Part 3
Over the next few weeks Kathryn and Chakotay saw each other every day. They acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, that they were just good friends. They would sneak away just to hold each other and share kisses away from prying eyes. In the nights they were much closer.
Chakotay didn't like hiding it from every one. To be honest it scared him.
Not to be able to trust any one except the maid of his feelings for Kathryn. Lying to his father had been hardest. It's not easy to lie to some one that is your only family, especially one who you had learned to respect and rely on when you had no one else around you.
He thought about the way his life was turning out while they where walking down to what used to be a beach so many years ago, but was now just a stretch of nasty sand next to murky green water. They held hands when they were sure no one would see them. They walked in silence, just enjoying the company.
He felt guilty not to have told his father, but if any one would be against his relationship with Kathryn it was him. Chakotay sighed.
But if he could turn back time, he wouldn't. He never regretted meeting Kathryn. Not once. She made him feel peace and love in his heart. Lately she seemed thoughtful and her eyes would glaze over as if she were peering into some distant world. When he asked her what was wrong she lied so badly he got worried.
Kathryn may be beautiful, strong, compassionate, and loveable, but she was still an enigma to him. She had become more and more quiet like she was working something out in her mind.
"What are you thinking?"
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "Nothing, darling."
He didn't believe her, he knew her too well. "Come on Kathryn, you can tell me."
She would tell him sometime, that he was sure of. But that didn't strop him from trying to find out earlier.
"I just..." She stopped, not sure how to continue. "What do you feel for me?"
"What?" Chakotay stopped walking.
"I mean are your feelings strong enough for me that you would stay with me if your father finds out about us?"
She felt like everything depended on what Chakotay answered. She felt horrible to doubt his feelings, but she had to know.
Chakotay couldn't believe what he was hearing, was she actually serious? The look in her eyes told him so. How could she not know how he felt. In the way he kissed her, how he touched her, and, not to mention, how they made love together. It was like his soul depended on it every time. After, when he held her he never had felt so satisfied like with Kathryn. It felt like he had finally found his soul mate. He had learned what heaven really meant. He was there with Kathryn every day and every second he was with her.
He took a step closer. "Kathryn, my love, never doubt how I feel about you." He stepped even closer. He could see the rapid breathing coming from Kathryn. "I will never, ever, leave you." His mouth was just inches away from hers when he lightly brushed his lips against hers. Kathryn gasped.
Trying to hold back she said.
"Thank you for getting me a job under your father."
"My pleasure." Chakotay breathed.
Kathryn sighed when their lips once again lightly touched.
It was all he could take before he claimed her mouth in a passionate and demanding kiss.
Kathryn sometimes felt shy about her inexperience in this kind of area.
Mark never roused this kind of feelings the few times he kissed her. With Chakotay it was almost scary, but in a good way.
The kiss should be enough to tell her how he felt, but now she felt in lower regions how she affected him.
'Maybe I can tell him,' she thought. 'He's going to find out eventually, this is kind of hard to hide for long…'
Pressing her hips into his she made him groan and his arms went around her waist. One hand slid to her butt to pull her closer while he grinded himself into her. Desire almost overwhelmed him. Damn, this woman knew how to play the game.
Soon the air depletion was a more demanding matter and they parted only long enough for each other to gasp in a few needed breaths until they resumed again. Kathryn's hand moved from his chest to the nape of his neck where she griped at anything she could grasp. While her hips moved...
"Chakotay." A voice said and they broke apart and turned to see Kolopak standing a few meters away. They both knew they were blushing.
Kolopak's face was cut out of stone. Not a single emotion showed on his face. He had suspected that something was going on between his son and that woman. Now he knew it was worse then what he first thought. 'Spirit's they are lovers,' he thought.
There were rules that you had to live by and never break. One was not to engage in sexual activities with some one that stands under the protection of another clan. If it was proven, it could lead to exile or even death.
'I've all ready lost my wife and two sons. Please don't let me lose my last son too.'
Ever since Chakotay had brought her to their house that fateful night Chakotay hadn't been able to look elsewhere. The way he would watch her as she slept when they shared the sick room together... It was just as he'd done with his wife when they met all those years before. When it had come time to decide what they would do with her, Chakotay hadn't been reasonable, and refused to be talked into other things, like returning her to her clan. His feelings for her were evident in his every move.
Kolopaksighed. There had been a time when he had felt like that and he could still remember the bliss from it. It was almost like candy for your soul: the taste of it could erase many things, even the most bitter moments, from your mind and make you completely defenseless in front of the journey you would take. The feel of it would never leave your senses. It could wrap around you and tease you until you would go crazy.
