whenever she was being kicked out of the room. She was curious and wanted to know everything. Usually the eyes worked on her father, not today though.
"Go now Grace."
As soon as the two had left the room, Seth turned back to Mrs. Benson. "Okay obviously because no one has explained anything to you about my family, Grace's mother, Summer, is dead. She died four years ago, the day Grace was born, after being in a car accident. This is why she was named Summer Grace Cohen, but we call her Grace. For a while, it was Summer...but it was just too hard. So we call her Grace. I am sorry if this causes a huge problem for you.
"And I'm sorry about her attitude and behavior and whatever. It is true I probably could try harder to discipline her, but I find it difficult. She is the spitting image of my wife and I find it hard to not give into her because of this and the fact that her brothers and I are the only two she has. She doesn't have a mother figure, the closest thing that comes to that is her aunt. I have to be a mother and a father to all three of my kids and that's difficult. I am sorry for what she did today, I will talk to her and I will tell Micah's parents about whatever he did. Now, I have to go, I have to take care of my kids."
Seth didn't give Mrs. Benson the chance to respond, he just got up and left the office. Grace looked up at her father, her eyes large.
"What were you talking 'bout Daddy?"
"Nothing Grace. C'mon let's go home."
Grace and Micah followed him out to the car, where James and Cooper were waiting patiently.
"What did you do now Munchkin?" James questioned his little sister as she climbed into the car.
"Set Ralph free and wouldn't eat the yucky food they gave me," Grace responded with a shrug of her shoulders.
"So it was a normal day then?"
Grace nodded eagerly, her hair bouncing up and down as she did so. She then turned her attention to her father. "Daddy can we get ice cream? Please?"
"You don't deserve ice cream, Grace," he replied. He was annoyed now. He couldn't help it, Mrs. Benson had really set him off.
"Puh-lease Daddy. I'll die if I don't have chocolate ice cream!" Grace said this to be dramatic, not realizing the effect those words had on her father.
James and Cooper realized it immediately as the car fell silent. Words like that were always a hesitated thing to say around Seth. Grace didn't know any better, only being four. She didn't even know about death, considering Seth had yet to mention their mother to her.
"Not today Grace," Seth said this, his teeth clenched tightly. He was trying to not be angry with his daughter. She didn't know any better, she didn't realize what she was saying.
Grace feel silent, her arms folded across her chest. She wasn't used to this whole not getting what she wanted. She most definitely didn't like it. She knew though, in her four year old mind, that it was something that she had said. It didn't matter to her as much as the fact that she was not going to get her ice cream cone. They always got ice cream before they went home on Fridays, even when she did something bad, which was most days. This was not fair.
Seth ran his hands through his hair before he started to drive. He could see Grace glaring at him and he hated to see her angry with him. He sighed. This was becoming harder and harder as she got older.
He knew that he would need to explain to her about her mother soon. He just wanted to hold it off for a little longer. He innocent questions about why everyone else had mommies and she didn't had stopped a year before, after some lame excuse about a stork that he couldn't even remember. He had been too afraid to tell her, too afraid of hurting her.
He was hoping that she would forget about what Mrs. Benson mentioned and why he rushed her out of the room. He could only hope so he would be able to hold off his explanation a little longer.
Seth sat at the kitchen table, doing 20 things at once. He was trying to cook dinner, working on paper work, trying to keep Grace from destroying the house on another one of her rampages, and attempting to give James advice about a girl he liked. This was not a fun night.
"Dad?" James questioned.
"What James?" Seth asked as Grace darted through the kitchen. She was the devil tonight, and he knew it was because he had said no to the ice cream and no to telling her what he had talked about with Mrs. Benson.
"Should I ask her out?"
"Um...sure," Seth replied. He felt slightly guilty as he had not been paying too much attention to his son, but he figured he would talk to him more about it later, when he had more time.
Grace ran away from the kitchen, crayon in hand, drawing a large line across the room, giggling as she did so. Seth scowled as was about to chase after her when the door opened and Taylor walked inside.
"Hey Seth, James," she greeted, smiling cheerfully.
Sometimes Seth wished his life could be as easy as Ryan and Taylor's. They only had Micah, deciding he was more than enough, and he was fairly good child, except for when he went along with Grace's schemes. He didn't talk much, taking after his father in that department. Plus there was two of them, instead of just one.
