But not that evil.
-Lexii (Author)

live your life the way
you want it
dont be s c a r e d to
speak your mind
and do what you want
lifes to short
to be following
someone's else's rules

Last Chapter:

"Everyone. This is hard for me to say but...I'm sorry, everyone." He said head bent down.

"Fuck." I said slowly, I felt a warm wetness slid down my cheek. I suddenly stood up. Just that starting sentence out of Hatori, I knew. Something was wrong with her. It was over. I never told her of what really happened at the old park. I never told her about what I really felt. And now. I'll never be able to. We'll never be able to what I always pictured us to be.

"Fuck you all!" I shouted out to no one in particular. and Ran. Ran far away.

Chapter Ten: What I Wish I Told You

I returned to the hospital five hours later. Bags under my eyes, pale looking skin, and bedraggled hair. They were all still there. But they looked worse. Just looking at them, they radiated of grief and anger. They had lost their spark. The will, the very thing that made them human. Kisa had stopped crying. She had stopped everything. She had stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped being her.

But no one could look at me. I saw Yuki try to glance at me out of the corner of my eye. Everyone else was shaking they're heads slowly. Broken. This was bad, there was something they're not telling me. Something worse has happened.

'ha, worse? and how would you define worse?' Black Haru scoffed, I let out a feral growl, angry. She was gone.

I slowly walked over to her and kneeled in front of her, trying to see her face where she had so cleverly covered it with her bangs. Her eyes were different from everyone else's. Where else everyone looked so empty, souls sucked right out of them, hers still had hope.

'hah, hope. So naive...' Black Haru mentally raged in my head.

When she saw me, she lifter her head, "Make Sissy wake up, Please..." She started sniffling. I didn't say anything, For what could I say? I just got up. And walked over to Shigure, the only adult who looked like he could speak properly.

"Shigure." I said, he slowly brought his head up. When he saw me, he tried to glance away as if he didn't see me. Trying to look away from me. They're hiding something. They're hiding something from me.

"Finished running away now?" He asked, There was no bitterness, no anger, just no emotion. It was empty. Everyone in the room seemed like that. I clenched my hands into a fist.

"Is she okay." I asked. Or demanded, which ever one got me my answer. About her.

"Why don't you find out for yourself." he said cynically. And with a nod of the head walked away.

I walked to her room, pushing past anyone and everyone who got in my way. Until I got to her room. In front of the door there was a nurse, scribbling away at her clipboard, shaking her head sadly . But when she saw me, she straightened up and looked me square in the eyes.

"No visitors allowed." She said firmly. My eyes went steely and the glare came along with it.

"You will let my through that door and into that room, right this instance, or believe me I will-" I said through clenched teeth. Clenching and unclenching my fists. Willing myself not to change.

"Let him in." Said a voice from behind me, Hatori. He nodded toward the nurse and she in turn opened the door, head bent down. I felt as if she knew something I didn't, something that wasn't good. We walked in, and I immediately rushed to her bedside.

She looked so pale, so different. She didn't have her normal glow about her. Her face wasn't drawn into her usual smile. She wasn't moving at all, she was just there. Non moving. I gently, somewhat hesitantly, brought my hand to her cheek. Tracing the side of her face. Her skin was so soft and warm. Wait...warm?

"Hatori, What the hell is going on! Why the fuck can't anyone look at me directly! Tohru's fine! She's breathing, her skin is warm, she's alive!" I shouted desperately. Something was wrong I could feel I t, but she was here, she was all right. She would stay with us.

I cringed at how loud I shouted, looking back to Tohru, hoping I didn't wake her. She barely even stirred. I sighed in relief.

"Hatsuharu. Please sit down. There is something I need to tell you." He said sternly, pointing to the chair situated next to her bed. I grudgingly sat down, elbows on knees, face in hands.

"Good, now I need you to please calm down an-" Hatori promptly quieted when I stood up. I got out of the chair so fast it fell over, creating a loud banging sound that seemed to vibrate the room. I looked over to Tohru sure that I had woken her up.

"Tohru! I'm so..." I started to say but as I looked over to her...she still hadn't moved, at all. Nothing, not even a mumble, or a shuffle. Hatori circled around me and propped the chair back up. Seeing the look of revelation on my face.

That's when I felt the cold stab of fear engulf my whole body. Coursing through my very body. I realized it. God! How could I be so stupid. I could feel it. I could myself slowly giving up. I could feel my will slide out of my grip.

I slip down into my chair, shoulders shaking. I covered my face in my hands. Damning myself to hell.

"She's not going to wake up. She's not going to wake up, that's it. Isn't it." I murmured, slouching. My hands formed in fists holding my face up. Knuckles held so tight that they turned white. I could feel my whole body shaking.

"She fell into coma. She could wake up in a week, or month. Maybe even year. It is most likely she'll never wake up again...Haru? Haru." Hatori said, coming in close to inspect me. I had began rocking a little in my chair, fists pressing hard into my forehead. I didn't talk. I didn't say anything. I could tell it was starting to worry Hatori

"Hatsuharu. Please, say something." He said, calm as ever. I kept my head bent down, but slowly got up from the chair, covering my eyes with my bangs.

