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Conversations

School was better. Rat-boy left her alone; if anyone knew about her berserker moment, they kept their comments to themselves. Amy herself was grateful for the normality of the school day. She had spent the day before being nannied by Aunt Tilly, who bombarded her with tea and cookies until Amy thought she would be sick. When a plate of soup was place in front of her at supper time, Amy nearly whooped for joy.

Tom. He was the only downside to school. Whenever the bell for next lesson went, or the bells for break and lunch, Amy would heave her bag onto her shoulder and find Tom lingering in the doorway of the classroom, waiting for her. She didn't want to talk to him. She could still plainly remember her mistake, of thinking he was Andrew; how could she even look at him again after she had hit him? The last thing Amy wanted to do was talk to him, terrified he would say something or pester her into telling her what her dream had been about? So she walked on past him, keeping her head down and her eyes lowered to the floor. And each time Tom merely stepped past, said nothing, and let her go.

The journey home was unbearable. Amy sat at one end of the bus; Tom sat down opposite and stared at her continuously during the journey. When the bus stopped, Amy made sure she was first off the bus, and purposefully took an alternate route round the village so she could avoid Tom. When she glanced over her shoulder, he wasn't to be seen. Feeling relieved, Amy scurried on home. But when she got to the gate, Tom was waiting for her.

"You can't ignore your neighbours," he called to her, as Amy hesitated at the end of the road. "Best of all when he's your best friend."

Amy kept her head down. As she neared the wall where Tom sat, her chest began to tighten. She heard the light thud on the pavement as Tom jumped down to his feet, her throat turning dry as Tom walked up to meet her. He hadn't confronted her at school; now he stepped in front of her and refused to move.

"Amy, you can't ignore me." She tried to side step him, but this time Amy felt a hand snare her arm and hold her. Her immediate reaction was to shy back, trying to pull away, but Tom would not ease his grip. She glanced up, eyes wide with terror, and met Tom's narrowed stare. "Stop it, Amy. I'm here to help you, not hurt you."

"Let go," Amy pleaded. Her voice lacked conviction. "Tom, please."

His face was determined. "Tell me what you saw. I just want to help you."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then leave me alone!"

He stared at her for a minute, as though not able to believe what she was saying. Then he stepped back, shaking his head. He held her arm for a moment longer, then let it fall back to her side. "You're blind, Amy. You have friends – friends who care for you and want to help you like. I'm one of them."

Amy's skin tingled. "You haven't known me that long."

"So? What do you want me to say, Amy? I'm tryin' here." He glanced her over, then shook his head bitterly. "I feel like I'm the only one who is like."

She couldn't say anything else to him. Without another word, Amy pushed passed and walked briskly through the gate and up the path to the house. Tom was watching her leave; she could feel his eyes glaring into her back. "You know where I am if you decide to grow up."

Amy stopped in her tracks, hand braced on the door handle. Grow up...grow up? He should spend a year living with Andrew, then he'd know what it is to be vulnerable.

She didn't respond to his insult. Instead she opened the door and ducked into the security that lay inside.


The phone rang just before six. From upstairs in her bedroom, Amy heard the bell cut short in mid-wail, and Aunt Tilly's voice was heard distantly talking to the person on the other line. Amy's eyes fell back to the Biology homework on her desk, only to have her head jerk back up as Aunt Tilly's voice called up, "Amy! Your brother's on the phone!"

Amy was out her chair and down the stairs faster than Aunt Tilly could draw breath. She took the phone gratefully, and felt her heart soar as a familiar voice said, "Good to hear you're still alive, sis."

"I haven't spoken to you in ages!"

"Yeah, sorry about that. The Jesus Folk had me banned from the phone after the whole me-vs.-police incident. Meh, but I got back onto the chatroom pretty quick, so it weren't too bad." There was a moments silence, before Liam said, "Had darling Tommo stalking me last night. Told me all about your little dream."

Amy heart spiraled back down to hell. "Oh. You heard."

"Jeezum, that guy finds it hard to understand the words 'bugger' and 'off'. Did he give you any trouble today? I mean, if he was being pushy with me online last night, then ---"

"Tom?" Amy laughed, trying to understand why she was protecting him. "He didn't say a thing to me in passing."

Liam snorted at the other end of the line. "Ooooh, somebody's nose just grew and smashed a window, didn't they, Amy? Honestly, next time he says something, tell him to go play in the traffic. I can help him!"

"No, I think I'll be all right."

"Heard from Andrew?"

"No."

"Meh, maybe just a well then." Another awkward pause. "So you are all right then?"

Amy smiled and nodded, grasping the phone tightly in her hand. "Yes. Liam, honestly, I'm fine. Thanks for calling."

Her brother sounded like he was grinning from ear to ear. "No problem. I mean, who else is going to be phoning up to check you're all right? Mum? Ah, nope, she croaked it. Dad? No, he ran off with some tart."

"That's not fair, Liam."

"Of course it isn't," he replied sweetly, then sighed. "Look, I've gotta go. Talk to you soon, right?"

"OK."

And then he was gone. Amy put the phone away, her mind buzzing. Who else is going to be phoning up to check you're all right? Dad? The words had put a crazy idea into her mind. An idea so crazy, Liam would stop speaking to her if he ever found out.

But why shouldn't I? Amy asked herself fiercely, as she made her way back up the staircase towards her room. It's my life. I can do what I want!

She reached her room and went to her bed, where her bag lay with its contents spread across the duvet like the blood round a corpse. Shoving a mound of books onto the floor, Amy sat down and scooped her phone out of the bottom of the bag. Her hands were shaking as she flipped open the phone and started to text. I'm mad, she told herself. I must be made.

But she could not stop.

Hey dad good 2 hear 4rom u can i call u soon? Amy

And then the text was sent. To the man who had run out on them; who had left their mother to get married to Andrew, and leave them to the mercy of that man. She waited and hoped, and prayed that Jake – her real father – would not feel bitter about the time it had taken her to pluck up the courage to talk to him. And then her phone buzzed.

Of course you can! Any time of day. Don't tell your brother though he isnt very keen about us all talking again. Jake.


There is one member in the chatroom: Amy

Tom has signed in.

Tom: I got your text – what's wrong?

Amy: Can I say sorry?

Tom: Do you mean it??? XD Of course you can!

Amy: You don't really think I'm not grown up, do you?

Tom: Yea, sorry about that. I overreacted – I was the one who was acting like a stupid kid. I'm sorry. You're sorry. Let's just kiss and make out.

Amy: Erm... Isn't it make up?

Tom: Probably. Don't tell you're brother (he doesn't like me very much)

Amy: He's just over protective of me. Sorry.

Tom: Maybe you should have beaten him as a child.

Amy: What makes you think he wasn't?

Tom: You're joking, right???

Amy: No. Andrew used to hit us. There I said it! Now you know why I'm so messed up!

Tom:...that sucks! Have you told anyone? Police? Social services?

Amy: No one would believe us.

Tom: Granddad got beaten as a kid – he got through it. Tell! Tell someone!

Amy: I'm not ready.

Tom: That's stupid!

Amy: It isn't easy, Tom! You're always scared, you're always wondering if you're really that bad... I'm not ready to tell everyone everything!

Tom: Then talk to Granddad – he'll help. He suspects that's what's happened to you any way, so you're basically just living in denial.

Amy: You don't understand, Tom. I can't forget! I want to, and talking will make me remember even more! I DON'T WANT THAT!

(Minutes pass)

Tom: Go out with me.

Amy: WHAT????

Tom: One word: yes or no.

Amy: I have to go.

Amy has signed off.