The Doctor looked at them both in confusion. "What do you mean? Commander, where is the Captain's body?"
Chakotay tool a deep breath. "I didn't bury her. I knew that one day we might somehow get off the planet. I wanted to make sure that when we did, she would be coming with us. And I couldn't stand the thought of putting her in the ground, of her…" he glanced at his daughter. "Well, I couldn't do it. So I put her in on of the stasis tubes we were beamed down in."
"Mommy is a princess." Kathryn said, smiling. "She's very beautiful."
The Doctor stared at him in disbelief. "Are you saying she's been in stasis for five years? How did you have the energy for that?"
"Well she's not really in stasis, Doctor. She's dead. But her body has been preserved. As for power, I just hooked it up to the shuttle." He smiled faintly. "B'Elanna isn't the only one with engineering skills, you know."
The Doctor continued to stare at him until he felt mildly uncomfortable. "Is there a problem?"
"No." The Doctor said softly. "No, I don't think there is. How long-"
"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."
Chakotay frowned and tapped the combadge he had so recently re-affixed to his shirt. "Yes, Tuvok?'
"Would you come to the bridge? We have some things to discuss." Tuvok paused, and said, almost grudgingly, as though he had been forced to, "And you may bring the children, if they wish to see this deck."
Chakotay grinned. He wondered if Paris was behind that. "Thanks, Tuvok. On my way." He closed the channel and turned back to the Doctor. "Look, I know it may seem odd to you that I did that-"
"No." The Doctor interrupted. "No, I don't find it odd at all. I'll accompany you to the bridge. Someone needs to keep an eye on these rascals." He smiled fondly at Kathryn, who smiled sweetly. Chakotay smirked. Even the Doctor's holographic heart had been captured by his little mix. He wondered of Kathryn had been like, that, too, as a child.
They turned to leave, but the Doctor put a hand on Chakotay's arm. "I noticed something." He said softly. "You haven't called Tuvok 'Captain' once, not that I've seen. Did you know that?"
Chakotay nodded. "I can't." He said firmly. "In my mind, Kathryn will always be the Captain of Voyager. I can't replace her in my mind."
The Doctor nodded in understanding, and they headed for the bridge.
Gretchen decided to go visit the mess hall, where Neelix still held court. She claimed to have become quite fond of him, and Chakotay nodded, wondering if she was as fond of his cooking.
They walked into the mess hall. A few people came over to extend their welcomes, and their regrets. The twins were fawned over, which was how the twins liked things to be. With only their father to shower attention on them in their short lives, they were in their glory here on their mother's ship, where everywhere they went they evoked their mother's memory.
He laid Kathryn gently in the stasis tube. He couldn't let her beautiful body decay, not here. Someday, he hoped they would be able to leave this place, and when they did, he wouldn't leave her here alone.
Laying one last kiss on her still warm brow, he closed the stasis tube.
It wasn't until he activated the stasis field and stood there staring at her lifeless body that it crashed on him at once.
He leaned over the tube, embracing the cool, hard surface, his cries echoing in the shuttle.
She was gone.
He didn't know how long he stayed like that, clutching her coffin, sobbing. He finally realized that it had been too long, and that now he had two small lives to be responsible for.
He closed the shuttle and walked back to the house, his tears still falling.
They were still asleep when he looked in on them. They lay together in the cradle near the bed, which was still warm from Kathryn's feverish body. He lay down in the spot where she had died, feeling her warmth being absorbed into his skin. He turned his face to gaze at the babies. They slept quietly, peacefully, not knowing that the horror show that had brought them into this world had ended their mother's life. He reached out and ran a finger down his son's cheek. Edward slept soundly, one little hand flung up and resting on the dark fuzz on his head. Chakotay focused his attention on his daughter, who had shown more animation than her brother. Her sleep was punctuated with the occasional twitch. He hadn't named her yet.
She turned as he ran a finger down her cheek, seeking her father's warmth. Truly, he didn't know what to do, but he supposed they would all learn together. He had helped his mother with his baby sister from the day she was born, one scant year after his own birth. He would be rusty, but they were his children. He was all they had, so he had better get reacquainted with parenting quickly.
