A/N: Hi... The one about Tidus is not my greatest work, so please ignore that one. I think I didn't play FFX yet when I wrote that... So that might explain why it sucks. All the Al Bhed language in the "Ya Virus!" was written by me without a translator. I'm so proud of myself... Thank you, readers for using your precious time to read my stories... Please make reviews for me if you have time, so I'll be able to know what you guys want to read, if I should take out my stories, and the like. I took out the Ya virus a lot of times... I placed it in F-zero, then rated it wrong, then forgot to edit twice, so I took it out and reposted the story like... around 4 times...
-The not-so-hyper-anymore Al Bhed Jokester-
Ps. I'm ACTUALLY tired...
(A/N: This'll be weird, but Baralai and Gippal will be partners in crime. Meaning, they will play pranks now and then.)
Nooj was sitting still on the floor of the ship, since Paine was doing his hair. Kinda odd isn't it? Paine actually having the guts to TOUCH NOOJ'S HAIR! Well, Gippal found blackmail material in Paine's sphere collection. There's this sphere they stole that was actually a recording when Paine was a baby... Baralai found one of Nooj in Nooj's own personal collection... Was it pretty? I'll... leave it to your own imagination. So anyway, they somehow managed to convince Paine to fix Nooj's hair while Nooj sat still, or else they'll produce copies of the blackmail spheres and hand them out to people in Spira. Gippal smirked at Nooj.
"Hey, at least you won't look like some scary girl with all that hair in your face." joked Gippal. (A/N: I thought Nooj was a girl first time I saw him... I thought he was a girl until Auin told me Nooj was a guy... Then I head Nooj speak... yup, Nooj's a guy...)
"Shut up you eye-patched man!" said Nooj.
"Nooj... You might want to work on your comebacks..." said Gippal
"What are you talking about, dumb blond!" yelled Nooj.
"Practice your comebacks..." reminded Gippal.
"What? Can't you see that I'm better than you even if you change my now-very-healthy-body with metal replacements! Oh wait... You can't see very well huh, with the eyepatch and all..." tried Nooj.
"That's kinda sad, you know? Hey! Paine's done!" interrupted Baralai.
"I can't take it anymore! I did a few braids! I'm sleepy! DO YOU THINK I CAN FIX HAIR!" yelled Paine exasperatedly.
"Well, I think that's enough for today... and maybe I think I know why you have short hair. Short hair IS a lot easier to take care of then long hair..." obsevered Baralai.
"Yes, enough for today. Maybe next time I'll get my hands on spheres with YOUR embarassing moments or something..." muttered Nooj.
Paine got up and went into the cabin and disappeared. Probably to write in her journal (A/N: Check Jet Bunny, cuz she's managed to place Paine's Journal, YES! PAINE'S ACTUAL JOURNAL, as a fanfic on this site. If you're too lazy to go to search, just check my favorite authors for Jetbunny.) or sleep and trying to forget what happened. Gippal, however, took the sphere camera and started recording Nooj with his new hairstlye.
"Think ladies will dig the new Nooj?" asked Gippal jokingly.
"What about... Well, we already know WHO we're talking about right?" added Baralai.
"Who?" asked Nooj coldly.
"Aw man, isn't it obvious! She's in love with you! I bet she'll have a statue made after you or something cuz she's got one big obsession over you!" Gippal said.
"Which is quite the odd thing... I don't understand how or why girls will dig Nooj over me! Baralai can get girls with his good manners and etiquette or whatever that was called... But Nooj!" thought Gippal.
Meanwhile...
"I want you to make a statue of the man in the picture I'll hand to you, and it better be ready when I'm back or else you could say goodbye to your lovely um... Well, I'm just gonna be real mad and I can't tell how much damage I'll cause but whatever. Just get the statue ready. Goodbyeeeeeee!" rang a crazy blonde.
(A/N: No, not Tidus. Not Brother either. A female blonde. And no, not Rikku either. The blonde's not Al Bhed. Give up? Well it's Le Blanc of couse!)
Back to the Crimson Squad's place...
"Let's call it a day and rest, huh?" suggested Gippal.
"I'm looking forward to it." agreed Baralai.
"Sleep! Who need sleep! I am the deathseeker! I don't need sleep!" yelled Nooj.
"Yeah, he needs medical attention..." whispered Gippal to Baralai.
Baralai chuckled politely, then went to his room to go to sleep. Gippal followed suit and went to sleep as well. I don't really care about Nooj... But let's say that when everyone woke up, Nooj was found sprawled on the floor...
