Two in a row! Alright!! Hope ya like it! Enjoy

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Zaraki got back to his own squad's building shortly after his somewhat scary visit with the Fourth Company. Closing the door to his office, rarely visited as it may be, he allowed himself to collapse onto the smallish sofa in the corner. He ran an exasperated hand over his features and closed his eyes. It was only a matter of time before-

"TAICHOU!"

Damn…they really were impeccable weren't they?

Ikkaku's silhouette was visible on the other side of his door. And he was sure Yumichika was right behind him.

"What?" He answered in a bored tone…Otherwise known as 'come in'.

And, speak of the devil; they came in just as he thought they would. One right after the other, looking shocked, panicked, and closing the door immediately behind them.

Ikkaku had to stop and stare for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts on why this had to be a lie. Yumichika on the other hand looked rather pleased with the news…almost like he'd been waiting for something like this to come up.

It was almost scary.

"Taichou…this…it's not true, right? I mean…Not…not…You couldnt've…with…" Ikkaku stuttered, obviously terrified by the announcement. Finally giving up his denial, he looked at his captain with an almost pleading expression. "You're not gonna make us be…nice to them are you?

"Oh no…That'd be too much hard work gone to waste, eh Taichou?" Yumichika giggled. "Besides, he's hooked up with the captain, not the entire squad."

Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's collar at that point, a very dire look on his features. "To be with the captain IS to be with the squad!"He clarified through gritted teeth. "Don't you get it?! It's all or nothing with women!" He added, returning to his horrified tone.

"Oh, pshawf." Yumichika shooed him away by waving his hand in front of his face. "Unohana-Taichou knows better than to try and make Zaraki-taichou change. He's more stubborn than anyone else in this company, and she has a hard enough time with us little guys."

"Oh PLEASE! She says jump and they ask 'how high' halfway into the air!" Ikkaku retorted, throwing himself into the armchair nearest to the door. "She's gonna be demanding! And needy! And expecting you to heed to her every little whim!"

"And how do you know that?"

"Because she's a woman!" Ikkaku growled at his disbelieving comrade. "It's what they do."

Yumichika paused for a moment, giving his a puzzled look.

"…Are you sure you're not gay?"

Kenpachi thought his third chairman was going to explode. Or rip his self-proclaimed beautiful friends' head off and get blood all over the place. And he didn't like blood that he didn't get to spill. So before the conversation could get anymore…interesting…the captain decided to remind his underlings that he was actually present in the room.

"So is anyone gonna ask if what really happened before we jump to conclusions, or am I just rockin' the boat here?" He asked, making his voice audible above the grinding of Ikkaku's teeth and the giggling of Yumichika.

Both subordinates turned to face their captain, looking a bit embarrassed that they'd started the conversation about him without him. "Sorry." They responded in unison.

"So then, are you saying it isn't true?" Ikkaku asked with a hint of hope in his voice.

"No. It's true. I just want to know what you heard happened."

This time he thought Ikkaku would die. Either of embarrassment or shock, he was guessing.

Yumichika piped up, of course, with an answer to his pondering. "Well…" He began, making himself comfortable in the chair near, but a safe distance from, Ikkaku. He always got really creepy when he was sharing gossip for some reason.

"I got the story from Matsumoto-chan-" He paused, noting his captains 'I-knew-it' expression, and threw up a halting hand, "-who only told me because she thought it would be safe knowing you're my captain." He added in her defense. "I gather there was something about Shunsui's place last night, some kind of party…and a wall was involved…"

Ikkaku threw a hand over his own face, making a pained expression that he obviously didn't want his captain to see.

Kenpachi nodded. "…Yeah, pretty much…"

And Ikkaku struck again with an agonizing noise of disbelief.

"Calm down, dammit, we didn't do that much." He reassured his twitching third-chair in an annoyed tone. "I don't know why you're worried…we were pretty blasted."

"You don't get drunk, Taichou."

Damn.

"Okay so we were under-blasted, but we did still have quite a bit to drink."

"Was she drunk?"

"…Either way I answer that I'm screwed, aren't I?"

Yumichika heaved a sigh. "So Zaraki-taichou has gotten himself a girlfriend then, has he?" He smiled in an extremely feminine way, like a teenage girl who'd just seen a really romantic movie.

Ikkaku, again, sounded like he would give way at any moment. "Not fourth squad…why fourth squad…?" He was moaning to himself quietly.

