happiness will never come to those who
don't appreciate what they already have.
Times change,
but as long as you hold on to memories
you'll still have a glimpse of what the good times felt like.
No matter what you're facing now,
you can think of the good times
just so you can escape from the present
for a little bit to remember the times when everything was great.
Chapter Eleven: Last Hope
It's already been two months, and things stayed the same. Nothing changed ever since that day. After it happened, things changed. And it wouldn't change, not the way things had gotten now. She was moved back to the Main house kept in the hospital like wing of the house, under home care. She never woke up, never moved, never spoke another word. And Ryou, never came back.
Things remained the same in the house since that day. Kisa went back to what she knew, not speaking. It was sad, watching Hiro trying to help her time after time. Kyo and Yuki, they'll never be the same, they fight all the time now, these times fiercer and angrier each time.
Shigure threw himself into his work. And Momiji, Poor poor Momiji, The spark in his eyes was gone. Hatori was the only one who seemed to be unaffected, even though, deep down, I know he was. He was just the only one who could cope well. And Akito, I really don't give a fuck about him.
We all were still obligated to go to school, although, ever since, we've been secluded from everyone else. It's not them, it was us. We had changed. Black Baru raged 'It's all her fault. It's her fault for doing this to us.' In my head. I thought angrily as I flipped up the lighter open and lit my smoke. I started a week or so after it happened. It was…just something to do. I sighed as I leaned against the school roof's fence.
"We have to get back to the house." I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned my head slightly, taking a drag out of my cig. It was Momiji, his eyes were cast downward. I shrugged in response.
"You shouldn't smoke you know." He continued, no emotion at all, still not looking anyone in the face. His hair had grown longer, covering half of his face.
"Why the hell do you care?" I ask, taking another drag. Momiji didn't say anything for awhile. Then finally looked up into my eyes, set and determined.
"I care, because she would've." He said through clenched teeth. My blood ran cold at that as I threw the cigarette on the floor. I clenched my fists.
"Yeah?! And you'd know that how? Do you even remember her?? Oh wait. I'm the only goddamned one who still visits her!" I shouted angrily. Accusing him of what he was guilty of. And it's true. After the first couple of weeks, everyone just stopped, given up hope. Besides Hatori, who took care of her health, and occasionally Kisa, No one else came. I went daily though.
"Do you even remember what she looks like? Her voice? Her smile?!" I sneered coming up inches to his face. He tried holding my gaze for a few seconds, but then slowly backed away. Facing the other way.
"Don't you have anything to say?" I asked softer.
"Anything at all?" I said even softer. Then I let it go. I walked back to my spot against the fence, and just looked down on all the people milling about the school. I heard the door to the stairs open slightly. And I knew Momiji was leaving.
"It's just hard, seeing her that way. I tried. I really did, but it's hard, knowing that even if she does wake up, she doesn't have much longer Haru, you and I both know it." He said before closing the door completely.
I don't know how long I stayed there, but when the sky turned the pink purple color was when I left. And by the time I got home it was pitch black.
I walked through the threshold and took off my shoes, and immediately set off for her room. It had become almost like ritual, everyday after school, I'd visit, check up on her progress, talk to her, give her company. I walked to the door, opened it, and sat down in my usual chair.
She still looked a little different now, her hair was now a little longer, her skin a little paler, and skinnier. It hurt to look at her, I still think about her everyday, she's in my head, she's in my dreams, to me it was like she was everywhere.
"Hey Tohru, your friends, that Yankee and the strange girl told me to say hi for them." I said to her, the first time I ever tried to talking to her while she was in the bed it felt awkward, like I was just talking to the wall. Now it was different.
The door opened slightly and Hatori came in. I usually ignored him at this point as he walked over to her bedside and jot down things on his clipboard, tinkered with the machines, and basically sighed and sighed again and again. But this time it was different. He stopped what he was doing and looked me straight in the eyes. The only thing in his eyes was determination, although hinted a little of hesitation.
"There's something I have to tell you, I don't think I should tell anyone else until I get your consent." He cut right to the chase.
"We've found a cure."
Two Hours Later
"What do you think?" He asked. By this time I had gotten up and stood by her bead, just smoothing down her hair. I didn't know what to do. This could save her though. I looked down at her face, seeing how much she had changed. I wanted her back. We wanted her back. If she come back, everything would be better. Things would work out again.