"What shall we call you, little one?" he whispered tearfully. "My poor little babies."
His daughter's eyelids fluttered. He stiffened. So far, neither of them had opened their eyes. Was she about to?
Her eyes opened halfway or a brief moment, then close again. She relaxed in her slumber.
But not before he saw the silvery blue flash of color behind her eyelids.
And he realized what her name would be.
Neelix came out from the galley.
It was odd to see him without Kes by his side. But he had changed very little. His cheery face still beamed around the room at everyone, and he was still clad in his hideously garish outfits that had always managed to make Kathryn smile. He had been of great assistance to them when they had been flung across the galaxy, and he had been a true friend. He knew Kathryn had missed him dearly.
Neelix's face was somber as he approached them. Chakotay reached out to shake his hand, but Neelix enfolded him in an embrace instead. They hugged silently for several moments, until Neelix released him and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"Commander, I can't express how happy I am to see you, and how devastated I was to learn of the Captain."
"Thank you, Neelix. I'm happy to see you, too. I know Kathryn missed you. I just want you to know how much she valued your presence on our journey."
"The pleasure was all mine. I was proud to serve here." He noticed the twins. "Well, look at these two charming young things! You are the very image of your mother, young lady. And you sir, are your father's son, aren't you?"
Edward looked up at his father. "We've been told that a lot today."
Neelix laughed. "Well, for a good reason! Come, sit with me. I have lots of stories about your parents that you'll love to hear."
"Ooo, I want to get in on this." Gretchen said impishly.
"Neelix…" Chakotay warned.
"Relax, Commander. I'll edit them to preserve your character."
Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Okay, you two go with Grandma and Neelix. But don't believe everything he tells you."
"Okay Daddy, bye!" they ran off to join Neelix and Gretchen. He turned to the Doctor.
"Yesterday, I was the center of their universe. Today, it's 'okay Daddy, bye'."
Suddenly, Kathryn and Edward came flying back to him. "Daddy, where are you going?"
"I'm going to speak to Tuvok, honey. But it's okay, you can stay here if you want."
The twins exchanged a worried look. "Daddy, we don't want you to leave us." Edward said.
"Oh. Well, you can come with me, then." He held a hand up to Gretchen and she nodded to indicate she understood. He took their hands and they left the mess hall.
"Sounds like you're still pretty important to them, Commander." The Doctor said kindly.
Chakotay grinned. "I guess so."
He and the Doctor discussed the twins' developmental landmarks over the years as they made their way to the bridge. Kathryn and Edward smiled brightly at everyone they passed and shook their hands. Chakotay could tell everyone who met them was immediately charmed.
"I was a little worried," Chakotay said as they entered the turbolift. "Edward just didn't seem to want to talk. And seeing as how he was born last, and had been in there for so long, naturally I was worried that he had been oxygen deprived. Then I just realized that Kathryn did all the talking for him."
"Well, as I said, they are in exceptionally good health, and I suspect, as intelligent as their parents. I suspect Edward was just waiting until he was good and ready to talk, weren't you, Edward?"
Edward smiled and nodded.
The turbolift stopped and the doors opened. Chakotay took a deep breath and, taking his children's hands, walked out on to the bridge.
It was exactly as he remembered it, and he felt as if Kathryn's ghost were everywhere. If there was an area on this ship that was most stamped with her presence, it was this one. He choked back tears as he looked around. The bridge crew had all risen from their stations, and simultaneously began to clap.
He smiled graciously, even though he was crying inside.
Tuvok approached him. "Welcome back to the bridge, Commander."
"Thank you." His gaze drifted to the command chairs. Tom was standing in front of where he used to sit, and their eyes met. Tom nodded in understanding.
Kathryn and Edward ventured further onto the bridge, and the crew who hadn't seen them yet looked at them with wide eyes. He saw one of the Delaney twins- he didn't remember which one – at the station on the upper level, behind the command chairs. Her mouth was hanging slightly open.
Kathryn skipped over to Tom, and Edward and Chakotay followed her. "Hello again!"
"Well, hello." Tom grinned. "Welcome to the bridge."
