Sometimes things happen in our lives
that tear us apart inside,
but if we don't learn to look past them
and see the sun shining above the clouds,
we will forever be standing in the rain.

Chapter Five: One of the Forsaken


I looked at him, If he tried so hard to try to talk to me, why was he stalling now? He just sat there on the stiff metal chair, hands folded, looking down at the ground. I sat up a little and studied him. It was the first time I actually decided to get a good look of him. His hair was still the dark color, almost jet black, as when we were little kids, He was still taller than me by at least a head, or maybe Kyo's height. He was basically what I'd always imagine him to grow up to be, but then he looked up and I saw his eyes.

Yes, they were still the same piercing color of a shocking green, but they were different. He was different. Instead of the cocky arrogance they've held for years, was now replaced by a sad haunted look. And I could only wonder why he looked that way. He just looked at me, didn't talk at all. The silence stretched out till I couldn't bear it. Then I got fed up. I took my index finger brought it up to his face. And poked his nose.

He looked surprised as I pushed his head up to look me dead straight in the eyes.

"You've obviously tried very hard to get my attention." I said, finger still poking his nose. He just nodded.

"Now you have it. What do you want?" I asked. Taking my finger off his face, his face fell back to looking at the ground, and I just sighed. And looked at the window. The snow had built up, almost blizzard-like. It was hard to see any thing outside, just a mass of constantly moving white flakes.

But then I felt something drop on my lap. I looked down and there was an envelope, It had obviously already been opened, but the letter was still inside. I looked questioningly at Ryou, and he just stared out the window.

"Read it..." Was all he said. I gingerly held the envelope, at first just staring at it, then taking out the letter. My heart almost stopped when I saw the insignia on the top of the letter. It was the hospital's symbol there. And I instantly knew what it was. I didn't read any of the letter yet, fearing what it would say. I looked back up at Ryou.

"How did you get this?" I asked, just really trying to stall from reading it.

He looked me in the eye, and I saw the sadness in them again. "Last year, I tried to get it to you earlier, but things came in the way, you know...family." He said. 'Ahh, I see, family. The one that practically fought over who had to take me in. nobody wanted a sick girl living with them. Nobody.' I thought to myself, the sneering faces entering my mind again. I shook them out though, before the waterfall came.

I looked back down at my lap, and held the letters in my hands again. 'here we go...' I thought sullenly, as I read the letter, it was short and too the point, but the couple of sentences that were on the paper, confirmed my fears.

Miss Tohru Honda
Kaibara High School
213 Chuio Dori
Tokyo, Japan.

Dear Miss Tohru Honda:

It has come to our conclusion, that you, Tohru Honda, has taken testing at the Kyoto University Hospital a few weeks earlier. We are sorry to respond your test have proved to be valid. You have indeed been diagnosed with Coronary Artery Heart Disease. We are sorry to inform you this news, but since the circumstances, it is best we discuss this now. Since you are only a mere 16 years old, young heart, and genes, Your life span will only stretch two more years at most. We are sorry to inform you this. You only have about an estimated time of two more years. Contact us for any more information.

Sincerely,

Souji Aramaki M.D.

'No, No, No...' I thought in my head, one hand holding the letter, the other clutching at my head, keeping my head somewhat up as I leaned over my lap, crumpling the letter in my hand. Tears were streaming down my face.

"No..." I softly whispered, voice too choked up by tears to continue on. It says two more years...although, this was sent a year ago already...One more year...or less. That new thought brought on a new wave of fresh tears. I sat up right again, struggling the chokes of tears in my throat. Not even bothering to wipe away the tears that still on. I huffed every once and a while from overload of tears.

Then I felt arms wrap around my in a brotherly supportive hug. "Shhhh..stop crying...please." he softly whispered. Nothing he said would help, it just made me cry harder, thinking about all the things I'd never get to do, things I'd never get to see, all the other things too. Never see Momiji grow up, Never see Kagura and Kyo finally together, Never see Yuki's secret base again, Never see Haru's true smile...wait...what? My chest heaved and huffed, once again choking on sobs.

I straightened up. Out of nowhere the new found sensation, this sensation was...denial. The tears were still streaming down, but I refused to believe it. I refused I was that girl, that girl they were talking about, that girl who was dying. It wasn't me, I wouldn't believe it. Couldn't in fact. I threw the paper back at his face, and watched him as he just sat, there, as if he knew this was going to happen, he just sat back and watched me.

My body started shaking, I'm not sure from the pure shock or...fear.

Ryou just sat back watching me, he looked far away, as if he'd been expecting this all along. As if he was replaying a memory to see what I'd do next.

Flash Back

Ryou's Point of View

The Sohma family was all in there. Except for me. Hew blood family waiting out here. How considerate. But there was another Sohma who wasn't in there, he didn't look like he cared either, it was like he was just doing something that he did everyday, just sitting on the porch of the inner courthouse, almost nearby where I was standing. We said nothing, and neither of us acknowledged each other.