"You want me to say some thing. Fine. Here it is. I hate you. I hate you so much. It's all your goddamned fault. If you would've done something better, gotten to her faster...DAMMIT!" I said, keeping my voice no louder that a whisper, but you could feel the rage, the hate that it embodied. My shoulders started shaking again, uncontrollable.

"Hatsuharu! There's nothing I could've done, and you know it. You always have known it. The best that I could do for her was slow it down." He snapped back. My shoulders wouldn't stop shaking, but this time I was laughing. It was a sad laugh, a hollow laugh. One that could make you cringe just at the sound. It unnerved Hatori. I guess I always have known. I just never acknowledged it. And I abruptly stopped laughing.

"That's rich. You sound like you couldn't give a shit, that she's..." I trailed off. But what I already had said was enough. Hatori's body went ridged. His eyes steely, but he never once yelled all throughout his speech.

"Is that how you think it is. Do you really think that I enjoy watching people break down at the news? Do you think I enjoy watching our family fall apart? Do you think I enjoy watching the only other person who gave a shit about our family be dealt a fate worse than death? Do you really think I enjoy that?" He said, his back facing me. Never once did he raise his voice.

And although he never once yelled, I could hear the anger in his voice, the sorrow. And I regretted what I said. It had hit a deep one. Hatori made his way to the door, hand already on handle.

"Wait! Hatori...I'm...I'm...well you know. It's just the...It's so unfair." I said, giving up. and sitting back down, looking at her face. watching as her chest rose and fell with each breath. looking at her eyes, which will never open again, looking at her mouth which would never speak again. I moved closer to her, brushing a few strands of her hair back from her eyes.

I could feel my eyes water. Like rain waiting to pour. "Tohru...please wake up now. I promise, everything will be better now." I begged, slightly shaking her arm. No reaction

"Well go back to school, and we'll go to that new restaurant. It will be fine now. Just wake up." I tried again. and again, and again. I didn't stop. I couldn't, for maybe there was that tiny window of hope that she'll wake up, ask for what time it is, and fuss over dinner.

"Tohru, please. Please, wake up. Kisa misses you. She won't talk anymore." I tried some more. Time had passed, but I never stopped once. My voice was getting sore. My head growing tired. Someone had draped a coat over my shoulders, I kept seeing blurs of people walk in and out of the room. I couldn't tell anymore. The only think that mattered was getting Tohru back.

Hours passed. It was 3:00 in the morning. I never stopped once. I begged and pleaded to no avail. Then Akito came in. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't care what he does to me. I just wanted to be with her.

"You all care so much about her. And why is that? Tell me Haru." I wasn't sure if there was bitterness or anger in his voice, and frankly, I didn't care one bit.

"She tried getting to know you. And you still haven't figured it out yet." I drawled out sarcastically. I don't care what Akito does. I don't. He wants me locked up. Then be my guest. It doesn't matter now.

Akito didn't say anything he was silent, but he took long strides closer to the bed, and I felt myself straighten up, eyeing his movements carefully. I tensed up, as he drew nearer to her.

"It's...sad." He said, and I snapped my head up fast to look at him, scrutinize him. I didn't say anything. I just watched him closely. He was just standing there, looking at her face.

"Worse than dying...I'm...sorry." was the only other thing he said. But it made me almost take a double take.

"All my life. All my time at the Main house. You've never liked Tohru, you've never acknowledged her, even after all the things she tried to do. She always tried to please you, and not once, not even once have you ever thanked her. And now, when it's too late. You want to say it now. What a fitting end." I said, glowering.

Akito's eyes flamed. He looked enraged, But I didn't care. Why care anymore? Akito didn't say anything more, but walked out the room in a rage, slamiming the door, I looked over to Tohru, hoping it would wake her. It didn't.

"Tohru, I'm sorry. Please wake up." I started again. "I never told you what really happened at the park..." That I remember everything, That I wanted to be more than just friends with her. Then as if finally realizing my tiredness, I fell asleep, head resting against her hand, huddling over her bed.

The Next Day

Ryou's Point of View

I stayed there all night, giving Haru his time. The Hospital chairs were uncomfortable, but that was the least thing on my mind. I was still thinking of Tohru. I never meant to leave her the first time, I never meant to abandon her. I'm a horrible brother. I spent the night thinking of all the things that I wanted to see her do. I wanted to see her face when she graduates highschool, I wanted to see her face when she got her drivers licensee, I wanted to see her face when she got married. Now, all those things are lost.

It's worse than dying, far worse that dying. It's living, but never being able to smile, laugh, love. Yet, she still lives. It's maddening. It's already day two of hospital time. I walked to her door, looking through the slit of a window in it. Haru was still there. Sleeping, I had seen him. I saw how he tried, again and again. But never once did it work.

I walked in and took in the picture. She looked so peaceful, as if she was going to wake up in the next second, instead of maybe never. I walked over to Haru, and nudged him a little, it didn't take much to wake him up. He shot right up from the seat and said, "Tohru!" with such hope. And then he saw me and you could see it in his eyes.