"How's everything going?" Taylor looked at Seth and that basically answered her question. 'Not so good I'm guessing by the look on your face."
"I'm going to go play Playstation with Coop," James stated, getting out of the room, allowing his dad to talk freely with his aunt.
"It was a good day until I picked up Grace and Micah."
"What did they do now?" Taylor took a seat opposite him.
"Well, it was mainly Grace. The usual, Ralph was set free again, she disobeyed the teacher, refused to eat lunch, and of course talked back to the teacher. It was the new teacher's first day and she didn't understand that we call Grace Grace, instead of Summer. And then she made me go into the office and talk to her about my child's behavior, and kind of Micah's, even though I know it was all Grace and he was just assisting her. Then she asked about Grace's mom..."
"Oh Seth," Taylor reached out, putting a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I snapped at her about everything, sending Grace and Micah out of the room. Of course, Grace heard the original question and now she wants to know what I was talking about. Then she wanted to go for ice cream and for once, I actually said no to her."
"That's a start."
"Yea, except look what she did to my wall," Seth said, pointing out the large red line. "I'm pretty sure it's all over the house."
"Well, you need to redecorate anyways. And you know what else you need to do?"
"No." Seth knew exactly what she was saying and it was exactly what he didn't want to do.
"You have to Seth. She's four and I know you think you got rid of all of her questions, but they're going to keep coming back. She's Grace, she can only keep these things away for so long. I think she's ready anyways."
"I don't think I'm ready Taylor," Seth replied honestly. "That day, it's still fresh in my mind, like it just happened. I don't like talking about it. Not only that, I don't want her to know about how I wanted nothing to do with her for the first week of her life."
"You don't have to tell her. Just tell her about the wonderful woman that was her mother."
Seth sighed, knowing that Taylor was right. He was going to have to talk to Grace, going to have to tell her what had happened the day she was born.
Meanwhile, Grace had abandoned her rampage of drawing lines on the wall and had gone upstairs to her father's room. She was thinking about how he had kicked her out of the room earlier when he had been asked something about her mom. She wanted to know more. She figured that he would have something in his room, something to show her what she was missing.
She looked around the room that was pretty bare, nothing except for a dresser, a bed, and a few pictures of her brothers and her. She then spotted something under the bed, just peeking out slightly. She grinned and walked over.
She pulled a large box out, a box that was almost as big as her. She took the lid off and there were a bunch of items inside, including pictures and other little odds and ends.
She picked up the picture that was on top. It had her dad, James, and Cooper there, though they were both younger. There was someone else. It was a woman, a smiling woman who looked incredibly happy. Grace had never seen this woman before.
She continued picking up pictures and saw this woman in many pictures. A lot were with her dad and her brothers, but there were some that were just her or her and Seth. Everyone looked so happy, Grace noted this. Then she abandoned these pictures to look and the little things that were in the box. There was a shirt, some jewelry, and some other little things that Grace didn't care to look at. She was captured by a necklace that held the letter 'S' on it. She thought it was a pretty necklace, the prettiest she had ever seen.
She just wished she knew who it belonged to.
Taylor left after telling Seth to talk to Grace, taking Micah with her. He sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes thinking about what he was going to say.
That was when he realized that it was quiet in the house. Quiet was not a word used often when Grace was around, unless she was sleeping or up to something. He was betting it was the latter.
He walked into the living room where James and Cooper were playing Playstation. "Guys have you seen your sister."
"I think she went upstairs a few minutes ago."
Seth knew that damage could already be done. He wondered if she had abandoned the crayon for something more damaging, like paint or something. Oh that would not be good.
"She didn't have paint or anything right?"
"Don't know," James replied, not taking his eyes off the game.
Seth realized they were absolutely no help and went upstairs. She dropped the crayon somewhere along this and nothing else was on the walls so he assumed that this was a good thing. He checked her bedroom first, which was empty, as was James and Cooper's rooms. The bathroom had no one, so the only room left was his. He walked inside and was surprised by where she was and what she was doing.
