1Disclaimer: I own nothing and I'm a dork :P

The scariest place to be is inside your own head. There the gravest of all fears, anxiousness, insecurities, ecrets, lies and a big jumble of emotions swirl around, wanting to be unleashed. This was how Krisha felt, lying in her bed. It was only six in the morning. Wow. That was such an achievement for her–being awake as such time. And right now, it was being a torment too. Not just because she was used to sleeping in, but because it gave her too much time to think and even over think a lot of things.

She has been trying to shake the feeling off. But it had been creeping into her for the longest time. Joe. He had changed. Has he not? Or was she just expecting too much over the relationship? Or has she changed after they started the relationship?

Half past six. A new message. It's Joe. She opened it tentatively.

Hey Krish, I know I know,

you might still be sleeping.

But I might not have time to

talk again 'til late tonight.

I love you so much. Talk to

you later.

Krisha frowned at the message. No time. Again. He has been Joe Jonas for the longest time. He had been in the Jones Brothers Band even before they started going out, but he used to have time. He used to make time. She closed her eyes, tossed the phone. He doesn't have time, Krisha told herself aloud, He doesn't have time.

Another beep. She could guess it must be Joe again, but she didn't get up to find out if she were right. She covered her head with a pillow, to muffle a scream. After a few mind racing minutes, she was asleep.

Her vision was hazy. Krisha had to blink a couple of times before her eyes could generate enough fluid. Wincing a little bit, she could feel her contact lenses sticking on the under side of her eyelids. She blinked a few more times, sat up on her bed, stretched, and finally got up. Her phone was on the floor. Whether it vad vibrated its wat through there or she kicked it off the bed in her slumber, she wasn't sure. She picked it up. One message. She opened it. No, it was not Joe. It was her Dad telling her something about highschool. She was not exactly sure. Her brain was still asleep. She could not comprehend. And she had dismissed the message as something not worth a giving a second glance as of the moment. She flipped her phone close, then made a mental note to read the message again and reply to her dad some time.

It was a long day. A long boring day. It started when she woke up at a quarter past five A.M. and ended three in the morning. And no, she had not heard from Joe since his message that morning. She gave out a deep sigh, just before she retired to sleep. He's busy. Maybe tomorrow, he'd have time, she told her self silently.

Tomorrow came. And the day after that. And the day after that. Three days passed, there wasn't a single message from Joe. She was ticked off alright. It is not difficult to type a message. Even a smiley would have do. Even just one of those lousy automatic emoticons. That was not too much too ask, was it? That was not being too demanding, right?

She was frustrated, but all the same, she knew she misses him badly. She picked up her phone. She stared at it for a long while, as if hoping that that would make a new message from Joe almost magically appear. She grunted at the phone as if it was its fault. She hesitantly decided to give him a call. But she was automatically redirected to the voicemail. Krisha rolled her eyes and tried calling a second time. Voicemail again. She figured he must be busy. Again. So she typed a text message instead.

Hey. Remember me? It's Krisha.

Haven't heard from you, so I

decided to let you know I'm

still alive. Not that it matters, really.

She hit send hard.

It was Nick who read the message. Apparently, Joe was not home. And he has accidentally left his phone home.

Nick, being a nosy brother opened the message. He read through it. Oh, her. So they're still in soeaking terms after the bet. he thought. He recalled Krisha briefly and remembered losing the bet. He mused at the message for a while. Usually, after a win conquest, Joe would have ended things with a girl just as soon as he gets his winnings over the bet.

Hey, Joe isn't here and he

left his phone. Maybe he'd

be back before midnight.

Nick replied, then put the phone back to where Joe left it.

Krisha groaned. Why did she bother? She reminded herself not to make any further attempts to talk to him until he does. But he did not until another tow days after.

It was really early in the morning. Four A.M. It had not even been an hour since Krisha fell asleep. She reached for the vibrating phone and answered with a groan.

"Bad time, huh?" said Joe's tentative voice.

It took a while before she could remember the voice. And upon recognition, Krisha felt her hear leap, "So you're finally not busy anymore?" she said flatly.

"Don't be like that. Please?" he said quietly, almost in a distant hallow voice, "And I'm sorry."

"I understand. That's what good girlfriends are supposed to say, right?" her voice shaky.

"Don't be like that."

"Don't be like what? I said I understand. I do. And if you still have to do something else, you can just all me some other time." she said quietly.

"Stop it. Please? I'm sorry. I've been nothing but a jerk the past days for not having tried harder to call. I'm sorry."

"I know. I understand."

"Can you come out tonight–I mean this morning? Now?"

"It's four in the morning."

"That's not an answer." he saud, "I'm outside."

"My house?"

"No, my house."

"Oh."

"Yes, of course your house, Krish."

Krisha stood up and opened her lights. She saw a faint shadow of Joe from the window, "Oh." There was a pause. He didn't say anything, "I can't go out."

"Then I'll come in."

"No." she refused quickly, but he was already jumping into the fence as she said no.

"I was never good at instructions, you know." he was gaining his slick cockiness again, but he sounded different. Distant. Silent.

He walked through the lawn, up the porch, ans stood at the front door. He raised his left fist to knock. "Don't you dare knock.", Krisha warned quickly.

"Hurry down then." he said with a laugh but did not lower his fist.

Krisha thought for a brief moment, then sighed. "Okay." She half-dragged herself downstairs. She could not understand how she was feeling. She liked that Joe was there. She loved that he finally had the time, but sahe knows she was supposed to be upset at him for having disappeared the past few days.

She let out another sigh before opening the door by a tiny crack. Joe still has not ended the call. "What is it?" Krisha breathed into the mic.

