He was woken up the next morning by a heavy weight on his chest. He slowly opened his eyes to see a pair of blue ones staring at him.

"Can we go see Mommy now?" his daughter whispered.

"No," Chakotay whispered back. "It's too early."

"How do you know?"

"Because Daddy's tired, so it's too early."

"You don't even know what time it is."

"And you do?"

"No. And I tried to get out but the door wouldn't let me."

"That's because I told it not to." He picked his head up enough to see the chronometer panel on the side table. He groaned. "Kathryn, it's not even 0500. Go back to sleep."

"What's 0500 mean?"

"It's how we tell time here. It means five in the morning."

"That's early."

"Yes, and I'm tired. I had a long day yesterday and I want to sleep. And you should to."

"Can I see Mommy if I go back to sleep?"

Chakotay's heart almost broke as he stared up into his little girl's earnest, hopeful face. "You have more of a chance of seeing Mommy if you go back to sleep than you do if you keep Daddy awake."

"Okay." Kathryn slid off the couch and padded back to the bedroom. Her long hair was a mess around her face and her pink nightgown was rumpled, but he thought she had to be the most adorable little girl he'd ever seen. At least he thought so until she turned around at the doorway and scrunched up her face at him. "By the way, Daddy, your breath is stinky." Then she disappeared into the room.

He rolled his eyes, rolled over, and fell back asleep.

He woke up a few hours later with the strange feeling he was being watched. He opened his eyes and this time, a pair of blue and a pair of brown were staring back at him. He groaned.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Daddy, the numbers say oh-nine-zero-zero now. Can we see Mommy?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay rubbed his eyes wearily. He felt like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. "I have to go see her first. Then I have to speak to Tuvok. After that, we'll see."

"What are we gonna do all day while you get to see Mommy?" Kathryn whined.

"You'll play with Grandma, or maybe Neelix will watch you. I don't know, Kathryn." He snapped. "You're not helping me with all of your whining."

While most little girls might have started crying at being scolded, his daughter just glared at him, her eyes like two little balls of blue fire. He knew that those who studied the philosophy of inherent traits and nature vs. nurture would have a field day with his daughter. She had never in her lifetime witnessed the death glare her mother had always used, and yet she could imitate it with uncanny accuracy.

"Well you're not helping us." She spat back at him. "We never got to meet Mommy and you did. So how come you get to see her before us?"

His first thought was that his daughter was in need of serious discipline before they reached Earth. That kind of attitude would never be tolerated at a Federation school. His second thought was that she was right. They, above anyone else, had the right to see Kathryn.

"Well," he said, choosing his words carefully. "Mommy knows me. She's going through a tough time right now, so it's good for her to see a familiar face. But I do agree with you. I think you should get to see your mother. But like I told you yesterday, Mommy needs time to adjust. It's not like you'll never meet her," I hope, he thought. "So please just have some patience. Just please, give me a break, okay?"

Kathryn pouted, but nodded her head. Edward crawled on top of him and sat on his chest, just as Kathryn had a few hours ago. "I want to meet her now." He said firmly.

"Edward-"

"Please, Daddy. I want to meet her now."

Heartbroken, Chakotay ran a hand through Edward's dark hair. "I promise, Buddy. You'll meet her. She's not going anywhere."

Edward looked worried. "Are you sure? Are you sure she won't die again?"

His mouth fell open a little bit. "Is that what you two are worried about? That she'll die again?"

They nodded.

He sighed. "I can't promise you that. People die. Everyone dies. But right now, Mommy is very healthy, and the Doctor says she's going to be just fine. So I think it will be a very long time before she dies. Hopefully, you'll both be very old when that happens."

"Will we die, too?" Edward said.

"I'd like to tell you that you won't but someday, unfortunately, you will. But I know you'll both have long, happy lives. I trust that your mother and I will raise you both so that you appreciate the time we're given to live, and you use it to the fullest. I suppose that's all any parent can hope for."