She was sitting on the floor, the box that he had kept hidden under his bed for 4 years in front of her. His Summer box. There were pictures surrounding her and she was holding something in her hands.
His heart jumped when he realized she was holding the 'S' necklace he had given Summer for their first anniversary. She had loved it, never taking it off, except for the last day she had been alive. The chain had broken and he had been intending on getting a new one for her.
He saw the confused look on Grace's face and he understood. He knew now that she had found these things that he had no choice but to tell her about Summer.
"Grace," he said, entering the room.
She turned and looked at him, thinking she was in trouble. "I'm sorry Daddy. I found it and wanted to see."
Seth shook his head at her. "Don't be sorry for anything. I think I have some explaining to do to you Munchkin." Munchkin had been her nickname since she was little, since she had always been smaller than kids her age.
He took a seat next to her, lifting her into his lap. "Do you remember what I told you last year, when you asked why you didn't have a mommy?"
"You said that the stork picked you 'cause you were such a great guy even though there was no mommy," Grace repeated automatically. She had run this over in her head a lot, thinking it over and over.
"Well, I might have lied to you."
"Daddy! You aren't 'pose to lie. That's what you tell me."
"This was to make sure you weren't hurt and I wasn't hurt either."
Grace turned and looked at her father, taking her focus off of the picture. "I don't want you hurt."
"Me either. Anyways, you had a mom. She...she had to leave," Seth sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, explaining this. He was using what Taylor had used to tell Cooper four years ago.
"Whadda you mean she had to leave?" Grace got excited a little. "Is she coming back?"
Seth shook his head."No, she can't come back." He had to have some sort of honesty with her, he couldn't lie completely, which is why he was motivated to say what he did next. "She isn't living anymore."
"Oh."
"But that doesn't mean that she doesn't know who you are. I'm sure she's been watching you all these years, finding out what a good girl you are"
"Is this my mommy?" Grace questioned innocently, holding the picture out that she had picked up.
Seth hadn't looked at these pictures in a few months. He did often, just because he missed seeing her everyday, but he had been busy lately. God, he still missed her so much, these pictures bringing it back even more than when he was just thinking about her. "Yea, that's her."
"She was pretty."
"You look just like her."
"Really?" Grace turned her head sideways to look at the picture. She shrugged. "I guess. What was her name?"
"It was Summer."
Grace looked at her father again. "That's my name."
"Yea, it is. I named you after her."
"Why don't you call me Summer Daddy?" Grace asked. She had always known that her first name was not Grace but Summer, though she had never questioned it. She just didn't bother, it was how it had been her whole life.
"We called you Summer for a while. Then it was too hard. It made your brothers and me sad to think about Mommy. So we decided that we could just call you Grace."
"Oh." Grace picked up the necklace that she had discarded earlier. "Was this hers?"
Seth nodded his head. "I bought it for her" An idea came to his head, he wasn't sure if it was the greatest idea he had ever had, but he knew that it would mean something to Grace. "Do you want it?" He couldn't believe he was about to give his four year old daughter the expensive necklace, but in a way, it felt right. She should be able to have a part of her mother.
Grace nodded her head excitedly.
"Okay, well if I give it to you, you have to promise me that you will be very very careful with it. Super careful."
"Like how I am with Ralph?"
"A little more careful then you are with Ralph," Seth laughed. He took the necklace in his hands, tracing his fingers over the 'S'.
The room was silent for a few minutes as Seth reflected on all his thought of Summer of the past four years, of Grace, of his sons. He felt somewhat better knowing that Grace now knew, but there was something missing. He knew he had something else he had to do. He had to do it soon.
"Daddy?" Grace interrupted his thoughts.
"Yea Munchkin?"
"Can you tell me about Mommy?"
Seth smiled at her. "Of course." He then began sharing the stories he had of Summer, trying to let her daughter be able to finally know her.
Seth tossed and turned into his bed that night. He finally got up realizing that he was never going to go to sleep, that he had somewhere he had to go.
He pulled on his sweatpants and a sweatshirt over his t-shirt. Before he left he went into each of his children's rooms, starting with James.
"James," Seth whispered, giving his son a shake.
"What? What's wrong?" James shot up in his bed, his eyes still shut. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just going somewhere for a little while. Just in case Grace or Cooper wakes up and I'm not there."