Then one by one, each of the Sohma's came out, they generally passed by me trying to look for another escape route, not sure if they were trying to avoid me or the 18 year old looking boy to my right. Looking at least a little more relaxed, the last one that came out made my eyebrow raise. The last one was the one with oddly white black hair. It wasn't the hair that caught my attention. It was the blush left on his face. He turned around quickly when he noticed I was looking, and stalked off in another direction.

Then after a few more minutes the doctor Sohma came back. He looked at me for a few moments before coming up to me. I faced him, and he started talking all this nonsense that I couldn't understand. He talked for a few more minutes, and I just stared at him, spluttering out all these doctor-like terms that I very much well couldn't understand.

"Do you understand?" His cold eyes bore into mine.

"I missed one thing though." I said, my cocky-ness was really a bad habit.

"Which part then?" The doctor didn't seem to find anything he said the least bit funny.

"It was a little after the beginning, but before the end." I said cheekily. I didn't receive a laugh, much less a smile, just a cold stare. I had already showed him the letter from the hospital earlier when we brought Tohru into the house. So he already knew. He was going to find out anyway.

"This is no laughing matter."

"Don't you even dare tell me that, I know it's not." I said evenly. But he just went back to business..

"When you tell her, She's going to react in Stages. First Denial, Anger, then Depression, finally...Acceptance. That's how patients normally respond to it. Although they might come all in once, or they may be stretched out for periods of time, I don't know, since her being such a young age, it's more likely to fly right by to the acceptance in a matter of hours...or only a mere five minutes." He said, and turned around so that he didn't face me.

I heard a movement from behind me, and I knew the other guy had gotten up, but he was just standing there. I knew he heard every bit of what we were saying. And he knows now, like the rest of the Sohmas to find out.

"She wants to see you now." was the last thing he said before walking down the hallway the others left in.

Present

"Don't be angry..." I heard him say, barely above a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear, if only he hadn't said that. Because now...I was. Angry, hateful, horrified at myself. I hated that I was one of them, one of the forsaken. One of the God Forsaken. I had known that all along, but now was the first time I've thought about it in a while. I was angry that it had to be me, There were thousands of hundreds of people in the world, so why me? Who got to decide who got sick or not? Oh yeah, that's God. Hah, I finally get it. God Forsaken, tossed away by God.

My hands clenched at the bed sheet, then I shouted, something I almost haven't done it years. I screamed like no before. It wasn't a frightened scream, it was one of a pained loss, one of anger. I could heard footsteps gathering outside the door and whispering, but I could tell that Hatori told them not to come in no matter what. Thank go- oh wait. God forsaken shouldn't thank..

I stopped screaming, and then the ragged breathes came from all that loss of air.

"Why did it have to be me!" I shouted at Ryou. I know it wasn't his fault...but...he was just there. The tears still ran freely while I yelled. I haven't let this out emotion in years, Kyo would be proud, worried, but proud. Ryou said nothing.

"I hate you! I hate everything!" I said hands clutching to my head, I knew I didn't mean a word of what I said, but I just had to say something, I had to find away to make it stop. Maybe if I yelled at it enough, it might go away. It grew quite outside the doors, but I could see their shadows cast upon the thin rice walls. Ryou still said nothing.

"You don't know what it's like to be one of the Forsaken ones! You don't know how it feels like to be abandoned by god! You just don't know!" I screamed again, almost pulling at my hair, but my hands were at my eyes to stop the spillage.

"You don't know what it's like hearing the words 'Oh, look! She's one of the God Forsaken!' HAH!" I shouted, but then...the anger dissolved into a heap of nothing. I had finally lost steam. Ryou looked at last. Realizing I had run out of voice. He still held the lost look in his eyes, the cold haunted eyes. And I realized that he, all along had been waiting for this moment, it was haunting him to know that I was going to act this way.

"I'm sorry...I don't know what I can do-" He started trying to help me, but I would have none of it.

"There's nothing you can do.." I said dejectedly, looking outside the window again, the snow had calmed, much like my emotions, but now...there were no emotions, I felt set apart. Marked by death. I felt horrible...ah, so this is depression. I felt so alone. Alone, yet alive.

"I'm sorry, I really am..." He said, getting up from the chair, looking at me one more time, then walking out the door. I didn't look at him at all, I kept my eyes fixated on the window, trying to watching each individual flake fall down to the ground. Impossible, yet time consuming, but then again most impossible things are time consuming.

There was no more sound, the footsteps seemed to be shooed away for now, but I knew they'd be back. I sighed. I still felt angry. Angry that it had to be me. My head snapped up as I heard movement by the door. The figure came near to the foot of the bed, It's head was downcast so I couldn't see who it was. But then I saw, oh, I saw indeed.