"I missed you." he said tot eh floor, his gaze glued to his feet. There was something wrong. Something was going on in his head and it was not just guilt for having disappeared. IT was not just because he did not seem to have the time. There was something more to how he was acting lately and Krisha could tell with the way he talks and acts right there and then. She just could not put a finger as to what it was exactly.

Opening the door as quietly as she could, Krisha slipped out of the house and sat on the steps. Joe took a while before he followed and sat beside her. Another sigh from both ends. Joe finally lifted his gaze from his feet and was about to say something when Krisha put one of her hands on top of his. She looked into him, managed to give a weak smile and stopped him. She opened her mough as if she wanted to say something but could not quite get the words out, "I want to talk." She gave a mechanical laugh at what she just said. Then she paused. It was a long pause. It was all too silent. And the silence was not comfortable; it was unbearable.

"The world is ironic. The world is a monster." she declared, as if it made perfect sense, "You know how this whole crazy thing we have–or at least I thought we have feels? It's as if there is this great being, throwing all my greatest fears right at my face, disguising it into something so tempting that I just could not resist. I hate how I feel. I hate how you made me fall." she had lost it. The smart ass remarks. The bashing. The wad she'd make blunt reactions and snides.

"I'm not worth it, you know." Joe said as if he perfectly understood what Krisha meant. He did. Krisha have alreadt told him herself. She was not mushy, She was not good with emotions. She was not sure if she wanted this. Love was far off from her plans. And he came along, being a whirlwind of an experience for her.

She did not say anything. It was her turn to stare at the floor. She let her hands slip away from on top of his, but he moved his in a swift motion to catch her palms. He held it firmly as if his life depended on it. He pressed her hand and made her look at him.

She lifter her gaze. His eyes. They looked different. There was none of the playful sparkle. None of the flirty spark. He was serious.

"Know that I love you no matter what." he said.

It scared her. She was not sure what all this was about anymore. No matter what it was about though, she knew it was something serious. The sentence resonated in her head. She chose to say nothing, "But I'm not worth it. I love you but I'm not worth it."

Pushing all fears and doubts aside, she wished she was dumb and shallow. She wished she could not tell where this was going. She hoped upon hopes that she was wrong about how she understood what he was saying, "I get you."

She stood up, and turned her back on him. She quickly motioned to the door, feeling a lump form on her throat. She grabbed the door knob, but he pulled her back, "NO you don't."

"I do. I should have seen it coming. And I should have gotten a clue when you stopped calling. When you seem to have lost interest."

"It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it like?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm not so dumb as to not understand complicated."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm numb."

"I love you."

"Don't say that."

"I do."

"Then why this?"

"Because."

"And that's enough reason to make up to how this hurts right now?"

"No." He closed his eyes, and pulled her into a hug. She just stood there, not returning the gesture, "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that."

"But I am."

"The least you can do is give me a reason." she said, pulling away.

"Because I found someone else."

There was a pause. Krisha swallowed hard, "Oh."

"I didn't to tell you 'cuz the least I wanted was to hurt you."

"That works." she said silently. Sarcastically, "Yeah, and this doesn't hurt."

"That's all you're going to say?"

"What else is there to say?"

"That I've hurt you. That you hate me. That I'm an ass. That you never want to see me again. I don't know! Yell at me! Say harsh things. I deserve it."

"I'm better than that."

"I know, but..."

"NO, you don't know, Joe. You don't know."

"I love you and I'm sorry."

"You don't love me. And no, don't say you're sorry. You never say sorry for falling in love with someone else. You're not supposed to be sorry for finding someone better."

"But I still love you. And it's not even about finding someone better. It's not like that. She's just. I don't know. She's just like you. But it's complicated."

"It's not complicated. And no she's not just like me, because if she were, you wouldn't have chosen her."

"It's not like that. We just happened at a very twisted time for me. Then she came along at the perfect time. I don't know. I blew this off for both of us. I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want to hurt you."

Finally, it overtook her. With a quick shiver through her spine, a lump insistently forming on her throat, and her eyes feeling excessively heavy, she has let herself cry in front of him. She did not want to. It was the least she wanted to do at that moment, but it was out of her control.

He looked straight at her. "I'm not worth it. Don't cry. Please."

Between sobs, she tried to get words out of her mouth but it took a while before she could utter the words, "Then take me back. Choose me instead and I'll pretend to forget everything."

Joe's expression changed. Her words rang on him. She–Krisha...this was not her. It took him by surprise to hear her ask to be taken back, "I–I cant."

"I'll do better. I'll be better."

"Don't, please. Krisha, it's not about you. It's not about anything you lacked. You don't need to change...It's just that...It's me." he said incoherrently. His eyes, were again, glued on the floor.

With that, Krisha made a finall turn, dashed inside the house and up into her room even before Joe could do or say anything. Her phone rang right after. She knew it was him. She did not pick up. A few moments later, a message. She did not bother read it before hitting reply.

Don't be sorry. I'm cool with it. I'll

move on. Don't call me anymore.

Don't send me any messages. Just

let me forget.

THE END

or is it?

A/N: a lot of things are bound to happen next but I decided to end this here. Sorry, there will be no more chapter 20. But a sequel will be up by next week. Sorry, college and moving to another state has been a hell hole for me. Anyways, i'll try to make an epilogue ASAP, so, I need reviews please. The epilogue will be where I'll put most of the pieces together...like the whys and the hows. And it will be the transition between this installation and the sequel. I know I know, this chapter is a weird one, but it was a crucial and important decision I had to make so that a more interesting sequel can come out of it.

Hope you liked it. Love love