CSI: Ghost: Chapter 15

Geoff drove the Viper as fast and as far out of Las Vegas as he could with blurry eyes and tears still running down his face. He braked to a sudden stop after swerving off the road. He put the car into park but didn't turn the engine off. Letting the radio play some horrid rock song he couldn't imagine liking he rested his head on the steering wheel and openly wept, sobbing into his long sleeves.

The facts crashed into his head... his parents had openly gone against his first crime boss in California, seeking out the cops. His mom was forced to watch as his dad was tortured in front of her and then told how her son would be trained as an assassin. His first bit of training included watching his mom get shot and bleed to death. His boss wanted him to learn how to be unemotional during death. He'd faked his unemotional state and cried like a baby later once he was alone. He tried to remember their names, their faces... but he'd only been five at the time.

While he'd almost inherited a perverse liking for killing (at least known criminals) from the boss who'd trained him, he didn't like his job. All these years he'd only been pretending to like it as much as he did. He was being the assassin his boss wanted him to be and that was it. What he liked was science and had always wanted to do something with chemistry for a living, something honest.

No! He fought the truth. He didn't want it. It would get him killed. But the truth was the truth and he realized he couldn't hide it any longer. His worlds had officially collided with Nick now on his hit list and it was time he confronted them and dealt with them. Finally clearing his mind after living so many years in lies, he picked out the truths and tossed the rest.

The first on that list: that horrid rock song was actually Marilyn Manson, his favorite music artist, though he'd spent years pretending he couldn't stand the man's hard metallic sounds.

And it was true, he'd snuck in classes at Stanford, getting his degree in science just before his name was changed to Geoff Baker and he was shipped off to Tony Biggs for a hefty price. What was his original name? The one he'd used at Stanford? All this time he'd worked hard at forgetting it. Now, the only name that came to mind was that of his informant at the lab, Greg Sanders, who wasn't actually Greg, he realized.

He didn't want to acknowledge the truth of his existence, but seeing Nick wearing Greg's wedding ring, about to be killed like an innocent animal on the hunt to feed a starving man, reminded him that he was the one who'd caused Greg's new pain. Greg knew what he'd done. Deep down, Greg knew, even if he couldn't admit it to himself. And the CSI hated it, because he believed wholeheartedly in the right side of the law. The thought of killing someone in cold blood revolted him. It revolted Geoff too, he knew deep down, though he hated to admit it. But he wasn't so goody goody that he got sick over it, he'd been trained to be tough through bloody situations. But then, he wasn't the one processing the crime scenes, seeing the complete aftermath of his own work, analyzing every detail.

His foster parents had actually been one crime boss before he was shipped to his current boss. He'd never even lived near the territory of the Wolf Pack gang. He'd only heard about it over dinner one night. Johnny Drake thrusting an AK-47 into his hands at the age of fourteen was actually his boss and he'd been eight and a half when he'd graduated from hand guns to large automatics. He sighed, hating himself for lying to Nick, but at the time it had been the truth. When he'd moved to Las Vegas he'd seen his first gang banger late one night, and that image of the piercing blue eyes, pointed gotee, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and his face hidden by a black hooded sweatshirt had stuck in his mind. Finding a phone book, he'd found a name to go with the image, and his whole past with the Wolf Pack came into being if anyone ever asked. He'd gone over the details so many times he'd started to believe it was true. And when Nick had finally asked over five years later, the story tumbled out of his mouth without a second thought.

The final truth was that Greg Sanders-Stokes, while not still at home, curled up in bed in pain, was also not locked in his own trunk, tied and gagged. Without the lies, Greg had nearly killed his own husband because he'd been ordered to by a crime boss who thought he could own a man, who thought he could own a whole city by killing his enemies.

He wanted love. Love was all he'd ever wanted, and Greg had provided that. He remembered meeting Nick for the first time at the lab, during his first night at work. He'd been so nervous his boss would find out about his double identity before he'd learned to cover his tracks so well, and Nick had set him at ease just by being in the same room.

