So I was finally able to write a longer chapter. It's been crazy, what with my AWSESOME trip to Miami, and graduating college on Monday (yay me!), I have barely had a moment to write. But here's a little something I hope will make you all hate me a little less for my constant torture of Chakotay. Also, I want to thank everyone for their support and their reviews. Over 150! I'm so happy about that!
"I'm sorry, Kathryn. A lot has changed since you were sleeping." Her mother said sadly. "We gave you up for dead. I cleaned out your apartment, destroyed your birth certificate…Mark got married. I'm sorry, honey."
"That's okay, Mom." Kathryn said, puzzled. "I didn't expect you to wait all these years. And I don't mind about Mark. I'll always care about him, of course, but I have Chakotay now. And we have children."
"Oh, Kathryn." Her mother stared at her. "Chakotay gave the children to Mark and his wife. They adopted them."
Kathryn struggled to sit up. "Well, I'm here now. I want them back! Give me my babies!"
The door to sickbay opened, and a man and woman walked in. Kathryn stared at them. It was her and Chakotay, only younger. "Mrs. Janeway, what a pleasure to see you again."
Gretchen smiled warmly and left Kathryn's side, seeming to forget about her. "Kathryn, Edward! Lovely to see you. How are your parents?"
"They're well. Who is this woman?"
Gretchen waved her hand in dismissal. "Oh, that's just the woman who used to be my daughter. She gave birth to you, but you wouldn't know her. She's not important."
Young Kathryn set her piercing blue eyes on the older Kathryn. "She wasn't here to see us grow up. She is irrelevant to us."
Edward nodded. "Yes, irrelevant."
"But I was supposed to have babies!" Kathryn cried. "Where are they?"
"Oh, Kathryn." Gretchen laughed. "Those babies are gone. You slept through their lives. It's too late for you to be their mother."
"Where's Chakotay?" Kathryn struggled to get off the biobed, only to find she was in restraints. "I want Chakotay!"
"Chakotay found a new wife, darling. He moved on. We all did. Even Voyager moved on. You're not the captain anymore."
"No! I am the captain, I am! Voyager is my ship!" Kathryn screamed.
The three adults standing around her laughed. "Oh, Kathryn. You're so useless now." Edward said.
"Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" She shrieked. "Chakotay, nooooo!!!!!"
Kathryn gasped as she woke up. She lay in the biobed, staring at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. She was relieved to see she was in the dim sickbay, not the hellish one of her nightmare.
She had been waking all night to horrible dreams. The Doctor said it was possible her dreams would be unsettling. Her mind was trying to process everything that had happened to her, but in her opinion, it wasn't doing a very good job of it.
Her eyes welled up with tears. She still couldn't believe what had happened. Five years was a long time. She hadn't even been on deep space missions that long. One moment she had been giving birth, and the next she was waking up in sickbay, Chakotay sleeping next to her. One moment she had newborn babies, the next she had two young children who had never met her.
Her mother had been upset with her, although she was trying to be supportive. She had come rushing in, wringing her hands like she did whenever she was nervous, and stopped short at the sight of her daughter sitting up, arguing with the Doctor.
"I don't see what another few hours are going to hurt, Captain." He said, exasperated.
"And I don't see what decompiling your program would hurt, either." She shot back. "Get me coffee, and get me coffee now."
"Oh, Kathryn!"
All thought of coffee fled her mind as her mother hurried over to her side. "Mom!"
Gretchen threw her arms around her daughter and the two women hugged tightly. "Oh, my darling girl. My first baby," her mother said, her voice choked with sobs.
Kathryn was no better. "Mommy," she whispered. "I missed you so much." Her breath hitched on her own sobs. Her resolve broke and she found herself weeping along with her mother.
The Doctor tactfully left them alone, and the two cried together for a time. Finally, they broke apart, and Gretchen found them some tissues. They were blowing their noses and laughing at what a mess they looked.
"I never thought I would see you again," Kathryn said, still a bit tearful.
Her mother sat on the stool next to the biobed and grasped her daughter's hand. "I was devastated when Voyager returned and I found out you weren't with them. It felt like such a cruel joke of fate. When we were finally able to come here, I wouldn't let myself hope you were alive. And when I found out you were…dead, well I was glad I hadn't hoped you weren't. The blow was crushing enough as it was. But hearing about the children helped me through my grief, and meeting them almost made it okay again. They are adorable, Kathryn. I can't wait for you to meet them."
Kathryn forced a smile. "Tell me about Phoebe." She said quickly. "How is she?"
Gretchen gave her an odd look. "Don't you want to hear about the twins?"
"Chakotay told me all about them. Tell me about home, Mom. I want to know everything I've missed."
Gretchen looked worried, but she told Kathryn about Earth. Her sister Phoebe had gotten married years ago, and had three children now. Mark indeed had married, and he and his wife had two boys. "And Aunt Martha is still going strong." Gretchen said warmly. "One hundred and six last month, and still leading her exercise classes at the gym. We should all be so lucky."
