Gabriel is such a quiet baby. Even when upset he whimpers quietly so as not to wake the pair that have centered their lives around caring for him. Instead, as he wakes in the wee hours of the morning, his stubby fingers grab at the blue blanket covering him. He makes little noise, but still he hears footsteps in the hall outside his room within seconds.
She pads into the room, not even bothering with the light. "Oh Sweet Baby, it's okay," she coos softly, picking him up out of the crib and cradling him against her blue cotton covered chest. She places a few soft kisses on his forehead, reassuring him of her presence. As she looks down at him, he opens his eyes, fixing her in his gaze, his tender innocence so similar to his uncle's. All she can hope for him is that his eyes stay light even after the loss of his parents, that he doesn't drown in the darkness that encases Luke's life.
How can she be enough for him? How can she and Luke replace what he lost? How can she replace the vibrant woman that was Liz when she's just getting to know Gabriel, when she allows Luke to pull her into his gloomy world, when she's nothing like Liz? That's what worries her most about the idea of adopting the baby with Luke. She's forced into the position of being the replacement for the family that Gabriel could have had and should have had.
Carrying Gabriel in her arms partway down the stairs, she spies Luke on the couch dead asleep. The thin blanket he requested before settling himself on the couch is tangled partly around the lower half of his body, the end trailing on the floor. His arms are wrapped around a pillow, possibly as a replacement for the feeling of holding her in place, and his face is shoved into the corner of the couch. She wonders if his sleep is still as troubled as it was in the nights spent in the Amherst hotel, but since he hasn't come to her for comfort and solace, it's probable that he doesn't need her now.
So she turns on her heel, carrying Gabriel with her into her bedroom. "Hey Sweet One, you want to sleep with me for a lil while?" she asks Gabriel in a soft, loving tone. She lays down on the bed, laying the boy down next to her, her arms still cradling him against her body. It reminds her of sweet angelic Rory at 3 months, her eyes only searching for Lorelai's, her fingers reaching to grab her mother's fingers in her small fists. Even in the big mansion that her parents owned, Lorelai and Rory could still hide away on Lorelai's bed, as if they were on a small raft in the middle of the ocean, the world only big enough for the two of them. Twenty two years later, Lorelai still lays in her bed, holding a baby against her, a baby that might soon legally be her own, but this time she doesn't want to be alone. As Gabriel's eyes close, sleepy now, feeling the love from the woman next to him lulling him back to sleep, she closes her eyes as well, imagining that the raft contains more than her and the baby, that this time Luke is there even after she pushed him off six months ago.
Walking up the stairs, still trying to wake himself up, Luke allows his feet to lead him rather than his slumbering mind. He pauses at the doorway to the nursery, just taking a moment to listen, but no sounds reach his ears. Figuring that the baby is still asleep, he moves on to the next room, leaning against the doorway to take in the scene in front of him. It's a vision he can almost remember from his dreams, it had seemed so real: the stunning woman in front of him, asleep on their bed, her dark curls splayed over the pillow, her arms wrapped around their young son, who sleeps as well, his fist bunched around the dark navy cotton of her pajama top. In his dreams he would climb onto the bed, curl himself on the opposite side of their son, resting one hand on the boy's stomach and letting the fingers of his other hand thread through her long hair as his lips would seek her temple.
It's idiotic to him, why Christopher would have ever left for California all those years ago, leaving this beautiful woman and their young perfect daughter behind. If Rory had been his, Luke knows he would have never left, he wouldn't have moved an inch. If he had been in Christopher's position, he would have been a father to his daughter from the start, even if the thought scared him, and he would have been a good partner to Lorelai, been whatever she needed him to be, even if she didn't want to marry him at the time. It suddenly dawns on him, he hadn't done that, he hadn't been whatever she wanted him to be, after all, she had wanted him to be her husband, she had wanted him to elope, to marry her, to promise her forever. When he couldn't give her that, she had instead turned back to the man who wouldn't give her what she wanted 22 years before.