"What's a bridge?"
"This is Voyager's command center, sweetie." Chakotay said absently, his thoughts still focused on the chairs.
"Oh." Kathryn wandered over to the chairs. Tilting her head in a startling image of her mother, she contemplated the center chair before climbing on and settling herself in. There was a collective intake of breath around the bridge, and many of the crew glanced at Tuvok to see his reaction to a child commandeering his chair. Kathryn wriggled around to find a comfortable spot. She grinned up at her father. "This is a really comfy chair. Can I sit in here the whole way to Earth?"
"No honey. That's where the Captain sits."
"I can be the captain, Daddy. Watch." She pointed to Lieutenant Rollins, who was manning the helm. "You there! Take us to Earth, now!"
Chakotay pressed his lips together in amusement. The rest of the bridge crew just stared at this miniature version of their former beloved Captain. It was as though the words had come right out of Captain Janeway's mouth…well, sort of.
"Did I do it right, Daddy?"
He smiled. "Well, your mother would usually say it a little more…politely. She was ask Tom – Tom was the pilot back then – she would ask him to set a course, and then she would say 'engage'."
"Okay let me try it again." She looked up at Tom. "Mr. Paris, set a course. Engage!"
Tom laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
She giggled. 'Daddy says that to me. He says it when I'm acting like a little princess."
Tom laughed harder.
"Mr. Paris, please try to control yourself on the bridge." Tuvok said, almost wearily. Chakotay was surprised Tuvok wasn't a raving lunatic, with Tom as his first officer.
"So can I stay in this chair, Captain Tuvok?" Kathryn beamed up at him.
Tuvok appraised her for a moment. "It is against Starfleet regulations for the Captain's chair to be occupied by a civilian. But I suppose, while we are in orbit, an exception can be made. You may sit in the chair, provided you are not disruptive, and provided you let your brother have his turn."
"Thanks!" she exclaimed. The faces of the bridge crew seemed to be permanently stuck on 'shock'.
"That was your mother's chair," Chakotay said to his children. "She sat in that chair every day."
"And gave orders?" Kathryn asked mischievously.
Chakotay smirked. "Often. But not as often as you."
Tuvok glanced around the bridge. "You may return to your duties."
The bridge crew tore their eyes away from Captain Janeway's children and resumed their earlier activities. Tuvok looked at Chakotay.
"Since your children seem to be reasonably occupied, shall we adjourn to the ready room?"
"I'll accompany you, if that's all right." The Doctor said.
Tuvok nodded. Chakotay glanced at the children. Edward had climbed into Tom's chair – his father's old chair. He and Kathryn were looking at the viewscreen, which had an image of the planet rotating beneath them. He blinked. It was like seeing himself and Kathryn sitting in their chairs, all those years ago.
"Tom, do you mind?" he asked the first officer quietly.
Tom smiled at the sight of the twins. "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on them. These two don't seem half as bad as my Miral."
He smiled back. "I can't wait to meet her. Let me know if they start acting up."
Tom's smile faded. "It's like looking at you and her, especially your daughter. My God, she is Captain Janeway all over again."
"I know. I was just thinking that myself." Chakotay waved at his children, then followed Tuvok and the Doctor into the ready room.
If there was a room on this ship that screamed 'Kathryn' more than the bridge, it was the ready room. As soon as he entered, he was assailed with memories of her. He could see the two of them, laughing together on her couch, she with her coffee and him with his tea. They would go over reports together at the desk. This was the room they had argued in, bantered in, made decisions in. He could almost see her again, sitting behind her desk, looking up as he entered.
"Well hello, Commander. What can I do for you today?"
He shook his head to rid himself of the image. It wasn't Kathryn behind that desk anymore, it was Tuvok. Kathryn would never be at that desk again.
"I wanted to speak to you about any tactical issues which might have occurred over the years. I also would like a report about Captain Janeway's death."
He nodded, and took the seat next to the Doctor. "There were almost no tactical issues. In the seven years I've lived here, I've never seen another person anywhere on that planet. Granted, I wasn't able to explore the whole planet, but we determined when we first came here that there was no sentient life. We weren't bothered by predatory animals, and even though I searched the sky every night, I never saw any indication that anyone else had entered this system."