Early in the morning, Baralai woke up. He's always been the first to wake up, and today was no different. He went out of his room, and noticed that Nooj was sprawled on the floor. "...again?" he said to himself. The thing on the ground snorted and turned in his sleep.
Later, Paine woke up as well but she just wrote in her journal. She didn't really have much to do anyway... Then she heard a LOUD yawn which could only mean that Gippal was awake. Paine sighed and put on her regular clothes. She walked outside and found Gippal walking sleepily in his pajamas.
"Um... Gippal?" called Baralai uncertainly. "Well, GOOD Morning du oui duu!" spoke Gippal sleepily, and he was swaying while he walked. "Uh oh... Gippal's talking Enlish and Al Bhed in one sentence... AND he's walking in in pajamas... Something's going to happen..." thought Paine as she watched Gippal from a safe distance. Gippal was walking towards Nooj, but apparently didn't seem to notice. "Um, Gippal..." said Baralai but he really didn't know what to do. "Fryd? Nothing's wrong with me... Aah!" went the formerly sleepy Gippal. Gippal woke up when he stepped on Nooj's face. "Ew... E cdabbat uh Nooj..." (I stepped on Nooj...) he said with great disgust. Nooj snorted and stood up. He was a mess... as usual. The only difference now was that he had a footprint on his face, courtesy of Gippal.
"Well, that woke you two up!" said Baralai cheerfully. "Tch!" went Paine stroking her sword, "I could've woken them up too y'know... I just have t-" "If you do that, we'll be missing two members for the Crimson Squad!" interrupted Baralai. "Tch!" repeated Paine. "Hey, uh... Now that we're awake... What's for breakfast?" asked Gippal. Paine checked their food provisions and noticed they were gone. "Hey, we've run out..." said Paine.
At that moment, Nooj burped loudly. "Say excuse me, Nooj!" yelled Baralai angrily,"Don't you have any manners!" he continued. Gippal and Paine, however, were too busy glaring at Nooj. Nooj was too busy... plotting his own death to care. "Gippal, Baralai... We don't have food thanks to some pig here..." Paine whispered to both of them then glared at Nooj.
"Hey, I know! We'll go hunting for food!" suggested Baralai. Gippal and Paine looked at Baralai as they would to Nooj. "Well, Nooj DID eat everything... We can leave him here to protect the base while we find something to eat!" explained Baralai. "I wouldn't leave Nooj here to protect a thing!" argued Paine and Gippal at the same time. "Well, we've certainly have nothing to lose since Nooj just finished our food provisions. Besides, I think Gippal knows the way around this desert... right?" asked Baralai. "Eh? What? Me?" asked Gippal really surprised. "Uh no, Gippal... Baralai was busy talking to Nooj. YES YOU DAMMIT!" said Paine. "Fine..." grumbled Gippal.
So Paine, Gippal, and Baralai went on their little hunting trip. Somehow, they ended up in a village where Paine and Baralai happily stayed, bargaining for various objects. Paine, for example, was buying weapons (of mass destruction or for using on Nooj, I don't know) and Baralai tried buying normal food and rat poison... as if you find any rats in the desert. (A/N: MAYBE he's finally flipped and has forgotten about his politenessness and wants to kill Nooj too!)
Gippal wanted to explore the desert... and check if they was any useful machina buried in the sand. Gippal walked over this sand dune, checked the hole in that area, dug up a hole here, and couldn't find anything.
"Man... this sucks..." he sighed as he sat down on a round rock. Gippal stretched and then kept his hands on the rock to observe the prints he made in the sand. "Hey... why's the rock feel smooth...? It's TOO smooth to be a rock..." he commented as he glanced at the rock.
At that moment, the "rock" shook a bit... Then it started to rise. Turns out, the "rock" was some gigantic machina. It's an airship! "Woah! This is sooo cool!" Gippal yelled happily.
"I knew I could find machina here! I am Gippal!" he bragged while standing on the "rock" which turned out to be the cockpit of the airship. "Rao! Kad uvv dra creb!" (Hey! Get off the ship!) yelled a male voice from the cockpit. Gippal looked down and saw two people in the cockpit. "Syi E zueh oui kioc?" (May I join you guys?) asked Gippal. The two people glanced at each other and shrugged, then opened a small door for Gippal to enter.
With Paine and Baralai...
"No Paine, we can't take it!" argued Baralai. "And why NOT?" challeneged Paine. "Um... We don't have the space for it and..." Baralai reasoned. "Yeah and?" interrupted Paine. "What's the point of using all our money to buy nuclear missiles!" asked Baralai exasperatedly. "I have my reasons." Paine replied coldly. "Not that again... I know you've been trying to suppress your anger and it started to build up... But buying nuclear missiles just to kill Nooj is already insane!" Baralai reasoned. "FINE! We WON'T buy them!" Paine said and walked off. Baralai sighed and followed Paine to make sure she wouldn't buy any more things they didn't need.