"Go on home and rest. I've got it from here." I said to him softly. He shook his head and looked back to her again. Longing for her to rise.

"No, I've got to keep trying." He murmured.

"Please, I just need some time alone with her." I tried once again. The other man looked to me, and contemplated. He gave a short nod, "If she does anything, says anything, moves, Please, let me know right away." He said softly before leaving the room. And I sat down in his chair. Looking at her.

"I'm sorry, you know." I started, I needed to say everything.

"I told you all these things, made you hope for so much. I'm sorry." I continued, I could feel my eyes water.

"Please, if you can hear me at all, do something!" I said loudly, hoping for some sort of reaction, like in the movies, someone says something endearing and powerful, then the other wakes up, as if nothing bad has ever happened. And that did not happen.

"That first time, when I found out, I...I didn't mean to leave like that. There was just so much going on. And...I feel I have to tell you this, I need to tell you this now. Uo had suspicions and she was right." I said, softly, so softly. It was all my fault. All that while ago. It was my fault she had to work so hard.

"I...I was in the Clan. It was a mistake." I choked on my words, The Clan was part of the yakuza a while back. But then all it leaders vanished after a lost war. I was gang pressed into it, I couldn't leave! I didn't have a choice.

"I...She...There was a fight...on the street. We saw a car...I didn't realize it was Aunt then. It was a mistake. It was an accident!" I said desperately, even though knowing she couldn't hear me.

"We...didn't want anyone to see, eliminate all evidence they said, She was evidence." My tears fell, it was so long ago. It...was all my fault. I covered my face with my hands.

"We didn't think she'd die, It was a mistake, but then the car...It crashed. Tohru, God, Please, I'm so sorry. I'm so...sorry. My god." I cried. It was never meant to happen.

"I'm so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, but you need to know." I said softly.

"I'm such a coward. Telling someone who could never be able to say something back. I'll take anything Tohru, a scream, a shout, a cry. Just wake up." I tried once more desperately. Nothing. Then left. I walked out the door, out of the hospital, and out of her life. And this time, it would be for good.

Haru's Point of View

I hadn't gone home. I stayed at t he hospital the whole time. Sitting in one of the hospital chairs. Right next to her door. That's when I saw Ryou, walk out fast paced. Not even glancing at me. He never looked back, but the look on his face of one that was so resolute. Although I could see the tracks of tear trails left behind on his face.

Then I walked back into her room. And stayed there. Waiting for her.

End of Flashback

So here I was. On the hill of the old park. Thinking of her. I had finally left the hospital after Hatori had come back, ordering me back to the house. I visited her everyday. Just sitting there. Looking in distress at the tubes stuck to her, the machines beeping everywhere.

It scared me.

The thought that she'd never wake up. I always brought Kisa with me. It was the only time every she talks. She only talks when Tohru's there. Hatori had told us. She might be able to hear us or at least sense that we were here, if only at the slightest. I think Hatori only told us that to give us that little hope that encouraged us to get out of bed in the morning. So Kisa tries. She tries so hard. And yet again and again, nothing changes. Nothing happens. Nothing will ever change.

Kyo. He locks himself in his room all the time now. Yuki has given up in school. It will never be the same. Our whole family has given up. And so have I. I haven't slept, haven't eaten. Breathing has become a difficult task for me. Looking at her makes it worse, but I feel like I have to, be with her. No matter what. I hate myself. I hate myself for letting this happen.

Ryou. He disappeared. That bastard. I clench my hands thinking of him. How he up and left. For the second time. And for the first time, in what felt like ages or maybe in my whole entire life, I prayed. God, Please, Anyone who's up there. Bring her back. I want her back. That silly girl. Can't she see what she's done to us?

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Important Author's Note:

Since you guys have been such good reviewers, I decided to post this up sooner than I planned. Yes, you have. (Just so you know, I wasn't going to post it up until a montha from now, even though I had already written it) But just becuase I did it now, doesn't mean I'll do it again. That'll only happen if you guys impress me by reviewing as much as you did for the last chapter!

Most of you probably wouldn't remember the part where Uo warned Tohru against Ryou, but if you don't, look back to one of the first chapters. Okay guys! We only have at the most two or three chapters to go before this whole thing is over! And I must say I am very happy with this story. Happy in the sense that I might actually finish a story that I started. I think its beacuse you guys are being great reviewers.

I'm not going to change It to Akito/Tohru, I've already gone to far with the whole Haru thing, plus I like Haru. Sorry for this shoetree, but I needed to write it before I got writers block. But I think I'll actually finish this story! Will she wake? Will she ever? I'm a down to earth person. Most people in comas don't magically wake up. No matter how hard you try or wish it. I've tried. So keep this is mind. Even though, I'm not saying this will happen. I said, 'Most' people in comas. Not all.

Review please! Let me rephrase that. If you don't review, it makes me feel like no one reads the story, which makes me feel that there is no point in continuing it. D So please do review. Oh, and yes. I do respond to review when asked a question or if what you say interests me. P So drop one to me!