He leaned back against the seat with a heavy sigh before pulling the chain out from under his shirt. In just one night he would ruin the love he had. Or had he ruined it from the start by assuming his original name part-time and creating that simple life he'd always wanted? ... his original name... the one his parents gave him... Greg. He was Gregory Hojem Sanders-Stokes LVPD CSI. He just wished Nick had gotten a chance to meet Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, because if he had gotten that chance, it meant there had been some sort of normalcy to his life. He wanted to know them better too, but knew he'd never get that chance. His parents were gone from him forever. And soon... Nick would be too. Five years of marriage just wasn't enough time. Not even forever could be enough.

He ran his fingertips over the words engraved into the silver wedding band on the chain: "I (heart) you." Would Nick still love him after this? Would he ever be forgiven? He turned the ring over and lovingly traced over his husband's name, recalling how Nick took his hand and slipped the ring onto his finger during their commitment ceremony. Of course Nick shouldn't still love him and shouldn't forgive him, though he knew Nick would because that's who he was, the perfect loving husband. Remembering how Nick had made him weep the last time they'd made love just made everything that much worse and his current tears flowed harder down his face to soak his shirt.

What he'd been doing was wrong, revolting.

"We know who you are. One slip up and your precious hubby is dead."

He knew now, the owner of the deep voice on the phone threatening Nick's life had been Tony Biggs. The boss had known all along about his secret life as Greg Sanders.

We know who you are.

Don't close your eyes or make a wish on three

cause we will still be around.

You'd better run... Manuela... if you think you can.

Which side are you on?

If you chose the wrong one... you can't outrun your own gun... Manuela.

Tony had been the one to send both letters. He'd also been the one to have the song played on the radio. And maybe he knew that Geoff wouldn't have a clue about the song if only Greg heard it, so he'd had it sent to Geoff's PO Box on cassette. The words were so clear cut, telling him his life with Nick was over. Why hadn't he gotten the message before? Perhaps he could have done something earlier to avoid all this pain.

Don't look now,

you better watch that sword that's hanging over you

It's a long hard road and they will spit you

out when they get through with you

Don't hang your head, so the wise man said

Or boy you'll soon be dead

You better run, run Manuela-uela run,

They're gonna shoot you in the back with your own gun

You better run, run Manuela-uela run

Manuela run

There's no more time for living out your life

Your sky is falling down

Don't close your eyes or make a wish on three

Cause they will still be round

A new anguish he'd never felt before crept into his heart. While he wasn't feeling the twinges of pain that had wracked his body recently, he was still queasy, though the feeling had gone down considerably since he'd pulled the truth from his mind and tossed the lies. Now, his heart was breaking, cracking right down the middle, shattering into a million little pieces. He'd found the love he'd always wanted and now he had to let it go.

He had one last chance to make things right. And he would use that chance to keep Nick alive, no matter what the means necessary. Even if he, himself, had to die in the process. He didn't need Nick seeing his beloved husband go to prison. Nick had to know that no matter what he'd done or what had happened, he'd always loved Nick, had always put Nick before himself, and always would. Always.

With a plan beginning to form, he wiped the last of his tears away and put the car back into gear. He was Gregory Hojem Sanders-Stokes, and he always had been underneath the colder exterior of the assassin, Geoff Baker, no matter what his boss thought. It was time to loose his second identity and become the man he'd always truly been.

Greg parked the Dodge Viper a few blocks away from the house he owned with Nick and walked to the house. There were several things he needed to do while he was there, but one would take some time so he did it first. Grabbing a lined notebook he wrote a lengthy letter that took him almost half an hour to get just right. With the heaviest of hearts he signed it at the bottom and folded it up, with Nick's name on the front facing flap. He left it on the kitchen table standing up between both his work cell phone and his personal cell phone so Nick would be sure to see it when he got home later. In front of the letter he left his house key before grabbing a plastic bag from the collection they kept under the sink. In his bedroom he riffled through his clothes and pulled out a nondescript change of clothes that he hardly ever wore, stuffing them in the bag.