"I've missed a lot of birthdays." Kathryn said softly, forgetting for a moment her determination to act like everything was normal.
Her mother stroked her hair. "I know, sweetie. But look at it this way. Now you have an extra five years! And you'll be able to celebrate all your birthdays form now on with your husband and children."
Kathryn looked up sharply. "He's not my husband."
Her mother looked flustered and began to wring her hands again. "Well, of course not. You couldn't have gotten married here. But I just assumed…"
"We haven't discussed it. Really, Mother." She said, irritated. "I just woke up an hour ago. Give me a chance to breathe, why don't you?"
"Oh…I'm sorry, Kathryn, I-"
"I'd really like to take a nap now." Kathryn said abruptly. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Would you like me to send Chakotay back down?"
"No. Tell him to come tomorrow. I just want to go to bed."
Her mother looked even more worried, but she nodded and stood up. She kissed Kathryn on the forehead. "Well then, sleep well. I love you, Kathryn. I'm so glad you're back."
Kathryn softened. She couldn't imagine what her mother had gone through. Only, in a way, she could. They had both lost children to time and circumstances, and found ones they didn't know at all. "I love you, too, Mom. I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"
"Of course." Her mother smiled hesitantly one more time, then left sickbay.
Now Kathryn lay awake in the dark of Gamma shift, staring at the ceiling as silent tears rolled down her face.
It had been a long day. Chakotay lay on the couch during Gamma shift, listening to the sounds he had never thought to hear again, of a starship, of the barely perceptible sounds of the power running throughout it, silent to those who heard it every day but a cacophony to him. He was used to the chirping of the nighttime bugs in the summer and the wind pounding at the cabin in the winter. These sounds were unfamiliar to him after all these years.
And the smell. Or rather, the lack thereof. He was used to earthy smells, grass and wood and even dust. There was absolutely no smell here, just the sterile pale staleness of recycled air. It was hard to get used to.
He lay in his side staring out the viewport across the room. Voyager still hung in orbit over New Earth, and was scheduled to depart the day after tomorrow. Kathryn waking up had thrown off Tuvok's schedule a bit. But he couldn't see the planet through the port, just the inky blackness of space and the brilliant pinpoints of far off stars. He had never expected to touch the stars again, but now, it seemed, they were within his reach.
He sighed and turned again onto his back. Kathryn and Edward were asleep in his bed, and he was sprawled out on the too-small couch, but he didn't care. He wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.
He had entered his quarters this afternoon still somewhat in shock. After five years, he had spoken to Kathryn again. Her reaction worried him, but once he thought about it, he decided he was wrong to expect anything different. As much as he was in shock, she must have been a hundred times worse. Five years, in the blink of an eye to her, literally. He couldn't even imagine.
He walked in and Gretchen was on the floor with the twins. They were cleaned up, and were happily putting together a puzzle with their grandmother. Gretchen and Chakotay stared at each other, and the twins finally noticed the silence and looked up.
"Chakotay?" Gretchen whispered.
"She's awake." He choked out. "She's awake, and she wants to see you."
A strangled cry escaped from Gretchen's mouth. She jumped up and crossed the room quickly to embrace Chakotay. They hugged tightly, and he held her while she cried into his shoulder. He glanced at the children, staring openmouthed from the floor. He smiled reassuringly at them.
"It's okay." He said. "Grandma's just happy."
Gretchen turned around and wiped her eyes, but managed a smile. "That's right, I'm very, very happy. Daddy will tell you why, but I have to go do something right now." She turned back to Chakotay. "How is she?" she said softly. "Really?"
"The Doctor said she's as healthy as can be, but…" he hesitated. "She doesn't want to see the children yet." He said in a low voice. "She said she needs time to take it all in."
Gretchen frowned. "That doesn't sound like Kathryn. Then again, she's had a huge shock. I'll go see her right now. Have you informed Tuvok yet?"
"The Doctor did. Tuvok will be making a shipwide announcement this evening."
"Well, that will be happy news for the crew." She went over to the children and placed a kiss on each of their cheeks. "Bye for now, dears. Grandma will be back in a bit." She threw one more happy smile at Chakotay and rushed out of his quarters.
The twins were staring in confusion at their father. "Daddy?" Kathryn said. "Is Grandma going crazy?"
He smiled. "No. Like I said, she's just very happy." He lowered himself to the floor to sit across from them. He debated how to tell them in a way they could understand, and he finally decided to just put it in the form of a fairy tale. They responded well to those.
"Do you remember the story of Sleeping Beauty? And Snow White?"
They nodded.
"Well, remember we said Mommy was like that? That she was a sleeping princess, but she wasn't going to wake up?"
They nodded again.
"Well….what would you think if Mommy did wake up?"
Their eyes lit up instantly. "Is she awake?" Edward asked excitedly.
"Can we go see her?" Kathryn chimed in.
"She is awake. But you can't se her just yet. Mommy has been…asleep…for five years. That's your whole lives! She needs to time to adjust to it, okay? She's very confused right now and she needs a little time before you can see her."
