Chapter 3: Mad Hatter

It had been approximately one hour and thirty minutes since the incident at Edward's cell and almost everyone in the cell block was upset of having their sleep disturbed by his yelling. Luckily for Edward, Jervis Tetch wasn't one of the rogues to have a grudge against him for his outburst. Jervis knew how unkind the orderlies could be and he sympathized with Edward, having some incidences of his own. For right now though, he felt less rebellious and more depressed. It was probably because Arkham Asylum was the polar opposite of Wonderland. Dark, cold, cheerless… those words were but a few of the pessimistic adjectives that described the asylum. Not even the bright rays of sunshine could make its walls less melancholy. Jervis looked up at the ceiling of his cell and sighed sadly.

"It's not a frabjous day at all." Said Jervis out loud to himself. It was hard to think of plotting a plan of revenge on Batman or thinking about how he could make Gotham his own private Wonderland when everywhere he looked seemed to bring back his past failures in life. The whole fiasco with his secretary Alice, the failed worry-men plot, and even the plan where he tried to give that son of a Jabberwocky his own Wonderland seemed to haunt him. But now of course, he had no time to either sulk or scheme because it was time for breakfast. Jervis turned to his side on his cot and saw outside of the glass wall of his cell a line of white coated orderlies. He heard the jingling of keys as the orderlies opened the cells one at a time and announced to the occupants that it was time for breakfast. Jervis saw the Joker stroll out leisurely from his cell and make an insulting joke to an orderly. The orderly just ignored the clown and pushed him in front of the line of inmates. The Joker just laughed and he turned to whisper something to Arnold Wesker, who was standing nervously behind him. Whatever the Joker said to Arnold seemed to make him fearful, because his face turned very pale. Arnold's reaction made the Prince of Clowns laugh even louder then before. The line of inmates then marched to the cafeteria with the orderlies who occasionally prodded some people to go back in line.

Only a few patients were let out at a time, so Jervis had to wait until the orderlies came to fetch him for his morning meal. When they did, he got up and walked out of his cell. He ignored the threatening looks that some of the orderlies gave him and stood behind a broad shouldered man. The man was muttering under his breath about the lack of flammable material at the Asylum as Jervis's line trudged toward Arkham's cafeteria.

The cafeteria was crowded, since the line that Jervis was in was one of the last to arrive there. The orderlies herded the inmates to the food line where they could pick up whatever concoction the cooks brewed up for their breakfast. Jervis picked up a tray once he got to the food counter and slid it to the different food items that the cooks piled on to his plate. He repressed a shudder when he saw the oatmeal. It looked like grey sludge mixed with some unknown fruit that made it look like chunky vomit. Jervis tried not to think about how he was going to eat his food as he reached the end of the line. Once he was out of line, he searched for a familiar face in the crowd of grey jumpsuits. He found it curious that many of the normal patients in the Asylum avoided the costumed villains. It was like some bizarre parody of high school cliques, with the ordinary inmates on one side of the room and Batman's rogue gallery at the other. Jervis finally found the person that he was looking for and he walked over to the table where he was sitting.

"Good morning Jonathan." Greeted Jervis good-naturedly as he sat down across from Jonathan.

"Hello Jervis." Replied Jonathan and took a sip of coffee that was in his hand.

Jervis didn't consider Jonathan a friend per say, but more of an ally with some things in common. Both wanted Batman dead so they could finally get their goals met. They also both loved to play chess, although Jervis thought of himself as the superior player in that game. Lastly, Jonathan was the only one out of Batman's rougues that had actually read "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass". He knew what Jervis was talking about when he was quoting those books and sometimes he even joined in.

"So did you hear Edward last night?" asked Jonathan.

"Yes. It was quite dreadful in my opinion." Commented Jervis.

"I thought it was delightful." Said Jonathan, smiling. "He got what was coming to him."

Jervis just shrugged in response and poked his oatmeal with a plastic fork.

Jonathan studied Jervis's face and asked, "You seem sad. What's bothering you Jervis?"

Jervis paused for a moment to get his thoughts together and said, "Well it's just…it's this atmosphere that's been bothering me. This place is just so dreary and dull. It's not at all like Wonderland."

Jonathan nodded and then replied, "I understand completely. But it's one of those things that people have to deal with. We can't all live in a place of our choosing."

He then added, "But look on the bright side; I'm pretty sure that there's going to be a breakout soon. There hasn't been one in quite awhile."

"Really? How do you know?" questioned Jervis.

"I overheard Killer Croc talk about his escape plan to some of his friends. His plan wasn't very good; it involved throwing rocks at the guards, but at least that would provide a distraction while the rest of us escape." Explained Jonathan.

Jervis nodded, comforted by the possibility of a means to escape Arkham. It was at this time when a stumbling Edward Nigma was escorted by two orderlies to a nearby table. He looked exhausted and his normally well kept hair was a mess. The orderlies set him down at a table next to Jervis and Jonathan's and quickly left.

Jonathan smiled wickedly and asked Edward, "So how are you feeling today?"

Edward glared at Jonathan and replied, "Shut up."

"Well that's not very nice. I guess you're not up for a riddle are you? Hmm… well I'll tell you one that hopefully isn't too hard for you. How's a raven like a writing desk?" Jonathan asked.

Edward paused, possibly thinking of some snide comeback to Jonathan's question.

Unfortunately, he couldn't really think at the moment so he instead said, "You know Jonathan, I wouldn't be so smug if I were you. All you could do last week was recite nursery rhymes."

Edward then muttered to himself, "And they call me crazy."

Jonathan crossed his lanky arms and replied angrily, "I was having a mental breakdown. It was due t-"

He was cut off by Edward saying with disbelief, "Sure, a mental breakdown. Do you suffer mental breakdowns whenever you're fighting with Batman? Because you seem to lose quite often."

"Excuse me?! Do you think you're in this asylum because you chose to be here? You lose as often as I do!" shouted Jonathan.

"I got away once. That's more then what you did." Edward shot back.

Jervis, meanwhile was oblivious to the two villain's bickering. Their arguing did remind him vaguely of Tweedledee and Tweedledum but he had something else on his mind. He was wondering if the oatmeal would look more appetizing if it had a hat on it. Hats always made things look better in his opinion. Of course, if it was a tart he wouldn't think twice of eating it. Well maybe he would if it were the Queen of Heart's tarts…

"What's going on here?" asked an orderly, who's body shape suggested that he did bodybuilding during the weekends.

"Nothing!" said Edward and Jonathan in unison and then glared at each other for saying it at the same time.

The orderly gave the two a stern look and walked off. Edward then turned to Jonathan and asked with a smirk on his face, "So what witty comeback do you have for me? I didn't really catch it."

"Nigma, you're lucky I don't have my fear toxin with me." Hissed back Jonathan threateningly.

Edward just chuckled at Jonathan's threat and waved it off.

Jervis took a pause from his thoughts and said to Jonathan, "You look upset. You know I've invented a new stress-reliving microchip, I could lend it to you if you like."

"No thanks Jervis." Stated Jonathan flatly.

Jervis couldn't help but sigh in response. It seemed that no one wanted his help, even when he offered it sincerely. He carefully took out a microchip that he had stored in a pocket that he had sewed on to the sleeve of his jumpsuit. He had been tinkering with it for a bit so it would be able to take away the user's stress and depression. He was hoping to test it on some one first before he tried it on himself, but so far he hadn't had any luck.

'Oh well.' Thought Jervis to himself, 'It's their loss.'