Finding his field kit by the front door where he'd dropped it upon coming home sick earlier, he opened it and took out several new evidence bags, and a pair of gloves. He put them in a separate plastic bag to keep evidence transfer at bay. He was done. He had everything he needed from the house. He locked the door and closed it behind him, knowing he'd never set foot inside ever again.

Stepping into the mind set of the trained assassin he kept his tears at bay and drove into town. At a shoe store he'd never shopped in before, he bought a pair of Doc Martens, something he hadn't worn since college, and paid for them in cash. Next door, he bought a first aid kit at a drug store, also paid for in cash, before driving back to his tiny apartment.

Ducking his head underneath his bed he pulled up the floor boards and took out all the cash he'd stored there. He counted it quickly, splitting it up into four piles. He grabbed four envelopes and put the money into them, labeling one with Grissom's name and "Mass Spec.", the second two with "house" and "Nick/joint account", and the fourth with "self". Taking only the key to his Dodge Viper, he locked the apartment door behind him and left for good. He was now officially homeless, living in his car. But he wouldn't even have that for very long. Once everything was complete he'd torch the beautiful Viper, sending bright flames and dark smoke rising into the night, getting rid of as much evidence as he possibly could.

He checked his watch. It was four in the afternoon. He had just enough time to complete his preparations. He went to the bank he and Nick used. Taking out the envelope labeled "house" he paid off the loans they'd taken out on the house. It was now completely theirs. He pulled out the second envelope labeled "Nick/joint account" and deposited it in their joint account. The teller gave him an odd look when she saw the amount of cash he was dealing with, but didn't say anything as she put it into the account and paid off the loan. He then took his name off the account. Nick was now a millionaire and had no clue.

Making sure to slip his wedding ring back onto his left ring finger he drove as fast as he could without getting caught back to the lab.

"Sorry guys, DNA is backlogged still. There is no money..." Greg heard Wendy down the hall talking to one of the swing shift CSIs.

Judy was not at the front desk and he was grateful as he set the third envelope with money on the desk so she'd be sure to see it when she got back.

Knowing what he had to do next, knowing this could possibly be the last time he ever saw his husband, he went in search of the other man.

There's no more time for living out your life

Your sky is falling down.

He felt anger finally burning into him. Anger that Nick, the one person he'd ever been able to truly love and trust had been put on a hit list. And as the anger came into him, it slowly dissipated into a calm that filled him to over flowing. He was a trained assassin, a trained CSI, a DNA Analyst, and a loving husband all in one, and he was here to right the wrongs that had been done, to turn his life around and recognize the truths about himself. While the pain in his heart stayed, he felt the calm reach his stomach and the queasiness and the twinges of pain flew away from him like a bird leaving it's nest for good. He felt better, knowing he finally had some sort of control over where his life was going now.

He found Nick in the locker room and was relieved to know they were alone. His husband was searching through his locker for something, not having seen Greg come in. Before he approached him he stood in the doorway and watched him for a moment, taking in everything, memorizing his choice of jeans and the moss green shirt he'd bought him for his birthday years ago. He wanted one more night alone with him, but he knew he would never get it. Tony wanted Nick wasted before dawn. Greg gulped and struggled to hold back his tears. He didn't need Nick to see that he'd been crying. He was strong. He could do this. He had to.

"Nicky?" his voice came out as a mere squeak.

Nick pulled his head from his locker and took one quick look at Greg before he was by his side helping him to sit down.

"Greg, why didn't you call me? I would have come home if you needed me."

Greg understood. Nick thought he was in pain. And it was true. He was. Just not in the same way as before and not for the same reason. This was a different pain, one that would be harder to control.

