A/N: This one was typed around midnight. So again please forgive any gross errors and let me know about them.

The phrases in bold print are Zetsu's black half speaking.

Phrases in italics are Deidara's thoughts.

Random words in any of those fonts are just for emphasis.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am not making any money out of this (not that anyone would pay me for it).

Warning: ZetsuDei, if you stand on one leg and squint.

Enjoy : )

Night. The sun has set a while ago and one would think that it would be cooler without it but no. It's still boiling, stifling in fact and the dark is filled with the buzzing and chirping of insects. Tobi's old fan has long ago been snatched by another member (it is currently strategically situated on Hidan's stomach). The blond lies askew on his bed with all modesty set aside and is trying to find a position in which the minimum amount of skin is in contact with the sweaty sheets. This is somewhat inconvenienced by the mosquitoes; those "little shits" have a way of walking feather-lightly on his skin just as Deidara's relaxing and sending him in convulsions to get them off before they bite him. Needless to say, he's not getting a lot of sleep.

"Urgh"

Said blond rolls off his bed and hits the floor heavily. He lies on the cool stones wondering if climbing back up is really worth the effort and decides that the floor is more comfortable. Five minutes later Deidara sneezes. Half of him is cold, pressed on the stones, and the other half practically steams from his sweat. Shower? Nah, too wet, the mosquitoes cluster in the bathroom and gang up on any idiot that goes in. Seriously, un, they should be sued for harassment. Kazuku tried once but the Leader wouldn't hear of it. A walk? Too much effort. A drink? Hm. Deidara lifts his hands and checks his palms, their tongues are hanging out and they are panting like little dogs. Alright then.

He rolls over on his stomach and lets it cool for a bit before heaving himself up; and remembers to put on something just before opening the door.

A solitary shadow traipses down the corridors with a flip-floppy noise. It opens one of a few identical doors and quickly closes it again. Muffled cursing is heard. It opens the next one along and, after a cautious glance inside, goes in straight to a counter. A cupboard gets open and a mug set on the counter. Then the shadow reaches to the side and rummages to bring out a small box of something. A drawer yields a teaspoon after some persuasion. Another shape is sat on one of the stools at the bar and watches silently.

Deidara opens the bottle of milk and pours a generous amount in his mug. The brown powder at the bottom clumps and fails to dissolve. Unaware, the blond chugs the unmixed mixture and nearly spits it across the counter.

Zetsu sips at his drink meditatively. He is leaning back against the bar and watching Deidara trying (and failing) to make a cup of cocoa. Honestly. It's not that hard, Deidara's blondness must finally have gotten to his head. Both halves grin at the swearwords emanating from the other half of the room.

"Do you think he actually knows what he's doing?

- I think he just grabbed whatever was in front of him; he's checking the box.

- And he can't read either.

- Does he need glasses?

- Nah, he just chucks his bombs at whatever is moving. No need to see well for that."

The halves' whispered conversation doesn't carry far enough to alert Deidara, who is still engrossed trying to read size 6 writing with little to no moonlight. He's holding the package half an inch from his nose and nearly going cross-eyed. White Zetsu finds it cute. Black Zetsu decides to end his suffering for the sake of his other half.

"It's cocoa powder"

Deidara jumps around and drops the box. He looks like a deer caught in headlights. Or a thief found in front of a safe.

"Oh! It's you, un.

- It's me.

- What are you doing here?"

Zetsu raises his glass. It's filled with a darkish liquid which glints sinisterly. He smiles slightly and two white canines peek from under his upper lip. Deidara makes an educated guess and gulps visibly. Black Zetsu is enjoying this too much for his own good.

"It's tomato juice.

- Oh.

- What did you think it was?

- Err...

- Never mind. What are you trying to make?

- ...Something to drink. I'm parched, un.

- That's not how you mix cocoa. You have to do it gradually.

- You do it if you're so smart."

Zetsu slides from the stool to the floor and walks over. The moonlight glints on his skin as he crosses the room and drains his glass. Deidara steps back to allow him to reach in the cupboard and get another mug out. He can see Zetsu's back with the patches of plant trailing down to his waist when the man turns to find some sugar, they intermingle smoothly with his muscles and gradually fade in the skin leaving a trail of spots behind. Then he turns back round and sets a pack of sugar on the counter.

"You watching? This is how you do a good cup of chocolate."

Deidara watches as White Zetsu explains that you have to mix sugar and cocoa powder in equal proportions if you don't like bitter tastes. He pours a ridiculously small amount of milk in the mug and leans against the counter while mixing it in.

"You really have to do it slowly. Make a paste and then dilute it, that's the best method to avoid clumping."

He does so and after a while hands the blond a cup of cold cocoa, slightly frothy at the top.

"Now, what do you say to the nice man?"

Deidara sips and slurps as Zetsu washes the other mug while glancing at him from time to time. It's really strange because half his face looks anticipant and the other irritated. The blond cannot decide what to think of it. After all, he already has to process that the notorious man-eating, bloodthirsty plant of the feared Akatsuki just gave him a lesson in cocoa-mixing. And drinks tomato juice.

"What time is it, un?"

Zetsu looks out of the window:

"About two in the morning."

Deidara yaws and sets the mug down.

"I really need to sleep. Thanks for the drink, un.

- About time. You're welcome."

Zetsu watches as the blond leaves the kitchen with a little wave of his hand and closes the door behind him.

"He left me his mug to wash.

- You don't have to do it for him.

- Yeah."

Still, he washes the mug and the spoon and puts the stuff back in the cupboards because Leader dislikes having things disorganised.

Deidara shudders as he leaves the cool kitchen and flip-flops back to his room. The blond strips and notices that his sheets have had time to dry. The mosquitoes have gone off to bug someone else; he shuts the window and wonders whether he should go steal Tobi's fan back. Too much effort, un. Anyway it's cooler now.

Epilogue:

Deidara managed to blissfully drop off half an hour later only to be woken at six in the morning by a Tobi hyper from a fever dream, at which point Kisame (who lives across the corridor) had to intervene and prevent him from testing an entirely new method of death by asphyxiation. Tobi escaped with a mouthful of clay and the Leader had a headache for the rest of the day.

A/N: I'm not satisfied with the ending but I really couldn't think of anything else. Any suggestions?