"Aren't you all terrified of her?" Kenpachi asked, directing his attention back to Madarame.

This made the third-chair pause. It was true, after all, that the entire eleventh squad, save Kenpachi himself and Yachiru, was scared of her. Even he and Yumichika had done their best to steer clear of her when harassing her subordinates. "Yeah...so?"

"Why?"

"I…I dunno…she's scary…She just pops up outta nowhere and…looks at you with….demonic eyes...like she's looking through your soul…" He said with a shiver running down his spine. He'd had one run in with her when he was being treated for his injuries after the Ichigo battle. He'd…tried to get out of there early so he could fight again. Needless to say, it was not the best idea. "But her voice stays exactly the same no matter how angry she is with you! It's creepy!"

"Well I think she's lovely." Yumichika admitted proudly. "She seems very nice, and she'd probably be really strong if you ever brought her into a battle to actually fight." He put a thoughtful finger over his lips though, seeming to process another side to the argument. "But Ikkaku's right…she can be a bit scary can't she?"

"Alright alright, enough, I get it." Kenpachi hushed them both. "So she's strong, she's 'lovely', she scares you and she doesn't have to try hard to do it." He said, compacting all of their conversation into a sentence. "…What's not to like?"

"Her hair." Yumichika answered.

Both Ikkaku and Kenpachi stared at him a minute, making Yumichika look from one to the other, wondering what he said.

"What? I think she should wear it differently…it does nothing for her figure if it's blocking it all the time…"

Kenpachi rolled his eyes and sat upright. "So are you the only two who know, beside Matsumoto and I-…uh…damn…what was her name?"

"Isane?" Ikkaku asked. "She knows too?!"

"They were there, yeah."

There he went again with those dying noises…

"Next thing you're gonna say is it wasn't the first time anything happened between you two!" Ikkaku added, exasperated and sinking into his chair.

Kenpachi and Yumichika exchanged glances.

Wait…what the- how did Yumichika know? Fuck it. Yumichika always knew.

Ikkaku noticed the exchange and nearly died again.

"How long?" He said after a while of easing his breath and organizing his thoughts.

"You really wanna know? It might be bad for your health." Zaraki asked with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"I do!" Yumichika chirped, getting all wiggly like he always did when he got excited.

Ikkaku nodded, bracing himself.

"Remember the fight with Ichigo?"

Ikkaku cringed like he knew it was coming.

"It goes way before that."

This made Ikkaku and Yumichika's jaws drop to the floor.

"That was a joke by the way." He told them, smirking lightly that he got that reaction out of both of them. "It was right after my fight. Kind of. We didn't actually…y'know, do anything until after they left. But it was kinda there, y'know."

Yumichika wiggled again. "That's so cute!" He said, knowing that tone made his captain grind his teeth.

"I knew it." Ikkaku said, sinking back down into the chair.

"So now that you know…go away." Kenpachi told them, getting a huff out of Yumichika.

"Wait, Taichou." Ikkaku began, getting up from his seat. "…What about Yachiru…?"

Was everyone going to ask him the same question?

"I haven't told her yet."

"Are you going to?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I donno yet!" Kenpachi growled, revealing his stress on the situation.

"Well…you should probably do it soon…in case it gets out." Yumichika added. "We won't tell a soul, but you know how these things are."

"Yeah yeah, I got it. I'll tell her as soon as I see her." He said, making him pause finally. "Where is she, anyway?"

Both his subordinates shrugged and had unknowing expressions.

"Huh...Anyway, I'm gonna get outta here, and so are the two of you. Move it." He said, getting up and heading to the door. The three of them exited the building and split off into separate ways. Ikkaku to the main barracks to wake the rest of the squad for training, Yumichika to the company record room because he was one of the few who actually did paperwork, and Kenpachi to find Yachiru, wherever she may be.

She had a tendency to pop out of nowhere and land on his shoulder right on schedule, so he figured it wouldn't be too long before he found her or vice versa. With that in mind, he began toward nowhere in particular, sure that his pink haired accomplice would find him in no time at all.

MM: Well how did you enjoy that? I hope you enjoyed it all… …That'd work for me…; Aw I didn't know making Ikkaku rant like that could be so much fun! Hopefully they made you laugh. I was laughing when I was writing it. . But then..I'm easily amused…XD