She slowly opens her eyes to find him gazing at her, but sees that his eyes aren't really focused on her and Gabriel, that his thoughts are elsewhere. All she can think is how sexy he looks right then, leaning against the doorframe, with the muscles of his biceps tanned and hard. The look of slumber on his face is completely endearing. And she knows, if she wasn't holding a sleeping child in her arms, she would wrap herself around him in a moment, even the fact that he probably would have a negative reaction to this wouldn't keep her from pressing herself against him. She ponders once again why it took her 8 years to truly be able to say for sure how much she wanted him.
"We should get him up and ready if you want to head out to Maryland soon," Luke says, still feeling a little anxious about what's ahead. Today he's going to become a husband, again, and soon he's going to become a father, again. But last night he slept on the couch, in her house, now their house, and it's the first time he actually considers the possibility that maybe they have made the wrong decision. That if he can't get up the nerve to ask to share the bed, how could he have ever felt okay with asking her to marry him.
She slowly gets out of bed, picking up Gabriel as she stands. Flipping her curls down her back, the hem of her shirt hikes up displaying a small part of her flat stomach and once again, she's the woman he fell in love with all those years ago. Living in the same house with her makes it harder for him to not to see her as the old Lorelai and his heart aches. "I'm going to go change him and then I'll throw some stuff together. We leave at 10 sharp, which means 11 as you know, and Rory and Jess will meet us there." He watches as she brushes past him, carrying Gabriel into the nursery, as if the whole situation is completely normal, as if she gets married everyday.
Her accuracy is almost right on, as Luke is ready to go at 10, having packed most of Gabriel's things the day before, after trading in his truck for a more family oriented Saturn. Lorelai's only comment upon seeing his car pull into the driveway the day before had been that she was surprised his sense of nationalism had dropped so low that he hadn't gone for an American car. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's hit the road Jack!" Lorelai says as she strolls through the living room, Gabriel on her hip and a bag on her other shoulder. Luke follows her outside, watching as she sets Gabriel in the cradle car seat Lorelai had found in Liz's garage, closing the car door behind her as she sits down next to him in the back seat.
They drive the short distance to the small red house in Woodbridge with a blue door that would have caught Lorelai's attention before she had ever known who owned the house. It actually surprises her that if she had wanted to move out of Stars Hollow back when Rory was 10, this might have been a place she would have checked out. Actually, it doesn't just surprise her, it unnerves her a little. She never really asked about Anna, she never wanted to know, but what she does know is that she and Anna both had the same theory when it came to their children and a very similar taste in clothes. Maybe she should have asked because she does want to know. Why did he break up with her? Or did she break up with him? As Luke stops the car and stares, with dread in his eyes, at the door, she decides that maybe she doesn't want to know after all.
He gets out of the car and glances in the back window at her. "Would you like us to join you?" she offers. Knowing Anna like he does, he knows she'll be more apt to not change her mind if Lorelai's standing next to him, especially if Gabriel is in Lorelai's arms. Hating to use Lorelai and Gabriel like this, but knowing he might not be allowed to take April if he doesn't, he nods.
She unhooks Gabriel and gets out of the car, reaching back in for the baby. Nervously she walks with Luke up to the front door, the conversation during her only meeting with Anna is running through her head, reminding her over and over the reasons she had been driven to the edge back in the month of April. Yet her nerves are stilled by the settling of Luke's reassuring hand on her lower back.
The door opens revealing the short, brunette woman that had been the cause of Lorelai's fears all those months ago. "She's upstairs throwing the last of her things together, wouldn't want to forget a book," Anna says, moving aside to let Lorelai and then Luke enter the house.
"Well, if she wants, she can always borrow from Rory when we get home tonight," Lorelai suggests, hoping that she's coming off as pleasant and not intrusive.