"I'd do anything for her…" I said looking down at her face, lightly touching her cheek.
"Even go against your morals?" he shot back.
"If there was a chance that she'd make it through this, all of this. I'll take it." I said quietly. I remember everything about her, her smile, her laugh, her everything. The things that made her her. If only I had said those words to her earlier, if only I had.
"You realize that there is a chance that something will go wrong." He said eyes narrowing.
Sometimes I just think back to that one day when we were at the park. When everything still worked out. When Tohru cooked one of her famous homemade meals, or when we would get lost in the city together, or even just walking her home from school. And I thought.
"Hatori…I love her." Was all I said, it was all I could say. Hatori hesitated before saying anything, but I could tell he knew. He already knew what I would say. He knew everything, way before I could even figure it out.
"I understand. We'll tell everyone else tomorrow so they'll have time to think about it." He said, then shortly walked out. I stayed in the room longer. Just thinking about what just had happened.
"Tohru…you can get better now. Everything's going to work out this time. I promise!" I said, while firmly holding her limp hand.
"Tohru, everything's alright now." I said, as tears silently streamed down my face. Tears of hope.
"Everyone will go back to the way things were. We'll go back to school, and we'll visit the park again. We'll do everything you want when you get better." I said to her, hoping she could hear me.
"I'm gonna go now okay?" I said, and softly kissed her on the forehead. And walked out, thinking of what was to come.
I went to sleep that night thinking about all that could be if it worked. My heart ached for her back. I only wish I was, tomorrow when everyone finds out, all hell would break loose. God only knows what Akito will say. I closed my eyes and thought about how things would turn out.
The Next Day
The next day Hatori had caught everyone at breakfast when he decided to tell everyone the news. I hung back, leaning against the door frame, listening to what they would have to say after they found out. I listened as Hatori began explaining. He walked up to the front of the long table and cleared his throat, effectively quieting the table, which was almost silent to begin with.
"There's something I'd like to discuss with everyone." He started, as he took another breathe. No one looked really interested at all. Just kind of staring into space, but then he continued, "In the States, they've been researching something that I think you will all be interested in."
Only Kisa looked up to him, "It's called Embryonic Stem Cell Research."
Yuki was the only one who showed recognition when he looked up with horrified eyes, "No!" Was the only thing he could say.
"Absolutely not! They're not even sure it will work, that goes against everything morally right." Yuki venomously protested.
"But your not seeing the good that can come out of this. I assume you understand what I am trying to say. This can change everything for the better." Hatori said, never once showing any emotion.
"It could kill her!" Yuki shouted back, eyes gone wild. My blood boiled at that, and I could feel Black Haru fighting his way out.
"And you think that keeping her in that room for the rest of her life isn't!?" I shouted back angrily.
"You don't understand!" Yuki screamed, "You think that as soon as this we treat her with this, everything will be the same, she'll cook us food, laugh her laugh, and make us laugh in return?! You don't fucking get it! That's not going to happen and it will never will!"
I went blind with anger, rage ensued me, and before I knew it, Yuki was back up into a wall, and I pushing his head into it. "You think I don't 'get' it?! You're the one who doesn't! HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU VISITED HER? SHE'S DYING. THIS COULD SAVE HER! WHATS NOT GETTING THROUGH YOUR HEAD?!" I should and screamed, banging his head into the wall.
I heard Kisa crying in the background, always crying, Shigure trying to pry my off Yuki, Kyo looking enraged at not knowing what was happening, Momiji scared. And Yuki, staring at me with those eyes that held such a hate.
"What the fucking hell are they talking about Hatori!?!" Kyo shouted in the background, but Yuki and I stared each other down. I could feel his hate vibrating off of him in waves.
"You're a selfish disgusting excuse for a man, you think that just because you love her it'll bring her back. Wrong. We can't change anything, God has willed this." Yuki whispered through clenched teeth. My fists tightened around his collar.
"This could save her. Do you even remember her? At all? She was always there for us." I said back. I could hear Kisa's crying, Hiro's comforting, Momiji's sniffles, and Kyo's shouts. But all of it was lost in the moment I was having with Yuki.
"No one can change what happened Haru, you know that."
"But I can still try." I said softly, as my grip softened, and let Yuki go. I made my way back to the threshold, silently looking on.
"Stem Cell Research can change lives. It can make blind people see, crippled walk, and diseases stop." Hatori continued as if nothing had happened.