When they no longer shared rooms while they recovered, it had grown every time he came near her. He could see it in his son's eyes.
The night Chakotay had rocked Kathryn, yes he could use her name more often he realized, Kolopak had felt stunned at the show of emotions his son showed for the then still unknown woman, even though he had just met her. After how Rakel had been his girlfriend and how she treated him Chakotay, had closed up like a shell.
Never letting anyone in.
There is only so much pain someone can take before they reach the line and break down from the weight of it. It was almost like a defense mechanism we all have, it's just that some put it up more quickly than others.
Rakel… There's a story that could cover three holy scripts. How she could control and manipulate those around. Manipulate his son…
But he couldn't worry about that yet.
"Chakotay, come with me." Kolopak turned and started to walk back to their house.
It took a moment before Chakotay or Kathryn could even move. There could be no colder showers than being caught by his father. Any arousing feelings Chakotay had felt a moment ago was long gone, or at least limp, to be precise.
Kathryn stiffened in his arms before they followed Kolopak.
When they reached the house Kathryn left Chakotay's secure arm that had held her around the waist.
In the living room were two people, an old man and a girl. Rakel and her father. Kathryn didn't see any resemblance between the two, but knew that would be a mistake to point out. Besides, the fact that Rakel was pregnant seemed to be the more pressing issue.
"What the hell is that woman doing in your house, Kolopak," demanded the angry man when he saw Kathryn.
"She works for me," Kolopak explained. "She helps with the household and is doing a very good job." He stopped there, not giving him any more information. 'What I owe him is a ticket out of my house if anything,' Kolopak thought to himself, 'not justifications on who I let into my home.'
"Why don't you just send her back to her family? Or did you take pity in her because she was probably a bastard child with no home?" He made these comments with amusement in his voice.
Chakotay couldn't stand this man insulting the woman he loved. "Her family is dead." His voice was almost black with rage. "They were murdered."
Not taking any pity on Kathryn the man continued. "I don't think she has any reason to be here while we talk. Tell her to leave," he stated matter-of-factly, completely dismissing the fact Kathryn was standing right in front of him.
Kolopak nodded his head to Kathryn, signaling he to leave. As she walked up the stairs, she missed the dark look Rakel gave her when she saw Chakotay look after her.
In her room Kathryn sat down on the bed. She could hear bits and pieces on what was going on downstairs when someone yelled or spoke louder.
Kathryn closed her eyes as her mind brought everything she heard together. Rakel, baby, Chakotay, and marriage.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, but this time no one was there to brush them away.
Was this how she would lose Chakotay, the man she loved with all her heart? It wasn't fair. Not when she was in this situation. If he married Rakel then she had to leave.
Kathryn laid down on the bed, her head resting on the pillow. Tears found their way to her ears and hair. She always hated to cry, thought it made her look weak. But for once it felt good to cry tears she held inside her for so long.
Poor Chakotay, what a dilemma. If he didn't married Rakel he would draw shame over his family and if he married Rakel it would be at the loss of his heart. He didn't love Rakel, even a dog could see that.
"Dear god, why must our paths be so hard to follow?"
Kathryn's stomach started churning her dinner, making her dash for the bathroom.
When she came back out she looked pail and was trembling from the force and speed she had lost her dinner in the toilet. She laid down on her bed, her stomach still fighting against her, but slowing when she took some deep breaths and closed her eyes.
'Will I ever tell him?' This question had been haunting her ever since she realized what was going on. Why she had questioned Chakotay earlier. Why she felt like life was just one big cosmic joke now. 'Yes,' she answered herself, 'I will tell him.'
Darkness invaded her mind and on the edge of sleep she thought, 'He deserves so much more then I can give him.'
Chakotay entered the room where Kathryn slept. A stab of pain rolled over his heart when he saw the remains of her tears. He could kill himself for causing them. Just before his father found him and Kathryn, he had made sure she never doubted how much he loved her and would never leave her but now... Now he had to break that promise.
It would kill her, and then it would kill him. At least he could make sure she well off, working and living under his father when he was married.
What a hard blow that would be for him. He hated Rakel and to marry her… The thought made him sick to his stomach.
Chakotay had known in the beginning that something would come between him and Kathryn. There had been in a no winning position. But a man could dream and live in a dream until he woke up.