"Home tonight?" Anna repeats and Lorelai instantly recognizes the look on Anna's face as one being involved in a miscommunication with the man standing next to her. She hears him sigh in her ear as he shuffles around, clearly uncomfortable with the fact that Anna's realized he lied and that she figured it out in front of Lorelai.
"Yeah, but it'll be late so we thought she could just stay the night at our house in Rory's room," Luke responds uneasily as April runs down the stairs.
"Hey Gabriel! Oh can I hold him? My friend Casey and I took the Red Cross babysitting class two years ago when her neighbors had twins and we really wanted to get money to put together a giant aquarium in her bedroom. But then it turned out piranhas cost more than we could ever hope to make as childcare workers and it's also expensive to have salt water tanks. I also heard something about having to have a license to have piranhas in your home, which I'm not sure is actually the truth, but in the end doesn't matter much anyways. But I think I have the required elements on my resume to be able to hold Gabriel," April chatters away. Lorelai's surprised to find that Anna has almost the same expression on her face as herself.
"Ummm… sure," Lorelai manages, handing the baby over.
"Why don't you take him out to the car with you?" Luke suggests, wanting a moment with Anna out of April's earshot. His daughter nods and takes Gabriel and her bag as she leaves.
"Just make sure she doesn't stay up too late and that you bring her home at a decent hour tomorrow," Anna insists, sounding none to happy with the arrangement.
"He's her father, I'm sure he can handle it," Lorelai mutters. Anna glares at her. Luke blindly grabs for Lorelai's arm, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of his ex's house and leave her doubt far behind, but Lorelai stubbornly rips her arm away from him. "No! Absolutely not. I will not let you do this. I will not let you continue going on about how you believe that Luke is a bad father. Sure it was a little awkward for him at first but he loves April. He's a great father to Gabriel. He's not Anakin Skywalker! You haven't seen it but I have. I've seen the way he holds Gabriel. I've seen how he takes care of Gabriel. You're right, I do understand how it is to be a single parent, but I never kept Rory from Christopher. Even now with Rory at the age of 22, I would never do it. He doesn't have to be in my life, I don't need to have him in my life, but if she wants him in hers she can have him, whenever he wants. It's because he loves her that I know I can trust him and Luke is a better father to April already than Christopher ever was to Rory."
In the silence that follows her outburst, Lorelai feels her heart clench. She's too scared to look over at Luke, to get his reaction to her furious rant. She can still picture him in her mind, stabbing at the Chinese food as if that was the reason that Anna was unhappy about April's birthday party. She can see his face when she mentioned that she had talked to Anna, the dark, cold tones that were so uncommonly directed towards her from the man she loved.
"Just bring her back at a good time tomorrow," Anna says simply.
"Will do," Luke agrees and motions for Lorelai to lead them out the door. When the door closes behind them, Lorelai finally sneaks a glance over at Luke, receiving a nod from him. What the nod means, she's not sure, but he doesn't seem to be reaching to strangle her so that seems to be a plus. They walk silently to the car, both focusing on April, who is sitting in the front seat, leaning into the back to tickle Gabriel's tummy. Luke opens the car down and glances again at Lorelai, noticing that her eyes have returned to that fearful blue he's seen before. "Thanks," he says softly, touching her arm. Then he gets in the car as if nothing had just occurred between the two of them.
In her part, she smiles to herself knowing that things are already different this time. She gets in the car, reaching over to adjust Gabriel's straps. "Maybe this marriage won't be a mirage," she whispers to the little boy, placing a kiss on his forehead.
The trip to Maryland doesn't seem nearly as long as to either Luke or Lorelai as the trip to Amherst just a few weeks ago. April happily chatters away about school and the books that Rory recommended the last time she saw her. The girl clearly looks up to Lorelai's daughter, wanting to go as far as to call her father an 'old softy' to imitate her role model. It almost amuses Lorelai, how much April adores her daughter, remembering a time when Rory had looked up to herself in the very same way. She sighs, wondering if those times are past, if in her excursion from her life at Yale and in Stars Hollow, Rory has become someone that no longer reflects the daughter Lorelai thought she had brought up.
