Note: I've been watching too much Monty Python lately and I've decided to expand the genre of this fanfic so it's not just going to be taking place during Sonic Adventure 2…
If I didn't…this skit wouldn't sound funny…
Ah, one more thing…this isn't character bashing…I'm just getting back at a certain muse for attacking me with a baseball bat. Because of that, I'm going to be as evil towards him as I can…
Note: If there are any Shadow Fans in the audience…don't form a mob and/or attack me. (Hides)
Authoress Responses:
Silver Horror: Nice to know you like reading it. Thanks for the review!
shade2light3: Thanks!
Sassy-Sunspark: I can handle most spicy foods except for Fire Taco Sauce. I've had a BAD experience with the stuff… (Shudders at the memory) Thanks for the review!
Queen of the Sacred Flames: Okay, here's another chapter! Thank you!
amyrosefreak10: Hehehe…I'll see what I can attempt for that scenario you suggested… Thanks for the review!
Dark Dragon Kyra: Okay, I updated! Thanks for the review!
LoneGunGirl88: I agree Sonic and Shadow's rivalry can be out of control…thanks for stalling them and reviewing!
Ark Misadventures
#6: Dead Hedgehog Sketch
(Based on the Dead Parrot Routine)
It was an average day…average time…in Station Square, Mobius…
…well…technically it wasn't since Dr. Robotnik was storming towards a boutique with a cage that had an arm sticking out of it that he discreetly shoved back in before entering.
Sitting at the desk was a white bat who was sitting cross legged with her feet on the counter as she read a magazine titled "Seventeen". She didn't quite notice Robotnik even as he stood in front of her.
"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint…" Robotnik said aloud. Not getting a response he knocked on the counter. "Hello Ma'am?"
"Who are you calling Ma'am?" Rouge asked, tossing the newspaper aside to glare at the doctor.
"Err, sorry I have a cold…" Robotnik coughed before holding up the sack. "I'd like to register a complaint, if you don't mind…"
"Oh, I'm sorry; we're closing for lunch-…." Rouge tried to excuse herself when she spotted the cage.
"NEVER MIND THAT," The doctor snapped, cutting her off. "I wish to make a complaint about this here HEDGEHOG which I purchased not thirty minutes ago from this very boutique!"
With that he pulled out a certain black and red hedgehog (by the neck) who's eyes were currently 'X's and his tongue was lolling out.
"Oh, I see, Shadow the Hedgehog! What's wrong with him?" Rouge asked, curiously.
"I'll tell you what's wrong with him…" Robotnik paused for effect. "He's DEAD. That's what's wrong with him."
"No, no, he's resting…" Rouge pointed out.
"Look, BAT GIRL, I know a DEAD HEDGEHOG when I see one and I am looking at one RIGHT NOW!" Robotnik held up the corpse, irritated.
"No sir, he's resting." Rouge replied.
"RESTING!"
"Yeah, remarkable character he is; he's the Ultimate Life Form don't you know…"
"The 'ULTIMATE LIFEFORM' crap doesn't enter into it, HE'S STONE DEAD!"
"No, no, he's slumbering for sure!"
"…" Robotnik shot her a look before glancing at the hedgehog he was holding onto. "Alright then…if he's resting, as you suggest, I'll have to wake him up then…!"
With that, Robotnik held up the corpse and screamed right in his ear: "HELLO HEDGIE! I'VE GOT A CHAOS EMERALD FOR YOU IF YOU WAKE UP! WAKEY-WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!"
Rouge tapped the hedgehog towards Robotnik as he was busy shouting. "There, he moved!"
"No he didn't! You just tapped him!"
"I did not!" Rouge protested.
"YES YOU DID!"
"I DID NOT!"
"YES YOU DID AND I'LL PROVE IT!" Robotnik snapped before grabbing Shadow by the legs, hoisting the limp form upside down, and screaming into one of the black-pelted ears. "HELLO HEDGIE! HEDGIE HEDGEHOG, WAKE UP!"