He loved Kathryn more than anything and he had secretly hoped he would have a future with her. He should have known there would be no happy endings, not in this world. Once more Rakel was destroying his life. Rakel's father's demands still echoed in his ears. Demanding that Chakotay take his place and make right by himself. He had a creeping sensation that he was set up for this.
He was standing at a crossroads.
Down one road was Rakel and all his family obligations demanding the he came and obey.
Down the other road was Kathryn. She made no demands, she was just standing there, in all her beauty, smiling, and looking at him with love, devotion, and understanding.
How do you choose? Do you leave your heart behind and do the right thing, or do you follow your heart and take the consequences for it?
One answer leads to another question, and another, until your head is spinning and you're no better off now than when you first started this introspection.
How do you reject what you want to do to do what you must? How much do you put up with before you lose your heart and die?
In this moment, his answer was simple, and he had to tell Kathryn.
He couldn't betray his father, not when there was a baby involved. Even Kolopak had a more dislike toward Rakel then he had let on.
But that fact meant nothing. Rakel was still pregnant and Chakotay had a duty to her. To ignore that duty could bring about a fate that could destroy what was left of his family.
He stroked Kathryn's face, rousing her from her sleep.
"Chakotay." she whispered.
"I'm here Kathryn." he sat down on her bed.
"I dreamt you were gone, Chakotay." she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him to her. "That you left me."
'Maybe I will, my sweet Kathryn,' he thought as he fought to hold back the sob.
They were both so caught up with each other and the tenderness of that moment that they didn't noticed the door open slightly to let a pair of green eyes watch them.
"Kathryn there is something I have to tell you."
She leaned back so she could see his face.
"You used to be lovers, you and Rakel?"
How could she have realized it so soon? "Yes. Once... it was... before I found out what kind of person she was." He had to tell her now or he would lose his nerves.
"Kathryn, I have to marry Rakel." he began.
"I see." Not trusting herself to say more.
"I can't let down my fathers honor. I never knew there would be a risk like this with her. It had been over when I found you. My heart was bleeding and would constantly remind me of what she did to me. It didn't matter what I did, there was always this terrible hurt. But then I found you. You showed me how life was meant to be lived, even in a world like this. You helped my heart heal and not hurt anymore.
"She broke my heart when I caught her with... and ever since then I..." He couldn't go on, the memories that he thought were gone came back. Not as painful as before, but they still hurt. He looked away.
"It's ok, you don't have to say it," she said, putting a hand gently on his cheek. "I will be leaving soon."
Chakotay's eyes shot up to fix on Kathryn's face. "Kathryn, what are you talking about? I've asked my father to let you stay. You will be safe here and I will come to visit."
Kathryn gave a small laughter, sure he would come in a few months. In a few months she could be dead.
"Chakotay, I can't stay." Looking into his eyes made her feel tear-eyed again. Damn it, could she ever stop crying? She evaded his eyes and looked at every thing else in his face.
"Why?" The one question that would lead to the truth. Kathryn looked into his eyes, pain and fear written in them. She had no idea how he would react to this, especially with everything that had happened.
His eyes were begging her to say something.
"Because in a few months people will know what kind of relationship we had."
"How. I don't see how they would..." He went silence when Kathryn took one of his hands and placed the palm on her belly.
"I'm pregnant."
Chakotay was unable to do anything but stare where his hand rested.
"You had right to know, Chakotay." she said it quietly. "I didn't want to tell you under these circumstances but..." Kathryn chocked back on a sob.
Chakotay raised his other hand to her cheek, caressing her. His body started shaking when he tilted his head forward so his forehead rested against Kathryn's.
"A child, a baby, our baby," he whispered. "How long... how long..."
"How long have I known? Maybe a week. How far along am I? I don't know but I would guess when we started being intimate, about 5-6 weeks. My booster went out when we were recovering."
Kathryn suddenly felt dizzy and moved from Chakotay and reposition herself facing the opposite wall, her back facing Chakotay. There was no way she could look into her eyes and continue.
"I thought you should know why I leave." Her was voice unsteady. "I will cherish everything we had together, but we both knew it couldn't last forever."
She crossed her arms around her and shivered when Chakotay's weight made the bed dip. Moments later a hand came to rest around her and on her belly.
Kathryn was pregnant, with his child. Their baby.
Reality hit home once again. If Kathryn had the baby when he married Rakel, she and their baby that would pay for it. People would call her whore or worse. Some even trying to see who she would take to her bed next time.