"We've recently started continuing this research in the lab, This research could save the lives of people seriously ill. Can you think of someone." It wasn't a question.
He meant Tohru. No one said a word, but looks of comprehension came to faces.
"There have been successful cases in the States, and now we've decided to try it here. You all know why I'm bringing this up. We think we could cure her. We just need your consent now." Hatori looked hard into everyone's faces.
"So you want to fucking use her as a guinea pig?! Is that it??" Kyo shouted as he stood up abruptly, making his chair fall back with a loud bang.
"You're missing the point. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Hatori retorted.
"Yeah, your using her as a test subject. Trial and Error." Momiji said, snapping out of it. Banging his fist against the table.
"None of you understand! None of you! Have you seen her recently?! Laying on that bed is what is killing her!" I said from my post at the door.
"So you'd rather have the plug pulled??" Kyo asked.
"Why wasn't this kind of researching happening before? Hari. You have to tell us everything." Shigure said. Hatori cleared his throat.
"This hasn't been tried before because of the morality issue. The 'cure' for these various diseases come from fetuses. Unborn children, resulting from abortion." I heard gasps come from around the table and grunt of surprise.
The table was silent. No one said anything for a while.
"She wouldn't like that. She wouldn't approve of that, and you all know that. Even if she was cured, knowing what had saved her would be the end of her. She wasn't the brightest, but despite that, she would understand how wrong it is." Hiro spoke up for the first time in a while.
"I want sissy back." Kisa said softly. She had stopped crying. But it was worse now. Hope filled her eyes, it was like a desperate kind of hope. I could see the stab of sympathy that filled Shigure's eyes for her.
"I think we need to all take some time to think on this. Everyone get to school." Shigure said, effectively ending our conversation for right now.
"We'll all come back to this table at dinner, and by then we're all going to vote." Hatori said professionally.
"This isn't right." Yuki muttered. Kyo looked undecided, but you could see the longing in his eyes. Everyone wanted her back. Each one of them filed out, I had stopped listening. Zoned out, until I felt a light tug on the back of my shirt. I looked down to see Kisa, with her eyes wide.
"You want her back too, don't you…" I said looking at her, she nodded her head sadly and all I could do was sigh.
"Come on, let's go." I said, as we started walking in the direction of her school. It was drizzling, and I knew soon a storm was coming our way. I dropped Kisa and Hiro off to their school, and slowly walked away in random directions. Taking a left, right, another left again.
By the time I stopped walking, I was at the park again. I always saw her here, at this park. It was raining now. Hard enough to soak through my jacket, but not enough to make me look for shelter. I could feel her with me. I could see her face in my mind. I could hear her voice, whispering to me.
"It's not your fault." I could hear her say. Smiling her stupid smile. Clasping her hands behind her back.
"I'm sorry," I whispered into the rain. I could see her face frown, confusion forming in her eyes.
"Sorry for what? You know Haru, your silly." She grinned, raised her hands and started to twirl around in a circle laughing.
"Stop it, your not really here…" tears streamed down my face. Seeing her face in my mind was tearing me apart.
"Haru…don't cry! I can make it better." She whispered to me, coming closer to me, her feature becoming clearer. She was coming towards me, her face inches away from mine, her arms starting to encircle me in a hug, but right before I could feel her arms.
It was gone, replaced by the cold sheets of rain.
I fell to my knees. Sobs racking from my body. "I'm waiting for you Haru." She giggled, I shake my head around trying to look for her. Searching everywhere.
"I love you." I said softly, closing my eyes briefly. Getting up and looking around one last time. Waiting to see if I could hear her laugh once more.
I silently got up and shoved my hands into my pocket, head bent, and walked away.
Important Author's Note:
Yeah. I'm a bitch, I know. I haven't updated in a long time, but that's about to change. I swear this time. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up by next week. But I can't promise anything. But reviewing will definately help make the process faster, atleast it certainly did this time, I mean, I opened my email and shocked at all the new reviews. So. Do that. Tell me what you think. Hate it. Love it. Tell all.
For those of you who do know what stem cell research is, then you know it isn't as recent as I made it sound in this story. Stem cell research is morally wrong and even though they say that it's a scientific breakthrough, it's at the expense of one child's life through abortions, but hey, I'm just biasing my opinion on you. So think what you want.