"Mhmm," James had already laid back down as soon as he found out that nothing was wrong.
He left the room, thinking about how much James had grown up in the past four years. His age may have been fourteen, but he acted way older. He was responsible, more responsible than Seth could have ever hoped. He definitely had a good head on his shoulders, causing Seth to worry less about him.
He walked over into the next room, Cooper's bedroom. His middle child was sleeping soundly, sprawled across the bed, tangled in the covers, his curly hair sticking up. Seth smiled. He was the one who was most similar to Seth himself, having an early interest in comics and Playstation. He was a lot like his brother in the fact that he was more grown up than most nine year olds, but he was still goofy at times. Seth loved that his son had managed to not completely lose all sense of his childhood because of what happened to him early on. Seth still worried about him sometimes though, being able to tell when he just needed his mom. He tried his hardest to fill that empty void but he knew that it was hard.
Finally he walked into Grace's room. His little girl was sleeping, her arms clutched around her favorite stuffed doll, named Baby, that she had received for her first birthday from her grandparents. She also had a blanket in her arms, the blanket that she couldn't sleep without. She didn't know it, but Summer had picked it out before.
He pushed his daughter's hair out of her face, kissing her cheek. She stirred slightly, then gave a sleepy sigh, turning to her side. Seth smiled. She looked so sweet, so innocent while sleeping.
He quietly left the house, going to his car. He started driving, having the music playing softly. He anxiously tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He knew that it was late and he really wasn't supposed to be going here this late, but he had too. If he waited until tomorrow he would have chickened out. He had to do it now or never.
He got out of the car and started walking. He was thankful that he had thought to grab a flashlight before he left the house, considering it was dark and he would never be able to find what he was looking for. Finally he found it.
He looked at her grave. This was the first time he had ever been to see it. He had never before been able to bring himself to do so. He just couldn't do it.
He sat down on the ground in front of it. He stared at what was written on it, bringing his hand to trace the letters of her name.
"Hi Summer," he said quietly as he continued running his hand across it. "This is the first time I've ever really come to see you. I could make excuses like the kids keep me busy, which they do, or work keeps me busy or something like that. Truthfully? I've been to scared. Too scared if I was to come here, it would all be over. I still cling onto you and I just...I don't know. It made me think that you would really be gone, that your memory would be taken from me. Tonight, though, I decided that I would come. I'm not going to let you go though. I will never be able to do that.
"Tonight I finally told our daughter about you. I know, I shouldn't have waited until she was four years old, but I couldn't bring myself to do it before." He paused. "By the way, I named her after you. Summer Grace Cohen. We don't call her Summer. We tried, but I couldn't handle it. She looks so much like you, that it just made me think of you again. Its not that I don't like thinking about you, it's just it made everything harder, seeing the mini version of you and then calling her your name. Grace fits her though.
"James and Cooper miss you a lot, sometimes more on certain days. We get by though. It's tough sometimes, especially the first few times I ever tried to cook. I've improved greatly, but Cooper still says that my pasta isn't as good as yours was. They're both really great kids too.
"Your daughter is exactly like you in looks and in her actions. She has rage blackouts a lot or just goes on rampages, destroying the house. I know have to repaint the kitchen for the third time, this time because of a crayon. It's okay, it was starting to need it, the dinosaur stamps from the last offense were starting to show again. She's a great kid, the daughter that we both always wanted.
"Summer, I miss you so much. It hurts more on some days. Sometimes I'm having a hard day at work and I just wish that I would be able to go home and relax, to see your smiling face greet me. Those days are the worst. And the days when the kids are being practically difficult. Sometimes I hate it so much you were taken away from me. I miss hugging you, kissing you, just being with you. I miss everything about you."
Seth stopped. He hadn't realized that he had tears coming out of his eyes. He hadn't cried about Summer in a while. He hadn't been this honest about everything with Summer in a while.
"I don't think I'll be coming back here again. I probably won't voice these thoughts ever again, this being the first time I've done this. But it doesn't mean that I won't be thinking about you. Trust me, you are always with me, day and night. You will always be with me. I love you."
He traced his fingers over her name one final time before standing back up. He glanced once more at the grave before turning and walking away.