"The Vidiians never appeared here?"
"No. I worried about it, because I know we're close to their space. But if they were here, I never saw them."
"We had an encounter with them shortly after we left you and the Captain here. The Doctor was able to speak to Denara Pel, and she indicated that they were aware of this planet and the insects which had infected you. She offered to give us a cure, but her people ambushed us."
"It gave us hope, though." The Doctor said. "We knew that a cure existed. As soon as we got home, Admiral Paris put Starfleet Medical to work on it."
"And once the war was over, Starfleet was able to focus on improving their propulsion systems. Using technology scavenged from encounters with the Borg, the Engineering Corps was able to make their own transwarp drive which could open a conduit through space. Commander Torres was instrumental in it's development."
"I'm not surprised. She's very talented."
"As for the Captain's death, I am sure Starfleet will want a full report."
"We understand it will be hard for you to talk about it," the Doctor said, shooting Tuvok an irritated look. "But it is essential that we know what happened."
"I understand," Chakotay took a deep breath. "Well, we did everything we could to make sure she wouldn't get pregnant, but she did anyway. Her pregnancy was going fine until one day in her seventh month, without warning, she went into labor. Both of them were born breach, and I had to pull them out. I suspect that if we were here, she would have needed a c-section."
"More than likely." The Doctor said,
"Well, the labor alone just about killed her. She wasn't breathing right and she kept slipping in and out. Then she started burning up. Somehow she had gotten an infection, even though I sterilized everything and made sure everything stayed clean. It was out of control. I've never seen an infection spread so quickly. She was dead just a few days later. I did everything I could. Every anti-viral and anti-bacterial we had on file, I used. Nothing helped. I was completely powerless." He said, staring vacantly ahead. "It was a nightmare."
The other men were quiet. "It may have been the properties of the atmosphere which exacerbated the infection." The Doctor said softly. "I would have to do some research. And an autopsy."
Chakotay flinched.
"Where is Captain Janeway buried, Commander?"
"She isn't." The Doctor glanced at Chakotay. "He placed her in her stasis tube. She has been preserved."
Tuvok raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
"Commander how long was she dead before you placed her body in stasis?" The Doctor asked.
"A few minutes, maybe. I had prepared it before she died, when I knew she wasn't going to make it. I made sure her heart had stopped and that she was actually dead before placing her in there. I just couldn't…" he trailed off. "I couldn't let her fade away, not at all."
"Did the children know?"
"Yes. They would visit her with me. I made up a story for them from Kathryn's favorite fairy tales. They saw their mother as a sleeping princess. They understood that she wasn't alive, but the fairy tale comforted them. The shuttle and the stasis tube are in a clearing not far from the house."
"Would you come down with me to get her?" The Doctor asked.
"Yes. I should be the one to bring her home."
Tuvok stood, and they followed suit. "I've scheduled a memorial ceremony for the Captain for tomorrow. I understand you've had your time to grieve, but the crew must be allowed to say good-bye. This is new for them. Until now, they believed the Captain was alive here with you."
"I understand. Once the Doctor completes…" he swallowed. "Once he finishes her autopsy, perhaps the crew could be permitted to view her. It might be easier to say good-bye that way."
"That would be acceptable. The ceremony will be in the cargo bay at sixteen hundred hours. We'll leave orbit shortly after. If you would like to bring the children to see their home one last time, tomorrow morning would be the best time for that."
"Thank you, Tuvok. I'll…I'll have a report for you before we get back to Earth, about the past seven years, and about Kathryn's death."
Tuvok nodded. "Dismissed."
"These are the coordinates." Chakotay handed his tricorder to the transporter operator. She input them quickly and handed it back to him.
He stepped on to the platform with the Doctor. "Energize."
They rematerialized in a clearing bordered by a grove of tall trees. The shuttle was in the middle, showing little sign of wear and tear despite the years of being bombarded by the elements. Chakotay keyed his code into the pad by the shuttle door.
He and the Doctor watched as the door opened. "Do you see her often?"