"I'm fine, Nicky. I'm fine." he took a deep breath, and ignored his shattering heart. "I just... I need to tell you some things." He reached out and took both of Nick's hands in his own, keeping his eyes on their intertwined fingers as he spoke. "I've come to terms with my life. I'm ok with it now. I can come here and talk about us together without breaking down. I didn't mean to let it come between us. I didn't mean for any of the recent happenings to happen."

"Greg, I thought we went over this before?" Nick freed one of his hands and raised Greg's chin with a finger so he could look him in the eyes.

"We did. I'm just solidifying it. That's all. I need you to know that I'm fine now. The pain is gone. I was... I was punishing myself... for something... I didn't even realize I was doing it," he admitted.

"The... the pain was punishment? For what?"

The concern and love flowing from Nick's eyes only smashed his heart into pure splinters as he struggled to hold onto the calm he'd found.

"G, please talk to me. What's going on? I don't understand."

Greg gulped. "You will soon enough, but I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry, I wish I could. I just want you to know that I'll do anything to keep you safe," he began to rush through his words. "Will you promise me that you won't leave this building? It's the safest place for you to be right now. At least for a little while. Promise me as soon as I leave you'll find Warrick, and you won't leave his side until the end of the night?"

"Greg, if you're involved in something... I want you to tell me what it is... whatever it is, you know it won't stop how I feel about you."

He could hear the underlying tones in Nick's voice that told him he'd already begun the process of breaking his husband's heart. He wanted nothing but to turn away from Nick's brown eyes searching his soul, but his finger under his chin prevented him from doing so.

"Promise me," he begged. "I need you to promise me you'll stay safe."

"We've been over this before. I'm in the lab, there are cops everywhere. Nothing's going to happen to me. What's this all about?"

"You have no idea how close you came... how close you came... you're not even safe here. People can still hurt you and no one would ever know who did it."

"G?" Nick's eyes were now clearly clouded with worry. "What's going on? Did something happen?"

"Yes," he spoke quietly, feeling guilty. "But no cops could have saved you. The man's long gone now. You won't find him. Only I can find him, only I know where he is. He almost got you killed, Nicky and I can't live with that."

"How do you know this?"

"Promise me you'll find Warrick and don't leave his side for the rest of the night. Promise me!"

"Ok, I promise," Nick caved in.

"You'll know everything soon enough. Before the night is over. Everything I'm doing, Nicky, everything I've ever done, and everything I will do in the future has always been and will always be for you. I'm doing this for you, and there isn't a single person in the whole world who could stop me."

Needing one last kiss, he grabbed Nick's hand and pulled it away from his chin as he leaned in and gave him the best, deepest kiss he could muster, letting their lips linger together as long as he could before he forced himself to pull away.

He looked deep into Nick's eyes, one last time, caressing the side of Nick's face with the palm of his hand. "I love you," he said, his voice set with intense emotion, truth, and determination. Without waiting for a response, he stood up, and left Nick staring after him.

As he passed Judy's desk, Greg found a huddled mass of CSIs looking intently at something.

"Yo, Greg! Check this out, someone gave us a ton of money for the Mass Spec.!" Warrick called out to him.

Greg put on a fake smile as he heard Grissom ask him to take the cash down to QD before they used it.

"That's great, Warrick."

He left quickly, feeling tears starting to well up in his eyes.

A/N: Just a warning, in case you couldn't tell from this chapter there's a heavy Kleenex warning for the following two chapters. Kidnapping Nick won't spare him any pain or grief and kidnapping Greg would ensure Nick's death. If you leave Greg be, there's still a chance he can save Nick's life, and we all want that, right? So, no kidnapping allowed. Sorry guys.

If you need it, however, there is a short one shot entitled "Trying on Leather Pants" written for OTL because of who Geoff turned out to be. So, if you want some sexy leathery goodness that is happy Greg with Nick to offset this chapter, go have a read.