Omniscience, Omnipotence, Omnipresence

"Um…excuse me?" "You know what I said! I want to become a sub author!"

Primus was shocked. Fuck that, he was surprised as hell. "Well…um…oh shoot! I'm all out of job applications!" "Well, what are those, then?" Primus looked to his right to see a stack of papers at least a foot high, in a bin labeled, "Job applications". Naruto looked at Primus expectantly. All of a sudden, the papers burst into flames.

Naruto yelped and jumped back while Ori tensed and Ken jumped back and drew his ninjato. "Ken, you fool, put the puny sword away." Ken snarled at the blue, pen-using, calm asshole and quietly put the small sword away. "At least I'm not overcompensating for something." "Neither am I." "Ghtk!"

"What job applications?" Naruto glared at Primus. "Don't give me that! The job applications that just imploded!" Primus raised an eyebrow at Naruto. "Imploded? That's a big word. I thought you were an idiot." Naruto's face flushed with rage. "I'm not an idiot!! I'm just pretending to be stupid so those bastards won't hurt me!!" Naruto's eyes widened in horror after realizing that he let his mask fall for an instant. Primus chuckled darkly. "Kai." Naruto heard a gasp from behind him, something that sounded like Ori. "P-Primus-sama…" Naruto whirled around to see Ori and Ken, staring at the author in awe. "What?" "We have never seen Primus-sama's true face…it is an honor." Naruto slowly turned around to gaze into two of the most piercing eyes, made of violet. His face was…neutral, neutral is the only way to describe it. His face quickly gained a Cheshire-like grin as he gazed at Naruto. "If we are dropping masks, I shall drop mine."

Naruto stared at the omnipotent man behind the desk. "Are you quite sure you want my teaching?" Naruto nodded slowly. "Then, Naruto Uzumaki, step forward, and receive your seal." Naruto's eyes betrayed confusion as he walked closer to the desk. Primus held his hand out near the back of Naruto's hand. A blinding flash went through the room. After Naruto opened his eyes, he looked down at his palm to see a strange symbol of a dragon eating its own tail [1. He immediately smiled and looked up at Primus, saying, "Wow! Does this mean I'll be able to stop time and kill a god and be all powerful and be all seeing and all knowing!?!" "No." Naruto facefaulted at the simple answer he provided. "But," at this, Naruto looked up, "you have to earn your powers. Though you do get one free gift from me. The power of no handseals." Naruto's eyes widened. "Hell, you don't even have to say the jutsu's name. Just think it and it'll happen. This skill is very good for surprise attacks." At this, Naruto promptly fainted. Primus sighed wearily and thought, 'Suiton: Mizu Koeda no Jutsu." A small spray of water splashed Naruto in the face, waking him up. "Get up; your sensei wants to talk to you." Naruto nodded, he had almost forgotten about Iruka. A bright flash transported Naruto back to Earth. "Naruto, come closer." Naruto nodded to Iruka and did as he asked. "Now, close your eyes…" Naruto did as asked. "Now open them." He complied once more to see Iruka's headband gone. "Congratulations, Uzumaki Naruto, ninja of Kohona." Naruto smiled at Iruka widely and hugged him, though only one thing went through his mind. 'Should I tell Ojiji-san?'

Naruto awoke with great enthusiasm. After all, he was Kohona's newest ninja. He quickly got dressed and ran out the door. Upon entering the room, some of his fellow genin looked at him confusedly, but for the most part, ignored him, as usual. "Oy, Naruto, this room is for graduates. What are you doing here?" Naruto smirked and pointed to his headband. "Hey, Shikamaru, use that genius brain of yours and look at my headband. That should answer you." Shikamaru simply grunted and went back to sleep.

"Congratulations, class. If you are here, you passed." Naruto simply tuned out Iruka until he heard his name called. "Team Seven is made up of Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto," Sakura dropped her head onto the desk, and to everyone's shock, so did Naruto, "and Uchiha Sasuke. Your sensei is Hatake Kakashi." Sakura then jumped for joy, and Naruto started slamming his head on the desk. Team Eight is made up of Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, and Yamanaka Ino. Your sensei is Sarutobi Asuma." "WHAT!? I have to be stuck with a lazy-ass AND a fat-ass!?" "At least I don't have to be stuck with an annoying blond haired bitch." Everyone looked over in horror at the owner of the voice. It was Naruto.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, UZUMAKI!?!" Naruto glared at Ino coldly, making her flinch. "What do you think I said, Ino? Look, you're a very pretty girl, but your personality is just incredibly aggravating. You constantly insult people who already get enough shit from everyone else. You don't train in favor of looks. In my opinion, you are one of the weakest people here, besides Sakura." Said girl flinched noticeably, but Naruto didn't notice. "Look, I'm not doing this to insult you, I'm simply stating facts. Any decent shinobi would easily notice your flaws. Besides, I'm sure that Sasuke favors strength in a girl, seeing how obsessed he is with getting his clan to its zenith again." Sasuke smirked at Naruto. 'So, the dobe grew a brain? Tch, whatever, it's not like he even compares to me.' "I mean, come on, Ino, and get a clue," Naruto finished. Ino sat there, mouth agape, staring at this transformed boy in wonder. This was not Uzumaki Naruto. This boy was…forceful. It scared her. How could someone change so much in a simple day?