Kathryn jumped up and stomped her foot. "I want to see Mommy now! Bring us there right now, Daddy!" she yelled.
"Kathryn, what did Daddy tell you about yelling at him? You won't get anything that way." Chakotay said firmly. "Stop acting like a spoiled brat and sit down so we can talk about this."
Kathryn pouted but sat back next to her brother again. "I don't see why we can't go play with Mommy." She muttered. "We never got to play with her before."
"Daddy, I thought you said Mommy was with the sky spirits." Edward said softly. "Did they let her go?"
"Yes. They decided she needed to be with her family."
"Did you kiss her, Daddy? Is that how she woke up, like in the story?" Kathryn said, practically bouncing on the floor.
"No." he smiled. "Actually, you both saved her. Do you remember how I told you why we had to stay on the planet?"
They nodded. "Yes, you said you and Mommy got bit by a bug and it made you sick so you couldn't leave." Kathryn said. "But that you gave me and Edward medicine so that we couldn't get sick."
"That's right. Well, the Doctor gave me medicine when we came onboard Voyager so I couldn't get sick, but when he tried to wake Mommy up, he found out she was still sick."
"Daddy, I thought you said Mommy died when we were born." Kathryn said. "I know you like to make it a fairy tale, but we know what dead means, Daddy. So how could the Doctor wake her up if she's dead? It wasn't the bug that made her dead, it was us."
Chakotay's mouth hung slightly open as he regarded his two small children, who apparently were a lot smarter than he gave them credit for. They knew how Kathryn had 'gone to sleep', and they knew she wasn't coming back, but he didn't realize how thoroughly they knew about death. He cleared his throat. "First of all, I've told you before. You didn't make Mommy dead, er, die. You didn't make her die. She died because she got sick, and no it wasn't from the bug, but it was from something else. It wasn't from you two, so please don't ever think that. You make Daddy sad when you think that." He took a breath. "The Doctor tried to make her better, but he couldn't. So he decided to try other things to make her better. He finally decided to use the blood he took from you two before. Remember that?"
They nodded.
"He used it to make medicine for Mommy, and it worked. So you see, you both woke Mommy up. Isn't that amazing?"
They grinned. "We saved Mommy!" Edward said.
"So can we go see her now?" Kathryn said.
He groaned. "Kathryn, I told you already, we need to let Mommy rest for a little bit, okay? Besides, think of it from Mommy's point of view. When she went to sleep, you were both little babies, younger even than Alixia's son. Now you're so grown up, and Mommy has to prepare herself for that."
She started to pout again, but then she frowned. "Daddy, didn't you say Mommy has the same name as me?"
"Yes, you were named for her."
"Well, now how are we gonna tell us apart?"
Chakotay laughed. "That's a very good question. We'll figure it out, don't worry."
"We could call me Katie. Or Kathy. No, I don't like Kathy. Ooo, call me Kat! No, call me…call me Ariel, like in The Little Mermaid! Oh, Daddy, can we call me Ariel? Please? Plleeasseee?????" Kathryn jumped up and threw herself onto Chakotay's lap. He exchanged a look with Edward, who was more than used to Kathryn's exuberance.
"Honey, Ariel isn't even close to Kathryn."
"Oh, please Daddy? I want to be called Ariel."
"We'll talk about it later."
"Daddy?" Edward said. "Are we going to see other kids like us now? Like Alexia's little boy?"
"When we get to Earth, you'll both probably start school. There will be a lot of kids there for you to play with." He hesitated. They had both adjusted remarkably well so far to being on Voyager, but he had to make sure they knew they weren't going back to the only home they had ever known. "You two know we're going to Earth, right?"
"Yeah, Grandma told us." Kathryn yawned and leaned her head against his chest. Edward scooted over and snuggled up to his father's side. Chakotay wrapped an arm around him. He was surprised they were sleepy already, considering they had just woke up from a nap.
"I need you both to understand something. We're leaving forever. Earth will be our new home now, and it's going to be very different. There will be people everywhere, and a lot of new things that you won't be used to. And we can't come back. I wouldn't say we'll never come back, but it definitely won't be for a long time. We're going to live on Earth."
"You told us already, Daddy." Kathryn said sleepily.
"Yeah, we know." Edward said, equally drowsy. "We don't care, as long as you and Mommy are there."
Now, Chakotay lay on the couch, his eyes on the ceiling as tears rolled down his cheeks. He had been upset when Gretchen came back and told him of her meeting with Kathryn. Luckily, the twins had been asleep again by then, and they hadn't seen either of their distress. He could only hope this was temporary. He hoped Kathryn would accept them. He was sure she would, but he knew Kathryn. She could get into funks that were difficult to pull her out of. He often wondered if her family had a genetic history of depression, because there were times where he thought he wasn't even talking to the same person. Her depressions were terrible. He only hoped she would get past it and welcome her children, as they wanted to welcome her. He was confident that as soon as she laid eyes on them, her heart would melt. After all, they had been enough to keep him sane when Kathryn died. They were special, his kids. Kathryn's kids. And he knew she would realize that, when she gave them that chance.
TBC
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