In the worst case scenario, if he didn't marry Kathryn, their baby may not hold a future in this world. There were groups out there who would, in an effort to control the population, inject her with drugs so she miscarried. This prospect made his heart stop beating for a minute.
"Oh, God, what will we do?" Chakotay whispered.
"There are nothing you can do, love. I will leave and never return to this land or you again, so nothing will come out. I can say my man died protecting me, that way I don't have to tell them the truth."
Chakotay's hand caressed her stomach. Sitting up a little more on his butt he ran his other hand through his raven hair. "Have you seen a doctor?"
Looking down, she found the sheets very interesting. "No."
"Kathryn." Chakotay almost said it louder then he meant to do. "If you haven't seen a doctor how do you know you are pregnant..."
"Chakotay, I haven't had my period for almost 4 weeks. I've always been regular since I was 18. I've been waking up to what I think is morning sickness.
"You have always slept to deep to hear me leave or you was back in your own room. If I went to a doctor the baby's father would soon be found. You know as well as I do how fast news like that spreads. I wasn't ready for something like that yet."
Tears once again found their way to Kathryn's eyes. When he saw them he immediately softened. This must be just as big shock to Kathryn of not greater. Their child growing inside of her, nursing and so innocent. The baby may never know how, at this moment, his existence made his parents happy and at the same time making a hard situation even more difficult.
If he married Rakel he would lose Kathryn and their baby forever. He wouldn't be able to live after that. If he married Kathryn, he had no idea what life would bring to them.
All he knew was at that moment was the woman he loved in his arms, in the room where they had spent so many beautiful nights loving each other, and now the child underneath his hand was the result of those nights.
He turned her so he could embrace her and hold her tight to him, trying to chase away the dark reality now closing in on him. His head resting on her shoulder while one arm was around her waist.
"I don't know what to do, Kathryn," he choked on the words. "I am so confused at the moment I don't know what to do... But I know I don't want you to leave."
Kathryn shifted in his arms so she could stroke his head and back, trying to give some comfort to the distressed man in her arms.
"Hush, it's all right. You will come up with something."
"No I won't. I'm so lost," he whispered when her touch calmed him. "Will you let me stay, Kathryn? Just to let me hold you in my arms when I sleep as if nothing today happened." When he saw her mouth open and close without something coming out he begged, "Please, my love." He was not aware of what he said or Kathryn's reaction to them.
"You can stay as long as you want, Chakotay," she whispered. "What you ever decide remember: I will always love you, no matter what."
Holding onto each other and laying down again neither saw the person watching them.
'Bastard,' she thought. 'Your whore will pay for stealing you from me, so will your baby.'
And then Rakel left, a plan already forming in her head on how sweet the revenge would be.
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The two aliens walked down a street in the main city. Nobody really noticed them because they looked like average humans in their clothes. They were here to observe people, to try and find the one. They would watch and judge people from their conduct. When they thought they had found the one they were searching for, they looked telepathically in their mind. But they were always meeting with disappointment.
Time was running out. They only had two months. In three there wouldn't be any planet to live on.
They were back in their room in this 'hotel', or whatever humans called these things.
"We have to hurry," he told his partner. "At this rate it will take more time than this planet has left to find the one we are looking for."
The female looked at the horizon though a window. "Something is happening; they will be here in time."
"You always speak of him as them," he replied exasperated. "Is it your foresight that tells you we will find them soon or do we have to move again."
"I don't know."
"You don't know or you won't tell me?"
"They will be here, I know it. When the time is right, they will. I don't know when that will be due to this atmosphere. But they will come here and we will wait for them, they will need us to save them. That I know."
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The next morning Chakotay woke to the feeling of someone shaking him. When he opened his eyes he saw Kathryn's sleeping face resting next to his on his arm. Memories from the previous night came back to him and he smiled a little when he noticed his other hand on her belly.
Then another shake made him look around and came to stop at his father.
Chakotay saw no way out of this. First he was caught kissing Kathryn, now he was in her bed. Their clothes were on, but they were still very intimate.
Kolopak turned, indicating for him to follow.
Chakotay let go of Kathryn's sleeping form. Once he was up, Kathryn snuggled to where he had lain, finding comfort in the smell and remaining heat from him in the bed.
When he looked down he hoped if only for a second that the baby would be a girl and looked just like Kathryn.
Chakotay sighed then left to follow his father.
Kolopak looked out the window in his office when Chakotay walked in. "Funny as it sounds, I almost have forgotten how this world used to be when I looked out. So dead and lifeless. And this color… This color has no place in they sky. For the last few weeks, though, I saw beauty in this place, not death."