"And we'll grow to be big like you?"

"Yes. And I hope you both find something you love to do with your lives, and someone to share it with."

"Will I have a baby one day?" Edward asked.

Chakotay suppressed a grin. "Well, girls actually have the babies. So when you grow up and get married, the woman you marry – your wife – will have the baby. But it will be yours, the same way you're both mine."

"Is Mommy your wife?"

"You're so inquisitive today! No, Mommy isn't my wife. But I hope she will be."

"Will I die when I have a baby?" Kathryn asked.

"I certainly hope not." Chakotay said seriously. "What happened to your mother was rare. Very few women die having babies, and if they do, it's usually because they're out of reach of medical care. When you have a baby, I'm sure you'll be in the Federation and have the best doctors. But why are we talking about this? You're both only five; you have so many years ahead of you, more than you realize."

They shrugged. Inwardly, he sighed. He had never thought about things like this when he was five, but then, his twins had until now had such an unusual upbringing and such a tragic beginning that he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. They had been through more in their first five years than he had in his first fifteen.

"How long will we live?" Kathryn asked excitedly. "Will we be a hundred? Two hundred?"

He laughed. "I don't know, honey. No one knows for sure. Listen, why don't you two go get dressed? Your things are still in storage, but use the replicator. Just ask it for clothes. I've already entered your parameters."

"Our what?" Kathryn asked.

He laughed again. The twins were so smart; he sometimes forgot he was talking to two small children and not two adults. "Never mind. Just ask it to give you what you want to wear."

"Okay!" Kathryn jumped up and ran into the bedroom. Edward leaned down and hugged him before following her.

Still chuckling, Chakotay stood up and headed to the bathroom. Maybe things were tough right now, and maybe the situation with Kathryn was a complete shock, but the twins somehow always put him in a good mood. Whatever he didn't have, at least he had them.

He left Kathryn and Edward with Gretchen in her quarters before going to see their mother. "I'm really grateful you're here, Gretchen. It's so kind of you to watch them for me."

She gave him a funny look. "Well, they're my grandchildren. Even if you didn't need me to watch them, I would still steal them from you. You've had five years with them!"

"Well, in that case, you're welcome to them. Have fun." He winked, waved at the kids who had already begun to ignore them in favor of the toys Gretchen had replicated for them, and left for sickbay.

When he got there, Kathryn was sitting up in her biobed, her eyes practically glued to a PADD in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. She didn't look up as he approached, and she jumped in surprise when he said hello.

"Oh!" she blinked and dropped the PADD. "Hi."

He smiled softly, still somewhat in disbelief that after all these years, she was there alive in front of him. "Hi. What are you reading?"

"Some reports on the Dominion War. I had the Doctor ask Tuvok for them. I just wanted to know what we missed over there."

"It was a mess, wasn't it?"

She sighed. "Let's just say, maybe the Maquis had the right idea after all."

He grinned. "High praise. Did you sleep well?"

She smiled wryly. "No, not really. I wasn't really expecting to. The Doctor said my brain was going to pull wonky nonsense on me, and it did."

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't sleep well either. I woke up at five to your daughter sitting on me and staring at me. It was unnerving."

She smiled noncommittally and took a sip of her coffee, not meeting his eyes. He sighed.

"What's going on, Kathryn? Why are you so ambivalent about the children?"

"I'm not ambivalent about the children."

"You are." He insisted. "Your mother told me you didn't even want to hear about them."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, that's not true at all."

"Kathryn."

"Don't give me that tone, Chakotay." She said icily.

"Then what tone would you like me to give you?" he was almost shouting at her now, but he didn't care. "I've got two five year olds who won't leave me alone about you, and a shipload of people who are begging Tuvok to be allowed to see you, and you just want to sit here in isolation and wallow."