It was none other than Akito, dressed in his usual kimono, just staring back at me. He had the same look I must have had in my eyes. Anger, Acceptance, Denial, yet...there was the grief. He just stood there looking. There was no longer any hate left in his eyes. But I knew he didn't exactly fawn over me either.

"I know what it's like." he said, I felt a tiny stab of fear, hearing him talk. The first time we met at the main house, it wasn't exactly nice, but when he said that. I wondered what he was talking about.

"how what's like?" I asked, still feeling the depression seeping through my veins.

"To be one of the forsaken by god, tossed aside." Was all he said before walking out leaving the door opened behind him. And then it hit me...Akito...he was dying too. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He's held the same burden I've had. He'd known what it was like to have people wait for your death by your own family, he knows what it's like being sick for life, he knows what it's like to know that your going to...die. And soon.

I don't know why, but with the man who struck fear and hate in the hearts of his family, but I felt a slight sort of kinship with him a new bond. I don't know if he felt any of that, but then again, why would he say those words for no reason? And I knew for a fact that Akito never did anything without a reason, no matter how unseemly or crazed it might seem.

"Sissy?" I heard a call from the open door. It was Kisa with Hiro, Kagura, and Momiji. I felt guilt and sadness welt into my heart. Almost like a burn that always seemed to permanently stay there. I wiped at my eyes, shaking off the clinging tears, and trying to at least make my face presentable.

"Hey guys..." I said lamely, the sadness almost overwhelmed me. They came closer to the bed.

"We know now." Momiji said, his eyes were filled with fresh tears, as he ran up to me and hugged me, not even caring about the poof of smoke, and transformed into his little bunny form in my arms. I almost found the will to giggle at his antics...almost.

"I don't want sissy to die." Kisa said already tearing up, she came over onto the bed and hugged me too, I turned to look at Hiro with an upturned eyebrow, he just blushed and looked away, I knew for a fact that it wasn't a crush sort of blush, but an i don't know what to say but I should any way sort of blush.

"Don't make it that easy for me to get rid of you...stupid girl." He almost forgot the stupid girl remark at the end, and I did smile, I smiled because I had them to care about me, not only them but the whole Sohma family...somewhat.

"Your the best friend I've ever had...don't leave." Kagura said, squeezing me, Momiji and Kisa in one of her big boar hugs.

"When Yuki and Kyo found out, they were shocked, horrified! Even more so than we were, they both stalked off angrily at Hatori, they still think he's lying about it. Please Tohru! Please! Tell us it really is a lie!" Momiji exclaimed, then all of them turned their hopeful eyes to me, and I silently shook my head.

"I can't lie to you guys, not ever." I said, and the hugs tightened, and I felt the tears well up in my eyes again. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to say goodbye, I never do. I want to get old and wrinkly. I want to get old and have grandkids. I want all of that. I want to feel what it's like to hold a diploma, I want to know what it's like to get your first kiss, I want all of those things. All of it, even the heartaches that came along with it.

"Haru actually turned Black on Hatori for even saying it!" Momiji exclaimed again. Apparently it was big news.

"Really?" I asked surprised, I mean, sure I did kinda well...yeah..I did like him...a lot. But what does it matter now? It's too late for me now. I couldn't even call him by his nickname, I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to. I just always call him Hatsuhara-san.

"Yeah! He got so mad, he stalked out the house, like the other two, he's in denial..." Momiji said quieting down. Then Hatori came in.

"Tohru...I'm sorry." I was almost taken aback! Hatori, was saying sorry? It's not that I thought he never did say sorry, but it's just so weird coming from him.

"No no, I'm find now, I've calmed down." I said, with a sigh, hugging all my friends closer.

"You can get up whenever you want now. We just need you to take it slow, no caring anything heavy or big, no running, don't do anything to over exert yourself." He said back in his professional voice.

I heard Kisa giggle to my left and Momiji in the bunny form smirk, "He cares about you to Tohru! But Hatori-san just doesn't know how to show it." he said giggling too.

"Thank you Hatori-san." I said, actually smiling. I loved these people, these people were my family. And I cared about them as much as they do for me.

"Come on now kids, Let's give Tohru time to get changed and rest awhile." Hatori said, but on the way out Momiji asked out loud.

"Hey, is Haru back yet?" He asked, I turned my head sharply to look for an answer from Hatori, to my extreme bad luck, Hatori saw, and I blushed. Great. Now he's suspicious.

"No, I think he might actually me lost again. Last time it took three days, i can only imagine now." He said shaking his head, saying the answer loudly enough so that I would definitely be able to hear.

When they were gone, I slowly got up, I felt like I was being babied again, but this time, I knew it was out of pure care. And I was glad. I changed into the clothes they must've brought from Shigure's house. I changed into the dark washed jeans and long sleeved sweater. And as I walked out of the door, I had only one thing in mind, I had now found two missions:

A. Find Kyo, Yuki, and Haru and talk to them.

B. Live life to the best of my ability, no matter what.

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