…before slamming Shadow's head onto the counter like he would a baseball bat…
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
"HEEEEEEEEEDGIEEEEEEEEEEE!"
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
"TESTING-TESTING-TESTING!"
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
"THIS IS YOUR 50-YEAR-LATE ALARM CALL!"
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
Then he dropped the limp form onto the floor where he remained motionless and continued having those same X's over his eyes.
KER-THUD!
"Now that's what I call a dead hedgehog…" Robotnik snorted.
"…you just stunned him…" Rouge murmured after a long pause.
"STUNNED!"
"Hedgehogs stun very easily, you probably stunned the poor fellow just as he was waking up…"
"Look, I've had just about enough of this!" Robotnik snapped, picking up Shadow from the floor and dumping the corpse onto the counter. "When I purchased this hedgehog not too long ago, YOU assured me that the reason for his lack of movement was that he was worn out from falling through the atmosphere and smashing a roof through your shop!"
"Well…he's far away from his home on the Ark, which is in outer space, so he must be homesick…"
"HOMESICK? WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT!" Eggman grabbed the corpse by the throat and shook him. "Then WHY did he fall FLAT on his back the moment I let him out of the cage!"
"Shadow prefers lying on his back if that's what you want to know…" Rouge dismissed him.
"Well…I took the liberty of examining him and I found the only reason why he didn't free himself, was because his gloves were stapled to the side of the cage…"
"I did you a favor. If he wasn't stapled there, he would've attacked the side of the cage with his Chaos Abilities, broken out, and go VOOM!"
There was a stunned and irritated silence from Robotnik as he looked at Shadow then back at Rouge. Then he went right in her face and shouted: "VOOM?"
"Yes, voom…" Rouge replied, trying to keep her cool.
Robotnik immediately twitched.
"This hedgehog wouldn't go VOOM if 4 Million Volts were sent through him!" The doctor roared; his face beet red as he released the hedgehog. "He's bleeding DEMISED! This hedgehog is NO MORE! He has CEASED TO BE! He's expired and gone to MEET HIS MAKER! This…is an ex-…HEDGEHOG!"
And Shadow just fell to the floor as if to affirm Robotnik's statement…
THUD!
Rouge glanced at Robotnik with a disturbed expression before nodding. "Okay then, I'll replace him …" With that, she disappeared under the counter.
"If you want anything done in this town, you'd have to complain until your mouth turns blue…" Robotnik grumbled towards nobody in particular before Rouge popped back up.
"Sorry, we're fresh out of hedgehogs at the moment…" She said with a sheepish expression.
"Oh, I see…I see…" Robotnik folded his arms. "I see how it is…"
He was about to walk off before Rouge continued.
"I've got a slug!"
"……Well that scarcely replaces a hedgehog doesn't it?"
"Okay, if you go over to Tikal's boutique she'll replace Shadow for you…" Rouge said, handing a business card over to Robotnik. Robotnik studied it before shrugging, stuffing Shadow back into the cage, and walking out.
Momentarily, a snicker came from the white bat.
"Nice doing business with you…I wonder how long it will take for that fat-man to figure out where I sent him?"
Meanwhile…
Eggman finds himself at the top of Mt. Everest…
"HEY! WHO THE HECK IS SUPPOSED TO REPLACE THIS HEDGEHOG UP AT THIS ALTITUDE!"
End…
Imperfection07: I said I'd update, and here we are. I hope everyone enjoyed it!
Shadow: (walking in/holding ice pack) why does my head feel like it's been used in a game of Baseball?
Imperfection07: THAT is the result of chasing me around the room with aluminum baseball bat.
Sonic: Well...I think your punchline sucked...
Imperfection07: (Irritated) Alright then, if you don't like it...
(Time Passes)
Sonic: (Walks out of TV room before twitching and...) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (Runs into distance)
Imperfection07: Okay...maybe I shouldn't have forced him to watch Ju-On/The Ring/and Shutter all in one go...wait...I don't even have Shutter!
(Scratching noise from window)
Imperfection07: (Pupils shrink) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Runs away)
Please Review!