"Excuse me, but I woke up maybe twelve hours ago, and you expect me to act like everything is fine?" she shouted back at him. "It doesn't work like that! Have some goddamn compassion! Not everything is about you, or about the children who, by the way, I met for once for about five minutes five years ago. Forget them for a minute and think about me, why don't you? Think about what I'm going through!"

"Well maybe you should tell me what you're going through!"

"Well maybe that's my business!"

"Your business is my business, Kathryn. You're the mother of my children, of our children. Why don't you think about that?"

"What the hell do you think I've been thinking about?"

The Doctor came storming out of his office just then, glaring at the two offenders. "Excuse me, but what is going on here? Captain, I allowed you coffee out of the goodness of my heart, but I will not allow this kind of behavior in my sickbay. Commander, my patient cannot be excited like this. The last thing I need is for her blood pressure to climb like that. Please leave if you can't be in here without arguing."

Chakotay glared at Kathryn, who kept her icy expression. "Fine. I don't want to be here anyway." He turned to walk out of sickbay, then stopped and turned back around again. "You may not think this is important, but if this isn't a temporary problem with you, and for some reason you really are unable to accept Kathryn and Edward…I will take legal action when we get back to the Federation, and I'll make sure you never see them again."

Kathryn's expression didn't change. Furious, he turned and exited sickbay.

The Doctor eyed her curiously. "Captain, if you don't mind my asking, why wouldn't you want to see your children? I understand they're very anxious to see you."

She sighed and leaned back, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I don't suppose you could understand, Doctor. Not unless you had children of your own. I'm not even sure I understand it."

"I did have children of my own, actually."

She frowned and looked up at him. "How is that?"

"It was a suggestion of Kes'. She was always urging me to continue in my quest to become more human, to understand my patients better. I'm sure you remember."

Kathryn smiled softly, remembering the sweet Ocampan girl she had once known. "I do." Her smile faded. "I suppose Kes is dead by now."

"She is. But she led a full life. She had a daughter, you know."

"Did she?"

"Yes. But I'll tell you of her in a moment. You see, Kes thought it would be a good idea for me to know what it was like to have a family. So I made a holographic family of my own. The only problem was, I made them too perfect. B'Elanna told me I would never learn what it was like to really have a family unless I programmed in some…random elements. So she did it for me, and I learned the difficulties of having a family life…but I also learned the joy. Unfortunately, there was an accident…my daughter, Belle, died. It was…it was traumatizing." He said softly.

"I'm so sorry." Kathryn said.

"I decided I didn't want to use the program anymore, not if it was going to bring me that kind of pain. More than a year went by, and I was too preoccupied with the war anyway to think much about it. Then Kes went through the Elogium, and she had a baby. And suddenly, it was all I could think about. I finally decided that the pain of having a family was worth the joy. So I re-initiated the program. And when Dr. Zimmerman was able to create a mobile device for me, I also had him create some for them. I had B'Elanna reconfigure their programs so that they were aware of what they were, and we now live like any ordinary family. We have a house, and my wife Charlene is heavily involved with charitable organizations, and my son Jeffrey went to school at the local high school. He's working on his master's degree now. There was a lot of controversy over holographic rights about all this, but that's not the point right now. The point is, I lost my daughter. I'll never get her back. Sure, I could just re-initialize her program and make it as thought she never died, but that would be cheating, wouldn't it? After all, B'Elanna and Tom can't ever bring their son back, so why should I be any different?"

"B'Elanna and Tom?" She gasped. "Their son? What?"

"Oh. I guess no one has filled you in on what the senior staff went through during the war." He sighed. "B'Elanna and Tom got married, and she soon after became pregnant. San Francisco was attacked in the last days of the war, and B'Elanna went into premature labor during it. He son died shortly after his birth. Tom had been captured by the Cardassians at that point, and wasn't returned until months later. So you see, Captain, your life could be a lot worse."