Still when Luke, Lorelai and April walk into the courthouse, Rory immediately rushes over to her mother, throwing her arms around Lorelai as if she was still that 17 year old who missed her mother for 6 weeks while she was in DC. Lorelai, in turn, gathers her 22 year old child in her arms, kissing Rory's cheek as if she's still that 22 year old girl who was scared to leave her 5 year old at kindergarten. Rory moves on to hug April and Luke as Lorelai nods to Jess.
They explain at the desk why they are there and are directed into a room where a man directs them to sign the marriage certificate. "Oh wait," Luke realizes, running out of the room, just as Rory and Jess are signing the license as witnesses. Lorelai wonders for a moment, only a fleeting moment, if Luke has changed his mind. She can feel her heart drop just as it had when Luke agreed to postpone the wedding a year ago. Rory running away and hiding at her grandparents' place in Hartford had scared her. Christopher finding out that Sherry was pregnant had made her stomach ache. But Luke not wanting to marry her had been a completely different pain. How can she possibly even begin to describe what one feels when she senses that the only man she's ever loved, the only man she could ever commit to, the only man she's ever wanted around in the morning, every morning, doesn't want to marry her and doesn't even love her? And it still kills her to think that Luke had no idea what was coursing through her, what made her go to Christopher's that night.
He returns within moments with a bouquet of white lilies in his hand. "Your favorites?" he asks, handing them to Lorelai. She nods, amazed that he can remember even little things like that. "Two times, Lorelai. Twice. Only you." She smiles. The first flowers helped her realize that he might have feelings for her. These flowers help her understand that he still does.
"We'll do the ceremony in the next room," the man at the desk says and motions for them to follow him.
"Umm… can I…? I just need a moment to….just a moment…" Lorelai stammers.
"We'll be in there before you can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," Rory says quickly. Luke nods and he, Jess and April, who is carrying Gabriel, walk into the room.
Luke paces around the room, his gaze floating from the front of the room where he's about to marry the love of his life for possibly the wrong reasons. He looks over at Jess, remembering a time when Jess had come between him and Lorelai, but he had chosen Lorelai. At the time he hadn't even been sure of his feelings for Lorelai, but he had chosen her, because she had always been there. His eyes travel to April, who he had hidden from Lorelai in fear that April would rather be Lorelai's child than his own, but he knows that Lorelai was right, that April should be in both of their lives, in the life they would have created together. Finally his eyes travel to the door, just as Rory and Lorelai appear.
The vision of her standing there, having taken the time to change into a white dress, it takes his breath away. She seems ethereal, like an angel descended from heaven, dressed in white with the lilies in her hands. And she looks at him, only at him. And he knows he's falling in love with her all over again.
She slowly walks down the aisle, holding Luke's gaze the entire time, their eyes locked together as if in a trance, both in a world that holds only the two of them. Reaching the spot next to Luke, they take hands, barely listening to the deep tones of the man leading the ceremony. Luke's still focused on the woman before him that he almost misses the part where he's supposed to answer 'I do', but he does. She promises the same as well. "You may kiss the bride," the man finally directs and she looks up at him with hope in her eyes, half wondering if he will actually respond with a kiss.
Luke slowly dips his head, brushing his lips lightly against her, as if testing to see if they're both ready for this step. She tilts her head closer as their lips meet once again in a soft, embrace, sending electricity directly up to their brains and down their spines, the attraction still apparent to them and all in the room. He almost presses for more until he feels a dampness on his skin and pulls back to find that two tears have drifted down Lorelai's cheeks, though she seems oblivious to this fact as well.
As they break apart, the magic dissipates and they're no longer connected as they've been during the ceremony. They hug the kids and place kisses on the temple of the boy that is the reason for this occasion, but resist looking back into each other's eyes. Both wondering that if they looked back, they might not see the same love they had seen at the moment when they were finally brought together as husband and wife.