Chakotay had no idea where this would lead but when he thought about his fathers words, he realized he felt that way too.
"Strange, how that can happen," Chakotay said as he moved next to his father looking out at the morning sky.
"I have thought long of it since yesterday. Chakotay, it was you who changed how I see the world. You got me to see it through your eyes. It was your happiness that did that. This can be a beautiful place, if we just concentrate on it."
"If I can be honest it was Kathryn who got me to see like that."
Kolopak nodded his head in understanding. "You really love Kathryn, don't you Chakotay?"
Sighing he nodded his head. "With all of my heart. When did you find out?"
"Yesterday but I had my suspicions a few days before that."
Turning back to the room, Chakotay sat down in a chair. Kolopak just turned so he could look at his son.
"What are bothering you? I can see that something is on your mind, and it's just not Rakel."
Closing his eyes Chakotay leaned back in the chair. "Kathryn is also pregnant."
Kolopak's eyes widened, and he slowly nodded his head.
'This is just getting better and better,' he thought ruefully.
"I don't need to ask if it's your?"
Looking up. "Of course it's mine. She's not a..."
"No, no I never implied anything like that." Sitting down in a chair opposite Chakotay he asked, "How far along is she?"
"5, maybe 6 weeks."
He opened a desk drawer and took out a photo. "I should had shown this to you a few years ago, but the opportunity never came up."
He handed it to Chakotay. On it was a younger version of his father with another woman then his mother. They both looked very happy.
"Her name was Sophia. Beautiful as the night, clever as a queen. She had everything, compassion, passion, brain and a damn temper, much like Kathryn, if I got it right."
"Who was she?"
"The only woman I ever loved."
"But what about mother?"
"Much like you I got into a position where I had to choose between love and honor. I loved Sophia with all of my heart. I met her during a visit into the main city and it was love at first sight. But there was your mother. I was attracted to her and in the end I was found in a compromised position. I broke Sophia's heart and I never saw her again. Then your mother found out she was pregnant, much like Rakel. I learned to love her, and we began a life together after we destroyed one."
Chakotay sat there, totally stunned. He didn't mean to, but he couldn't help but stare at his father. He couldn't believe his father could have been in the same trap as he was in now.
"Did you ever found out what happen to Sophia?"
"No, I never did." Kolopak looked deep in thought. Then he locked eyes with Chakotay. "I have always regretted what I did to her. I don't want you to do the same. If you really love Kathryn then DON'T give her up. You will never be able to forgive yourself. Not now, when you know you are going to be a father. I never trusted Rakel or her family. They have a neck for trying to get in the higher system in a rotten way. It wouldn't surprise me if you really aren't the father to Rakel's baby."
Chakotay put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what he heard.
Where Rakel was concerned, that probably true, but his father… Was he actually saying that he should choose Kathryn before Rakel? He would choose Kathryn in a heartbeat, both for love and trust and the hope she felt the same for him.
Suddenly Chakotay found a new respect for his father. How hard it was to leave the person he loved. Now making sure his son didn't commit the same mistake he himself did. Kolopak actually wanted Kathryn to stay if she made Chakotay happy.
Chakotay and Kolopak stood up when they heard a loud noise that started from the floor above and ended with a loud crash close to the room they were in. Chakotay rushed out and toward to the stairs where he stopped in horror.
Kathryn lay on the lower part on the stairs, not moving, only whimpering in pain. Chakotay hurried to her and pulled her into his arms. Then he saw the note beside her. He took it without looking at it, his eyes only for Kathryn at the moment.
Chakotay heard his father order someone to get help. Chakotay lifted Kathryn up and walked her up to her room, but as soon as he looked in he had second thoughts. He placed her in his room instead, and then returned to Kathryn's room. Someone had trashed her room. The sheets were all pulled off the bed and ripped, the dresser had been knocked over and its contents spilled all over the floor, objects were broken… It looked like a war zone. After he told one of the maids to start cleaning up the mess he left to go to Kathryn.
Chakotay didn't leave her side until a doctor came and Kolopak told him to leave the room. It wasn't an accident, the room was clearly meant as some sort of warning. Someone pushed her out over the stairs, but why?. Then he remembered the note. His world seemed to stop as he read it.
YOU WERE LUCKY THIS TIME, BUT NEXT TIME WON'T BE CAUSE I'LL KILL YOUR LITTLE BITCH AND YOUR PRECIOUS BABY. COUNT ON IT...
End Part 3