He nodded. "I come here at least once a week."
They stepped inside. Kathryn's stasis tube was in the rear of the shuttle, the status indicator blinking steadily. The Doctor peered inside.
"She looks just like she did when we left you." He said sadly. "She really does look like a sleeping princess."
Chakotay snorted. "She would decompile your program for that, Doc."
"I have no doubt." He opened a tricorder and began to scan her. "Well, I'd say the stasis tube did its job. She is perfectly preserved." He looked at Chakotay. "Mrs. Janeway will be pleased to be able to say good-bye."
Chakotay nodded. "Are you finished? As you can imagine, this isn't easy for me."
"I'm almost done." The Doctor continued scanning. "I have to say, despite Captain Janeway's death, you've made quite a pleasant life for yourself here. Are you so sure you want to leave it behind? There won't be any peace and quiet where we're going."
"Despite my children being born and raised on this planet, I am haunted by Kathryn's death here. It's been a peaceful life, but the twins deserve more. I'm not sorry to be leaving."
"What will you do when you get back to the Alpha Quadrant? Will you go back to your home world?"
"Not right away. Kathryn and Edward deserve to get to know their mother's family, and I don't think Gretchen will let me leave with them anyway." He smiled.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows as he passed the tricorder higher. "I can see where Captain Janeway got her…tenacity from. Mrs. Janeway has been a thorn in Tuvok's…" He stopped suddenly, and a look of shock passed over his face. He immediately slapped his combadge. "Doctor to Voyager, medical emergency! Beam Commander Chakotay and myself directly to sickbay." He put a hand on the stasis unit.
"What-" Chakotay started to say, but then he was in sickbay and all hell was breaking loose.
"Get the Captain out of the stasis chamber!" The Doctor was shouting at his staff. He rushed to fill a hypo spray and as soon as the stasis chamber was opened, he oressed it to Kathryn's neck.
"What the hell are you doing?" Chakotay shouted.
"Injecting her with the cure."
"Why? She's dead! What are you doing to her?"
"Just stand back, Commander, and give us room to do our jobs. Ensign Fields, get a cortical stimulator on her. Lieutenant Rolbama, get me 20 ccs of inaprovaline. I want to start direct synaptic stimulation and resequencing. Let's go, people, move it!"
Chakotay stepped back. He slapped his combadge. "Chakotay to Tuvok."
"Yes, Commander, what is-"
"You'd better get down to sickbay, and bring B'Elanna. I think the Doctor is malfunctioning. He took Kathryn out of stasis and he's doing…I don't know what he's doing!"
"We'll be there shortly."
Chakotay watched in disbelief as the Doctor started synaptic stimulation on the long dead love of his life. "Start at fifty millijoules. Now!"
He watched in horror as Kathryn's lifeless body jumped from the pulses being shot through it. He grabbed the doctor and shook him "What are you doing? She's dead, why are you doing this!"
"There is electrical activity in her brain!" the Doctor shouted back at him. "If we can get her brain going again, we can get her heart started! Now go away so we can do our work! Crewmen Lockhart, get Mr. Chakotay out of my sickbay!"
Chakotay didn't resist as a faceless crewman led him out into the corridor. His was in shock, and he didn't even respond when B'Elanna came running up to him, followed by Tuvok, Harry and a security team. They filed into sickbay while B'Elanna sat out in the corridor with Chakotay, repeatedly trying to get him to talk to her. But he couldn't. He just stared straight ahead, his face colorless, feeble tears running down his cheeks.
A few days ago, Chakotay had been living a simple life with his children. Yes, his lover was dead, but he had accepted that long ago. The children made wreaths out of leaves in the autumn, and as their mother predicted, they made snowmen in the winter. He took them swimming in the lake in the summer and for boat rides in the spring. It was predictable, but it was comfortable.
Now, in the space of a few days, his entire world had changed.
And in the space of a few hours, it had been turned upside down.
He was still staring into space as Harry came out into the corridor, his face just as white as Chakotay's. "You should go in there." He told him weakly.
Chakotay stood up, and with B'Elanna supporting him, he entered sickbay.
TBC
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