"…" This was the class's reaction to Naruto's tirade. They were shocked and/or stunned into silence by his rant on Ino's character. This went on for a minute until Iruka decided to leave the class to their future senseis with a quiet goodbye. Three by three, every single person was lead away, all still staring at Naruto in amazement. One person even ran into the wall accidentally while staring at Naruto. Who could blame them? Naruto had never been that forward and straight to the point. And so truthful! Soon, only the genin of Team Seven remained. Sasuke was his usual stoic self, Sakura was still staring at Naruto, and Naruto was sitting with his legs on the desk, throwing a kunai into the air and catching it. Sakura was about to say something about that, as she was afraid he would hit Sasuke, but, because of the recently named, "Ino Incident," she kept silent. Soon, one hour passed. Then another passed. And another. By this time, Sasuke was angry, but didn't show it, Sakura was cursing their sensei, Inner Sakura was making threats that would make any man wince, and Naruto was pacing the room, muttering darkly to himself. Suddenly, a calm voice said, "Yo." Naruto whipped around and threw a kunai at the voice. The kunai imbedded itself right beside the man's head.

"NARUTO! Are you insane?!" Naruto didn't seem to hear and assumed a taijutsu stance. "Quite the warm welcome," the man stated blandly. Seeing that the man posed no threat, Naruto slipped into his casual stance. "You're late," stated Naruto with an evil tone that promised harm. The man scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Well, you see, I saw a caterpillar, and…" "No." The silver haired shinobi sighed with tiredness. "It doesn't seem to work anymore. Anyway, all excuses aside, what would happen if that kunai hit, and I was a friendly shinobi?" Naruto smirked at his teacher. "What if you weren't?" The man smiled. "Touché. Please meet on the roof, all of you."

"Alright," said the man, "introduce yourselves." Sakura's brow furrowed. "Could you show us what you mean, sensei?" The man turned to her and seemed to smile under his mask. "Why of course. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like…things…I dislike…things…I have no particular hobbies. My dream is…" At this point, he descended into a coughing fit, getting fine a second later. "Anyway, since you suggested it, you can go first, pinky." About to retort, she realized this was her sensei, and introduced herself. "My name is Haruno Sakura. I like…" She gazed at Sasuke and giggled. "I dislike...nothing, actually. My hobby is…actually, I don't think I have any hobbies. My dream is…" She looked at Sasuke and giggled, but Kakashi could have sworn that he saw her look at Naruto for an instant. Kakashi's eye twitched involuntarily. "Up next, Donnie Darko." Sasuke glared at Kakashi. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I like the idea of killing a certain man. I dislike being defeated, among other things. My hobby is training. My ambition is to kill a certain man." 'Oh my kami, go slit your wrists and end it, for kami's sake,' Naruto thought, irritated at his teammates dark mannerisms. "Next up, blondie." Naruto scowled but continued. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen." Sakura winced when he didn't say, "Sakura-chan". "I dislike the 3 minutes it takes for ramen to cook. My hobby is learning new jutsu and training. My dream is to…" He paused. His original dream of being hokage seemed so…childish to him now, so juvenile. What did he expect to happen? Did he think they would just hand him the title? No, it wasn't just childish, it was stupid, foolish. No, this was not to be his dream, not anymore. "My dream is to be all that I can be." Kakashi's eyes widened. He had heard the boy always constantly screaming about how he would be the hokage, but…he just changed his entire dream that he followed for his entire life. Brushing this aside for now, he addressed his students, who also seemed surprised at his change in attitude. "Well, guys, meet back here tomorrow. Don't eat, or you'll puke."

Primus's Place!

A/N: (P)rimus: Hell yes! I'm back, baby, and I'm here to stay!

(O)ri: Good job, Primus-sama.

(K)en: Yeah, hell of a job, boss.

(N)aruto: Where am I?

P: Oh, yes, you have access to this area now, too.

N: …

O: So, Ken, up for some Super Smash Bros. Brawl?

K: Oh yeah! Dibs on…

O: Dibs on Meta Knight!

K: Dammit!

P: Dibs on Ike!

N: What's this…brawl?

O: OO

K: OO

P: OO Gawd…

O: We'll show you.

5 Hours Later

N: HA! Take that, Ken!

O: Damn, Ken, you do suck.

K: Burn in hell, Ori.

N: NOOOOOO!!!

P: Ha-HA! Take that, Naruto-chan!

N: Hey, it's not me! It must be this…Link guy!

P: Oh, right. Anyway, sorry about the delay between chapters. I'll try to keep chapters to once a week. If any longer than that, I'll give a reason (lame as they may be). Remember, the review button is down in the bottom left corner. Press it, tools, PRESS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

O: OO

K: OO

N: OO

P: cough Sorry. Anyway, the next chapter, this way comes!