Kathryn sat in shameful contemplation. B'Elanna and Tom, married…and grieving parents. How lucky she and Chakotay had been, that even so premature, the twins had survived and from all accounts, thrived. "Did she ever have another child?" she asked quietly.

"She did, a daughter. Now she's pregnant with another son. But I know that a million children will never replace the life they lost that day. B'Elanna told me once that when you hold a child inside of you for all those months, it is forever a part of you, and you of it, regardless of who lives and dies. You're a part of those children, Captain. I can vouch that I've never seen a little girl look so much like her mother before. Everything about her mimics you, from her appearance to her mannerisms, even the way she talks. And your son has a look about him that also reminds me of you. So no matter what, there will be two people in this world who will continue a part of Kathryn Janeway forever. Don't you want to be a part of that? Of watching them grow, of guiding them? I confess, I'm having a hard time understanding why you don't want to meet them."

"I don't know. Could something be wrong with me? A side effect from being in stasis for so long?"

He shrugged and opened a tricorder from a nearby table. He scanned her slowly. "No. There's nothing. No chemical imbalance, no brain abnormalities, nothing. Everything is completely normal. By all medical standards, you are a woman who just left stasis. More accurately, you're also a woman who just gave birth." He rubbed his chin. "I would say that you were suffering from post partum depression, if I hadn't already evened out your post-birth hormone levels. I suppose you just need to get used to the idea. I guarantee you'll adore them, though. They're quite charming."

She smiled a little. "I'm sure they are. But tell me, what were you going to say about Kes' daughter?"

"Ah, Alixia. Well, when Kes began to show signs of the Elogium, she immediately came to me about it. She was unsure about whether or not she wanted to have a child. Not because she didn't want one, but because after living all her time among beings with longer life spans than her, she wondered if it was fair to create a new life which would know her for only a handful of years. We weren't sure what the effects of Neelix's DNA would be. Would the child have a longer lifespan? A normal lifespan, by our standards? If so, Kes was sentencing her child to a life more or less without a mother. If not, she was sentencing her child to a short life among a galaxy of beings who would live for far longer. And she was sentencing Neelix to watch his progeny die before him, for many generations. It was a very difficult choice for her to make. Especially during war time. That didn't help her decision at all."

"So how did she decide?"

"She decided that any life was worth no life at all. And even if her child had to live a life without her, it would have its father, and a ship full of people who would love it in her stead. And Neelix, of course, was as supportive as ever. He told Kes that he didn't care how long she or the child lived. Every moment would be precious."

She smiled. "Trust Neelix to know what to say."

"He has his moments. He was, of course, devastated when Kes died last year. We all were. But he has his daughter, and his grandson, and whoever should come after. He'll never be lonely, and he'll always hold fond memories of Kes. It's not how long we have someone in our lives. It's the moments, isn't it?" He leveled his gaze on her. "And it shouldn't matter how much of your children's lives you missed. No, you'll never be able to get that back, and I understand if it makes you sad. But you have now. You have two children who will count on you. You are a mother, Captain. Not acknowledging them won't change that. Your babies didn't die. They're alive and thriving, and they want to know their mother. You should think about that."

"I will." She nodded. "I'll think of everything you said. This…this funk I'm in, it's just temporary, I'm sure. It's just…it's just me re-acclimating. I don't know why I'm being like this, but I'm sure it will pass."

The Doctor patted her hand. "Well, I'm sure it will, especially since you realize it's the wrong attitude to have. Now, if you thought you were in the right behaving this way, then I'd be worried."

"Okay, Doctor. No need to patronize me." She said wryly.

"Sorry, Captain." He grinned. 'Now, get some rest. I'm sure Chakotay will be back soon, ranting and raving and trying to knock some sense into you."

"I'm sure. Thank you, Doctor."

"Of course, Captain. We all want you to get better. Will you want to see the crew today?"

"Not today. Please just give me a little more time."

He nodded reluctantly. "One more day. No more than that."