All of a sudden... BOOM!
"What was that?" asked Baralai. He was pretty calm compared to the freaked out mob running around Paine and him.
"I don't know. We'd better be prepared..." replied Paine and she drew her sword out.
More people became frantic at the sight of Paine's sword and started trampling random things or incredibly slow moving creatures, like Hypellos.
"Wow... I was pretty sure the ground was soft... and not so blue..." commented Baralai as he observed the ground.
"...Whatever." replied Paine.
Then a air ship came out and stomped in front of them. It aimed spotlights at Baralai and Paine and drew out its many weapons. Baralai finally drew out his weapon and the both of them (Paine and Baralai) waited for the machina's next move...
(A/N: Okay... this is the confusing bit... For some reason, Paine and Baralai froze... I just looked away for a moment and looked back and found the both of them still as stone. O.O;; "Um... I promise I won't do that again... I'll keep my eyes glued, and I'll-" )
Hello? Uh... This is tsubame7 substituting for The Stupid Al Bhed Dum-dum... Lee (The Hyper Al Bhed Jokester) went out of his hiding place where he writes and decides what happens in the story... But it looked like he disappeared... I suppose we'll see him later. I'll be in charge for now.
---
"Zzzzz..." snored Nooj.
BOOM!
"Zzzzzz... Wha?" asked Nooj 5 minutes later.
BOOM!
Nooj stumbled up and yawned and tried to look for where the noise was coming from, but since he was sleepy and had a hard time.
BOOM!
Nooj thought the sound came from behind him and checked and then...
SPLAT!
The machina landed on Nooj, pinning him on the ground painfully. The machina settled down and opened a door...
"Fro tet oui kioc tu dryd du sa vneatc!" (Why did you guys do that to my friends!) yelled an angry Gippal.
"Cunno..." (Sorry...) apologized the man.
"Buubea rayt..." (Poopie head...) muttered the girl.
Gippal helped the girl carry the petrified Paine out of the... Let's call it a ship, okay? So anyway... Gippal and the girl were carying Paine while the man was carrying the petrified Baralai. When the placed Baralai and Paine on the ground, the girl took out some Al Bhed potions and used it on them. Paine and Baralai shook their heads and stood up.
"Who are you people!" demanded Baralai.
"I'm Rikku!" said Rikku cheerfully, "And the person who turned you into stone's Brother..." she added and pointed at Brother.
"...who?" asked Baralai and Rikku realized she wasn't pointing at anyone.
"Rao... Fryd tu fa tu fedr drec?"(Hey... What do I do with this?) asked Brother and carried out a statue from the airship.
Everyone stared at the statue when Brother placed the statue down...
"HEY!" yelled a voice.
"That sounds like Nooj..." commented Gippal.
"Look! He's pinned under the ship!" commented Baralai
"Great! Let's leave him there!" commented Paine.
"I'm in great PAIN! I can't move my leg and my arm..." whined Nooj
"Wait! Before we rescue him, what'll we do with the statue?" asked Rikku.
"What statue?" asked Brother and they all noticed the statue disappeared.
(In the shadows...)
"Wow... this statue sure looks like Lee... Maybe it is Lee... Hey Lee! Can you hear me?"
"Wait, he can't talk... Good thing I snatched an Al Bhed potion... Here ya go..."
"Tsubame7! What're you doing here!"
"Would you rather stay a statue? Maybe I should turn you back and do the world a favor..."
"No wait! Thanks for bringing me back..."
"That's it? Just a "Thank you"?"
"Maybe next time I won't help you at all..."
(Back to the story...)
"Brother, get the machina off him!" yelled Gippal
"Why!" asked Paine.
"Didn't you read the handbook? We have to keep all members alive, no matter how much you hate them." sighed Baralai.
Brother managed to get the airship off Nooj and landed somewhere near by.
"Oh the pain..." moaned Nooj.
"It looks serious... The blood's building up in his arm and leg... We have to amputate..." said Baralai after observing Nooj.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do this..." siad Paine and brought out her sword, smiling for the first time.
"We'll need to replace those limbs, ya know?" added Gippal.
"..." thought everybody.
"Wait! I know! Paine bought all these metallic objects for stuff... I think she was planning to make a home-made rocket launcher..." yelled Baralai excitedly.
