Stan and Kyle had a very special friendship. One they even had to give its own original name, because people always thought they were dating or something stupid like that.
Of course, even though they told everyone who asked that, no, it was just plutonic and yes, they were both quite interested in girls, Cartman never bought it just for the sake of making fun of them.
No, it wasn't just that Cartman thought it was an easy jab at them both, especially Kyle. Cartman maybe thought every now and then, when his mind had nothing better to do, that Kyle and Stan really did have something going on there that went beyond the definition of, 'friend'.
As it would turn out, Cartman was the only person who had it right.
Eric found this out when skipping his World History class one day. They were doing a bit on the Holocaust, and of course Cartman already knew everything the teacher was going to say, and more, so the class was useless to him.
While wandering the halls and questioning the ratio of distance and time between the school and the closest fast food place to get back before the bell rang, Mrs. Garrison needed to have something copied and had to go to the library copier to do so. Thinking quickly, Cartman ducked into the boy's locker room before Mrs. Garrison could spot him.
Cartman practically jumped out of his skin when he heard faint shuffling behind him and a tiny mumble, thinking automatically it was the creepy coach who supposable looked up and down kids on the swim team while doing drills. He wasn't even the swim coach, god.
But as he whipped around, wondering if humans had a camellia trait that would make him change into the color of the walls, he didn't see anything.
But still, he heard… something. He listened more, realizing it was the movement of fabric, and, yes…
The sound of lips on skin.
How, Cartman wondered, he knew the definite sound of lips on skin, was unknown. But he recognized it. And, smirking, he knew that it could be used.
So he crept towards the sound as quietly as possible so as not to disturb whoever it was. He felt oddly like a guy who tracks down animals and studies their habitat and movement. Careful, silent, so they didn't run away.
He stopped on the second to last row of lockers, pinpointing the noises to the other side. He peeked around the corner to see just what and who it was.
And sure enough, he had to quickly step back around to try not to laugh and puke at the same time.
"What was that…?"
"Mm?"
"That noise- Oh, shit, come on, cut it out, I think someone might be in here."
Cartman could hear it so much clearer now… The wet, lazy pull of Stan's lips off of Kyle's collar bone. Stan's finger's clumsily tugging at shit buttons. So that's why Kyle all of a sudden changed from T-Shirts to button-downs.
There was a moment of tense silence and Cartman stopped breathing, praying to Mel Gibson that they didn't see him through the bars of the locker doors.
"…No, I don't think so. Stop worrying so much."
A wet noise could be heard, and Cartman could barely make out through the bars Stan's teeth lightly barring down on Kyle's neck. And right after, a very… peculiar noise from Kyle. Cartman tried not to laugh, realizing for the first time that Kyle was clearly playing catcher.
Cartman watched still, and noticed that he had his camera phone with him. He made a mental note to go home and thank his mother a thousand times for paying extra for the camera phone. He grinned and silently flipped open his phone just as Stan finally got the last button of Kyle's shirt undone.
Then, in their most glorious moment, Cartman silently caught the shot of Stan biting Kyle's bottom lip with his fingers working at Kyle's pants' button. The best part, Cartman decided as he left the locker room still admiring the picture, was Kyle's face, flushed to an amazing shade of red, brows furrowed with pleasure, completely subdued.