"Thank you." She watched as he went back into his office. She sighed and picked up the coffee she had set down when she and Chakotay started arguing. Taking a sip, she made a face. "Cold." She said bitterly. "Just like my damn heart."

Chakotay stormed down the corridor. "Damn stubborn obstinate woman," he muttered. Going into the turbolift, he nodded at an unknown ensign who was already in there. "Deck one." He spat out.

"I'm sorry…" the young woman said hesitantly. "But you're Commander Chakotay, aren't you?"

He nodded.

"It's an honor to meet you, sir. I'm Ensign Hansen. I work in Astrometrics."

He frowned. "Voyager doesn't have an Astrometrics lab."

"Voyager was upgraded with one several years ago."

"Ah." He took her in, and suddenly noticed that there was a small metal implant on the side of her face. "I don't mean to be rude, but can I ask what that implant is for?"

She touched the side of her face. "Oh, that's one of the implants Starfleet Medical was unable to remove. I'm a former Borg drone. During the Unimatrix Zero movement a few years ago, I was liberated from the Collective and brought back to Federation space. I underwent intense behavioral modification and physical reconstruction, along with several thousand other Federation citizens who were freed. Unfortunately, I was assimilated as a child, so many of my human biological systems are dependent on Borg regulation implants. That's what this is."

"I'm sorry, I must have missed something. Unimatrix Zero?"

"Yes. It would take too much time to explain, but suffice it to say, the Borg Collective suffered a huge blow when thousands of drones fought against the collective and left. I was one of the lucky ones."

He nodded. "Well, that's certainly something interesting I'll have to read up on. It seems I missed out on quite a bit of Federation history. Thank you, Ensign Hansen."

She smiled coyly. "You may call me Annika, Commander."

He nodded again, uncomfortable now. What the hell was taking the turbolift so long?

"You know, if you'd like to get a drink later, I could tell you more about Unimatrix Zero." She said.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary. I'll be with Captain Janeway later."

"Oh…of course." She said, flustered.

The turbolift came to her deck, and she exited quickly. He sighed with relief. As beautiful as the woman had been, he definitely only had eyes for Kathryn.

And he certainly didn't want to date a former Borg drone, no matter how 'liberated' she was.

He exited the turbolift at the bridge, and nodded at all those who greeted him. "Tuvok, you wanted to see me today?"

Tuvok looked up from a PADD and nodded. "Yes, of course, Commander. Shall we adjourn to the ready room?"

"Yes." He followed Tuvok into the ready room, and accepted the seat he was offered at the desk. "What can I help you with today?"

"I am wondering about the Captain's progress. How is she feeling?"

"Physically, she's fine. Haven't you been to see her?"

"The Doctor asked that only you and her mother be allowed to see her until he feels her mental state is more stable."

Chakotay snorted. "Well, then you'll be waiting a while, Tuvok. Kathryn is less stable than I've ever seen her. She's hostile to me, she won't see the children. I'm at a loss here of what to do. How do I tell them their mother won't see them?"

Tuvok leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "It is in my experience with Captain Janeway that whenever something happens to cause her emotional distress, she turns into herself. That is especially true when she feels guilt."

"Guilt?" Chakotay asked, surprised. "What would she have to feel guilty about?"

"The fact that she was not here to see her children grow might make her feel guilty."

"That's ridiculous. That was through no fault of her own."

"I have learned that human emotions are hardly logical. It may seem 'ridiculous' for her to feel that way to you, but to her, those feeling may be very real and very detrimental. In time, I am sure she will put them aside and welcome her children. She is not the kind of woman to reject her own."

"I hope not." Chakotay sighed. "I would hate to have to-"

"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

Frowning, Chakotay answered. ""Yes, Doctor?"

"Please come to sickbay immediately. There is a medical emergency concerning your daughter."

Chakotay vaulted out of his chair and flew out the door.