"Okay! Cid's kids and I'll take care of that!" replied Gippal and the Al Bhed left entered the airship to make replacement limbs. (The stuff Paine and Baralai bought were still in there... Just if you're curious why they entered the airship)
"Aaaaah! The pain!" Nooj moaned
Paine smirked and raised her sword. Baralai shut his eyes and turned his back on them.
"I've always... ALWAYS wanted to do this." commented Paine.
"Aaaaah! Paine!" yelled Nooj in horror.
Paine set her sword down and sliced Nooj's left leg and arm off.
"Aaaaah!" yelled Nooj then he went unconscious.
Paine told Baralaihe could look already, and he used an X-potion on Nooj.
"Hey! Look's like we're on time!" commented Gippal, while watching Baralai checking the wounds of Nooj.
"Just making sure they're not bleeding anymore!" explained Baralai.
Gippal snapped his fingers and Rikku and Brother came running with a metal leg and arm.
"Alright... Let's go and fix 'im up!" yelled Brother excitedly.
Gippal kneeled down beside Nooj and attached the leg and arm. Gippal then stood up to check his work.
"It's not that bad." commented Baralai.
"It's almost as if nothing happened." commented Paine.
"Really? Man, I'm good!" commented Gippal.
"RAO! WAKE UP!" (Hey! WAKE UP!) yelled Brother and kicked Nooj over.
"What's your problem!" yelled Nooj and he struggled to stand up and hit Brother who was on his left side.
Nooj COULDN'T stand up properly... It looked like he was trying to swim on the land or something. Nooj tried another way of standing up, but he ended up on his left side. He moved his legs which made him look like he was walking AND he was moving in a circle... on the ground.
"..." was everyone's reaction.
Later there was a burst of laughter from everyone, including Paine.
"Help me up!" whined Nooj.
"Only LeBlanc'll do that!" yelled Paine.
"Speaking of LeBlanc..." muttered Gippal. Gippal motioned to Baralai and they both helped Nooj up.
Paine, Rikku, and Brother complained about losing their only form of entertainment in miles.
Gippal handed Nooj his walking stick to keep him up.
"Hey... LeBlanc's not gonna like Noojie Woogie being bullied..." teased Gippal.
"Yeah!" agreed Baralai.
Gippal placed an arm around Nooj. "Okay... You're just lucky nobody's got a spherecam around, eh?" he continued.
Gippal winked at Paine who took out a spherecam while Nooj wasn't looking.
"Hey Gippal! Guess what Noojie Woogie makes me think of?" asked Baralai mischiviously.
"Gee... I wonder..." Gippal replied.
"Well..." said Baralai and placed an arm around Nooj as well. "It just makes me want to do something..." he continued.
"Oh! You mean this!" asked Gippal and grabbed Nooj and got him into a headlock.
"Noogie!" he yelled with a smirk on his face.
"WEDGIE!" yelled Baralai as he gave Nooj a wedgie... which was quite amazing because of the metal leg...
"Ladies and Gentlemen... You have just seen the Noogie Wedgie, performed by Baralai and I!" Gippal announced to the camera after letting go of Nooj.
Gippal looked back to check on Nooj who fell while stuggling to fix his hair and he also had to suffer a wedgie.
Baralai squatted beside Nooj. He smiled and waved at the camera when Paine got near.
"Alright... Got it!" announced Paine triumphantly.
"Yeah! More blackmail material!" cheered Gippal.
"Send us a copy... We gotta go soon... It's almost Rikku's bedtime..." sighed Brother as Rikku complained.
"Alright... See ya!" said Gippal as he waved Good-bye to them.
Brother and Rikku left in thier airship and the Crimson squad realized how dark it was.
"I'm getting sleepy myself..." yawned Baralai. He went to his room to go to sleep.
"Yeah, I gotta go wake up early tomorrow..." Paine said and went to her room and wrote out her wrath and kept her sanity in her diary.
"Oh well... I suppose I'd better go too." muttered Gippal and went to his room to sleep.
"Guys? Anyone? I'm still here..." called out Nooj as the lights in everyone's rooms went out.
"Hello? Don't leave me here... There's sand everywhere! This could cause scratches on my metal arm and leg! I want it to look brand new! Anyone? Get me up at least? Hello?" he continued uselessly.
Yeah... That's it! Thanks, tsubame7 for taking over when I turned into a statue momentarily... Yeah. What should I write now? I know! You! You tell me what to write! Just include it in your reviews and I'll do it if inspiration comes and hits me on the head. ;; Anyway, thanks for reading! Would ya guys believe I started this this in April and post it in December? XD